w/c17th

[Mick]

morning all ...how are we then ...no sno here no rain nuffink....whats going on?well all packed and ready for the offski..how is everyone ? hope all is well...ok lets start with some of colombias finest ..no we arent on coke!!!

morning ppqp..how are you today then?hope all is well...did you end up making an egg sanny?in the army they were and still are I guess called egg banjoes...guess why?

hiya Lav an i phone wow ...they treid to get me on one of those ...but I aint intersted in clouds for storage etc!if it isnt ther and I cant see it ..no ta.here you go ..a sunday brew..

hiya pauly ..well how did work turn out ?as good /as bad as you tought?hope you have a nice weekend...and btw..you are doing great!!!!well done

hiya det..how are things with you today then mate?yep sometimes we hafta do the domestics you could always cut down on them tho..eat off paper plates..shower once a week whether you need it or not..instead of polishing and dusting when it gets to that stage ...give it a blast with a leaf blower

happy to help !

big hello to everyone else...

I've just had to quit my job as an origami teacher. There was too much paperwork.

I saw an ad that said, "radio for sale, £1, volume stuck on full".
I thought, " i can't turn that down".

I tried a Tarka masala the other night.

It was pretty much the same as a Tika but a little otter.

I've bought some new shoes off a drug dealer. I don't know what he's laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

What's the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bike?
Attire.

Our budgie fell off his perch and broke his leg, so luckily i managed to make him a splint from a matchstick, it worked fine, i even lined his cage with sandpaper so he didn’t slip over, you should have seen his little face light up

I ate a Ploughmans lunch yesterday.
he wasn't happy

News Update: The condition of the man who was mauled at the Teddy Bear's Picnic is said to be improving but he's not out of the woods yet!

Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp? He bought a warehouse.

I've bought my wife a new fridge for Christmas

I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it

How many ADHD kids does it take to change a lightbulb? ..... Let's go play on our bikes!

Why is there an L in Noel , when it clearly says Noel ..

[Samstone]

Re: w/c17th

morning all
doing a semi lazzzzz this morning, though I know I got get out there and feed the animules. Mountain kinda kicked my butt yesterday, sore!

Morning to you Mick, you traveling?

off for a second cup of brew. Hope everyone enjoys their day

[paulywogg]

Re: w/c17th

Mae everybody,Mick fab jokes thanks,want to wish you a safe,fun trip too think I caught a cold or its allergies again I just can't stop sneezing and I feel lethargic,meh,work sucked yesterday and I was in a pissy mood all day ,no one's fault just my reaction to it,I think its just cuz I'm not feeling great it made my mood yuck,much love to all and wishes for a great AF Sunday

[paulywogg]

Re: w/c17th

X-post Sam,hello and yep I can hear my guinea pig squealing for his morning meal haha off to take care of him so he doesn't die of starvation like he acts like haha

[porqoui]

Re: w/c17th

MAE ALL...

Mick...one more sleep and then you're off so, glad the snow/rain has left. Who's driving you to the airport? Yup had my egg banjo for lunch. Didn't realize others like the runny yoke in a sandwich as well.

Sam...did you use your new theodolite? Guess you're not as lucky as Pauly...she doesn't have to go outdoors to do her feeding chores.

Pauly...good thing that was yesterday as today you can begin anew!!

Lav...good luck with the new phone, I hate upgrading!

Det...I'll pm you my contact info and you can either email photo's or point me to a website link.

Have a Super Sober Sunday all....:smile:PPQP

PS...son woke up and promptly broke the internet. :stompy2: Luckily was able to save my post so here it is. :smile:

[Mick]

Re: w/c17th

MAE ALL...

Mick...one more sleep and then you're off so, glad the snow/rain has left. Who's driving you to the airport? Yup had my egg banjo for lunch. Didn't realize others like the runny yoke in a sandwich as well.

Sam...did you use your new theodolite? Guess you're not as lucky as Pauly...she doesn't have to go outdoors to do her feeding chores.

Pauly...good thing that was yesterday as today you can begin anew!!

Lav...good luck with the new phone, I hate upgrading!

Det...I'll pm you my contact info and you can either email photo's or point me to a website link.

Have a Super Sober Sunday all....:smile:PPQP

PS...son woke up and promptly broke the internet. :stompy2: Luckily was able to save my post so here it is. :smile:

now you know why its called a banjo..!

[Pie]

Re: w/c17th

Sunday Greetings All!

Did some reading back to catch up, and here's what I think y'all are up to.

Mick's preparing to take his freshly cleaned teeth on vacation to a sunny clime. Det's got hot water back, and 30 days AF. Yay, Det! Professor Sam is teaching Roosting 101. Lav is leading the tech sector with her new iPhone 8. Pauly is wishing for more Christmasy weather, and PQ has had a close encounter with an egg banjo. I will admit to being completely mystified by that last one.

In news from Pieland, I broke my own AF streak with a glass of wine earlier this month, and dear old Dad has purchased a marriage license. Other than being newsworthy, these two things are unrelated. Not sure what more to say about either one at the moment. Just wanting to share.

[porqoui]

Re: w/c17th

:harhar: Nice summation Pi!

Let me clear up the mystery. A popular filling snack with British troops since at least World War I, the "egg banjo" is a sandwich of a runny fried egg between two thick slices of bread (if possible, buttered or with margarine), often accompanied by a mug of "gunfire". A popular account of the term's origins is the act of cleaning spilt egg off one's body, the sandwich held out to the side with one hand whilst the other wipes at the drips, giving the impression of playing an invisible banjo.

Glad you shared. A glass of wine....so what's up with that? No big bender? Just a blip on your radar!

Was wondering about the marriage/romance scenario, so now I know.

Just remember all you can do is look after you. :hug:

[paulywogg]

Re: w/c17th

Great to see you Pie

[Determinator]

Re: w/c17th

Ahoyabinga ABerooos!

Mick, tidy up the house with a leafblower? brilliant!

Sam, I'm going to be sore tomorrow myself after today's hike. Made it up a very steep hike to a smaller mountain east of our lake. Here's
what the view is like from the summit:

Shared album - Xring007 - Google Photos

nobody showed up to hike with me but that didn't stop me this time. Life goes on!

Pie, great to see you back! no need to beat yerself up at all.

PPQ, thank you for explaining the banjo...would have never figured it out
happy to send link to pics for sure.

Pauly, you get any vitamins? D3, C, magnesium, B complex? nag nag nag!

well, chores mostly done, pork roast is fork-tender, and it's time for a show or a movie....

Lav, I'll be back later to make sure you made roll-call

be well loves

[Lavande]

Re: w/c17th

Good evening Abbers,

I'm here Det - mostly covered in cookie dough, ha ha! Spent the afternoon mixing up a whole lot of different cookie doughs with plans to bake them later in the week.
Your picture is gorgeous! Is that really on planet Earth????
I hope you enjoyed your pork roast, sounds good
The new phone is a birthday gift to myself! I don't buy myself much of anything & my birthday is coming up on Tuesday so......
I thought I deserved to have one good phone before I croak, ha ha!!

Mick, you must be busy getting ready for your trip you dog, ha ha!!! I hope it's wonderful
I'll have to remember that there's noel in noel, LOL

Sam, climbing those mountains should be easy for a spring chicken like you!!!
Better you than me buddy!

Pie, great to see you!
As long as that one glass of wine didn't turn into ?? glasses I bet you are going to be OK.
I can't believe your Dad is still so determined but what can you do? Try not to worry.

PQ, now I'm not sure if I want to eat eggs anymore, LOL
Glad your son saved your post for you, yay!

Wishing everyone a peaceful night!

Lav

[Pie]

Re: w/c17th

I very much appreciate your comments, guys! Lav, it was just the one, but noticed that I started contemplating ordering a second, as soon as that stem hit the table.

Super interesting description of the egg banjo, PQ!

[Mick]

Re: w/c17th

morning all ...how are we today then? all good ? you aing gonna believe this go on my jollidays tomorrow ,and Im full of the bloody cold ...i dont whether I got rid of it or it has been lingering.so a bit in the sun should sort it..
Travelling tomorrow sam...5am ......hows thefeeodolight?

hiya pauly how are you then ? feelin as crap as moi?what was with the naughty dog?

hiya ppqp ..it was def marg and not butter on the banjo..and as for gunfire...that used to blow your head off!

Lav ..no eggs what are you going to do with the ones that you get from your flock /brood or whatever they call them?...have a brew....

pie ...wine ?????????? thats it the reserved ticket is off yer seat upstairs!!!!!In the grand scheme ..does it matter ..so you had a wine..big deal...glad you stopped tho..it could have gotten seryous...

hiya det hows you today then mate? hope all is well apart from tired ...



right peeps gotta get on ...so have a great day


It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are over sensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Julie.

When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Julie to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her.

Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think.

For example she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean).

I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.

She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the lawn. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Julie. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy.


Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.....

Signed,

Ron.










EDITOR'S NOTE:

Ron died suddenly on May 27th. The police report says that he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club rammed up his as* s, with only 2 inches of grip showing.

His wife Julie was arrested and charged with murder; however, the all-woman jury found her “Not Guilty”, accepting her defence that he accidentally sat down on it very suddenly.

A man walks into a bar after a long ride on his horse. He walks up to the bar and asks the bartender for a beer. When he gets his beer, he starts eyeing this beautiful lady in the corner. Just as he turns back, a monkey runs up to the beer, dunks his balls in the beer, and runs off.

Agitated, the man says to the bartender, "I can't drink this now! Give me another beer!"

So, the bartender brings him another beer. Before the man could do anything about it, the monkey ran back over, dunked his balls in the beer and ran off before the man could grab him. Even more angry, the man says, "I can't drink this now. Bring me another beer!"

He gets another beer and guards it with his life. The monkey sneaks up behind him, knocks the stool out from underneath the man, hops up onto the bar and dunks his balls in the beer. Now the man is thoroughly pissed. He grabs the bartender and says, "Man, I've had it. Who's stupid monkey is this anyway?"

The bartender replied, "It belongs to the piano player."

The man walks over to the piano player and says, "Excuse me, do you know your monkey is dunking his balls in my beer?"

To this the piano player replies, "No, I sure don't, but if you hum a few notes, I'll play it."

Who Wants to Be a Pig?
Not sure how true this is, but enjoy anyway




If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.



(Hardly seems worth it.)



If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.


(Now that's more like it!)



The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.


(O.M.G.!)


A A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.



(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)


A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)



(I'm still not over the pig.)



Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour



(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)



The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.



("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")



The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.


(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)



The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.



(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)




Some lions mate over 50 times a day.



(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)



Butterflies taste with their feet.



(Something I always wanted to know.)





The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.



(Hmmmmmm......)




Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.



(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)



Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.



(okay, so that would be a good thing)



A cat's urine glows under a black light.




(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)



An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.



(I know some people like that.)



Starfish have no brains



(I know some people like that too.)


Polar bears are left-handed.



(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)



Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.



(What about that pig??)


I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

[paulywogg]

Re: w/c17th

Mae everybody,Mick sorry you're still sick yep bake it out of you in the sun,still sneezy here too and head pressure I really hope work goes smooth,Pie,so your dad is deciding to marry her for realz? I guess not much you can do,PQ,I made a huge spread of chicken breast,scalloped potatoes,pasta sides yesterday and Kell and Lou didn't eat,Brady wasn't home so it was just me and hubs,I really need to get out of cooking for 6 and realize that the kids aren't kids anymore,I'm just so used to cooking for some many throughout the years,Det,lovely pics Lav,glad the chickens decided to stop being divas haha,Sam,hope you have a nice day,wishes for a nice AF Monday

[porqoui]

Re: w/c17th

MAE ALL...

Mick...rats, thought you might get over the cold before you leave. Some soaking in the sun is definitely called for. Boss not feeling too good today said he was heading home and the rest of us might as well pack it in too. :yay: unexpected afternoon off.

Pauly...I grew up in a family of 10, never did learn how to cook for just 1 or 2. LOL

Now that I have some time on my hands going to read Mick's jokes. Have a Marvelous Monday all....:smile:PPQP

:welldone: Gotta luv the pig.