Emotions and adjusting to being a Tee-Totaller

[southernbelle47]

Emotions and adjusting to being a Tee-Totaller

To Scoob and dad and mom!
How wonderful to have supportive family!
:l NANCY

[diamond]

Emotions and adjusting to being a Tee-Totaller

You are so lucky to have such a wonderful family.

If the shoe was on the other foot and a friend of mine gave up drink for health or any reason I know I wouoldn't have been able to not drink just for them.

I would have been putting the alcohol in pop (soda) bottles and pretending !! I am soooo horrible , but until I found everyone here I couldn't think of stopping.

I am avoiding certain social situations because of this.
Good luck to you, x

[rottrod]

Emotions and adjusting to being a Tee-Totaller

Scooby,

My new friend, I just wanted to let you know I read this thread and even though I cannot possibly add to all of that wisdom I certainly want to offer my support and dittos. Those words certainly spoke to me as well because I too have been experiencing the mourning process.

You are certainly blessed to have a loving and supportive family both at home and here.

Have fun Kyaking! (I can't spell to save my life)

Melissa

[Determinatrix]

Emotions and adjusting to being a Tee-Totaller

ScoobyDoo - I read this and tears came to my eyes in awe of your courage. You are very brave to share this with your family, holding your breath awaiting their reaction. So glad it was supportive and loving. Most folks dream of this kind of love. Congrats!

[nancy]

Emotions and adjusting to being a Tee-Totaller

Scooby jealousy

Hi Scooby

I hate to admit I am jealous! Mr Doo is supportive and all your siblings and your Mom! Wow.

And you have tackled this in such an enlightened way, rationally trying everytyhing in steps but then facing the fact that you still have a problem and want to do something about it. Your attitude is very very admirable. And the age you are at seems good to tackle this.

I know what you mean about your Dad. He needs a little time to adjust probably. And that will happen, maybe sooner than you think. After all, it seems that you describe the drinking as a bonding exercise, but how real can that bonding be if he doesn't know such a painful secret you have been keeping? This will bring you closer in a real way.

I really am happy that you have so many good relationships in your life and you feel close enough to open up to them.

oh and irishlady, what a great post. thanks.

[Accountable for Me]

Emotions and adjusting to being a Tee-Totaller

Scoob, your post actually made me cry. My dad and I use to do the same when together and drinking. Since I have been quit, things have changed. Almost like some sort of bond is gone. He and his wife are gone on a cross country trip and stopped by the city I live in on Tuesday night this week. Well, my husband and I took them out for dinner and things just seemed so different. I really miss the days when everything was fun with him/them. God, sometimes I wish I didn't have this problem. My dad mentioned to me I seemed distant. More like I seemed sober LOL! Ack......

But the bottom line is we have to do this for ourselves. Right?!?! It sucks but that is who we are. We want a chance at a good life, so everything is going to change. Some of my drinking memories/fun I wish I could re-live.... but..... some of us need to remain sober to live period.

[sujul]

Emotions and adjusting to being a Tee-Totaller

Hey Scooby--
Like everyone else, I can totally relate to how it feels giving up our relationship with alcohol....

When I was a rehab counselor (yes, AFTER I was AF for 11 years, and BEFORE I relapsed for 10..), we would give people an "assignment" to do--you had to write a "Dear John" type of letter, saying goodbye to the love of your life--vodka, beer, wine, scotch...then people had to read their letter in a group situation in their last day in rehab.

Some of the letters were so incredibly moving--everyone would be in tears because it really is like letting go of this long-term, love-hate relationship.

We really DID have some good times, didn't we? But then we didn't...

It's wonderful that you have all that loving support...and eventually you will have a new and even more wonderful relationship with your father....

Good work--
:l
susan

[ScoobyDoo]

Emotions and adjusting to being a Tee-Totaller

Nancy, thank you so much for your kind words... you know, I just *know* that with you, something will just fall into place and you'll end up quitting the alcohol. The way you and I both have processed this issue is similar (although you are far more articulate and better at getting your thoughts and rationale across than I am!).

You know, I've been thinking about my dad and have been wondering if maybe I will inspire him to give away the drink too... I'm really not sure and I can't pin any hopes on that as that is his own jounrney but gee that would be a bonding experience!!! He has had far deeper drinking problems in the past than he does today (I think aging has slowed down his drinking excesses). We'll see... maybe my changes will have a good follow on effect for him eventually.

Rotrod, Isn't it nice that we're in mourning and not still drunk. I'd mourn for the rest of my life rather than be on that old psych-cycle I was trapped in - any day, but I hear that it does get better so we have even better days to come. I hope to see you on this forum more often.

Accountable, how about trying what Southern Belle suggested. Perhaps it's a good time (over the phone even) to tell your dad how it made you feel and... well, exactly what you've written here, and then suggest something you can do together. What your dad said could also be an indiactor and result of his denial about his own drinking... I absolutely agree with your sentiment in that some of us have to do this to stay alive - and also to live an enjoyable and enriching life. I realy think you should give it a go - I think you'd be happily relieved and surprised at the outcome as it sounds like you've got a great relationship.

Su... WOW! Your own experience is incredible - I'm in awe! I bet you've got a few stories to tell. I'm really wondering what it's like for you to have reached these points in your life and how you've felt about each of them... and how you've addressed them. It's an interesting example of knowledge not necessarily being able to help the person with the problem. This addiction is insideous and sneaky alright!

This letter idea sounds like a bloody brilliant idea!!! I'm not sure if you've read Katesm 'Dear Voddy' letter but it is first class. You've inspired me; I'm going to do my own letter this weekend! It really is a love-hate relatinship and for me a constant ambivalence... and in all other areas of my life I am not ambivalent, so I'm glad to have made this decision once and for all.

Thank you to everyone who has posted here. It has offered me further encouragement and support.

Bernie

[Cinders]

Emotions and adjusting to being a Tee-Totaller

Thank you to all of you!!

This thread was great reading for me!!

I am just starting on this journey and reading all these posts gives me some forewarning of what will be coming down the pike.

When it hits me, as I am sure it will, I will be able to recognize it for what it is and be better prepared for dealing with it.

:thanks:

Cindi

[ScoobyDoo]

Emotions and adjusting to being a Tee-Totaller

Brilliant cindi... that's just brilliant!

'Consistency' is another good mantra. Consistency in thought and actions in beating this. A journal really does help for achieving that consistency. A private blog is what works for me.

Best wishes for a happy new al-free life. And keep posting.

Scoobs

[jane rees]

Emotions and adjusting to being a Tee-Totaller

Who are my friends now?

Hello
Oh, Scoobs, I have just stumbled upon your thread and it has hit such a nerve with me. i have started to tentatively tell strangers i am tee-total ( 39 days and proud!) and they give me suspicious side way looks,. maybe i'm paranoid! I'm still hiding behind a story with my friends, namely that I'm on meds that clash with alcholol. I wish i had your courage to spit it out but i guess I'm not there on my journey. It frightens me because I KNOW they will say " you don't have a problem' and they will try to talk me out of leading a sober life. i'm scraed they will suceed.
So, i keep my own counsel at this time. But for how long, my social life revolves around drinking and i have choosen my friends accordingly.
Fortunately, my husband who was at first resistant and rather sarcastic about the "new soberme" ( defensive mechanism) ,now is abstaining between Mon-Thurs and our marriage hasn't collapsed! maybe my friendships won't either ???, but I suspect they will.
It's all rather tricky, isn't it. My father and my brothers are undeclared alcoholic's and I have no idea what the family reaction will be like.
Time, i will give it all some more time.
Thanks for listening to me.
Jane

[Determinator]

Emotions and adjusting to being a Tee-Totaller

fantastic thread and posts everyone. I felt quite uncomfortable at my first few dinners with our wine-drinking friends, however things eased up after they got used to it. IN spite of how crappy this alcohol problem is that we live with it could be a worse substance...like nut allergies. you really have to be carefull since nuts and nut oils are in just about everything. at least you can usually smell and see alcohol. ok that was wierd...I'm on new meds today *disclaimer

[Breez]

Emotions and adjusting to being a Tee-Totaller

LOL Deter-
It's not the meds....I think you're back to your ol' self again. That was funny.

[daisy45]

Emotions and adjusting to being a Tee-Totaller

Just found this thread while digging deep for inspiration and wise words. Really resonates with me. Hope others find it helpful.....

[Doggygirl]

Emotions and adjusting to being a Tee-Totaller

I enjoyed reading a lot of these posts, and also seeing that many posters on this thread are still active at MWO. I joined in July 2007 so when I finally noticed the older posting dates, that rung a bell for me.

One of my classes right now is "Introduction to Addiction Counseling" so covering definitions of addiction happened early on. Our instructor gave us two definitions.

1. Addiction is a primary chronic disease of the brain reward, memory, motivation and other circuitry. Impairment is manifested by dysfunction in an increasing number of .......(you get the picture)

2. Addiction is a "love relationship" between a person and their substances.

He says #2 is his favorite definition as that one really sums it up in his 30+ years of counseling experience.

DG