Awesoome AF August

[NoraC]

Pauly - please stick close here today. :hug: You ARE making huge progress just like dill said. We all can see it - maybe you can't see it at the moment. BUT, you truly are.
You are such a special person. I love you.

[Lavande]

Pauly, hope you are OK.
Please take a look at the article I posted for you :hug:

[SnoopyC]

Good morning...

I am still upset with myself, but moving forward. Keeping busy today and making sure to have good food in the house and revamp my plan.
Thanks for the support. Have a good one.

[Lavande]

Good evening friends,

Didn't do a whole lot today, still resting up from last week's kid-a-thon!

Star, we can beat ourselves until we're black & blue but it's kind of pointless, right?
Do you know what triggered your decision to drink? Is there something you can do to avoid a repeat?
The only thing that really worked for me was getting to the point where I was so seriously sick & tired of disappointing myself. I had quit quite a few times for months at a time but I never slammed the door shut on AL permanently! When I finally did that I found the success I desired. One drink turns into 12 when your off button is broken. There is just no way around that so for us it's an all or nothing situation. You will make the right decision for you, I know uou will.

Hello to Dill & Cyn, hope you are both busy & well.

Pauly, is there anything we can do to give yiu a hand?

Let's all have a peaceful night & be kind to ourselves :hug:

Lav

[dill]

Good morning! Sorry for my absence yesterday. My grandson got up before dawn not 5 minutes after me so I never had a minute to myself the whole day. We only had a short time in the morning to make them breakfast, clean up and get ready for our trip. The driving was not easy. I guess everyone is getting in their last minute summer activities before school starts. The highways were quite congested for a Sunday. But we arrived samely and had a really nice catch up with family. Travel is exhausting tho!

Star, Lav is right that you should not beat yourself up. Forgive yourself and move forward. You are doing an awesome job, IMO.

Pauly, same to you!

Cyn, greetings.

Lav, I hadn't thought about the "broken off switch" in a long time. That is the perfect description for it but I with I understood the reason it happens. There was wine and beer at yesterday's party. Drinking is very common in my family and always present at family get togethers. Everyone was well behaved but I had some concerns about one of my nephews. He seemed perhaps as if he had been drinking before he arrived and then the first thing he did upon arrival was get a large glass of wine. I didn't keep close track but he always had a glass of wine going. Then my other nephew came over and offered him a specialty beer which he opened immediately and set next to his full glass of wine! I hope he is ok. I used to be just like that!

Well, let's all have a peaceful and af week!

[SnoopyC]

Good morning...

Lav, thanks for the feedback, closing the door completely on alcohol is something I had thought I had done already, apparently not. Yes, I know what led up to it, being extremely hungry, tired, angry all at once. I should have just had something to eat, that usually takes care of my cravings. Once I eat the craving goes away. We are having some stressors with my son, he is working, but still not completely on his feet, and having some ongoing health issues that he does not take care of, and I am unable to take care of it for him, he is too old. I normally detach, but on this particular day did not and made bad choices. However, I am more determined than ever to be AF always. Nothing has changed, the off switch is still broken, it is not fun, at all. The guilt shame and remorse are horrible. Nothing happened, no arrests, nothign broken, just a lonely misery that I want to put behind me. I will be glad to go to work today for sure.

Dill, I know, I also watch people who are drinking heavily and imagine where they are at and what could happen. I do not wish that on anyone. You know, it is funny, if it was food, and someone was constantly eating it would be weird, but with alcohol, for some reason, more acceptable. I don't know. Thanks for the support and forgiveness. This journey is not easy and I have to be more on guard.

Shoutout to Pauly and Cyn. Have a good AF Monday.

[paulywogg]

Morning friends, Star,I had tried all of my distraction strategies, I went for a walk,went to the 99 cent store, got some food,tried talking it out,playing the tape through, etc,seemed like I just kept getting more and more wound up trying to get my head in a different mindset that I just snapped I guess,like a pressure cooker almost, pisses me off cuz I've been trying to heal myself, physically, mentally and connect with God again seems the harder I try,the more my subconscious thinks I need to be bad in some way,I can't really explain it good,hello Lav,Cynand Dill hope today is nice to all of us

[dill]

Hi ya Pauly, I hope I'm not way off base here but after reading your post I kind of thought maybe part of your problem is simply trying too hard! Like you want to be healthy physically, mentally and spiritually and you want it to happen immediately! Thing is, some things happen gradually and some things can't be forced. They come with time and in small steps sometimes so we can't see the progress, but it is happening none-the-less.

I find it very interesting that you are trying to find your way spiritually. That was a huge part of my journey at the start. Star and I both seemed to seek a spiritual connection for ourselves in order to beat this thing. I returned to my religious roots. It helped me in some ways. I found a connection to God and my departed family members thru returning to religious rituals and regular church attendance. I had some very moving experiences as a result but certainly no immediate solution to my drinking. Never the less, over time the spiritual has helped me continue to strive. I also found a lot of comfort in guided meditation with Jon Kabat Zinn and also Eckhart Tolle. Anyway, I am just sharing this because I find it interesting that you are kind of doing the same thing as I did, but I was doing it 4-5 years ago.

Let's all enjoy a peaceful and af night.

[paulywogg]

I think I'm just looking for an epiphany, paradigm shift, the light,strength? I don't know Dill,why after a few months of not drinking do I feel worse, most people feel better I on the other hand feel weaker, more tired,sicker,meh I dunno I do know that there's got to be something behind the way I felt Friday just out of my mind almost, everything I say is just gonna sound like an excuse anyways

[Lavande]

Good evening friends,

Never give up trying friends. I firmly believe we will all succeed & meet our goals if we just keep trying.

Dill, truly accepting that broken off switch theory made this journey perfectly clear for me.
No, I am not a bad person. No, I never wanted to end up in such a mess but it happened. The only way out for me was to accept the truth - my switch was broken, is still broken for all I know. I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to test it either. Why would I after breaking free of the massive hold AL had on me??

Star, I think we all need to be dilligent about keeping our blood sugar levels stable. There's no way we can manage every single trigger 24/7 but we can be sure to eat well. Makes a big difference in our overall moods because we're just human.

Pauly, anxiety is uncomfortable. I know because I had a huge problem with it too. One important thing we need to remember is that it won't kill us. Uncomfortable, yes but not deadly. Distraction is the quickest & safest remedy!!!! Surrounding yourself with happy loving people brings relief. Have you ever joined an exercise class? I swear by Curves but go try anything. My mood is always good when I leave even if I felt grumpy or tired when I arrived. Treat yourself with 'kid gloves'. You know yourself better than anyone, be kind.

I have started thinking a lot about my mom lately. Sept 5 will be the 30th anniversary of her passing. I have always felt like an orphan of sorts. All of the older women in my life left way too soon. I had no family member or any real female person to go to for guidance. I think that may have contributed to my eventual path of self-abuse. But I cannot forget, as hard as all that was I have come thru it in one piece, more or less. What a rough ride but I survived.
Now I focus on gratitude & feel thankful for it all. I am a survivor & quite a bit wiser.
We all can find success provided we keep moving forward :hug:

Hello to Cyn, I imagine you are still away?

Peace to all of you tonight.

Lav

[paulywogg]

I did log in to go back and edit my earlier post but I figured that I'd just explain that I know alcohol makes me sick, I wasn't trying to make it seem like it's some kind of cure all.....far from it,bleh,some days I totally feel the gains of not drinking, then other days I can only dwell on the negative feelings that I'm in at that moment, Lav,I know that my off switch is broken and I thought of that before I drank I knew it would be a drunkfest,I went from 0-60 in a few hours and I barely remember the evening, sounds fun huh? I remember throwing up all over Kells bathroom and grabbing whatever was laying around to clean it,stashing it in a trash bag so I could wash it later,calling Brady to come pick me up,sounds like mother of the year,awful, not worth it but I'm glad it didn't turn into a days long bender at least that's one plus,I can't and won't dwell on my mistake I can only use it to be stronger the next time that urge hits and it will,thanks for all the input all

[treegirl]

Hi all -

First bit of time off today since the last time I posted. I'm too old for this intense schedule!

Today was supposed to be a day off, but HB has been fighting a truly terrible sinus infection for weeks, and we luckily found a great EandT doc here. At 7 this morning, we left to drive to the city for a 'balloon' procedure, where they basically vacuumed out his sinuses, which were clogged and infected in every area. He's doing great this afternoon - he is much stronger than I am, he's not so worn out!

No return sightings of the bear, but we are super-careful and load out our trash, close all windows, and put all food away in the house. On hot days with no air conditioning it is a bit of a pain, but better than having a bear in the house.

Looks like there has been great discussions going on - I'll read back and hopefully have a bit more time to post this week.

One week from today we'll be on the plane home. I can't wait. I got teary in the local grocery store when I walked by the pet aisle! I miss my fur fix!

Wishing all a great AF week - stay true and be kind to yourselves!

[dill]

We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls. ~ Mother Teresa


Good morning all,

Pauly, thanks for jumping back on to clarify but I for one, didn't think for a minute that you were trying to make alcohol seem like some kind of cure. I know you have been struggling with feeling unwell and I understand how frustrating that must be. As far as your comment about an 'epiphany', that I really, really understood! I kept hoping for that kind of moment for myself too, but one never came. I remember reading Eric Clapton's biography where he described his personal turning point. It was a moment in time when he 'got it' and he just stopped. I've heard lots of stories and read books where people describe that moment for themselves. My epiphany seemed to keep repeating itself! LOL. Even with an epiphany like Clapton's, I'm sure he still had lots of work and discomfort to make it stick. He went to rehab to help make it stick. Anyway, I understand what you mean.

Cyn, one more week! Hang in there! I bet your dogs will be so, so happy to see you! Have you heard of the new movie called The Secret Life of Pets? It's an animation. I've been told that it is really cute. I plan on taking my gdaughter to see it, or maybe will wait and rent it when it comes out on DVD then have a popcorn party with her. Last night she asked me if I would get Belle and Sebastion from the library again. That is a wonderful boy and his dog story set in the Alps during WWII. I'm surprised she loves it so because it is an old movie, no special effects. Just a great dog and cute boy and harrowing story.

Lav, :hug: I understand how you feel. I miss my mom too and think of her more and more all the time. And about the off switch: Once broken it cannot be fixed. Maybe one day the medical community will find a way to replace it. Install a new one! LOL Until then, best to not keep trying it!

Star, I hope now that a few days have passed that you are feeling 'back to normal'. Time and distance from the event will help immensely. I'm sure there will be unsettled feelings and revived cravings, so be vigilant.

Granddaughter came back for another overnight last night so my day will be busy again. It's good to have her tho. Summer ends soon so I want her to be able to enjoy her pool time and outside time as much as she can before school starts.

Let's all have a peaceful, af Tuesday.

[paulywogg]

Morning friends, Dill seems like a lot of former drinkers have that lightbulb moment go off,or at least get so sick of drinking they just stop I've known lots of family members, FIL,friends who drank for years heavily and just poof quit, no aa,no MWO,just that was it done,dunno why I've made it so hard,I first got sober for a stretch in Oct of last year, had Nov,Dec,Jan,Feb no booze, Mar had 2 wobbles,April 1 wobbly then had May,Jun,Jul dry until this dumb one last week,now why did I let those wobbles happen? That's the part I need to work on, Cyn,when we go out of town I miss Winslow so bad,I actually cut a trip to California short cuz I felt like crying I missed him,sounds foolish but it true,hello Star and Lav,hope today is a breeze

[Lavande]

Good dvening friends,

Today was not exactly spectacular
For some unknown reason my DIL stopped at Dunkin Donuts this morning & picked up a bag of donuts & a sugary chocolate milk drink for each of the boys before she dropped them off at 8:30. When I saw that I ran to the kitchen & fixed them scrambled eggs & turkey bacon. I told them they had to eat the protein before consuming all that sugar.
By 10:45 the younger one was bouncing off the walls & fell sound asleep by 11. You've never seen such a hard sugar crash, geez!!! He was cursing at me, throwing things at me, threatening me, unbelievable. When she returned after 5pm I told her NO MORE sugar for that kid!!!! Apparently a masters degree doesn't make you very smart.
Sorry, I had to get that off my chest, ha ha

WOW Cyn, sorry about your husband's troubles. Glad he is recovering quickly.
I'm sure you do miss your doggies, they will appreciate getting you back. Keep the bear watch going & stay safe.

Dill, I'm glad you are dnjoying your granddaughter time. Mine kind of likes the old time movies too. My daughter said she recently watched ET & just loved it, go figure. About the broken off switch, I am OK to just leave it broken at this point. I don't feel as if I am missing anything. I learned early on to ignore what other people are drinking, it's none of my business

Pauly, I think by now we all know & understand just how toxic AL is, it never makes anything better. I still credit the hypno CDs for finally getting that message through to my sub-conscious. We learn good stuff while we are asleep!!

Hello to Star, hope you are OK.

Pezce to everyone tonight.
Looking forward to a quieter day tomorrow with no threats from a nasty 5 year old, ha ha

Lav