anyways just a quick hello..hope you are all doing well..
hiya Lav..hows you then today..sorry about the lad you know that lost his life.When I decided to leave the army ,I applied to join the prison service,police and fire service.At the time ,the police knocked me back because I had got tattoos, but I passed for both the prison service ..and Staffordshire Fire and Rescue..it was just a brigade then I think. 2 of my 3 cousins were fire bobbies in Glasgow,so it was a racing cert thats where I was going...but I didnt ha ha...same as my dad and his dad etc ...did millions of years in the navy ...I joined the army!
I recall my eldest cousin telling me about being on watch one night and they got a shout to an rta...he was the senior man on the station,and the engine was on its way ...but they got a message to divert..they wouldnt let them go..The reason ? it was his brother..in one hell of a mess ..they brought him back twice, and cut him out etc..he ended up in a pretty bad way but survived..
the message here? make every day count ..you never know ...
guess I better put a coupla jokes in!
At a high school in Montana a group of students played a prank on the school.
They let three goats loose in the school.
Before they let them go they painted numbers on the sides of the goats: 1, 2 and 4.
Local school administrators spent most of the day looking for #3.
Two Priests Decide to go to Hawaii for a Vacation...
They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.
As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' blonde in a topless bikini came walking straight toward them, They couldn't help but stare.
As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father', nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.
These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different coloured topless bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them.
Again she nodded at each of them, and said 'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady'.
'Yes, Father'?
'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are'?
She replied, 'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen'.
Economics Simplified
In a small town on the South Coast of France, holiday season is in full swing, but it is raining so there is not too much business happening. Everyone is heavily in debt, depressed by the global financial crisis.
Luckily, a rich Russian tourist arrives in the foyer of the small local hotel. He asks for a room and puts a Euro100 note on the reception counter, takes a key and goes to inspect the room located up the stairs on the third floor.
The hotel owner takes the banknote in hurry and rushes to his meat supplier to whom he owes E100.
The butcher takes the money and races to his wholesale supplier to pay his debt.
The wholesaler rushes to the farmer to pay E100 for pigs he purchased some time ago.
The farmer triumphantly gives the E100 note to a local prostitute who gave him her services on credit.
The prostitute goes quickly to the hotel, as she owed the hotel for her hourly room use to entertain clients.
At that moment, the rich Russian is coming down to reception and informs the hotel owner that the proposed room is unsatisfactory and takes his E100 back and departs.
There was no profit or income. But everyone no longer has any debt and the small town people look optimistically towards their future.
BINGO! THE SOLUTION TO THE GLOBAL FINANCIAL CRISIS!
A Puerto Rican buys a Cadilac and drives it home. He then decides to go cruising at night but the car wouldn't move...
So he gets up in the morning and with a miracle the car moves. So he takes it to the dealer and tells the sales guy what the problem is.
The sales guy with wonder all over his face says: wtf a car does not know when is day time and when is night time..
The Puerto Rican assures him that this Cadillac knows, so they waite till night time then the sales guy says ok lets see what the problem is, and tells the Puerto Rican to drive.
The Puerto Rican gets in the car, starts it up and puts the car in N for night-time...
NEWS BREAKING HEALTH WARNING
If you should receive an email from the NHS Direct warning of catching swine flu from eating tinned pork.
Ignore it.
Its just spam
A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding that she found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy her, and that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all these short term relationships. "Isn't there some way to judge the size of a man's equipment from the outside" she asked earnestly?
"The only foolproof way, is by the size of his feet", counselled the therapist.
So the woman went downtown and proceeded to cruise the streets, until she came across a young fellow standing in an unemployment line with the biggest feet she had ever laid her eyes on. She took him out to dinner, wined and dined him, and then took him back to her apartment for an evening of abandon.
When the man woke up the next morning, the woman had already gone but, by the bedside table was a $20 bill and a note that read, "With my compliments, take this money and go out and buy a pair of shoes that fit".
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