morning all...wow 9th July ..soon be Xmas!!here I am sitting in the conservatory,doors open,rabbits playing out,grass been cut and overhead I see a big mahoosive plane...I know its the 7.30 Virgin Atlantic out to Orlando...I watch it every morning...how sad is this....Ive got a flight app on my phone which tells me what planes are overhead..their call signs where they are going to from...oh well sad man!!
anyways how are we?lets have a brew...
mornin pauly.. but I think thats horseshit,,,its sticky....ok I will take your word on that one!!!how goes it for you todasy?hope all is well..My bougie has got a noo lease of life lots of green on it...
hiya Lav....brew time...Im on raspberry tea this mornin...my guts are a bit sore burnin ..and coffee doesnt help...Tenerife is a volcanic island and all the sand is black ground down volcanic ash...anything not is imported...its just like normal sand only black???? texture everything...doesnt especially burn your feet.All my roses bar 1 have come up ...they are lovely...
hiya SF.. yep I can plan jollidays for you ...tell me what you like...trust me I wont be buying suitcases though...how are things in your neck o the woods..
hiya ppqp...hows you then today...?all good ..did the garden survive?my courgettes saint doing too well...everything else is doin jest fine..how is work for you now?all the stressy.com shifted?
hey det ..on the way man see you at 8!! you are doing pretty well with the camera you have got...as an idea why dont you sell the pics you do with this one and buy a new one with the incoming?
hi Sam the man...you ok?hope so ..you been playing toonz?
hi pie no see long time ..you ok?
likewise snoopster
right lets get a few laffs up
Paddy says to Mick, "I think my butchers a drug dealer." "What makes you think that?" Mick replied. Paddy said, "He's got a sign in the window, two joints for £10."
I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed a Liverpool fan sneaking through my next door neighbours garden. Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly. He then began to dig a grave with the shovel. Astonished I got back into bed and my wife said, "You're shaking, what is it?" "You'll never believe what I've just seen? " I said. "That bastard next door still has my bloody shovel."
Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket. You're probably not gonna win but you're sure as hell gonna try!
I hate when people use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.
Especially when I'm inebriated beyond the exuberance of my own verbosity to notice.
I let my wife take me for a drive in the countryside today. We were going down a quiet country lane when she said, "Shall we do something we've never done in the car before?" I said, "Go on then, bang it into fourth gear."
In England, they will take a tree, cut it down, remove the branches and the bark until they are left with a cylinder. Next, they will take the cylinder of wood and turn it on a lathe and whittle away until they are left with a perfectly formed bat. The bat will be cured and treated to strengthen it and then, when it is finally ready, they will use it to knock a leather ball around a park.
In Scotland, they just throw the fcking tree.
There's nothing worse than having a Cranberries song stuck in your heeeeeeead, in your heeeeeead, in your head, in your head, in your hea, hea, hea, head....
Det.................................
MAKING BABIES
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said,
'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
'Good morning, he said, "I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
'Have you really?" Said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!" Gasped Mrs. Smith.
"In my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" Asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" Said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied, "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh .. . . .equipment?"
"It's true, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand for very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted.
I found an iPhone on the bus today, so called the number in the contacts that said 'Home'. "Hello!" I said when they answered. "I've found your phone on the bus."
"Oh, that's fantastic," said the woman "I know it is" I replied, "How do I work the camera?"
My wife was going to pick me up from work but she phoned and said the cars broken down and I would have to catch the train home. I said, "What's happened?" She said, "there's water in the carburettor." I replied, "how do you know that?" She said, "it's in the river."
I saw a van with a 'No tools left in this van overnight' sticker on the back.
So I broke in during the day.
Sam...it just had to be done!!!
19756877_1488254787908606_5195284278213806105_n.jpg
anyways how are we?lets have a brew...
mornin pauly.. but I think thats horseshit,,,its sticky....ok I will take your word on that one!!!how goes it for you todasy?hope all is well..My bougie has got a noo lease of life lots of green on it...
hiya Lav....brew time...Im on raspberry tea this mornin...my guts are a bit sore burnin ..and coffee doesnt help...Tenerife is a volcanic island and all the sand is black ground down volcanic ash...anything not is imported...its just like normal sand only black???? texture everything...doesnt especially burn your feet.All my roses bar 1 have come up ...they are lovely...
hiya SF.. yep I can plan jollidays for you ...tell me what you like...trust me I wont be buying suitcases though...how are things in your neck o the woods..
hiya ppqp...hows you then today...?all good ..did the garden survive?my courgettes saint doing too well...everything else is doin jest fine..how is work for you now?all the stressy.com shifted?
hey det ..on the way man see you at 8!! you are doing pretty well with the camera you have got...as an idea why dont you sell the pics you do with this one and buy a new one with the incoming?
hi Sam the man...you ok?hope so ..you been playing toonz?
hi pie no see long time ..you ok?
likewise snoopster
right lets get a few laffs up
Paddy says to Mick, "I think my butchers a drug dealer." "What makes you think that?" Mick replied. Paddy said, "He's got a sign in the window, two joints for £10."
I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed a Liverpool fan sneaking through my next door neighbours garden. Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly. He then began to dig a grave with the shovel. Astonished I got back into bed and my wife said, "You're shaking, what is it?" "You'll never believe what I've just seen? " I said. "That bastard next door still has my bloody shovel."
Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket. You're probably not gonna win but you're sure as hell gonna try!
I hate when people use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.
Especially when I'm inebriated beyond the exuberance of my own verbosity to notice.
I let my wife take me for a drive in the countryside today. We were going down a quiet country lane when she said, "Shall we do something we've never done in the car before?" I said, "Go on then, bang it into fourth gear."
In England, they will take a tree, cut it down, remove the branches and the bark until they are left with a cylinder. Next, they will take the cylinder of wood and turn it on a lathe and whittle away until they are left with a perfectly formed bat. The bat will be cured and treated to strengthen it and then, when it is finally ready, they will use it to knock a leather ball around a park.
In Scotland, they just throw the fcking tree.
There's nothing worse than having a Cranberries song stuck in your heeeeeeead, in your heeeeeead, in your head, in your head, in your hea, hea, hea, head....
Det.................................
MAKING BABIES
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said,
'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
'Good morning, he said, "I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
'Have you really?" Said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!" Gasped Mrs. Smith.
"In my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" Asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" Said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied, "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh .. . . .equipment?"
"It's true, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand for very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted.
I found an iPhone on the bus today, so called the number in the contacts that said 'Home'. "Hello!" I said when they answered. "I've found your phone on the bus."
"Oh, that's fantastic," said the woman "I know it is" I replied, "How do I work the camera?"
My wife was going to pick me up from work but she phoned and said the cars broken down and I would have to catch the train home. I said, "What's happened?" She said, "there's water in the carburettor." I replied, "how do you know that?" She said, "it's in the river."
I saw a van with a 'No tools left in this van overnight' sticker on the back.
So I broke in during the day.
Sam...it just had to be done!!!
19756877_1488254787908606_5195284278213806105_n.jpg
love the photog joke! West side looks pretty dark,let's see if we get some monsoon rain,much love to all and I hope we all have a great AF Sunday
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