Simple September

[paulywogg]

Morning friends, Dil((hugs)) I dunno what I was thinking by making that choice it almost gave me an insane, out of control, why am I doing this feeling! I tried fighting the feeling ALL day on Monday, as I left work I passed one has station, then another, was gonna just drive home and try to take a nap but drove straight passed the house and ended up at the gas station I was pissed off at Michelle cuz even though she totalled hubs' car we were nice enough to let her use hubs' pickup truck for work Sunday night, well Monday morning she still wasn't home and Brady needed his locker key and the truck for school, I text her and she was at he boyfriends I guess I just got so frustrated by her behavior and feeling so taken advantage of I kept dwelling on it I guess, plus all the other crap going on that I should be detaching from but having a hard time,I wish I could move and not tell the kids where I'm at haha but I was thinking that even if everything in the universe was perfect, unless I shut the door on al,I'd always find something to drink over,I'm actually happy I spent all Mon and Tues puking just proves that my body is done with drinking, getting the mind to catch up is another story,I just hafta handle things differently, let's put it behind us and move on, I keep dwelling on the whys and feeling really bad for breaking my promise to myself, I hate feeling this defeated,I want my power back,hello Lav,Cyn and Star I hope we all have an easy AF Friday

[Lavande]

NS, I am sorry to hear you are also being dumped on by family
My DIL is feeling extremely superior (to just about everyone on the planet these days) but doesn't know the first thing about how to behave in a family situation. Funny because she is a licensed family (child) therapist, ha ha! The bottom line is I know when I am right & when I am wrong even though I don't have the advanced degree or certifications she has gotten over the past few years. I will not be talked down to by her or anyone behaving in such a delusional & angry manner. Holding my grandsons hostage is her way of punishing me for disagreeing with her - she's done this before. Our son is the quiet type & basically tries to stay out of her rampages, I don't blame him. I hope your situation resolves very soon, I understand!!!

Pauly, when you are really seriously tired of repeating this cycle you will make the necessary changes. I know because I did. Life is never going to be perfect, stuff is always going to happen. We have to change our perception & learn to accept situations & not fight them as we see fit. This is where the acceptance & gratitude we talk about comes in handy.
I have several books on Buddhist philosophy that inspired me years ago but for now please just take a look at The 4 Noble Truths
4 Noble Truths - Life of Mindfulness

Peace to everyone tonight.
Lav

[SnoopyC]

Good morning...

Dill, it really is horrible to drink again, I agree. I had a craving last night, so did my husband, we talked about it, played it out till the end. Not worth it, it does not do what we think it promises us, but we were both tired and hungry, so ate, and the time passed. Woke up this morning and checked in and were grateful we held firm. I think the Mick idea of writing out the pros and cons, stopping to analyze, do I want to do this, has helped me in the last month to make this my last time. I am determined, I am sick of the cycle, and I can tell you are too. One of the things I noticed that I crave is more friends. Alcohol promises immediate companionship, not giving a darn, filling up the empty places inside, relief from uncomfortable feelings. Unfortunately, it doesn't work anymore, hasn't for a long time. Let's move forward and start feeling better. I support you 100%.

Pauly, wow, would that piss me off. Guess you won't be lending your car to her anymore. I find with my kids a dance giving and detaching, especially with my son. I worry about him so much, now his health is in question, and it is hard to be OK with that worry. I know you have that too, with a few of your kids. It is hard. My lapse 34 days ago was so horrible that I have to make changes. I wish that for you too, as I know drinking does not help with your emotional state at all. Here to support you.

Cyn, thanks for the post, it was very helpful. Focusing on gratitude and what is right in front of us. Hope you are a happy busyness.

Lav, thanks for bringing up the Detachment book, I have it and went back to reading it today. Very helpful. Your DIL sounds really difficult, she doesn't know what she doesn't know...probably not a helpful therapist. I know she is missing your babysitting services, when you do get back together, setting firm boundaries and keeping her at a distance might be helpful. You can't trust her, sorry to say. Seeing your grandsons is the issue. Know you are keeping busy and doing your best.

Hey, this weekend is really hard for me. One year anniversary of my Dad's funeral, two birthdays of my beloved dead. Missing them so much. It is hard when your group of female support is gone. Very hard. I have plans today with my son, then family celebration tomorrow, so interesting how life gives and takes away at the same time. It is truly a mystery. Facing it AF I will be able to get through all the feelings. Have a great AF Saturday, friends.

[dill]

Thanks everyone for your kind words, hugs, and support. Much appreciated and needed. I was thinking this morning just how much better I feel already, just on day 2. You know the old saying, 'get a good night's sleep and things will look better in the morning'? That is only true if one goes to sleep sober! Things do NOT look better in the morning with a hangover. I know that I drank to escape. But sleep itself can provide the needed escape and is much healthier than drinking to pass out! Yes, I'm feeling much better today and am back on track for sure.

Cyn, thanks for the positive post, especially the reminder to step away from some of the daily strife that is on the news and over which I have no control. It truly does wear me down because I find myself stressing over it. It's time to focus on doing what I can in my own sphere of influence and bring light where I can.

Star, that's so great that you and your hb made that decision together! I think having an ally in the struggle must be so much help and support. Even just the honesty with those around you that you cannot drink anymore makes a big difference I bet. It's a greater level of accountability. I still haven't done that in my world here.

Pauly, I hope you are feeling better by now. I find my body does not tolerate alcohol very well at all these days. It depresses my mood for several days and it affects my brain, too. I could not think clearly at all for the entire day yesterday. It was horrible, especially being as I was at the coffee shop and had to think and do simple math. My processing time was SLOW!

Lav, The doc ordered x-rays and a course of PT. If I don't hear from the PT dept. by Monday I'll call them and get on the schedule. She called it, "shoulder impingement syndrome". It is apparently quite common. I sure hope PT helps!

Grand kids today. Let's all have a good, AF Saturday.

[Lavande]

Good morning friends,

Nothing going on here at the moment so I thought I'd check in early.
Glad to see you both feeling strong moving forward Star & Dill. WE really do have strength in numbers!

Star, I deal with a good bit of loneliness in my life too, I understand your feelings. That's just one reason I am so grateful for this forum. I truly appreciate my online friends & will gladly take all the support I can get my hands on. But it also helps me to be able to offer my support to anyone who needs a hand. We are all a bit different but have had difficulties with a common foe, AL.
Dill, I am so scared of losing the strength & endurance I have built up over these past nearly 8 years. That is what keeps me determined & challenged to live life without AL.
I don't know about you Star & Dill but my biggest hurdle was learning to Stop Feeling Sorry for Myself!!!!! Where does that emotion even come from? I have no idea. I certainly did not get a lot of support or sympathy from my family when I was growing up. Is that how I fell into such a pitiful state of thinking? I don't know really. I do know now that I do not want to live my life as a victim!! I am not a victim or a sad story or anything like that. I need to keep AL out of my life to keep depressive thoughts & feelings far away.

Hello to Pauly & Cyn, hope you are both well.

Wishing everyone a calm AF day!

Lav

[paulywogg]

Morning friends, just wishing everyone a great AF Saturday

[treegirl]

Hello friends - wow, what a lot of beautiful posts! I too feel so grateful for this safe place to explore what we are feeling and jointly move forward together. Remember that beautiful quote: "We are just walking each other home". Love it.

Pauly and Dill - so glad to hear that you are putting the pieces of the puzzle together once again. That old road will never get you anywhere, thanks for coming here and sticking with this road.

Lav - you are about the last person I would have thought dealt with a 'victim' mentality - what an immense burden to free yourself from! So glad that you have a perspective on all the family stuff - sheesh, thank goodness for detachment - some things just can't be figured out! Good luck.

Star - big hugs to you with the anniversary/remembrance of your grief. Somehow the autumn can really bring on feelings of loneliness, I really get that. Treating yourself well, and eating well, seems to be key during this change of seasons - so good that you and your HB decided to go forward that way! Wishing you a little less pain in your heart as you move forward.

I was pleased with myself yesterday because I actually reserved a flight to my hometown to see an ailing aunt - she is the last of my folks' generation - her frailty is really bringing back so many memories of my Dad (her brother) and my Mom. I had hoped my plans would work out, but yesterday they put her in hospice, and the prognosis does not sound good. My cousin wrote to me that I should stay home and remember her as she has been in the past, but for some reason I really feel a pull to get there while she is still alive... So anyway, trying to grapple with all that. I would drive, but it's a 2-day drive. Flying in the short-term is very expensive. Uuugh just trying to get a plan in place again...

Wishing all: peace tonight, nutritious food, heart connections, deep breaths, and gratitude.

[SnoopyC]

Good morning...

"We are just walking each other home." How beautiful. Cyn, thanks for that quote. There has been wonderful support on this thread, so glad we are there for each other. I hope you get to see your Aunt, probably not much time left, who knows. It is hard to let go, and the missing of loved ones is ongoing. Time goes so fast, I want my time left on earth to be positive, giving, filled with love.

Lav, there is just no replacing our mothers, grandmothers, and certain friends. To live without them is so hard, more at certain times. Thanks for speaking of loneliness, that sometimes hits me when I come home from work and miss my really good friend who died earlier this year. It is hard, and doesn't go away. Oh well, we will survive, and having the support here is great. Having a firm commitment to being AF, having it off the table completely, is where I am at, period. I just can't put myself and my husband in that position again. It was really bad, really scary, and I was sooooo sick, I think I will die, seriously, if I don't commit to being AF 100%.

Dill, so happy you are feeling better, drinking does make it hard to think clearly for the next few days, hope each day gets better. This time I shared with my daughter what happened, and committed to her too, to be AF. Now, if I did drink, I would have even more people to hurt, disappoint, and scare besides myself. Yesterday in spending time with my son, I told him that I am not drinking anymore and it has been this many days, I am feeling good, and he was great with it. Not surprised. Sad, isn't it, that he would react that way? Even more reason to go forward 100%.

Pauly, hope you are feeling better. Do whatever it takes, talk to whomever you need to, and use the skills you have learned. I have worked hard on setting boundaries with certain people in my life, and it is hard, but vital to my commitment to staying AF. I am not letting anyone treat me poorly anymore, or will distance them from my life. I have a certain friend of many years, who has been a b**** to me, even putting something nasty on FB. I blocked her, I will not put up with her negativity. This is big for me, I have been maintaining the friendship due to the years it has lasted. No more as it is not healthy for me. Focusing on the positives in my life. Hope you can do that too.

Today it is already warm and beautiful out, looking forward to a lovely Sunday. Have a good one.

[dill]

Hello Everyone,

I'm feeling better and stronger everyday. I'm just sorry I don't have time to really post today. I've been busy since the moment I got up this morning! All good though.

Star, Lav, Cyn, Pauly, Let's all have a peaceful, calm AF Sunday night.

[Lavande]

Good evening friends!

We had a beautiful day here, shocking, haha!
Perfect temp, no humidity, no frizz, yes

Star, keeping negativity & toxic people away from me is vital to my health & sanity. I believe my daughter feels the same way. She asked me yesterday if we could reincarnate the next time into a sane family!!!! My DIL has caused a lot of grief with this latest blowup. I'm not sure things can be fixed if/when she gets around to apologizing/explaining herself. At this point all I really want is a way to maintain a relationship with my son & grandsons.
The people I most want to talk to about all this are gone. I have long missed the strong women in my life. I am grateful to have all of you, believe me :hug:
I am forever determined to remain strong for myself & show my daughter & granddaughter that it can be done.

Dill, I hope you are well despite being busy with family.


Cyn, thinking of you & hope you are well. Same to you Pauly!

Let's all have a restful & peaceful night!

Lav

[treegirl]

Evening all -

I hope everyone has had a good day today -- Dill, I'm sure that you were busy today; how nice for the gkids that you are there for them.

Star - it sounds like moving away (mentally) from that destructive 'friendship' is really the right thing to do. Hard, but maybe necessary. Good luck! Great that you felt OK with sharing your resolve with your family - you are very courageous!

Lav - everything OK in LavLand? Hope so -

Pauly - what's up? Feeling OK?

Well there was a curious incident in the night here. Around midnight, I heard something like an explosion, and was terrified that someone was trying to get in our house - the power went out, etc. I finally saw that the lights that I thought were inside my house were actually outside - my neighbor! She could hear that the explosion was trees coming down (there was NO wind last night - no clue why it happened). She went out to investigate with her flashlight, and she found that power lines were down and sparking, so she called 911. Finally I went outside too, and thanked the police that came to block the street. They took off after the power guys came. I stayed up until about 3 AM, then conked out - I didn't even hear them sawing up the tree that had fallen across the road (onto my neighbor's property!) . It's been a bit of a sleepy day for me, but at least I was able to stay home instead of making another NYC trip. HB understood...

Strange but true! Now the tree guy is coming. I can't wait to hear how much $$$ it will be to take down 2 large mature trees, sigh.

Oh well, it is a privilege to live here where we do, and to have a glorious forest close at hand. Think of the poor people who DO have to listen to explosions all night long, and fear for their lives. So sad. I send them support, and remain incredibly grateful for being blessed with such beauty around me.

Wishing all a good night -

[dill]

Hello All,
Wow Cyn! What a frightening thing to happen in the night! I dare say it would have been almost equally unsettling if it had happened during the daylight hours. Seeing a tree simply fall over with no apparent reason! But having that happen in the night: a loud explosion type sound close by and in the dark of night! It really does bring home what so many are experiencing in other parts of the world. I wish we could bring peace to their lives. We must continue in our small way by brining peace to our own small part of the world. I hope last night was much move restful and peaceful for you.

Lav, I'm so sorry you are going thru this strife with your DIL. What a silly way for her to behave. I wonder if she will come to her senses before the holidays. Your grandsons must be so confused! I imagine your son is just waiting it out, hoping it will blow over without him having to engage in conflict. I'm not sure that strategy is going to work. She sounds really dug in. I'm sending positive thoughts your way, :hug:

Star, It is so good that you have taken the step of opening up to your daughter and son re: drinking. It adds such a dimension of accountability! It shows that you really have closed the door this time. I have not been honest with my children in that way. I have told them both that I don't drink much anymore and that it is because I was drinking too much. That is all I shared. Plus cautioning to them that alcohol dependence runs in my family (not Mr. Dill's). I never drink in their presence anymore because I have become an isolated drinker, only drinking at home and when alone. If I told them at this point that I needed to stop drinking I think they would be confused because they do not see the depth of my problem because I keep it hidden.

Pauly, how are you doing? I know you have a lot of stuff going on right now that is unsettling to your soul. It's like that for me right now with some of my family situations so I completely understand. Let's both work to find inner peace and strength and to be a light to our children in dark moments.

Monday. Let's take on the week and live it free and strong!

[SnoopyC]

Good morning...

Great posts, I have to get to work early today, so just checking in. Great weekend, have a good AF Monday.

[paulywogg]

Morning friends, just a quick hello from me too,I'm still feeling sorry for myself for being an ass,it's hard to post here cuz I don't want to bring darkness on the thread I'll post better when I can hope everyone has a nice AF Monday

[Lavande]

Good evening friends!

Nothing new going in in Lav-land, same stuff, different day.
It's now been a little over two weeks since my DIL's meltdown. I decided right in the beginning that I was not going to get depressed & I am not. I do get to feeling a touch hostile from time to time but I let it go. She is not going to get under my skin. She needs to fix the damage, nothing I can do but wait it out.

Cyn, goodness, what a scary middle of the night event, geez!!
Glad everyone was OK. That's the kind of thing that makes your heart skip a beat or two.
We are truly blessed to live where we do & not experience constant fear.

Dill, I have a feeling my DIL's actions are going to mess up this entire holiday & birthday season coming up. YB's birthday is a week away & now I can't just expect them to come over for dinner & cake as usual. YB is feeling very dejected & sad since all this started, it's really affecting him in a bad way.
As far as talking about the depth of our AL problem - I guess each of us needs to do what feels right. I really don't discuss any of that with family. I mostly consider it my personal history & something that only I can 'fix' or manage. They would not be able to understand it anyway, not like my online 'family'. It's difficult (at least for me) to convince a bunch of apathetic people that I was hurting so deeply, for so long & basically gave up on myself. Sounds kind of harsh but that's how it was. That's the primary reason I remain so grateful for MWO & my friends here :hug:

Star, it's wonderful that you were able to open up to your family & that they were receptive to what you had to say. We should all have that level of family support but it seems almost rare these days. I hope you had a great day!

Pauly, just keep posting here & let us know you are OK!
You have the determination to succeed & you will!

Well, I am going to try to watch the presidential debate tonight. I plan to turn it off when I feel my B/P start to rise, ha ha!
Peace to everyone!

Lav