Fabulous Freedom February

[SnoopyC]

Good morning all...

Dill, so sad about D's cousin alcohol related illness. I hope if he decides to quit it is not too late. Sorry that book is so expensive, I just downloaded it for $15.00 on my kindle, it is worth it to me. I am at a time in my life where I want a good quality relationship with myself. Doesn't that sound odd? But as you know I moved over a year ago, totally changed my career, home, city, everything, and now feel settled and want the best for myself emotionally too. The exercises in the book are helpful to me and when I think of where I would be in 5 or 10 years if I was still drinking, it is not a good place. I watch people either grow old with grace and dignity or as a hot mess. I want to look my best, have a great attitude, be useful, and enjoy all my relationships. One of the exercises is to picture yourself in detail in five/ten years in sobriety. I liked that one. That is what I am focusing on for my future. One of the reasons I want a piano and to stretch myself by relearning to play again, only this time focusing on doing my best and giving people pleasure sharing the music.

Lav, how sweet of YB to watch Downton Abbey, I watched two episodes by myself last night and it was good. We are getting snow too for the next few days, yuck.

Pauly, lovely that your brother stopped by. My house looks like a bomb hit it when my grandson is over...he has to have every toy spread out all over the house. I don't care, it is fun.

Cyn, I agree, I am so grateful for this site, this thread in particular, we are very kind and supportive to one another, as it should be. I don't want to end up a statistic, I have seen family members and others die of liver disease due to drinking, it is a horror.

Any plans for Valentine's Day? We want to go out to dinner on Sunday, but if it is cold and snowy, it might be easier to eat at home. We'll see. Have a great AF Tuesday.

[dill]

Hello Friends, thanks for all your thoughtful and compassionate comments. Mr. D's cousin is still sedated and on machines. It will be a long haul for him.

Lav, you are right that he should go straight to rehab but denial may still be in play. We shall see when he comes back to consciousness. Of course, he has never acknowledged his drinking to anyone and even his wife, although she knew he drank some, didn't know how much until a few weeks ago when he began to have serious health issues. I had strong suspicions that he was in trouble as one "sneak drinker" to another, but I never broached it with him because he never gave any indication that it was a concern to him. He knows when he comes to our house there will be no alcohol, even on football Sundays, and he accepted that willingly and came faithfully, until the last few weeks. He too is 68 years old.

Pauly, I am disappointed that they were drinking lite beer on the Dr.'s. Knowing what alcohol is and does and how much a problem it is for many of their audience members, I would say that was irresponsible, really!

Cyn, I share your anger at alcohol and at our society's excessive promotion of it. I used to feel quite the opposite of course, but I have seen too much of the damage it causes, and I have lived too much of the damage, too to both body and spirit. After all this time there is STILL a large part of me that envies those who can drink normally which is really just ridiculous!!! There are so many more important things in this life than being able to "drink normally"! I still need to work on continuing to shift my thinking. That is why after all these years, I still need and value this thread and all of you.

Star, thank you for sharing the exercise from your book. It is a good one and I will focus on it today too. I think it is great that you share your thoughts and feelings about alcohol with your husband. You have a little support group of your own! Mr. D never had much attraction to alcohol and really doesn't understand the struggle. I can't talk about it with him to be quite honest. He actually gets up on his high horse and thinks people should just have enough sense to quit. Easy as that, just don't drink, nothing to it! It has been interesting watching him react to his cousin's illness and the revelation that he has been a closet drinker for many years. Mr. D loves his cousin and I can see him trying mightily to understand. And accept. His cousin is his best friend, so he is in a world of hurt right now. We have been thru the ringer with my son's issues and my own as well. But because of Mr. D's attitude I found my struggle to be made more difficult. Dealing with his judgmentalism naturally made me want to drink, as you may imagine. So I have had to keep my self to my self as realtes to my journey. And I have had to try deal with his judgmentalism regarding my son which causes a lot of friction. A momma lion and her cub....

Life, love, and relationships are all so complex! The most important thing is love. Which comes first? Being AF or self love? Can there be one without the other for folks like us?

[Lavande]

Good morning friends, it's Fat Tuesday & it's snowing, oh boy!
I haven't made up my mind if I'm going out or not, we shall see.

Star, I hope you don't get too much snow. This is now getting tiresome especially when I see my daffs pushing up thru the ground. I am ready for spring!

Dill, let's hope your cousin's docs give him a clear message about the dangers of drinking again. This is one of those times where you just have to drop the bomb & do all you can to convince someone it's time to stop. I really hope that's the way it plays out for him.
I have spent nearly 43 years married to Mr Judgmental! YB also can be rather cold, harsh & at times lacks any semblance of empathy. Therefore I cannot have any deep & meaningful conversation with him about my struggles, past or present. I really do count on my online friends here for kind, empathetic, moral support :hug:
Your son is lucky to have you & your loving, kind support. I hope he knows that.
The thing that gets me is judgmental people are so good about pointing out other people's 'faults' but seem to be completely unaware of their own. I can't tell you how many times I've told YB to 'get out of my head & work on fixing his own problems'. That's why I have to maintain a large safety perimeter around myself!!

Cyn, are you getting any of this snow? I don't know how close your are to the I 95 corridor but I saw the news about a tour bus flipping over yesterday - sad. I hope you are safe & warm.

Pauly, would you like to have some real winter weather? Ha ha. I would be happy to send this snow stuff out to you!

Have a great AF day everyone!

Lav

[paulywogg]

Morning friends, uh no thanks Lav you can keep the snow now maybe at Christmas time I'd have gladly taken it,we're up in the 70's this week! Dill,I was gonna ask how your ex DIL is doing? It was a lite beer commercial during the Superbowl I was talking about,the doctors were drinking margaritas yesterday saying"its 5 o clock somewhere" cripes,how different is that then just lighting up a joint on TV? Not much IMO, or even a cigarette, everyone would be up in arms but al on TV is something to laugh at I guess,meh,I sent Bobbi a card with money 2 weeks ago and she still hasn't gotten it! The very same thing happened last year and ended up back here,I dunno if Oregon post office peeps cant read my handwriting or what,hello to Star and Cyn,I hope we have a great Tuesday

[Lavande]

Are you sure Pauly? This snow has been falling for exactly 24 hours now
Do you have a Paypal account? If not, set one up & get your daughter to set one up too. I've sent my kids quick cash for different things using Paypal. I have one account for personal use & one for my business

[SnoopyC]

Good morning...

Dill, I think that people don't realize how serious alcohol abuse is, especially over time and where you are in the progression. Last year I had a call from a family member whose relative was drinking himself into oblivion by 10 am, blacking out. I told that person, he is close to death, get him to a hospital. They did not believe me at first, it was hard to get him into inpatient, but it happened. And he was close to death at that time. Then there was a struggle for the rest of treatment too, but now, a year later, that person is doing well, sober, in counseling weekly, and creating a new life. AA was not for them after the first month or so, I don't know why, but that is ok because we have to find our own way out. Anyway, logically, if it was so easy to just quit, people would just quit. It's not easy and the stigma of weakness, lack of character, etc., helps people justify being judgmental. My husband gets it but does not get into the detail that we do about, discussing all sorts of things. Another piece of The 30 day solution discusses our beliefs about drinking and reprogramming our subconscious, which is similar to the hypnosis CDs in MWO. Anyone with some time of sobriety under their belt begins to find joy in life, manage problems sensibly, explore new interests, and repair or change relationships. We see it on this site all the time.

Lav, I call people who suck the life out of you emotional vampires and do my best to protect my emotional self. Too bad. It is continuing to snow here, but not piling up badly or anything. Just kind of depressing. Mid February is hard.

Hey Pauly, 70 degrees? Lucky you. Hope you daughter gets her letter soon.

Cyn, hope you are doing well.

Have a good one.

[Lavande]

Good morning friends on this Ash Wednesday!

I haven't received ashes sine I was last forced to do so by the nuns in school but I do reflect on this day.
I was super surprised to wake up & see it still snowing. I thought it had stopped overnight. Schools are opening 2 hours late around here. I think I am just staying home until this afternoon when I have to go meet EB at his bus stop. I am not a fan of walking on icy sidewalks.

Star, I will be seriously happy seeing the end of this month. One bright spot is my granddaughter's BD on the 26th. I am in the process of putting together her gift

Hello to Dill, Cyn & Pauly!
I hope everyone has a good AF day!

Lav

[paulywogg]

Morning friends, Lav,Bradys 18 th birthday is on the 26 too loved the pic of the dog and cat watching the snow haha,so in my paranoia to avoid artificial sweeteners I decided to ditch my morning protein powder and have some All one yesterday,shhesh!!! Now I remember why I quit using it,there is some ingredient or vitamin that does not agree with me,I was hot,my heart was racing,just too much something, I tossed it out which is sad cuz its not cheap but at least it was only half full,I always seem to forget why I quit using things,duh,yeah I shoulda used PayPal,I just wanted her to get the card we all signed and nobody likes a card unless money falls out haha,last night me and Louie were soooo tired,couldn't wait for Kell to get home,he kept dozing and I wanted to doze but of course when I went to bed I couldn't fall asleep,this body of mine is so bizarre sometimes, Star,don't let the weather get you down,soon we'll be whining that its too hot hello Cyn and Dill,off to dry my hair a task I HATE! hope we all have a productive,peaceful Wednesday

[treegirl]

Morning all -

Sorry to be away yesterday. I had a chance to present my business ideas to someone who could be very helpful in getting the word out, and so spent all day refining my website and checking my materials, and getting my messaging on point. The dinner meeting went well, and I'll do a presentation to a larger group next week. Crossing fingers that this will finally be the real launch of my business.

Pauly - I totally agree - that is completely irresponsible behavior on TV! I think society turns a blind eye to the fact that AL affects everybody who drinks, not only people who suffer from the addiction part of it. Also, I couldn't believe that I heard an ad during the superbowl for some drug that helps with constipation when you are on opiates - really? There are so many people on opiates in this country that an ad for that made the superbowl? Scary...

Star - so glad that you are enjoying your piano search. You might also try Ebay, or talk to a good piano tuner in your area - they know people who are trying to sell their pianos. You should be able to get a good one at a good price...not so many people want them in their homes anymore, sad. I love that you will be bringing your family music!! And of course, learning to play the piano is one of the best things in terms of brain fitness. You've inspired me to find some old piano books for myself and to play our piano -- usually my husband's territory, but that doesn't mean that I couldn't do it to, right? (PS - way to go in helping the near-death person, and what a great success story. And I so admire all the personal work that you do - the ideas are all great.)

Dill - I get how judgementalism works when one is trying to walk away from AL... not helpful! I'm so glad that you had the resources in yourself to be your own support. Maybe Mr Dill will find some sympathy and understanding now with his cousin. Crossing fingers that the cousin will agree to go into rehab. And as far as your family goes, you have earned the Super-Momma Bear award!

Lav - makes me sad to hear how much you have to protect yourself. But thank goodness you have the skills and tools. And so sorry to hear about your brother - what a sad loss of life experience. Sending you lots of great energy to support you. Hope the snow doesn't stop your plans all day today. Can't wait to see what Miss Lilly is getting for this birthday!

Snowing here again! We'll be getting more inches all day today. I don't mind - when it clears up it's so sunny and beautiful and good chance to be outside. I wish I could find my ancient ski boots to go with my ancient x-country skis! I'd be out there in a second (except that I have a full day today, hmmmm). Sounds like we'll be in the DEEP freeze over the weekend, and then in the 40s again next week. Weird!

Happy belated Mardi Gras/Shrove Tuesday. And remembering Ash Wednesday as well, Lav. Let's focus on love and hearts and flowers for ourselves for the rest of the month. Light some candles! We can make it through the end of February, and then the end of winter is in sight... Take care all -

[paulywogg]

Cyn,iseen that commercial too and they were trying to make it funny,I've met too many accidental opiate addicts while cutting hair,even when Kell was diagnosed with her back problem they immediately put her on Vicodin and when she tried to stop taking it she had withdrawal, just wonder what the future holds with that,yeah so to me these things are never funny

[dill]

Hello All,

Pauly, I went on the dr.'s website and saw they had the clip about the marguerita segment there. I didn't watch the clip. I thought it was ridiculous and I don't think I'll ever watch that show again! So frustrating about the card to your daughter. I hope it shows up soon.

Cyn, fingers crossed for your business! I hope the presentation gets you where you want to go! I didn't see that commercial about the constipation related to opiate pain meds but we had discussed it here in my real world previously. I think it's time for the medical community to find better answers to chronic pain management. Haven't we learned our lessons yet? One of the most important issues in the New Hampshire primaries was opiate addictions and deaths in that state!

Lav, I like the "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust" ceremony of Ash Wednesday. I plan on going this evening. It is definitely something to reflect on whether one goes to a service or not. We only have this one brief life and we need to live our lives as if each day was our last.

Star, I haven't come up with a serious Lenten commitment. I'll reflect on it today. Thanks for sharing that story about the relative of a family member. Thank goodness they listened to you and sought immediate help! What a great outcome, altho I am sure it has not been an easy time for the one involved. May his recovery continue!

[Lavande]

Man - it's freezing!!!!
But it stopped snowing so I am grateful.

Cyn, I wish you the best of luck in launching your new business
You are a dedicated & hard worker, everything should go your way I say!!!!

I've been meaning to mention for the past few days that LBH has been posting some awesome pictures from Hawaii on Facebook. She apparently is having a wonderful trip & is an awesome photographer!

Two sheriff's deputies were shot & killed this afternoon in a suburb of Baltimore, not very far from here. Such sad news & I am so sorry for their families. The dirtbag shooter had warrants out for him here & in FL. He was gunned down as well. This all took place at lunchtime inside a restaurant full of people.
People are just insane

[SnoopyC]

Good morning...

Freezing cold here, the depths of winter. Snow expected over the weekend I think

Lav, I miss LBH, she was such a great addition to our site, good to hear she is enjoying herself. You have done a great job of self-care in your marriage, it is what it is, right?

Dill, I thought alot about Ash Wednesday, and saw on FB an old friend committed to going into her closed for 40 days, taking out something she has not worn for over a year and at the end of the 40 days, taking it all to Good Will for someone else to enjoy. I think we can all do that, I know I have tons of things in my closet I don't use. I want to work on patience and kindness, my idea is to do at least one kind and or patient action a day, hopefully building on it.

Cyn, how exciting for you to be building your business. Good luck and remember to take care of yourself.

Pauly, I saw that commercial too and thought it was really sad. The doctors get people addicted to opiates, then don't help their own patients. Our medical system is a mess.

Off to get ready for work. Have a good one.

[Lavande]

Good morning friends, happy Thursday!

Guess what? It's not snowing, ha ha!!! Love the sunshine even if it is only 18 degrees!!!! I think we are supposed to be snow free until Monday & Tuesday.

Star, I don't think the pharmaceutical companies should be advertising anything on TV.
Ideally, patients should have a good rapport with their docs & discuss their concerns in the office (or online these days). You need to tell your doc that you are experiencing difficulty. They actually do not have mind reading capabilities, ha ha.

I took a break from Curves yesterday due to icy roads but will go back today.
Used my time wisely though to get a few things done around here

Wishing everyone a great AG day ahead!!

Lav

[treegirl]

Morning all -

Lav, how frightening about the shootings in Baltimore. So sorry for those deputies' families. So many things seem like they are spiraling out of control... I just keep trying to think 'peace begins at home', and keep up with my meditation. Thanks for the heads-up about LBH. I don't know why I don't get to FB more regularly, but I appreciate your 'nudges'.

Star and Dill - thanks for the reminders of Lent. It is always good to have a goal, right? Kinder, gentler. I think my committment to meditation is paying off, at least in better perspective, and less reactiveness to things that come at me. BTW - the friend that is also doing a meditation plan along with me discovered an interesting thing when she went to the eye doctor. She has glaucoma, and has to be tested regularly -- when she went last week, her pressures were way down! We both think it is due to meditation. It was a good reminder to me that even though I may not notice effects right now (though I do), there are lots of things being restored on a cellular level. Our body/minds are amazing.

Pauly - Crossing fingers that your daughter gets her card. I managed to get Valentine packages off to my niece and nephew and their kids, and some cards to the 'elders' in my family. My mom used to always get packages off to the kids - they were heartbroken when she passed; 'no more gramma packages'! So I try to keep up the tradition. I'm thinking so much of my mom recently - in Feb 14, there was snow just like now, and I got a valentine's card off to her... she went into the hospital the next day, but she got my card. Lots of memories...

We're headed into the deep freeze this weekend, so I'm trying to finish up some winterizing that I skipped, since it seemed so warm! A couple of windows to 'mortite', and hopefully hem some curtains for the guest room. SD is coming this weekend - we'll try to make a festive valentine weekend. Hey Star - she's on Weight Watchers; any favorite recipes from that sight that I could make for her?

Wishing all a great AF Thursday --