w/c 11th

[Mick]

Re: w/c 11th

READ FROM TOP TO BOTTOM:-----


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 01, 2005
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 22, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 02, 2005
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 03, 2005
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 04, 2005
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from
The dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*ucking Employees
DATE: October 05, 2005
RE: The F*ucking Holiday Party

Vegetarian pr*icks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your fu*cking salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
tossers!!!!
The Bi*tch from H*ELL!!!!!!!!


FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 06, 2005
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 22nd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

[porqoui]

Re: w/c 11th

Morning Mick and MAE ALL....

Mick...reading the Human Resource emails made me laugh. Thanks for that. I certainly can relate to Patty!! I actually managed to get 6hrs sleep. Mind you it was in the form of 3 2hr rounds but sleep is sleep.

Pauly...hope you can get your sleep sorted and if you do can you let me know the secret?

Boss took today off, it's the start of a Family Day Long Weekend. Co-worker suggested we go to a Chinese Buffet for lunch as it Chinese New Year so I'm game!
I'll catch up with the rest of you soon once I get back into the MWO routine. Have a Fabulous Friday all.....:smile:PPQP

[SKendall]

Re: w/c 11th

Mick, I wanted to thank you for your jokes and wish you a great holiday. Safe travels.

[Lavande]

Re: w/c 11th

Good evening Abbers,

I got to enjoy another trip to Longwood Gardens today with my fav girls
It was 60 degrees with some light showers, tomorrow it snows!!!!

Mick, I suggest just packing pants with elastic waistbands then you can eat all you want on your vacation, HA HA!!!
Loved the Employee Christmas party - I'd rather have a paid afternoon off myself, LOL

PQ, I am sorry about your ex, what a pain in the a$$!
His mother needs to be told that letting him in her house is a danger (in so many ways). I hope someone can make her understand.
There seems to be an epidemic of sleepless women around here these days. I have pretty much accepted the fact but it doesn't make me like it or anything. I am fairly certain that extreme exhaustion had a lot to do with me falling backwards down a flight of steps & my ending up in the hospital with a fractured skull almost 18 years ago. Not fun
Let's all be extra careful, OK?

Hello to SK & everyone!
Have a peaceful night one & all!

Lav

[Mick]

Re: w/c 11th

wow ...morning all.how are we today then in his little bunch of stalwarts?all good I hope ..tis raining here this morning ..nothing new in that one.off to oldham to get some bits and pieces.but foist a brew

hiya sk ...good morning and how are you ..you arent missing too much over here ...thanks for the encouragement ...it does at times become a case of why am I doing gthis when there is no one there...but I would guess it is because it has become cathartic...

hiya lav ...nice pics of the gardens ...there was a proggy on tv yesterday about growing lillies..Im going to get some on the go ...didnt know they do better when their roots can see the light ..hence clear pots ,or a feed of mushed up banana peel and water is good for them Re the elastic waist .havent got them but adjustable ones!!!here you go ..a brew


hiya pauly ....moe to seattle ..you might not be able to sleep but hey it will sound good ..might even catch on...hope you are ok

hiya ppqp ,,,well did you have the chinese? whats a rednecks fave chinese food ? Dim sum.........................................ok ok ..hope you are doing ok?

wow that wasa looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong thread

have a good day lookers n lurkers ..

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped in his New York neighborhood barbershop to say hello to his friends.

Giovanni said, "Hey, Luigi, How was a da treep?"

Luigi said, "Everything was-a perfect except for da train a ride down."

What'a you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.

"Well, we boarda da train at Grand Centrala Station. My beautiful Virginia had packed a biga basket a food with Vino and cigars for a me, and a we were looking a "forward to da trip. All was OK until we gotta hungry and opened up a da luncha basket.

"The conductor came by, wagged his a finger at us and a say, 'No eat in dese'a car. Must'a use a dining car.'

"So, me and my beautiful'a Virginia, we go to dining car, eat a biga lunch and begin to open da bottle of Vino!

"Conductor walk by me again, wag his a finger and say, 'No drink'a in dese'a car. Must'a use'a club'a car'. So we go to club'a car.

"While'a drinking vino, I start to light'a my big'a cigar. The conductor, he wag'a his finger agin and say, 'No smoke'a in dese'a car. Must'a go to da smoker car.' So we go to da smoker car and I smoke'a my cigar.

"Later, my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to da sleeper car and a go to bed. We just about to have'a sex and the conductor, he walk'a through da car corridor shouting at top of his voice, 'NO'FOLK'A, VIRGINIA! NO'FOLK'A VIRGINIA!"

A man and his wife are watching the boxing on TV.

The husband sighs and says: "I'm disappointed-it was all over in 30 seconds".

The wife replies:"Good! now you know how I feel".

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to, "Where do pets come from?"

Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."

And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well."

And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam.

And Cat would not obey Adam.

And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.

And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And Dog was happy.

And the cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.

A man has been found dead in a river this morning wearing a Jets shirt, fish net stockings, suspenders and a black crotches thong. The man was also said to have an orange inserted in his anus.

Police have removed the Jets shirt to save his family any embarrassment.

One night at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget."

They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a story.

"Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting expedition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep. I don't know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest damn lion I'd ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this: RRROOAARRR! ...........I tell you, I just shit my pants."

The young men looked astonished and one of them said, "I don't blame you, I would have shit my pants too if a lion jumped out at me."

The old man shook his head and said, "No, no... not back then, just now, when I said RRROOAAARRR!"

While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical students.

"As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?"

"Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd limp too."

I recently returned from a trip to the Middle East.

It was an experience I will long remember. I had expected to find nomads living in the middle ages. Instead I found the area to be firmly in the twentieth century. I remember most the faithful Muslims being called to come to prayer.

They now use microphones. They have become ... Mecca-nized.

[porqoui]

Re: w/c 11th

MAE ALL...Tried to post this morning and there wasn't a spot to do it. Then I noticed the words "Closed Thread". Never seen that before so I PM'd the Administrator and the response was "They had no idea, checked the logs and there was nothing there, it was not done by a moderator. Can only assume the OP did it. They re-opened it. I have asked what OP stands for and will let you know.

Mick...have fun in oldham. Tis snowing here, nothing new in that one. LOL Supposed to snow all long weekend with below normal temps. I'll be hibernating. Yup got the Chinese food and a nice surprise the co-worker paid for it in thanks for all I do.

Lav...I don't think MIL will ever get it. I just finally said if you ever feel threatened you call 911. I don't know if she'll even do that.

Just heard back from the Administrator and OP stands for Original Poster, the one who started the thread.

Mick...Did you close the thread? Of course I know the answer. LOL

Shout out to the rest of the gang. Off to get another brew and will check in again later.....:smile:PPQP

[Mick]

Re: w/c 11th

tell me how to close it ...!!and I will tell you if I did it ..havent a clue how to.

[porqoui]

Re: w/c 11th

tell me how to close it ...!!and I will tell you if I did it ..havent a clue how to.

:harhar: I haven't a clue either!

[porqoui]

Re: w/c 11th

Oooh found it. Under the Administrative tab at the top of the thread there's 2 choices, close thread and delete thread. I don't think you can accidentally do it so something else must have happened. Just glad it's opened again. :happy2:

[Pie]

Re: w/c 11th

Ok, which one of you stalwarts closed the thread? Up to my neck in alligators working on not just one, but two sales! Pie burning the midnight oil is not a pretty picture, but I'm earning some income. Can't stay long, but want to say hello to yiz all. I'll try to find us a brunch spot for tomorrow.

[Determinator]

Re: w/c 11th

doing pretty crap here sadd to say,, depression and drinkinng shaking like a leaf here. but no drinks today

[porqoui]

Re: w/c 11th

Ok, which one of you stalwarts closed the thread? Up to my neck in alligators working on not just one, but two sales! Pie burning the midnight oil is not a pretty picture, but I'm earning some income. Can't stay long, but want to say hello to yiz all. I'll try to find us a brunch spot for tomorrow.

You're on. Brunch sounds great. Somewhere with no snow please.

[porqoui]

Re: w/c 11th

doing pretty crap here sadd to say,, depression and drinkinng shaking like a leaf here. but no drinks today

Sorry to hear this Det but to be honest figured that's what was going on. Look after yourself and get back on the right road. Never quit quitting. :hug:

[Lavande]

Re: w/c 11th

Greetings Abbers from snowy Lav-land, ugh.
They predicted snow & damn if we didn't get it, ha ha! Don't need it, I didn't order it for sure!

Mick, Luigi had a really, really bad day on the train, LOL
I hope you found what you were looking for. I have several types of lilies here so they bloom at different times. My favs are a collection of oriental lilies

Pie, when it rains it pours! Making lots of $$, nice!

PQ, your MIL is lucky to have you but she really should think about her future a bit. Perhaps an assisted living situation would be safer for her.

Det, I am really sorry you are not doing well. I hope you can pull yourself together & get back on your plan, god self care, exercise & no booze. We're pulling for you!

Pauly, how about you sweetheart? Don't stay in hiding, it does not help. We all want the best for you as well :hug:

Not much else going on here, just staying busy & out of trouble & waiting for spring to arrive. C'mon spring!

Have a peaceful night everyone!

Lav

[porqoui]

Re: w/c 11th

Lav...I keep bringing up assistant living and her response is ya I should have done that a long time ago, to which I answer well you can do it now. Maybe if things continue to be crazy she might actually agree. Her grand daughter (one of the POA's) keeps updating her healthcare nurse as to what is going on. We shall see.