mornin folks ..just about to leave...hope you are all well its 4.20 am
quick few jokes for the day...........
I was chatting to my mate in the pub.
"Someone propped my car up and stole my alloys last week." I said, "Pretty sure it was the Irish Gypsies down the road."
"You know I'm fed up with stereotypes." He said, "Not all gypsies are thieves, and for that matter, not all the Irish are stupid! How do you even know it was them?"
"Well." I started, "They came round the next day asking if they could have their bricks back."
My late wife never knew when to stop talking.
Probably explains why she drowned.
At this point in my life, my greatest chances of having a threesome is sex with a schizophrenic.
After 30 years I ran into my childhood crush in the bar.
"Oh my God!" she said. "You were that creepy guy I always saw watching me wherever I went."
"Yeah, but it won't happen again." I assured her. "I've had 30 years of practice."
If there are any guitarists here who want to know the secret to making their instrument sound better, stay tuned.
Paddy and his wife are lying in bed one the night and the neighbours dog's barking like mad in the garden.
Paddy says,
fck this!" and storms downstairs.
Five minutes later he comes back upstairs and his wife says, "What did you do?"
Paddy says, "I've put the fcker in our garden - let's see how they like it!"
A book just fell on my head.
I've only got my shelf to blame.
"Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?" asked my mate Dave.
"Go on then," I replied.
"NOT THE KRYPTONITE!" he screamed.
I said, "That's Superman."
He said, "Thanks, I've been practising."
Two Irishmen in a dark cave.
"I can't see anything." says Paddy, "Do you have a match?"
Murphy gives him a match and he strikes it against the wall of the cave and nothing happens.
He strikes it again, still nothing.
He then says, "Murphy, this match doesn't work."
"That's funny," says Murphy, "It worked okay this morning."
quick few jokes for the day...........
I was chatting to my mate in the pub.
"Someone propped my car up and stole my alloys last week." I said, "Pretty sure it was the Irish Gypsies down the road."
"You know I'm fed up with stereotypes." He said, "Not all gypsies are thieves, and for that matter, not all the Irish are stupid! How do you even know it was them?"
"Well." I started, "They came round the next day asking if they could have their bricks back."
My late wife never knew when to stop talking.
Probably explains why she drowned.
At this point in my life, my greatest chances of having a threesome is sex with a schizophrenic.
After 30 years I ran into my childhood crush in the bar.
"Oh my God!" she said. "You were that creepy guy I always saw watching me wherever I went."
"Yeah, but it won't happen again." I assured her. "I've had 30 years of practice."
If there are any guitarists here who want to know the secret to making their instrument sound better, stay tuned.
Paddy and his wife are lying in bed one the night and the neighbours dog's barking like mad in the garden.
Paddy says,
fck this!" and storms downstairs.
Five minutes later he comes back upstairs and his wife says, "What did you do?"
Paddy says, "I've put the fcker in our garden - let's see how they like it!"
A book just fell on my head.
I've only got my shelf to blame.
"Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?" asked my mate Dave.
"Go on then," I replied.
"NOT THE KRYPTONITE!" he screamed.
I said, "That's Superman."
He said, "Thanks, I've been practising."
Two Irishmen in a dark cave.
"I can't see anything." says Paddy, "Do you have a match?"
Murphy gives him a match and he strikes it against the wall of the cave and nothing happens.
He strikes it again, still nothing.
He then says, "Murphy, this match doesn't work."
"That's funny," says Murphy, "It worked okay this morning."
low blood sugar me thinks,hope everyone enjoys this blessed Sunday,hello to all
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