Sizzling September

[Lavande]

Good morning friends

It's sunny & 55 degrees at the moment, love this weather. The afternoons do heat up but at least the day starts out comfortable, yay!

Dill, enjoy those plentiful apples, ha ha.
I was overwhelmed with cucumbers this summer & ended up making pickles twice. After that I ended up giving fresh cucumbers to the chickens, they said thanks

Cyn, I am learning to use dried beans in all sorts of dishes, why not? They are filling & comforting, glad you thought of them.
We are working our way thru a large pot of lima bean soup I made from a recipe on the Save Our Bones program, yum.
I also use the timer on my phone because I have little to no short term memory these days, ha ha!

Star, I hope you have a good day. I found out I am on kid duty today starting at 9 am. This involves doing the drop off & pickup from preschool & meeting the school bus for the older one & bringing them here for dinner. It will be a busy day, for sure!!

Hi Pauly, I hope all is well with you!

Have a great AF day everyone!

Lav

[paulywogg]

Hello friends, just wanted to say hi and I hope we all have a blessed day Star,sorry you've been feeling up and down,its the WORST!but you actually have a reason to feel blue,I still think you're working through it brilliantly btw

[treegirl]

Good AF Friday evening all -

This will be a short one - I can barely stay awake, and even though it's only 9 PM, it will be off to bed for me after I post.

Lav, that sounded like a very busy day that you had going...hope it all turned out well. I'm glad your chickens are polite and say 'thank you' when you give them treats!

Pauly - what a great idea, to write a gratitude list morning and night. Love it - enjoy all the things you are grateful for!

Star - I am (kind of) reading 'Cleopatra' by Susan Schiff. It was a big deal when it came out a while back...Mr T got it and didn't read it, so when I was looking around I picked it up. How incredibly fascinating. The real Cleopatra was waaaaaaay more dramatic and interesting than any movie could make her. It is humbling to see how evolved the ancient world was. And then I've gotten into Alexander the Great, and watched a documentary about the city Alexandria - another real eye opener. History is so fascinating, and teaches us so much about ourselves, and lets us see our limited thinking about the past.

Hi to Dill - I saw just the sliver of a crescent moon tonight, heading toward the western horizon. Thought of you!

Stay well tomorrow, enjoy an AF Friday, and take good care of yourselves!

[Lavande]

Good morning friends, happy Friday to all!

Yesterday's busy day worked out just fine & I have a busy one scheduled for today as well
Daughter & granddaughter will be here by lunchtime but I need to get to Curves & get some work done first. Granddaughter is staying overnight tonight.

Hope you had a good rest Cyn. We need to help out our immune systems this time of year - cold & flu season is approaching, ugh.

Hello to Star, Dill & Pauly - hope everyone is OK.

Have a wonderful AF Friday everyone!

Lav

[dill]

Hello everyone, well, I managed to fall off the wagon last night and tho I am embarrassed to admit it, it is what it is. Like you Pauly, I am grateful that it isn't turning into a bender. It easily could have. I made sure to pour out what was left and avoided buying today though I wanted to. It's amazing how the brain wants to just jump right back into the old cycle! Yiikes! Not going back there. I am trying not to beat myself up but I am pretty disgusted with myself.

Cyn, our hay has been baled into great big round bales and the fields are now easily walkable. I am hoping to get up really early tomorrow and take a walk before the moon and stars are chased away by the sunrise. I'll be looking for that crescent moon. I like history too and find it amazing how much it simply repeats itself. We need to learn the lessons from the past but sadly we seem to learn and then forget.

Lav, the farmer who makes our hay took that last bucket of apples off my hands! Mr. D offered them to him and he snatched them up. You know, I have never made pickles. I think next summer perhaps I'll give it a go. I do love bread and butter pickles, and of course dill pickles. I have a really nice stand of dill out in the herb bed right now but only a few cucs. Not enough to fire up the canner.

Pauly, I think I'll join you in focusing on things to be grateful for. I need to focus on the positive. I was looking at old family movies from when my kids were little and I heard myself say, "I was so much happier then." I realized then that the last few years with the troubles we have had as a family with drug addiction have really taken a toll on me. The worries have been tremendous. I need to try to get back some of the joy I've lost over the years. Gratitude list will help.

Star, I hope you are well. Sometimes life can overwhelm. I wish I could take naps. Lucky you can do that! I just have to distract myself when I get in a funk. I usually listen to a podcast or something while walking to try to work my way out of a funk.

Enjoy a peaceful and blessedly AF evening everyone. I certainly intend to!

[paulywogg]

Hello friends, its still hot here!98 today and hubs won't let us use the main a/c so the power bill will go down so we're stuck using the swap cooler Dill,what happened? I really hope my presence and struggling didn't have, an influence on your subconscious mind I'd die,I'm glad you poured it out and yes,this first week I thought about booze all the time! Whereas before, I only had brief toughts here and there,its like I fed a stray cat and it kept coming back everyday,so weird how our brains work,I'm loving my gratitude journal it may be as big as my health or as small as a diet coke but darn it I write it down!funny you mentioned watching home movies and remembering how happy you were,I do that with the kids' pictures, think of how I handled EVERYTHING with no booze,all the pressures of life but booze never even crossed my mind,then I look at their teenage pictures and I know that I was drunk the whole time,I even imagine that I can see the sadness in their eyes but I ask them now and they say all in all they were happy, I'm still tougher on myself than they are on me,just the guilt is crushing, sorry for rambling on, Ihope eeveryone is having a wonderful Friday,I put up a dark blanket over the living room window, lit a candle and watched"Age of Adeline" total chick flick that hubs would tease me about, so I enjoyed my alone time this afternoon after I did all my running around this morning, have a good night

[treegirl]

Oh Dill, I'm so sorry that the movies made you think about a different time in your life. I sometimes think about the past, but am reminded that the 'grass is always greener'. good for you for closing that door right away. You are building a new, drug-free, happy life for your son and your grandkids, and that's something to be happy about!

As I weed and pull out these ghastly invasive plants (I have taken two days off, Lav!) I am struck with the example they give me over and over. The tiniest little plant, with a few seeds, ignored for a time suddenly turns into a wall of thorny, sticky, stinging nastiness that seems to know no bounds! Sheesh! So these plants are a great reminder not to let the little seed plant itself anywhere around me - like NOWHERE.

Take care of yourselves in healthy ways, all. Lots of love. These can be our happiest days; for some reason it seems like a lot more work, but I know we can do it. We can do it! To the light!

[Lavande]

Thought I'd just pop in & see how everyone is doing. 11 pm & I'm still wired from a busy day.

Dill, I really am so sorry you were feeling so low :hug:
Come on here & give us a shout, holler, scream, anything. We are here to support one another, no matter what, right?
I have to constantly tell myself to stop thinking about the 'what ifs' in life. Things have not gone in accordance with my hopes & dreams. I am working on getting over all that stuff. Doing the best we can do is all we really can do. Somewhere along the line we have to just trust that everything & everyone will be OK. Take care of yourself, you know we all care very much!

Cyn, I managed to pull a few piles of weeds today, then just walked away & left them sitting there - ridiculous. I think I will just let the rest live in peace
My property is former farmland, must have been a weed farm!!!!

Pauly, I can look back, with amazement at all I dealt with in my life without drinking. I wonder if we did that because we were still young & full of hope. Somehow as we age we lose a lot of that hope & in my case patience. I can't quite figure out if I became depressed then lost hope or if it wascthe other way around. I will say that persistence pays off though so we owe it to ourselves to hang in there!

Wishing everyone a peaceful night!

Lav

[SnoopyC]

Good morning...

I had to get to work an hour early yesterday and had no time on the computer. It is all good at work, just something different to do.

Dill, great you stopped, got a hold of it, and moved on. I sometimes think, as I get older, that, "I have done that," and there is nothing new or exciting. When we are young we have that beginner's mind, where things are new and exciting. Pllus, when kids are little, they are so active, challenging, and fun. I try and look to what is new to me, and try to get that beginner's mind back. It is a different attitude towards life. I also look back at all I have been through in the last 20 years and wow, lots of hard times. However, also, lots of good times. Then I think, that is what a life is about both the good and the bad. None of us are immune to hardship, and I am sure we all have our stories. It is so interesting and I wonder how people end up either happy or bitter. I think you have discovered how, by gratitude, as Lav says, focusing on the good stuff. I am working on that, so don't think I have it figured out, I don't. It is a work in progress. I think the alcohol just numbs for a while, and it is an escape. But boy oh boy, the after effects are brutal. I was thinking, fall starts next week, let's kind of focus on all the good parts of that season and share something a few times a week. I want to really get into the season. Hope you are feeling better.

Pauly, hope you are feeling better too. I thought about your comment on being hard on yourself , and realized that I am too. I should have provided...for my kids, I should look....like a certain whatever. I could go on, but I realize we all did the best we could, and alcohol made everything harder, worse, and killed our self-esteem. So, your gratitude journal is a positive, concrete action that is a builder, and is helpful and will have a cumulative affect. I like it.

Cyn, you weed puller you, it is a losing battle, but has to be done to keep it under control. I go around my tiny little yard and keep pulling the new weeks that come up. It never ends. Kind of like the alcohol thoughts, we have to keep weeding them out, or they will overtake us.

Lav,you have been really firm in your resolve to be AF and to be positive. What were the main actions you took in the beginning days? I understand you would like some things to be different, me too, but I am thinking that the secret to life is to make the best of what we have. Period. What else can we do? Love you for your support and steadfastness, it is very important to this thread and this site.

I have a work event today, it should be fun, just a few hours, and the weather is supposed to cool off. Yay, I love fall. Have a good one.

[dill]

Thank you everyone for the outpouring of understanding and support. I truly appreciate it. I weathered "day 1" and am feeling loads better this morning.

Cyn, I did as I said. I was up well before the sunrise so Tessa and I could have a walk in the freshly mown hay fields. I went out and leaned my back against a round bale and looked up at the sky. There was a partial cloud cover so I never did see the moon, but there were lots of stars that could be seen and Venus was on bright display too. The sweet smell of hay was wonderful. I shined my flashlight out across the field and caught the reflection of eyes looking at me. Could be coyotes, could be deer. Tessa saw them too and immediately charged out after them, brave girl! It turned out they were deer and they turned tail and ran. Tessa had no chance of catching them of course but her mission really was just to banish them. I don't honestly know what would have happened had they been coyotes. I think there would have been more than two sets of eyes in that case and the wiser thing would be for me to turn tail and head back toward the house! I liked your analogy of the tiny little weed seeds and how they grow into a thorny awful problem. Just like that little seed of drinking thoughts! We have to be constant gardeners of our thoughts.

Pauly, dear! No your presence did not cause my fall. If anything I think it was the repressed emotions of sadness, loss and worry. When I said 'I heard myself say....', well it occured to me that emotions bubbled up to the surface and popped out of my mouth. I am not good at dealing with my emotions. I tend to repress both positive and negative feelings in a relentless pursuit of an even keel. I know exactly how you feel about looking back and regretting how much time you spent drinking when your kids were teens. Me too. But never worry about being honest here or that your actions will cause me or anyone else here to take a fall. I learned long ago that no one is responsible for my choices but me. I can use other's drinking as an excuse for me to drink but again, that would be me choosing to use them as an excuse. No, this fall was on me and no one else. But it sure helped to have support and help of you and the others here to help me back up again!

Lav, thanks for the reminder and encouragement to come on here and share when I need to. My problem tho, as I mentioned to Pauly, is that I repress my emotions. Sometimes I don't even know what's wrong!!! I think I was better at handling my emotions when I was younger. I mean, I was more expressive of them. As I have gotten older I just stuff them for some reason. It's as if I don't feel I have the time to indulge them. But of course, eventually, they WILL have there say! You are right that we just need to do the best we can in whatever we do. I tell my gson that all the time. He is such a worry wart. I guess that's the pot calling the kettle black! Ha!

Star, You are so right that we all have hardships and we have to take the bad with the good. Sometimes the stakes are so high tho. Like worry for my grandchildren's futures. The maternal love they have lost due to addiction. The fear they have that their dad will leave them too. I know it is there for them. These are the burdens that are weighing on me the most. I too wonder at the question of how people end up happy or bitter. I like to think that is a choice to some extant, just like so many things. We can choose to focus on the good, like making gratitude lists.

Again, thank you all for your love and support.

[Lavande]

Good Saturday morning friends!

My granddaughter was up on the dot of 7 & oh so bubbly, ha ha!
She's munching in dry cereal & watching Disney Jr, while I inhale my coffee
Not sure what we are doing yet today but I do have to take my guest home at some point.

Dill, I am grateful that you are OK. There's no telling what the future will bring for any of us. I have had to work on breaking my lifelong habit of trying to control the things that happen to me. That's a result of having an abusive, control freak dad. He set all of us up for bad behaviors. My brothers have dealt with drinking, smoking & in one case drug use as well.
The good thing is we can learn new coping strategies that are healthy & effective. Stamping out the negative thinking was #1 on my list. Getting into gratitude & mindfulness (that everything really is OK) was the perfect substitute. When I start noticing some negative thoughts I automatically squash them so they don't take over. Dr Amen called them ANTS (automatic negative thoughts). Kill the ANTS! Life is too short to waste time worrying about stuff that may never happen, right? Take good care of yourself :hug:

Star, you sound busy but happy & content. That all we can ask for I think.
I agree that it is best to make the most of what we have. Takes the pressure off of always wanting more. Who needs that? Enjoy your day!

Pauly, still hot out there in Vegas?
As far as I know my estranged sister-in-law is living there. None of us have heard from her since my brother passed away two years ago. She had no reason to relocate herself from Michigan to Vegas - I think she's dealing with an AL ridden brain, honestly. I hope you never run into her, ha ha!

Cyn, it's all foggy here this morning. So I am going to use that as my excuse to stay away from the weeds, LOL I hope you have an easy day today

OK, time to get in gear. Wishing everyone a great AF Saturday!

Lav

[treegirl]

Hi all - what a lot of love and common sense here. Wow! You are all super special people.

Dill - I love that phrase "be the constant gardener of our thoughts". So true - it really is the same thing as Lav's "kill the ANTS". All of you said such meaningful things, it is like a touchstone here. Dill, I loved the image of your pre-dawn walk, and could almost smell the fragrance of the hay.

Today I had a few hours relatively pain free. What a gift, that's the first time since mid-July, and I am so grateful. Even if it doesn't continue all the time, at least it gave me hope that there is change happening. I guess as we get older, 'stuck' things take longer to heal than they did long ago. Dill, that is so interesting about your emotions, and always trying to be on an even keel. Oh heck, who cares about that? Let it go! Maybe it's about letting things come up and 'noticing' as they say in meditation. Although I'm the last person that should talk about meditation - I'm a total flunky when it comes to that. But I intend to keep trying. Even my naturopath, as she was working with me yesterday said 'perhaps you should try some meditation for relaxation'. (Huh, do ya think?). Then she said 'sometimes you have to find a way to remember what 'relaxed' feels like so that you can purposefully return to that place'. Maybe she was sending me a message loud and clear? Ha! And here I thought that I WAS relaxed. Guess not...

I hope everyone is having a great AF night. Bon reve rose, as LBH would say...

[SnoopyC]

Good morning...

Oh, to get up at 5:30 on a Sunday, yuck. I have to head out today for a time too! Yesterday was fun, I was outside all day, the weather cleared up and then cooled off, so today chilly. Have a good one.

[Lavande]

Good morning friends,

I definitely did NOT get up at 5:30 Star, ha ha!
It's almost 9 now & I'm still sitting around with my coffee & iPad, lazy

No big plans for me today, will see what happens.
Cyn, sometimes just sitting on the deck & calmly observing nature & listening to the birds is as good as a formal meditation. Take a few minutes each day & give it a try :hug:

Have a good AF day everyone!

Lav

[paulywogg]

Morning friends, Lav,what's your opinion on EPO? I read its good for allergies but seems to rev up my anxiety, maybe its all in my headlike eeverything else haha,just wondering if it would help with my hormonal madness,no big plans today,grocery store done already we shall see where the day takes us,hello to all and I hope everyone has a great Sunday