week beginning 31 Jan

[porqoui]

Re: week beginning 31 Jan

MAE ALL...Happy New Year!

Mick...thank you for the poem yesterday, it had a lot of meaning for me, and I thank you for your support as well. Not raining here, not snowing here and temps are going to climb by 23 degrees, can hardly wait.

Lav...didn't make it to midnight but did tape the ball drop and fireworks so am watching it now. Not sure what I'll get up to today, perhaps haul some of the garbage out of the house that's been accumulating due to the weather. With that will probably take the tree down as well.

Sam...wan't there a movie by that name? LOL

Pauly...I hear you about 2017 and am looking positively to 2018. Did Winslow end up under your bed last night? Hope you can get rid of the bug soon.

Pi...glad to report I'm in no need of a hangover remedy as well. How long will you have your family of 8?

SF...hope you and your family are feeling better, were you able to eat?

Det...didn't see you check in yesterday. I'm assuming you're not working today but I could be wrong as some people have to.

TT...you must be an old hand at 2018 by now. When do you head out again?

My New Year's resolution is to get my finances in order starting with a new budget. Think I've been burying my head in the sand and as the show I just watched quoted doesn't help as your ass is still in the air. Hoping everyone has a happy and healing new years day....:smile:PPQP

[paulywogg]

Re: week beginning 31 Jan

PQ,yep Winslow woke me up at 11:45 scratching the door last night cuz the neighbors started letting off fireworks! I like your resolution I need to do the same

[Lavande]

Re: week beginning 31 Jan

Happy New Year Abbers

Quiet day around Lav-land - perfect. But it's still way too cold!!!!
Now we are being threatened with a nor'easter on Thursday with even colder temps following....sh*t
It's so cold my chickens refuse to step out of their house & laid zero eggs today, geez.

Hello to Mick, Pauly, Pie, PQ, Det & everyone popping in tonight.
I hope everyone has a peaceful & cozy night!

Lav

[Mick]

Re: week beginning 31 Jan

morning all.yep its still 2018 here,and storm dylan or whatever its called has gone..Time to lose some seryous weight fro my hols ...got to lose 10lb ..thatll give me room for eating up when Im out there ..so the Ben n Jerrys is back in the freezer ...no more cheese rolls with tomato sauce at supper time..,....apart from that not a lot to report from la la land.....hope everyone is well...

Q. Where do you go to weigh a whale?
A: A whale weigh statio




I bought a new SatNav it's really good,,,
Yesterday I drove past a Zoo and it said Bear Left .....
Now that's clever !




I got work this morning to find a lump of Plasticine on my desk.
I don't know what to make of it.



Q What happened to the guy who assaulted the laughing psychic?
A He was arrested for striking a happy medium.




I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.
I only intended to rough him up a bit.

Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host Anne Diamond when he used the Spanish word "manana" (manyana).

Diamond asked him to explain what it meant.

He said that the term means, "Maybe the job will be done tomorrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year who cares"?

The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the show and asked him if there was an equivalent term in Irish.

"No. In Ireland we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency".

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially two shiny, silver walls in the hotel lobby that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an older lady, limping slightly with a cane, slowly walks up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

The walls opened and the lady walks between them and into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched, small circles of light with numbers above the wall light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out.

The father said to his son, "Go get your Mother."

Jake is 5 and learning to read.

He points at a picture in a zoo book and says, "Look Mama! It's a frickin' Elephant!"

Deep breath ... "What did you call it?"

"It's a frickin' Elephant, Mama! It says so on the picture!"

and so it does ...

"A f r i c a n Elephant "

A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak.... He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged... shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed he was approached by his doctor.

"Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be ok, the damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buck shot. The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my brother."

"Oh, well I guess that isn't too bad," the man replied "is your brother a a plast ic surgeon?"

"Not exactly." answered the doctor. "He's a flute player in the local symphony....He's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye" .

[paulywogg]

Re: week beginning 31 Jan

Mae everybody,Mick that flute joke was hilarious! slept like crud last night yet surprisingly alert and hungry for some reason,Sam,are you better today? I lost my voice once outta the blue for one day a few years ago,the kids were laughing cuz I was trying to yell at a guy who was backing out of a parking spot and nearly hit us,I tried but all that came out was a raspy bark haha,Kell could be having the baby any day now,she's already dilated a little bit and baby seems to have dropped,I really hope its during the day and not in the middle of the night like all my kids were(except Brady) he was kind enough to be born in the afternoon I just really have to be together you guys,I really need to get my mojo back and stay on a roll,,much love to all and wishes for a happy,healthy AF Tuesday

[Pie]

Re: week beginning 31 Jan

MAE All, Looks like another 24 hours of freezing temps here, before the likes of Pauly's bougainvillea could safely go back outdoors.

Borrowed a sewing machine to make the corded trim for chairs, and conclude that sewing requires way too much precision for my tastes. Maybe like driving a train; you're either on the tracks, or you're not. Actually caused me to imagine escaping into AL oblivion, rather than persevering with the project. I kept at it though, and finished sewing the trim, but wish a pox on the house of the person who created invisible thread!

PQ, how's it going with your drafty door?

[porqoui]

Re: week beginning 31 Jan

MAE ALL...woke up to a heat wave. +34F guess I can unplug the car LOL

Lav...looks like you're getting the crappy weather we just went through. Sorry about that but it had to go!

Mick...you doing ok? Other than the jokes your posts have been a little short. Hope it's just the wind down from holidays and getting over the cold/flu.

Pauly...even though you slept like crap it sounds like you're on the mend. Always a good sign when you wake up hungry. Got my fingers crossed for a daytime delivery but they usually get their own way. Sounds like you're back on track to getting your mojo back. New year, new baby, new you. Just make sure you reach out to us or someone instead of the AL when that stinking thinking starts again.

Pi...you should have shipped the chairs off to Lav for the corded trim. I hear she's pretty good with the machine. Ended up just hanging a thick blanket over the entire door which seemed to work. Not a perfect solution but it did stop the gale winds from coming up the stairs.

Other than spending some time outdoors I'm going to tackle my budget today. Decided dealing with money issues rather than ignoring them will help me sleep better at night. LOL Have a Terrific AF Tuesday all....:smile:PPQP

[Lavande]

Re: week beginning 31 Jan

FROZEN Greetings Abbers!

It is really cold, no sh*t, ha ha!!!!
So the creeks around here are freezing & I heard that parts of the Delaware river are beginning to freeze as well. That doesn't happen often

Staying inside is what I'm doing these days, venturing out only as necessary. The chickens gave up 2 eggs today, LOL
I'm playing with my new Instant Pot (Christmas gift) & can't wait to see what it does. I need to figure out how to convert my old recipes & slow cooker recipes for this thing - fun
Electric Pressure Cooker, Smart Cooker, Multi Cooker, 饮尚宝电压力锅

Mick, so you gained 10 lbs? Must have been a tasty vacation
Have you made any progress on the broken tooth yet?

Sam. hope you are better now.

Pauly, just don't drink & the rest will fall into place, honestly.
You have a new baby almost here & surely you want to be totally present for him!

Pie, did you use a cording foot on the machine? Sewing is much easier when you remember to use the appropriate foot for the job. I've been sewing since I was 12 & still forget that from time to time. Glad you got the job done

PQ, thanks for the weather leftovers, ha ha!!
Staying warm this winter is a full time job for a lot of us, geez.
Good luck on the budget work.

Det, hope you are well!

Wishing a nice night for all, stay warm!

Lav

[porqoui]

Re: week beginning 31 Jan

ooh lav...I've seen those Cookers. Let us know what you think.

[Samstone]

Re: week beginning 31 Jan

evening all
starting to get a little bit of my voice back but still hacking away. think I'd get better sooner if I didn't have these animules to feed in the AM. One day I should be so lucky as to have a cab tractor.

off to see the sandman.....

[Mick]

Re: week beginning 31 Jan

morning all....well here we are in the middle of storm Eleanor ...its blowing a hooley ....and there is another one backing it up ...storm Finn....I haven seen it yet but heard stuff blowing all over the garden..both rabbits safely snuggled up.
Im at the dentist this morning ,1025 so we shall see what happens there ..back to dribbley mince!

apart from that not a lot going on ,thats why the posts are a wee bit short ,not a lot going on ,apart from the loft getting done out ...I ve got to buy some more wood for that to get boarded out.Cant get into the garden in this lot .
Since Jan1st Ive dropped 4lbs ..so need a to lose a few more before Inja....

ok lets have a brew ..

hiya Pauly hows you then?hope Kell is ok ...if you needa midwife Ill send our Amy over!!

hiya Sam ...glad you are feeling awee bit better ...I thought no cab tractors were illlegal? Im pretty sure they are here ...after quite a few peeps rolled them and got crushed..so you can half shout now?

hiya Lav ..brew time ..yep dentist this morning ,thats a smart piece of kit that slow cooker ...or not so slow...yes the food on jolliday was good ..until I snapped the tooth ...so thats it ..you gonna open a roadside caff now chicken ding on the go ..Maccy Ds watch for the competition..

hiya ppqp..yes Im sound ..just sometimes there aint too much to write about and Im sure folks dont want to hear that I made 6 brews ,went for a pee had a shower (not in the same place) I had to re read your post ..thought you had written budgie ...till I saw it was budget!!duh

hiya pie ..nope you dont want to escape to boozeville ..put it down and come back to the chairs ...I dont think I piped mine in fact I didnt ...

hiya tt how are you then? all good down in the suvvern hemysfeer?

right got to get skates on ...feed rabbits ,Julie ,(note the order eh?)and put my going out face on ...take it eazee all and have a great day..

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.

He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, resumed his position in the hall, and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks.

Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar:
"He lives in a home with ten children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow"?

An 80 year old woman marries for the 4th time.

The local news station was interviewing an 80 year old lady because she had just gotten married again for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.

'He's a funeral director,' she answered.

'Interesting,' the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, 'I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.'

Maud, Mavis and Ethel were sitting on a bench at the old people's home, minding their own business, when suddenly one of the more active male residents walked up to them, opened his raincoat and flashed the three ladies. Maud and Mavis immediately had a stroke. Ethel, bless her heart, also tried but couldn't quite reach.

A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "No way. I don't think you can pay for it.

" The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?

" The bartender says, "Only if what you show me ain't risque."

"Deal!" says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the keyboard and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good.

The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.

"Money or another miracle else no drink," says the bartender.

The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch. A fine singer.

A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog.

The guy says, "It's a deal." He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog and the stranger runs out of the bar.

The bartender says to the guy, "Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy."

"Not so", says the guy, "the hamster is also a ventriloquist." .

Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk asked, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-four."

"All right. How long do you need them?"

The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check." After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

Little Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She says, "Put that away, Little Johnny. You can't have ice cream now. It's too close to supper time. Go outside and play".

Little Johnny whimpers and says, "There's no one to play with".

Trying to placate him, she says, "OK. I'll play with you. What do you want to play"?

"I wanna play 'Mommie and Daddy", Little Johnny whines in reply.

Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she says, "Fine, I'll play. What do I do"?

Little Johnny says, "You go up to the bedroom and lie down as if you're taking a nap".

Figuring that she can easily control the situation, Mom goes upstairs.

Little Johnny, acting a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet. He puts on his fathers old fishing hat. As he starts up the stairs, he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the end table. He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth. At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway.

His mother raises her head and asks, "What do I do now"?

In a gruff manner, Little Johnny says, "Get your ass downstairs and get that kid some ice cream"!

A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank on a busy lunchtime.

They got behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit complete with pager.

As they waited patiently, the little boy said loudly, "Gee, she's fat!"

The mother bent down and whispered in the little boys ear to be quiet.

A couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread his hands as far as they would go and announced; "I'll bet her butt is this wide!"

The fat woman turns around and glares at the little boy. The mother gave him a good telling off, and told him to be quiet.

After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the line. Just then, her pager began to emit a beep, beep, beep.

The little boy yells out, "Run for your life, she's backing up!!

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said "Rest in Peace".

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was.

The florist said. "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new location".

[paulywogg]

Re: week beginning 31 Jan

Mae everybody,aah where's my jokes Mick? Haha,just kidding I'll give you the day off Sam,glad you're on the mend,I dunno how you guys deal with those temps! I can't tolerate cold at all and I grew up in the cold+lived in UT for 5 years with the snow,low temps but now if it drops below 60 I need a beanie,parka,long johns,gloves,a scarf,one of those bank robbery face things,heated socks,moon boots,hot hands,etc hahaha PQ,what'd we have last night? Im throwing the leftover Christmas turkey meat in the crock pot this morning and making turkey noodle soup,yum,hafta still some of the guinea pig's carrots and celery but he won't mind(maybe) much love to all and wishes for a wonderful AF Wednesday

[Samstone]

Re: week beginning 31 Jan

morning all
nice crisp 5º F this AM. Mick, tractors now at least have some sort of roll bar in case you feel like flipping it. There are plenty around still made in the 50's-70's that don't have that.

Pauly, all a matter of what you get used to regarding weather. I like the cold but wish I felt better to enjoy it. I know I couldn't tolerate the heat you all experience in the summer!

PQ, you send this lovely air down here as a Xmas gift?

Lav, how's watering those chickens? Oddly enough, been getting about 6 eggs a day and not using any lights.

off to work, how do to you Det, Pi, TT, SK, SF, et als!

[porqoui]

Re: week beginning 31 Jan

MAE ALL...

Mick...glad to hear you're sound, just thought I'd check. I know from the past that sometimes I'd get called out on my posts as they had a different tone to them. Although I'd state I'm ok it would make me think really? Are you really ok? That would be enough for me to actually acknowledge that maybe the "stinking thinking" is lurking. Sometimes just saying yup that's what I'm feeling is enough for me to move on. Is the loft a new project/room or is it part of the living room where you redid the fireplace? Hope your dentist visit is short and sweet.

Sam...yup, cab tractors are the only way to roll, that is after you were able to start them! Grateful I didn't have to deal with feeding during the frigid temps we just went through. Keep yourself warm and dry, you're on the mending streak now.

Det...getting ready to send the search party out for you. :horse:

Another bridge game today and then potluck supper at friends tonight. Taking advantage of my remaining 3 days of holidays.
Shout out to all to come....:smile:PPQP

X-post Sam...oh so glad you got my Xmas present. LOL

[Pie]

Re: week beginning 31 Jan

MAE All,

Lav, you are so right about using the right tool for the job. In this case, no I did not have the proper cording foot. It's a funny thing about DIY projects, always think I'll just do that myself for free! Baloney! By the time I invest in the proper tools and materials, it would have been better to simply hire the job out to a pro. I'd like to hear about your instant cooker as well.

PQ, sometimes using a blanket to stop a draft is the best you can do. I've got a blanket stuffed between the panels of my glass sliding doors. How is it that the wind manages to blow in the exact right direction to catch the openings? Enjoy your bridge game!

What's up with your loft project, Mick?

Waves to Pauly, Sam, Det, TT, SF, SK, etals ...