brews all round..
hey pie hows you then?have you managed to source a contractor yet to do all your work...?hey nice dress for spring by the way...cant wait for autumn!!:egad:
hiya kuya how you today then?all ready done and dusted?yep there waaas a chain here ..harvesters/hungry horse...Julie got food poisoning at one of them!! dont forget to pack the sunshine!!
hiya NS...how are you then?great to see that you have been away again..yes I know what yuo mean...dreading that morning after getting stopped,making excuses why you cant drive etc...all gone!!!!whilst you are thanking everyone ..dont forget to include yourself...you did the work!!
hiya det ..how did your hike go?did you enjoy it?any word on the work front matey?
hiya ppqp...how are you doing then?all good ?hope so ..you have a great day dont let ANYONE screw it up
hiya Lav..you dont need that dress ..too busy makin t shirts!!good weekend?heres a brew then..
hey Sam hows you ? ok
likewise Pauly and ttq ..howz things?
famous sayings
I went to Waterstones and asked the woman for a book about turtles. She asked: "Hardback?" and I was like: "Yeah, and little heads." -
Bonsai lovers are very tolerant people: they hate bigotry -
As a child, I had an obsession with Posh Spice – it cost my mum a fortune in saffron -
If you want to offend terrorists, if you’re a woman, wear a dress, and if you’re a man, wear a dress -
I should point out at an early stage that I am openly Asian and British Asian as well… which is the best kind of Asian. I love being British… there are so many benefits -
The main reason I don’t cheat on my girlfriend is so I can go for a shower without taking my phone, laptop and iPad with me -
My boyfriend and I are both in our late 20s. He’s 29. I’m 34 -
My dad’s like a laptop, if you don’t touch him for 10 minutes he will go to sleep -
I grew up in Wales. If you’ve never been to Wales, just imagine if Primark opened a country. That’s pretty much it -
I don’t think any of us can judge maturity, teenagers should be able to have kids, just not name them -
Sometimes to see the light, you just have to open the fridge door
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning duck.
If you don’t know what introspection is – you need to take a long, hard look at yourself
I look at fighting the same way I look at physics. I can’t do it. But I respect its ability to solve problems -
50 shades of grey, there’s a gag in there -
I really hate bullies. But that ignores the great work they do creating the artists of the future -
If there’s a permanent reminder of my crippling loneliness, it’s a single bed. I’m 23 years old. Who sleeps in a single bed these days? Under 10s and prisoners! -
Dubai is what would happen if you gave a 12-year-old a trillion dollars to redecorate his bedroom -
I fear I’ll never own my own house. For me watching Homes Under the Hammer is like Game of Thrones. I’ll never truly know what it’s like to live in their world -
My mate and I were in a pub debating where the barman originates from. I said he was an Eskimo. He said Native American. Turns out he was an Eskimo. Inuit all along -
My cat is recovering from a massive stroke -
I asked my priest, ‘Is it OK if I make jokes about Jesus Christ and the cross?’. He said, ‘Just make sure you nail it’ -
My dad’s a proper family man, he’s got three of them -
They scoffed when I told them I’d one day learn the secret of invisibility. If they could only see me now -
Joan Rivers got exactly what she wanted from that final surgery - to stop ageing. Finally she nailed it -
“Do you know the joke of ‘no me neither’?"
“No.
“Me neither.”
A man enters a store and says: “15 litres of wine please.” The man behind the counter asks: “Did you bring a container for this?” The man replies: “You’re speaking to it.”
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? “Oh my God, breathe!”
The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.
Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
I remember when safe sex was a padded headboard.
I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers.
Silence is not only golden; it is seldom misquoted.
I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.
They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. They're not laughing now.
Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.
I tend to sleep in the nude. Which isn't a bad thing except for maybe on those long flights.
My wife said: "Can my mother come down for the weekend?" So I said "Why?" and she said "Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already".
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded "Take me to the canaries".
What's a geriatric? A German footballer scoring three goals.
My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
How can we expect a politician to believe in the wisdom of the people when he knows it was the people who voted him in?
What do gardeners do when they retire?
I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.
I spilt some stain remover on my sleeve. How do you get that out?
Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.
When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?
I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.
People always say: "You're a comedian, tell us a joke." They don't say: "You're an MP, tell us a lie."
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