have a good one ebberybuddy..
I've finally found out how many women it takes to change a light bulb.
Just one, send her to the shop with the dud one, and they change it for her.
I hate to say it, but I think my Advent calendar's days are numbered.
Simon Cowell's mansion has been burgled while he and his family were sleeping.
Bet they left his CD collection alone.
"Hello, my name's Dave and I'm addicted to baby powder."
-Talcoholics anonymous.
Knock knock.
"It's open."
I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a Pete Doherty song.
I went into a pharmacy.
I said, "Have you got anything for irritation?"
She said, "Yes... But where exactly?"
"Fck knows! You tell me, it's your shop," I replied.
I was wondering the other day what our parents must have done for entertainment before television was popular and affordable.
I asked my 38 brothers and sisters if they had any ideas, but none of them could suggest an answer either.
One day, two deputies in the Sheriff's Office answered an emergency call at a farmhouse. When they walked in, they found the nude bodies of a man and a woman in the bedroom. They had been shot to death.
When they went to the living room, they found the body of a man with a gun at his side.
"No doubt about it," one deputy said to the other. "This was a double murder and suicide. This guy came home and found his wife in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot himself."
"You're right," the other deputy replied. "But I'll bet you when the sheriff gets here he's going to say 'It could have been worse.'"
"No way. How could it be worse? There are three people in the house, and all of them have been shot to death. It couldn't be worse. You're on."
About that time, the old sheriff arrived at the scene. He walked into the bedroom and saw the two nude bodies. He then walked into the living room and saw the man on the floor with the gun by his side.
"No doubt about it," the sheriff said, shaking his head. "It was a double murder and suicide. This guy came home and found his wife in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot himself."
After hesitating for a moment, the old sheriff looked his deputies squarely in the eyes. "But, you know," he said, "it could have been worse."
The deputy who had lost the bet jumped up and shouted, "Sheriff, how could it have been worse? There are three people in this farmhouse, and all three of them are dead. It couldn't have been worse!"
"Yes it could," the sheriff retorted. "You see that guy there on the floor? If he had come home yesterday, that would be me in that bed!"
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