w.c 3/12

[paulywogg]

Re: w.c 3/12

Mae everybody,Mick funniest jokes ever haha! Thank you Det,I think I've seen that stimulater device before,have you tried it yet? My boss decided to switch up managers,everyone's pissed except me and,Kell I don't care I'm tired of head girl in charge not doing her job,stealing money and acting like her shite don't stink! Will be interesting to see how many quit,on one hand it will hurt business cuz they've all been there for a long time and it's hard to find quality hairdressers but I'm sure it'll all work out as it should,much love to all and wishes for a happy AF Thursday

[porqoui]

Re: w.c 3/12

MAE ALL...

Det...yes I took Bol to mean bolognese and no I didn't make that. I just made my homemade sauce. LOL

Mick...what is going on with this crazy weather. You're drowning in rain and California is on fire. Maybe the two should get together. Trying to kick start my brain this morning? Homework done...Now hold on, you be quiet, that's very good. Excellent leftovers friend you're stupid. How'd I do? Don't know why you called me stupid. LOL

Pauly...I'm glad you and Kell are ok with the change. Maybe you can get switched up into management and change the workplace atmosphere. Let them all quit, easier to train an newbie as opposed to retraining the oldies. LOL

As usual things don't wind down just before the Xmas break, they wind up. Xmas parties abound with 4 this weekend. Of course I'm invited to the Bridge parties and all the individual program potlucks so work definitely takes a back seat this time of year. Have a Thundering Thursday all....:smile:PPQP

[Mick]

Re: w.c 3/12

pretty good ppqp stovies isnt left overs its a proper dish ..tatties mince anything porridge oats and glaikit doesnt just mean stupid it means ugly anything you want

[Lavande]

Re: w.c 3/12

Good evening Abbers,

Mick, I am starting to worry about your language skills, HA HA!!!
Your joke about the guy sawing off his fingers took me right back to a patient we had who nearly did just that! Fortunately for him he only cut off his fingertips on one hand, ugh. He decided to clean the blade of he lawn mower after cutting the grass. He flipped the lawn mower over on it's side, to wipe off the blade but forgot to wait for the blade to stop spinning
Talk about be distracted, huh?
Our first snowfall is expected Friday night into Saturday morning - I hope it's a mistake, LOL

Det, stay healthy friend. Getting sick has always been a trigger for you. I've added Ester-C into my vitamin regimen - just to be sure

Pauly, I'm glad to hear about the change up at work - maybe it will be a good thing! And maybe the miserable girls will feel compelled to go elsewhere!!!

PQ, you party girl you, ha ha!!
As long as you can snag the leftovers to take home, sounds like a good thing to me.

I wonder what my free range chickens are going to think about the snow when it gets here. The 6 younger ones have never seen snow so it's going to be a big surprise. I'm betting they refuse to go out, refuse to walk on it just like all of the others before them. We shall see!

Have a peaceful night everyone!
Lav

[Determinator]

Re: w.c 3/12

heya ABErooos, sneeze, hack,

yep, got the darn crud. shivering and not having a great time but it beats detoxing any day. Not falling for the 'have a brandy for that cold" routine.
no thanks.

Mick, glad yer on the mend. soups sounds grand.

Pauly, i hope the work changes fall in your favor.

eyes hurt, must lay down.

be well loves

[Mick]

Re: w.c 3/12

morn al...ha ha beat you Lav....snow on the ground about 2inches.....kerazee wevver well weekend is here ,but dont thin k we will be going mental defecting..ok here we go brew time....

hiya det ...yup on the mend still mrsnotty.conm ,but I can talk now...glad you didnt do the brandy stunt.

ah Lav ..Bonjour?Com es ta? Sehr gut?thats magic..........sorry you were saying summat about langwich?snow arrived? wanna buy some? have a snow free brew

hiya ppqp ...hows you then? pretty gallus eh? now that you can unnerstaun jockanese shall we get started on glesga patter?

have read at this...The Weegie Words: you help us list 1 words that prove you come from Glasgow | Evening Times

go for it pot luck hunting....

hiya pauly hows you then?all good I hope..good nooze about the new boss...

well front room is finished20171207_171953.jpg ,,fireplace ..btw all that is removable ..the tiles are still there underneef..


20171207_171809 (1).jpg

20171207_171850.jpg

Good deed done today. This afternoon at the Tesco check out I was behind an old lady in the queue. Her bill came to £56.83 but when she counted out all of her change and she only had just under £10 I thought she was probably someone’s Nan and I’d like to think someone would have helped my Nan out when she was alive. She didn’t want me to help her but I insisted, and in no time at all we had all her shopping back on the shelves.

Father: Why don't you get yourself a job?
Son: Why?

Father: So you could earn some money.
Son: Why?

Father: So you could put some money in a bank and earn interest.
Son: Why?

Father: So that when you're old you can use the money in your bank account .....and you would never have to work again.

Son: I'm not working now.

It was the first day of class and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurant owner, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' "

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up.

"Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good!" said the teacher. Now, who said, '...that the government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'?"

Again, no response except from Pedro. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"

She heard a loud whisper, "Screw the Mexicans!"

"Who said that?" she demanded.

Pedro put his hand up. "Sam Houston, 1836."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yelled out, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

A voice yelled out, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you!"

Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone mumbled, "Oh fuck, we're in BIG trouble now!"

Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

With that a boy threw a board eraser at Pedro. Another student shouted "Duck!"

The teacher, just coming to, asked, "Who said that?"

Pedro: "Dick Cheney, 2006!"

A country preacher was walking the backroads near his church. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and in addition to something to drink, she served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a small pig running around the kitchen. The pig was constantly running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention.

The visiting pastor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly.

The housewife replied: "Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using."

[paulywogg]

Re: w.c 3/12

Mae everybody,funny jokes Mick jeez some customer was trying to tell me one yesterday and I just didn't get it! I have a face that shows what I'm thinking so I know he knew I was oblivious even tho I tried to giggle,how embarrassing! Det,feel better tis the season for colds,much love to all and I hope we all have a great AF Friday!

[porqoui]

Re: w.c 3/12

MAE ALL...

Mick...yup, I'm pretty wild (gallus) these days. LOL I'll have to get started on glesga patter later as all the boxes in my mind are full at the moment. So that's where our snow went. It's such a treat not to have deal with snow and ice prior Christmas but we'll be sorry later. In early yesterday to get a head start only to find a system crash. Took till 8pm last night to get sorted so have some catching up to do today.

Pauly...I so know those embarrassing giggles when I don't get a joke. Thankfully I'm not face timing when ready some of Micks'!

Det...those 11 hr work days probably had nothing to do with you getting the crud. NOT. You rest up and get better.

Lav...yup, my grocery bill goes way down this time of year. I also don't eat sweets so it's a bonus for the boys when I bring them all home.

Time to get ready and see what today brings. Have a Fantastic Friday all....:smile:PPQP

[Lavande]

Re: w.c 3/12

Good evening Abbers,

Cold, cold, cold here....waiting for the snow to begin, oh well, 'tis the season.

Det, feel better buddy! Vitamin C for a cold, not brandy, OK?

Mick, that mask is kinda fierce looking. Not sure I would keep that in my house for too long, ha ha!
Tomorrow should be interesting, six of my chickens have never seen snow before so they are going to have a big surprise!

Pauly, sometimes all we can do is guess at what Mick is actually trying to say in his native language, LOL

PQ, enjoy your snow free landscape, you deserve a break!
I hope your computer system was happier & functioning today

I hope everyone has a peaceful night!

Lav

[Mick]

Re: w.c 3/12

morning all ...and how are we then?good bad indifferent?.Start of the weekend here ,and a pretty cold one too.we have also got snow and a bad weather warning tomorrow..chances are we are going to get a load of it..its a pretty sad weekend on reflection too,very raw and painful,I would give anything to wipe today and tomorrow 12 months ago ,but alas.
anyways brew time ...everyone in ..?
Lav re the mask ..I stand next to it ..it makes me almost feel human ....
Pauly re the joke ..turn it on them..laff about 5 mins after..watch them get embarrassed

hi ppqp...you want your snow back?you can have it no problems ..computer sorted?

right peeps going to go ..will jump in later have a good one...

We were so poor growing up that Ker-Plunk was just a game to see who had the loudest sh.t when it dropped into the toilet.

Doctors:

The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000
Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000
Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171
Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services.


Guns:

The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000
The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500
The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188.
Statistics courtesy of F.B.I.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

Remember, "Guns don't kill people, doctors do."

FACT: Not everyone has a gun, but almost everyone has at least one doctor.

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat immediatly. We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!

Note: Out of concern for the public at large, the statistics on lawyers have been withheld for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention.

Paddy is working on a building site and hears the lunchtime bell...off he goes to the portacabin and takes a seat, unwraps his sandwiches and fills his empty belly.

An English fella sits down next to him and produces a Thermos Flask from his bag, and proceeds to pour himself a piping hot cup of coffee.
Paddy looks on in amazement and remarks ''What de bleedin hel_l is dat thing''?!

The English fella turns to him and says ''Its a Thermos Flask, Paddy''

''Well what the hel_l does dat do then''? asks Paddy

''It keeps things hot, and it keeps things cold'' responds the English fella.

''Well dat is amazin' - when i get off work today I'm gonna get meself a T'ermos Flask straight away''

The next day, the lunchtime bell goes, and the English fella is already seated in the portacabin eating his lunch. In walks Paddy, beaming from ear to ear, clutching a bright shiny new flask under his arm.

The English fella remarks ''Oh, so you got one then''?

''I fokin did''!! says Paddy

Another builder turns to Paddy and asks ''Whats that you got there then''?

''T'ermos Flask'' is Paddy's response

''Oh, right, so what does that do then''? enquires the builder

''It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold'' says Paddy

''So what you got in there''? asks the builder

Paddy replies: ''2 cups of tea and an ice lolly''



Actual Call Centre Conversations

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?"
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".

Samsung Electronics Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the telephone point on the wall".

RAC Motoring Services
Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?”
Operator: "Doesn't the product name give you a clue?"

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France). "If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"

Directory Enquiries Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator: ”I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: ”Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland".

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer: "OK".
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK. Right-click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".

Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?"

[paulywogg]

Re: w.c 3/12

Mae everybody,Mick((hugs)) yes I would like to erase some time events too,interesting call center lists and yes doctors are scary haha,hubs' birthday today and we'll probably take him to dinner later,should be fun nervous about working with the girls today cuz the new "manager" is off and I'm sure gossip will run wild,that always makes my anxiety rev up oh well,much love to all and wishes for a happy AF Saturday

[porqoui]

Re: w.c 3/12

MAE ALL...

Lav...computer system is a bit like Mick. It can talk but still not functioning fully. LOL

Mick...snow :shakingno: We like to share here in Canada. It'll be a tough weekend for your emotions, just hang onto Julie :hug:

Pauly...try and ignore the gossip, I know what it's like, just concentrate on you and your job and you'll be heading home soon.

Excellent Xmas dinner with the gang last night and although I didn't get any good cards enjoyed the evening playing bridge. Turkey dinner and AL free punch, what more could you want.
We are hitting 60F today (last year it was -4), makes me think of TT, so will be out battling the crowds trying to find Secret Santa gifts for upcoming Xmas dinner.
Have a Super Special Saturday all....:smile:PPQP

[Determinator]

Re: w.c 3/12

Happy Sattyday ABerooos!

well I sure didn't want to work yesterday but I'll be darned if I'm going to lose my OT, so I managed 9 1/2 hrs, then came
straight home, small snack and crashed for 12 hrs straight. Boy did I need that. Still sickish but feeling notably better happy
to say.

Mick, sad but true: "Guns don't kill people, doctors do." I could relate so many stories of dumb crap doctors have done
with me personally and close friends and relatives.

The booze cruise will be taking place without me tonight and I'm A OK with that. A relief really.

Lav, also mighty cold 'round here... was 16F at 7am this morn. Me thinks a good day for blankets and netflix.

PPQ, sounds like a great dinner.

Mick, thanks for the extra bevvy of jokes and stats. Glad yer on the mend still and i see you can't stay still a good sign.

off for that fresh brew...

be well loves

[porqoui]

Re: w.c 3/12

Morning Det...good to see your smiling face. You are smiling in that avatar aren't you?
I am SO "A OK" with you being "A OK" with letting that cruise sail without you. :welldone:

Wow...12 hrs...your body obviously needed it. Blankets, netflix (don't forget the soup) sounds like a perfect Saturday for you. Time for more healing.

Have a great Saturday....:smile:PPQP

[Lavande]

Re: w.c 3/12

Good evening Abbers,

Dare I say that it's been snowing for the past 12 hours? It wasn't supposed to be such a big deal but here it is anyway!!
Despite the snow event my grandsons managed to grace me with their presence for dinner & some entertainment for a few hours, ha ha!

Mick, about your stats: the accidental deaths caused by doctors would be a lot higher if nurses weren't keeping an eye on things - no sh*t!!!!
I can remember several instances where I was actually thanked by the docs for 'a good save', geez!
I hope you plan on staying home tomorrow & staying safe. Memories of our loved ones become a bit easier with the passage of time :hug:

Det, sounds like you had a good plan for the day, nice & glad you are mending quickly!

Pauly, I really hope you got thru your day at work without much drama. Did you remember to wear your ear plugs?
Happy birthday to your husband today.

PQ, I think the weather fairy screwed up again & switched our weather forecasts for today, ha ha!!

My chickens were way too chicken to venture out in the snow today - figures
Wishing everyone a nice night!

Lav