morn nbk ..howzitall today then?all good as we head into the easter weekend...the shops will be emptied today,anything edible will be gorn just to see us all thru the siege ...and guess what..they will be open again Monday ..going garden digging today,back is just about up to it...so with peppermint tea in hand ..lets do this...coffee for everyone else?
hiya pauly ..happy easter to you ..cheers for the fredstart yesterday mine never posted...that sounds better than I screwed it up...a$2 whats that?same sh.te at twice the price?? yep his mri is tomorrow..easter sunday...Apparently there is a hooge backlog that needs sorting out,,,how are the patients?
hiya tt like you I am posti intermitten !!! ok I thought it was funny!! yes in my book there was never a just the one in drinksville..or if there was it started at 6 am and lasted 24hrs..how is everything at home..hope you have a happy melted chocolatty Easter in the sun!!
hiya ppqp...hows you then?all ok glad to hear you are nearly charged up..as for the lackey ..wouldnt bother ...let your solicitor deal...as for the clown..either travelling or self sex sound good options to me..f off somewhere else and annoy someone or go f yourself!!
now going out for the meal..will it cause you worry?will it cause you grief will you be apprehensive will you enjoy it....answer those and the job is done!! meanwhile enjoy your life :hug:
hiya Lav...hadnt read your post and reply to pq..but yup..same wavelenght!! so you had a fire last night...take it that it was planned :welldone: a dollar tree store? great ..I could do with some trees !are the dogs behaving?have a nice easter..
det ..well done you friend!!!mbh you had us worried..but good for you ..not saying anything but you sure look on the road now fingers crossed. my brain doesnt trigger dopamine ..it triggers dopeyme!! thats ace that you are in with the sober crowd go to it buddy..
big hello and happy easter to everyone else ..have a peaceful pleasant and sober weekend xx
So two Irishmen are traveling to Australia. Before they leave home, one of their dads gives them both a bit of advice: "You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They'll rob you blind. Don't you go paying them what they ask. You haggle." At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, "That'll be twenty dollars, lads." "Oh no you don't! My dad warned me about you. You'll only be getting fifteen dollars from me," says one of the men. "And you'll only be getting fifteen from me too," adds the other.
A couple of Jehovah's witnesses just knocked on my door.
I asked, "Is it true you people don't believe in blood transfusions?"
One of them said, "That's correct sir."
I said, "That's a shame."
The other one said, "Why do you say that?"
I said, "Because if you bang on my door again at 8.30am on a Sunday morning you're both going to need one."
Just want to thank a few people for helping with my preperation for this years London marathon.
SCS, for the sofa, LG for the TV, Hovis and Danish for the bacon sandwich.
A 75-year old man visited his doctor for a routine check-up and everything seems fine. The doctor asks him about his sex life.
"Well..." the man drawled, "not bad at all to be honest. The
wife ain't all that interested in me anymore, so I just cruise around. In the past week I was able to pick-up at least 3 young and beautiful girls, none of whom were over 30 years old", the man bragged.
"My goodness Frank, and at your age too!!!" the doctor said. "I hope you took at least some 'precautions' "
"Of course Doc! I may be old, but I ain't stupid . I gave 'em all fake names!!!!
The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. The incentive? Any General who retired straight away will get his full annual benefits + $10,000 for every inch measured that would connect any two parts of the general's body, with the general getting to select any part he wishes.
The 1st man, an Air Force General, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes---6 ft.! He walked out with a check of $720,000!
The 2nd man, an Army General, asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hand to his toes---- 8 ft.! He walked out with a check for $960,000!
When the 3rd General, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man ... "Oh, just start from the tip of my penis to the bottom of my testicles."
The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine General would like to reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous 2 Generals had received. The Marine insisted so the pension expert said "Okay, that would be fine, but I'd better get the medical officer to do the measuring.
The medical officer came and asked the General to drop his pants. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the General's penis and began to work back. "My God!" he said. "Where are your testicles?"
The General calmly replied, "In VIETNAM..."
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God". and finally...
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
hiya pauly ..happy easter to you ..cheers for the fredstart yesterday mine never posted...that sounds better than I screwed it up...a$2 whats that?same sh.te at twice the price?? yep his mri is tomorrow..easter sunday...Apparently there is a hooge backlog that needs sorting out,,,how are the patients?
hiya tt like you I am posti intermitten !!! ok I thought it was funny!! yes in my book there was never a just the one in drinksville..or if there was it started at 6 am and lasted 24hrs..how is everything at home..hope you have a happy melted chocolatty Easter in the sun!!
hiya ppqp...hows you then?all ok glad to hear you are nearly charged up..as for the lackey ..wouldnt bother ...let your solicitor deal...as for the clown..either travelling or self sex sound good options to me..f off somewhere else and annoy someone or go f yourself!!
now going out for the meal..will it cause you worry?will it cause you grief will you be apprehensive will you enjoy it....answer those and the job is done!! meanwhile enjoy your life :hug:
hiya Lav...hadnt read your post and reply to pq..but yup..same wavelenght!! so you had a fire last night...take it that it was planned :welldone: a dollar tree store? great ..I could do with some trees !are the dogs behaving?have a nice easter..
det ..well done you friend!!!mbh you had us worried..but good for you ..not saying anything but you sure look on the road now fingers crossed. my brain doesnt trigger dopamine ..it triggers dopeyme!! thats ace that you are in with the sober crowd go to it buddy..
big hello and happy easter to everyone else ..have a peaceful pleasant and sober weekend xx
So two Irishmen are traveling to Australia. Before they leave home, one of their dads gives them both a bit of advice: "You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They'll rob you blind. Don't you go paying them what they ask. You haggle." At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, "That'll be twenty dollars, lads." "Oh no you don't! My dad warned me about you. You'll only be getting fifteen dollars from me," says one of the men. "And you'll only be getting fifteen from me too," adds the other.
A couple of Jehovah's witnesses just knocked on my door.
I asked, "Is it true you people don't believe in blood transfusions?"
One of them said, "That's correct sir."
I said, "That's a shame."
The other one said, "Why do you say that?"
I said, "Because if you bang on my door again at 8.30am on a Sunday morning you're both going to need one."
Just want to thank a few people for helping with my preperation for this years London marathon.
SCS, for the sofa, LG for the TV, Hovis and Danish for the bacon sandwich.
A 75-year old man visited his doctor for a routine check-up and everything seems fine. The doctor asks him about his sex life.
"Well..." the man drawled, "not bad at all to be honest. The
wife ain't all that interested in me anymore, so I just cruise around. In the past week I was able to pick-up at least 3 young and beautiful girls, none of whom were over 30 years old", the man bragged.
"My goodness Frank, and at your age too!!!" the doctor said. "I hope you took at least some 'precautions' "
"Of course Doc! I may be old, but I ain't stupid . I gave 'em all fake names!!!!
The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. The incentive? Any General who retired straight away will get his full annual benefits + $10,000 for every inch measured that would connect any two parts of the general's body, with the general getting to select any part he wishes.
The 1st man, an Air Force General, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes---6 ft.! He walked out with a check of $720,000!
The 2nd man, an Army General, asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hand to his toes---- 8 ft.! He walked out with a check for $960,000!
When the 3rd General, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man ... "Oh, just start from the tip of my penis to the bottom of my testicles."
The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine General would like to reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous 2 Generals had received. The Marine insisted so the pension expert said "Okay, that would be fine, but I'd better get the medical officer to do the measuring.
The medical officer came and asked the General to drop his pants. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the General's penis and began to work back. "My God!" he said. "Where are your testicles?"
The General calmly replied, "In VIETNAM..."
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God". and finally...
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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