morn folks ..how are we all today then?good I hope...weather over here is absolutely crazy....31 degrees again yustad ay...94%humidity and then storms...and then heat ..Im literally watching the plants grow....anyways pre poets day so on we go...brew time
Hiya SF....firstly let me congratulate you on the best post you hav EVER written ..I laughed like mad over it....I could hear the annoyance and frustration in your writing...I apologise if it wasnt meant to be funny ....but please write more..which sent me on the trail of emotionally supportive animals...man what a gimmick...send us 65 of Uncle Sams finest greenies and we will register your animal and send you a badge..whoopee shit it means nada!!!
this article is absolutely brill...well worth reading its so cool!!
Pets Allowed - The New Yorker
hiya det hows you today then mate?good I hope..probably aching like mad....I am..its ages since I have been swimming ,but went yesterday...60 lengths non stop!!soon get back to my ton plus!!glad you are on the road again mate..
hiya pie howz yoo ?couldnt c nuffink rong wiv your spelling..its as good as mines! 5 hours in the chair?maybe we should team up ..see if we can get discount!!! like the pic of Jack rabbit ...but how did you know his name???
howdy doody Sam...hows you today then friend?are you out in the big blue yonder today?still enjoying the job?yep Im afraid that fred sort of sums it up..dont really understand about bots etc but hey ho...hows the toons doing been doing a bit recently?
hiya pauly how are you today in hairsville?all good? yep the booze market is certainly geared towards youngsters...fruit sugary booze...your hammered before you know it...think the strongest lager beer I used to drink was 9.8 ..with a few vodkas after..then trying to pretend you are sober whilst talking absolute sh.te!!
hey Byrdie...hows you then?meant to ask ...whats a chamber of commerce day?trade you for a poets day????
Mornin Lav..brew time..no greenhouse?got held up in Germany?schiesse! so it means that you have got to get the plants in pretty rapido..and also keep yb amused for the next 3 weeks!!
right peeps for the offski...go and feed my emotionally supportive rabbits,then mebbe take them to the movies as a treat!!!!seriously tho read that article it is ace!!
see yall bis morgen
Q: What is 35 feet long and has 42 teeth?
A: A bus full of rednecks.
One redneck to the other: Do you think I should tell my folks I’m adopted?
Redneck at the doctor: “Doc, I think I’m in trouble, I swallowed an ice cube 3 days ago and it ain’t come out yet.”
Q: What’s the downside of being a redneck kid at Christmas?
A: You just have one set of grandparents to get presents from.
How do you tell a redneck is married? There are tobacco spits on either side of his pickup truck.
Why do pigeons fly over trailer parks with their backs down? There’s nothing worth crapping on.
Why don’t rednecks get sick so often?
Germs have their pride too.
You know you might be a redneck when:
You see a No crack sign and you pull your pants up.
You see your farts as your best jokes.
The dog can’t help gagging whenever he sees you eat.
You finally get to cutting the grass and find a car.
Your wife’s got a beer belly and it turns you on.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
Your family tree is just one long trunk with no branches.
Your beard attracts birds.
You took out your toothpick only for wedding pictures.
Fast food is hitting a possum at 80 mph.
You've at least once hit a deer with your car because the food store was already closed.
You’ve ever had the thought rat traps made acceptable gifts.
A night trip to the bathroom involves mud boots.
People hear you coming in your car quite a long time before they get to see you.
You have lard on your bedside table.
You had to ditch your back seat bench so all your children could fit in.
Sixth grade is senior year.
You have a really bad fall and the one thing you save is your beer.
You had to buy a VCR because all the wrestling matches are on when you're at work.
You take your garbage to the dump and come back with more than you brought there.
They banned you from the zoo because you distress the monkeys.
You keep seeing your neighbors on Jerry Springer.
You know you might be a redneck woman if:
You can’t help groaning when you’re cooking sausages.
There’s a spit cup on your bedside table.
You have more than one fur coat – all home made.
When something should be stored cold, you put it in the shade.
You see family reunions as a good chance to meet boys and your mother agrees.
You've ever had to get financing for a tattoo.
You’ve been married three times but your in-laws are still the same people.
You just can’t get dog hair out of your belly button.
Preparing a bubble bath involves beans for dinner.
Your fridge and you weigh roughly the same.
You owe money at the dollar store.
The school encourages you to stay away from PTA meetings at your son’s school.
When you bungee jump, you take the bridge with you.
You can burp your name.
Instead of crackers, you pull each other’s fingers at Christmas dinner.
fun facts
If you’ve ever wondered what to call the phenomena when three astronomical bodies line up, it is "syzygy".
When you talk, you spray around 2.5 microscopic saliva droplets per word.
Rats cannot vomit, and neither can horses.
Every year, 11,000 injuries are reported in America as a result of sexual experimentation.
620 million years ago, an Earth day was only 21.9 hours long. It is extending a little every year.
A 12-year-old girl from Ethiopia was kidnapped by four men on her way from school. A week later the whole group was accosted by three lions who chased the men away and stayed with the girl without harming her, only leaving when the police arrived, looking for her.
A now teenage boy called Ben Underwood lost his sight to cancer when he was 3 years old. He learned to use echolocation (orientation in space by sound that e.g. bats use) in order to sense his surroundings. Today he can play table soccer, basketball, he does karate, roller blades, enjoys pillow fights and much more.
Our ears and our nose never stop growing.
In 1946, the US attempted to buy Greenland for 100,000,000 USD.
Bulgarians nod when they want to say NO and shake their heads when they want to say YES.
Hiya SF....firstly let me congratulate you on the best post you hav EVER written ..I laughed like mad over it....I could hear the annoyance and frustration in your writing...I apologise if it wasnt meant to be funny ....but please write more..which sent me on the trail of emotionally supportive animals...man what a gimmick...send us 65 of Uncle Sams finest greenies and we will register your animal and send you a badge..whoopee shit it means nada!!!
this article is absolutely brill...well worth reading its so cool!!
Pets Allowed - The New Yorker
hiya det hows you today then mate?good I hope..probably aching like mad....I am..its ages since I have been swimming ,but went yesterday...60 lengths non stop!!soon get back to my ton plus!!glad you are on the road again mate..
hiya pie howz yoo ?couldnt c nuffink rong wiv your spelling..its as good as mines! 5 hours in the chair?maybe we should team up ..see if we can get discount!!! like the pic of Jack rabbit ...but how did you know his name???
howdy doody Sam...hows you today then friend?are you out in the big blue yonder today?still enjoying the job?yep Im afraid that fred sort of sums it up..dont really understand about bots etc but hey ho...hows the toons doing been doing a bit recently?
hiya pauly how are you today in hairsville?all good? yep the booze market is certainly geared towards youngsters...fruit sugary booze...your hammered before you know it...think the strongest lager beer I used to drink was 9.8 ..with a few vodkas after..then trying to pretend you are sober whilst talking absolute sh.te!!
hey Byrdie...hows you then?meant to ask ...whats a chamber of commerce day?trade you for a poets day????
Mornin Lav..brew time..no greenhouse?got held up in Germany?schiesse! so it means that you have got to get the plants in pretty rapido..and also keep yb amused for the next 3 weeks!!
right peeps for the offski...go and feed my emotionally supportive rabbits,then mebbe take them to the movies as a treat!!!!seriously tho read that article it is ace!!
see yall bis morgen
Q: What is 35 feet long and has 42 teeth?
A: A bus full of rednecks.
One redneck to the other: Do you think I should tell my folks I’m adopted?
Redneck at the doctor: “Doc, I think I’m in trouble, I swallowed an ice cube 3 days ago and it ain’t come out yet.”
Q: What’s the downside of being a redneck kid at Christmas?
A: You just have one set of grandparents to get presents from.
How do you tell a redneck is married? There are tobacco spits on either side of his pickup truck.
Why do pigeons fly over trailer parks with their backs down? There’s nothing worth crapping on.
Why don’t rednecks get sick so often?
Germs have their pride too.
You know you might be a redneck when:
You see a No crack sign and you pull your pants up.
You see your farts as your best jokes.
The dog can’t help gagging whenever he sees you eat.
You finally get to cutting the grass and find a car.
Your wife’s got a beer belly and it turns you on.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
Your family tree is just one long trunk with no branches.
Your beard attracts birds.
You took out your toothpick only for wedding pictures.
Fast food is hitting a possum at 80 mph.
You've at least once hit a deer with your car because the food store was already closed.
You’ve ever had the thought rat traps made acceptable gifts.
A night trip to the bathroom involves mud boots.
People hear you coming in your car quite a long time before they get to see you.
You have lard on your bedside table.
You had to ditch your back seat bench so all your children could fit in.
Sixth grade is senior year.
You have a really bad fall and the one thing you save is your beer.
You had to buy a VCR because all the wrestling matches are on when you're at work.
You take your garbage to the dump and come back with more than you brought there.
They banned you from the zoo because you distress the monkeys.
You keep seeing your neighbors on Jerry Springer.
You know you might be a redneck woman if:
You can’t help groaning when you’re cooking sausages.
There’s a spit cup on your bedside table.
You have more than one fur coat – all home made.
When something should be stored cold, you put it in the shade.
You see family reunions as a good chance to meet boys and your mother agrees.
You've ever had to get financing for a tattoo.
You’ve been married three times but your in-laws are still the same people.
You just can’t get dog hair out of your belly button.
Preparing a bubble bath involves beans for dinner.
Your fridge and you weigh roughly the same.
You owe money at the dollar store.
The school encourages you to stay away from PTA meetings at your son’s school.
When you bungee jump, you take the bridge with you.
You can burp your name.
Instead of crackers, you pull each other’s fingers at Christmas dinner.
fun facts
If you’ve ever wondered what to call the phenomena when three astronomical bodies line up, it is "syzygy".
When you talk, you spray around 2.5 microscopic saliva droplets per word.
Rats cannot vomit, and neither can horses.
Every year, 11,000 injuries are reported in America as a result of sexual experimentation.
620 million years ago, an Earth day was only 21.9 hours long. It is extending a little every year.
A 12-year-old girl from Ethiopia was kidnapped by four men on her way from school. A week later the whole group was accosted by three lions who chased the men away and stayed with the girl without harming her, only leaving when the police arrived, looking for her.
A now teenage boy called Ben Underwood lost his sight to cancer when he was 3 years old. He learned to use echolocation (orientation in space by sound that e.g. bats use) in order to sense his surroundings. Today he can play table soccer, basketball, he does karate, roller blades, enjoys pillow fights and much more.
Our ears and our nose never stop growing.
In 1946, the US attempted to buy Greenland for 100,000,000 USD.
Bulgarians nod when they want to say NO and shake their heads when they want to say YES.
Yes, maybe we can join forces at the dentist to get a discount. Yesterday's tab worked out to $500/hr. :sad:
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