happy paddys day to all those of Irish,Irish descent irrespective of how tenuous!seems to me most of America is linked to Erins green valleys,.....very similar to Canadia being linked to Jockland!!it is also my mums birthday...she is no longer here ,but it was still the day of her birth.....soooooo it is raining catz n dogz..had one cup of decaff coffee,and no sore stomach etc yustaday....so lets have a brew...
Pauly ,pauly...how are you ?what happened there then?you do so well and then it goes to rats..not sayin it would have helped,but mebbes you should have pmd someone??I had a deal going quite a long time previous,whereby I was trying to help someone and the deal was ,that when he/she felt like a drink,they pmd me and the promise was no drink till we chatted...it worked..Im not sayin thats me ,but its another bit of a strategy...dont give up...just keep at it ..it will click...
hiya Det ..hows you doing buddy?all good ...glad things aredoing ok at work too...ever thought of you n pauly buddying up for support?
hiya tt..hows you ?hope all is well at home...as for your friend ....I know its sad, but we have to keep going..
hiya ppqp...how did the garden go...what did you do as the kick off point for it?..I hope the thyroid results are positive for you...
Lav hows you today then?all good?coffee for you madam ? Ididnt realise there were so many typesand ways to smash a little brown bean to...!
12 Different Types Of Coffee Explained
I bought a book on eBay called, 'How to scam idiots on eBay'.
That was 3 months ago, and it's still not arrived yet!
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well.
However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence: "Get well quick ..... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."
Two advertising executives were having lunch and talking. The young exec trainee said to the older, wiser man, "Where has Ben Harris been hanging out? I haven't seen him for a while."
The senior exec replied, "Haven't you heard? Ben Harris went to that great ad agency in the sky."
"Good Lord," replied the junior man, "You're kidding me, right? What did he have?"
"Oh, nothing much," replied the elder exec. "A small toothpaste account and a couple of discount stores, but nothing much worth going after."
A guy phones a law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer."
The receptionist says, "I'm sorry, but your lawyer died last week."
The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer."
Once again the receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but your lawyer died last week."
The next day the guy makes his regular call to the law firm and say, "I want to speak to my lawyer."
"Excuse me sir," the receptionist says, "but this is third time I've had to tell you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The guy replies, "Because I love hearing it!"
An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave.
The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
Psychiatrist to patient: "You have nothing to worry about - anyone who can pay my bill is certainly not a failure."
How to Have Fun in a Courtroom
1. Bring a cell phone and order a pizza when the judge starts talking.
2. Bring a zip-lock bag full of grapes and launch a few at the defendant when the judge isn't looking.
3. Giggle uncontrollably when they show the evidence, if any blood is present.
4. If they ever bring up the possibility of an accomplice, duck your head and quiver.
5. Stand up and yell "OBJECTION!" to everything the judge says. EVERYTHING.
6. If you're the defendant, wait until the judge starts talking about you. Proceed to hide under your table.
7. If anybody attempts to communicate with you in any way, stare off into space and blow spit bubbles.
8. Sing "The Song That Never Ends" incessantly.
9. Get the judge to look at you. Lick your lips and motion that you'll "call him/her."
10. Actually call him/her.
11. Bring a kazoo.
12. Act like you're doing something important, and ask them to "keep it down."
13. Every time the judge uses the gavel, keel over backwards and act like you've been shot.
14. Bring a Gameboy and turn the sound up as far as it will go.
15. Wait until everybody is completely focused on the trial, then blow a referee's whistle as loud as you can. Point to the person next to you and tell him to "stop it!"
16. Pretend you turn into a pig when you get wet. Douse yourself in cold water and act like one.
17. Call the judge a wuss when he issues the death penalty. When he accuses you of contempt of the court, look puzzled and ask him what it means. When he answers, object.
18. Dress up like Santa Claus.
19. Drink all of your lawyer's water, then ask for more. Then ask to go to the bathroom.
20. Hiccup every time somebody says the word "the."
21. Change your plea every five minutes.
22. If you're the judge, call the defendant the plaintiff, the plaintiff a lawyer, the witness a juror, and the jurors defendants. Call the lawyers "Barney."
23. Gurgle into the microphone.
24. Complain aloud about that nasty wedgie you have, then take a poll of others in the audience if they too have a nasty wedgie.
25. If in traffic court, when asked to stand, walk over to the judge and issue him a parking ticket on his desk.
26. When asked to produce evidence, pick your nose, smear the snot on the table, point to it and say, "From this it is obvious, I am not guilty!"
27. Wear those X-Ray vision glasses from Halloween, when someone walks past, stare them up and down then shake head in dismay.
28. Popcorn and a large coke, if anyone asks about it, show them your ticket and say "I'm a paying customer!".
29. Fart, pause momentarily, and comment under your breath, "I've done better..."
30. Fart again later on, take a deep breath and state enthusiastically "Now that's more like it!".
31. Bring a Lego replica of the courtroom, including Lego people, and imitate everything happening, including voices!
32. When pronounced guilty, reply "How about we try that again, this time Rock, Scissors, Paper - best of three!"
33. Bring toaster and wave a box of "Tropical Sprinkles Pop Tarts" around while asking "Where's a damn plug around here!"
Pauly ,pauly...how are you ?what happened there then?you do so well and then it goes to rats..not sayin it would have helped,but mebbes you should have pmd someone??I had a deal going quite a long time previous,whereby I was trying to help someone and the deal was ,that when he/she felt like a drink,they pmd me and the promise was no drink till we chatted...it worked..Im not sayin thats me ,but its another bit of a strategy...dont give up...just keep at it ..it will click...
hiya Det ..hows you doing buddy?all good ...glad things aredoing ok at work too...ever thought of you n pauly buddying up for support?
hiya tt..hows you ?hope all is well at home...as for your friend ....I know its sad, but we have to keep going..
hiya ppqp...how did the garden go...what did you do as the kick off point for it?..I hope the thyroid results are positive for you...
Lav hows you today then?all good?coffee for you madam ? Ididnt realise there were so many typesand ways to smash a little brown bean to...!
12 Different Types Of Coffee Explained
I bought a book on eBay called, 'How to scam idiots on eBay'.
That was 3 months ago, and it's still not arrived yet!
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well.
However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence: "Get well quick ..... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."
Two advertising executives were having lunch and talking. The young exec trainee said to the older, wiser man, "Where has Ben Harris been hanging out? I haven't seen him for a while."
The senior exec replied, "Haven't you heard? Ben Harris went to that great ad agency in the sky."
"Good Lord," replied the junior man, "You're kidding me, right? What did he have?"
"Oh, nothing much," replied the elder exec. "A small toothpaste account and a couple of discount stores, but nothing much worth going after."
A guy phones a law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer."
The receptionist says, "I'm sorry, but your lawyer died last week."
The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer."
Once again the receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but your lawyer died last week."
The next day the guy makes his regular call to the law firm and say, "I want to speak to my lawyer."
"Excuse me sir," the receptionist says, "but this is third time I've had to tell you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The guy replies, "Because I love hearing it!"
An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave.
The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
Psychiatrist to patient: "You have nothing to worry about - anyone who can pay my bill is certainly not a failure."
How to Have Fun in a Courtroom
1. Bring a cell phone and order a pizza when the judge starts talking.
2. Bring a zip-lock bag full of grapes and launch a few at the defendant when the judge isn't looking.
3. Giggle uncontrollably when they show the evidence, if any blood is present.
4. If they ever bring up the possibility of an accomplice, duck your head and quiver.
5. Stand up and yell "OBJECTION!" to everything the judge says. EVERYTHING.
6. If you're the defendant, wait until the judge starts talking about you. Proceed to hide under your table.
7. If anybody attempts to communicate with you in any way, stare off into space and blow spit bubbles.
8. Sing "The Song That Never Ends" incessantly.
9. Get the judge to look at you. Lick your lips and motion that you'll "call him/her."
10. Actually call him/her.
11. Bring a kazoo.
12. Act like you're doing something important, and ask them to "keep it down."
13. Every time the judge uses the gavel, keel over backwards and act like you've been shot.
14. Bring a Gameboy and turn the sound up as far as it will go.
15. Wait until everybody is completely focused on the trial, then blow a referee's whistle as loud as you can. Point to the person next to you and tell him to "stop it!"
16. Pretend you turn into a pig when you get wet. Douse yourself in cold water and act like one.
17. Call the judge a wuss when he issues the death penalty. When he accuses you of contempt of the court, look puzzled and ask him what it means. When he answers, object.
18. Dress up like Santa Claus.
19. Drink all of your lawyer's water, then ask for more. Then ask to go to the bathroom.
20. Hiccup every time somebody says the word "the."
21. Change your plea every five minutes.
22. If you're the judge, call the defendant the plaintiff, the plaintiff a lawyer, the witness a juror, and the jurors defendants. Call the lawyers "Barney."
23. Gurgle into the microphone.
24. Complain aloud about that nasty wedgie you have, then take a poll of others in the audience if they too have a nasty wedgie.
25. If in traffic court, when asked to stand, walk over to the judge and issue him a parking ticket on his desk.
26. When asked to produce evidence, pick your nose, smear the snot on the table, point to it and say, "From this it is obvious, I am not guilty!"
27. Wear those X-Ray vision glasses from Halloween, when someone walks past, stare them up and down then shake head in dismay.
28. Popcorn and a large coke, if anyone asks about it, show them your ticket and say "I'm a paying customer!".
29. Fart, pause momentarily, and comment under your breath, "I've done better..."
30. Fart again later on, take a deep breath and state enthusiastically "Now that's more like it!".
31. Bring a Lego replica of the courtroom, including Lego people, and imitate everything happening, including voices!
32. When pronounced guilty, reply "How about we try that again, this time Rock, Scissors, Paper - best of three!"
33. Bring toaster and wave a box of "Tropical Sprinkles Pop Tarts" around while asking "Where's a damn plug around here!"
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