w/c 25th

[Determinator]

Re: w/c 25th

the musenicx or whatever it's called worked pretty well but now I'm up and wide awake at 9pm. oh well. Lav, 9 years? holy smokes thats fab!!!!!!
not sure what to do with myself being awake at night... maybe netflix or something...
then I hope to zzzzzzz again.....

[paulywogg]

Re: w/c 25th

Mae everybody,where's Mick? Det,hope you got some sleep,I don't care for Mucinex very much but everyone is different,PQ,dinner was salad and chicken strip wraps last night Lav,hope you enjoyed your special day,Pie,that was a cute pic,did you buy one? Much love to all and wishes for a nice AF Tuesday!

[Mick]

Re: w/c 25th

morning all howare we today then ? all good ...well its raining here again..surprise surprise ....but it isnt so cold,although snow is forecast....going to start seeding up my tomato plants this week though it will be inside the house ..
Just seen the report on the manchester bombing...the report highlights major failings,within the emergency services ...just who the fk are these people that criticise the emergency services?they have never been a scenario like that when lives are in danger..not only to the people that were in there but they didnt know what was happening ..so why would you put cops firefighters and medics into an unknown situation. Grrrr..
and on top of that weve got the Russia situation going on ...and Trump allegedly humping some porn star in 2006 allegedly...but look on the bright side..ermmmmmm

I saw this sign in a shop near me yesterday.....

20180326_113223.jpg

hope its a misprint..and not the chinese joining the political wrangle too!!!

morning Lav ...Iapologise ..I didnt realise that it was the 9 year mark for you..absolutely brilliant ...do you ever wonder where you would have been if you hadnt quit?I bought a load of little cacti plants yesterday.....now growing them in the conservatory...heres a brew ....in the best china cups!!so go on ...whats the plans for the chicken run?

hiya det how are you feeling today then?hope things are getting better for you. you been out taking any more pics recently?

hiya glam gran pauly ...how are you then?hope all is well with you despite being kept up and dragged about!!!!!so you are into the cooking trade off with Kell?great ..

hiya ppqp....dont know when I picked the puncture..it was a little nail..got 11 little cacti plants yesterday and a couple of others ....howare you doing?ok hopefully.

hiya pie hows you then?all well I hope ...hows the canine crew doing?also the condo clan?

right peeps ..big hello to all others too..

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics. These questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood? Squares"game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now.





Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions.


Q. Do female frogs croak?

A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.




Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be??

A. Charley Weaver aka Clifford Arquette : Three days of steady drinking should do it.







Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

A.? George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.




Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.




Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?

A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning






Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.





Q.? In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"??

A.? Vincent Price : No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.





Q. What are "Do It," "I Can? Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?

A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.





Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?

A. Rose Marie : You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.







Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?

A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.







Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?

A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.



Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?

A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.





Q.? It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.? One is politics, what is the other?

A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.





Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet??

A. Rose Marie : Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.





Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?

A. Marty Allen : Only after lights out.





Q. When you pat a dog on its? Head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do??

A. Paul Lynde : Make him bark?





Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to??

A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.



Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people??

A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.



Q.? It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it??

A.? Paul Lynde : Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.



Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

A.George Gobel:?? Get it in his mouth.





Q.Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?





Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?

A.Charley Weaver : I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.



Q.? Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

A Charley Weaver : His feet?



Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh


A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.

The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did *I* get the ticket?"

"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.

"Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch *all* the fish?"

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, 'Business trip or pleasure'?

She turned, smiled and said, 'Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston'.

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, 'What's your business role at this convention?'
'Lecturer,' she responded. 'I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality'.

'Really?' he said. 'And what kind of myths are there'?

'Well', she explained, 'one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait'.

'Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best'.

'I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck'.

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. 'I'm sorry,' she said, 'I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name'.

'Tonto', the man said, 'Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba'.

[Pie]

Re: w/c 25th

Tuesday greetings, All! No, I did not buy any of the pi pies. I'm a cookie gal myself.

Have fun with your early plantings, Mick. Mother Nature is bound to start showing her gentle side sooner or later. All of my garden planting is done. Butterfly Iris, Mexican Feather Grass, Vinca, and Potato Vine. All chosen because they thrive in the extreme heat that we get. It's the Crape Myrtle tree that I'm proudest of though. Gives me great pleasure to see it doing so well.

Take care, Det. Hope you get to feeling better soon.

[porqoui]

Re: w/c 25th

MAE ALL...

Det...hope you were able to get some sleep. I know I didn't!! Neighbours was at it again, fighting. Son finally went outside at 2:30 this morning and yelled at them to shut the fk up! Saw the clock at 3am and then again at 5am when the fighting started up again. So I did get 2 hrs. in!

Pauly...it's good old mac & cheese tonight. Snow is just starting so it's comfort food time.

Mick...glad you clarified the picture because when I looked at it I saw massage. LOL I knew you wouldn't come home empty plant handed. Here's hoping a get some sleep tonight.

Pi...what! Garden planting done! We've still got 2 feet of snow on top of the raised beds!

Lav...good luck with the chicken yard expansion, looking forward to pics.

Well it is definitely going to be an early night for me, should have picked up ear plugs on the way home. Hope we all have a restful night....:smile:PP!P

[paulywogg]

Re: w/c 25th

Goodness PQ,hope you get some rest tonight my neighbors across the street are partiers and one night I looked out the window at 3 am they were still going,later on I went for a walk around 7 am and there were STILL straglers in the garage,yuck! Luckily my bedroom is in the opposite size cuz I'm sure their noise would keep me up,LB had a rough night sleeping in her room on Christmas when they pulled their all nighter,,damn neighbors.

[Lavande]

Re: w/c 25th

Good evening Abbers,

My granddaughter is here for a few nights, fun times
She's playing solitare on my old ipad right now, ha ha!

Det, sure hope you are feeling better! Geez, you really get sick fast. Lots of liquids drown the virus every time

Mick, having 9 years under my belt certainly feels powerful yet I know that the likelihood of getting hooked again is still lurking in the background. Therefore I remain vigilent 7 take nothing for granted. Thanks for your kind words. We are expecting a few days of rain too, better than snow!

PQ, do you ever call the to report a disturbance? With neighbors like that I certainly would. You shouldn't have to put up with that sh*t!
Hope it's a quiet & comfy night for you. Sorry about the snow!

Pie, good job on the plants & I hope your luck holds out. I love to grow things

Pauly, call the police on your neighbors too the next time they start up. There are noise ordinances that have to be upheld.

Hello to everyone & wishing a nice night for all!

Lav

[Samstone]

Re: w/c 25th

happy 9th Lav!!!!

[Mick]

Re: w/c 25th

mornin all...how are we today then?all well?hope so...no rain at the present but......its actually quite a nice morning ..6 am and its light out there.Lets get a brew on the go shall we?

hey sam short but sweet ,nice to see you how are things with you then ? doing ok ?

Hiya Lav ...how are you today?good I hope ..hows grandaughter?.....so youve got rain at the moment?we usually have daffodils out now,but they are just starting to push thru now,the growth season is about a month behind.....here you go ...one brew.have a lovely day.

hiya pauly how z you then?did you get any sleep last night or were the neighbours partying again?you know it doesnt get any better than this ..as we speak Im sitting in the conservatory,rabbits are playing outside ,the 3 deer are in the field and a male pheasant..

All the planting done pie ...wow thats good..whats your weather been like ? obviously better than ours...how are you doing today then?hope all is well with you

hiya ppqp ...hows you then ?hope all is well ? neighbours not at it?did you manage to get some sleep?

right good peeps got to go ..take care and have a good one ......








Tommy Cooper
He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.

And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this is my livelihood.'

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please? ' And a voice said 'You are.'

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.

I went to the doctors. He said 'I'd like you to lie on the couch'. I said 'What for?' He said 'I'd like to sweep the floor'

I went to the doctors. He said 'What appears to be the problem?'. I said 'I keep having the same dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away'. He said 'How can I help?'. I said 'Break my arms!'

My wife had a go at me last night. She said 'You'll drive me to my grave'. I had the car out in thirty seconds.

I went up into the attic and found a Stradivarius and a Rembrandt. Unfortunately Stradivarius was a terrible painter and Rembrandt made lousy violins.

One year I got a bike for my birthday. So I went peddling off down the road and knocked an old lady down. 'Can't you ring your bell?' She said. 'I can ring my bell,' I said 'But I can't ride my bike'

We were coming in to land, and it affects your ears, doesn't it? The Stewardess gave me chewing gum. I put it in my ear. Took two days to get it out.

This little old lady was frightened. She looked at me, she said 'Do something religious'. So I took up a collection.

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

A policeman stopped me the other night, he taps on the window of the car and says: 'Would you please blow into this bag, Sir'. I said: 'What for, Officer?' He says: 'My chips are too hot'.

I got stopped again last night by another policeman. He says: 'I'd like to follow you to the nearest Police Station'. I said 'What For?'. He said: 'I've forgotten the way'.

So I said to the taxi driver, 'King Authur's Close'. He said, 'Don't worry, we'll lose him at the next set of lights'

A man walks into a greengrocer's and says, I want five pounds of potatoes please. And the greengrocer says, we only sell kilos. So the man says, alright then, I'll have five pounds of kilos.

And he said 'My dog doesn't eat meat'. I said 'Why not?'. He said 'We don't give him any'

I knocked at my friend's door and his wife answered the door. I said 'Is Jim in?'. She didn't reply, just stood there looking at me. So I asked again. Just then a woman appeared at his wife's elbow. 'Sorry luv' she said 'We buried him last Thursday'. 'He didn't say anything about a pot of yellow paint before he went, did he?'

I went to Blackpool on holiday and knocked at the first boarding house that I came to. A women stuck her head out of an upstairs window and said 'What do you want?'. 'I'd like to stay here' 'Ok. Stay there'.

I went to the doctor. He said 'you've got a very serious illness'. I said 'I want a second opinion'. He said 'all right, you're ugly as well'.

When I was in the scouts, the leader told me to pitch a tent. I couldn't find any pitch, so I used creosote.

I went into this pub, and I ate a ploughman's lunch. He was livid.

I got home from work and the wife said - I'm very sorry dear, but the cat's eaten your dinner'. I said 'Dont worry - I'll get you a new cat'.

I went into this ice cream parlour and said 'I'd like a vanilla cone'. The assistant said 'Hundreds and thousands ?'. I said 'No - I'll just have the one'. He said 'knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'

I've always been unlucky. I had a rocking horse once, and it died.

I said to the waiter, I said 'This chicken I've got is cold'. He said 'I should think so. It's been dead for two weeks'. 'Not only that', I said, 'It's got one leg shorter than the other'. He said 'What do you want to do, eat it or dance with it?'

Sometimes I drink my whiskey neat. Other times I take my tie off and leave my shirt out.

My wife and I were fighting like hammer and tongs. She won, she had the hammer.

I hurt my back the day. I was playing piggy back with my 6 year old nephew, and I fell off.

'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.' 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. ' 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? ' 'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed? ' 'No, because he's really heavy'

Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside.' 'How's that?' 'Don't you start'

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'

'I was cleaning out the attic the other day with the wife. Filthy, dirty and covered with cobwebs.... but she's good with the kids...'

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'your round.' The Other one says 'so are you, you fat b*stard'

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said I want to buy an ice-cream' He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one.' He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'

I went to Millets and said 'I want to buy a tent.' He said 'To camp?', I said (butchly) 'Sorry, I want to buy a tent.' I said 'I also want to buy a caravan.' He said 'Camper?' I said (campily) 'Make your mind up.'

So I went to the dentist. He said 'Say Aaah.' I said 'Why?' He said 'My dog's died.'' 'Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.''

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'

This fella is on safari in Africa when he comes across an elephant lying on the ground, in distress. He investigates and finds a thorn in its foot. He removes it, and the elephant trots merrily away. Twenty years on, the man is standing in the street in London watching a circus procession pass by. When the elephant gets level with him, it stops, looks straight at him, reaches out with its trunk, lifts him bodily into the air, smashes him on the ground and jumps on him. It was a different elephant.

[Pie]

Re: w/c 25th

PQ, we have our share of crap weather, but 2,000 miles closer to the equator does give us a much longer growing season than you have. Certainly can empathize with noisy condo neighbors! Just a couple of things on my schedule today. Keeping a close eye on a dog who's staying with me right now. Pup is clearly not feeling well. Hoping that rest is all that he needs, but we'll see. Owners are traveling in the UK, and I haven't notified them yet.

[paulywogg]

Re: w/c 25th

Mae everybody,Mick,sounds nice just to sit with the bunnies and relax Pie,hope the pup is ok,I'd be a nervous wreck if I was dog sitting and it was acting sick,yikes shout out to PQ,Sam,Lav and Det(hope you're better) wishes for a happy BF Wednesday!

[Pie]

Re: w/c 25th

Thanks for your good wishes, Pauly. Hope you have a happy day as well.

[Samstone]

Re: w/c 25th

Mick,doin... bout it, tunes and work! you?

[porqoui]

Re: w/c 25th

MAE ALL...only a short fight from the neighbours around 11:30pm then all was quiet so I managed to get a decent night's sleep. Heard on the news coming home there was a suspicious death in my neighbourhood last night. A woman was admitted to hospital around 2am and later died. Made me wonder but the address is a couple of blocks from me and the police are holding the house.

Pauly...at least you know where the noise is coming from. With the way our condo's are put together we can't tell if it's the next door neighbour or the ones in the back.

Lav...are you having people over for Easter or is the granddaughter going home by then. If I was sure who it was I'd phone it in.

Mick...yup had a much better sleep last night. Woke up to freezing rain/snow so am jealous of your peaceful quiet morning.

Pi...hope the pup is doing better, wouldn't want you to have to make that call.

Sam...it's good to hear that things are same old with you.

Thought it was going to be an uneventful day till I got a call from a 911 operator saying they got a 911 call from my location and there was just static on the line. The police were there in seconds. With the thawing and melting the last couple of days it corrodes our copper phone lines and sends out phone signals. This has happened twice in the last 2 years but it's very disruptive. The positive is the kids get to visit with the officers. Phone company in early tomorrow to trace the problem. If it's not one thing it's another. LOL Pot roast for supper tonight and decided to go with roasted carrots. Think I"m looking forward to them the most. Hope you all have a restful evening....:smile:PPQP

[Lavande]

Re: w/c 25th

Good evening Abbers,

My day just got busier & busier as it went on, ha ha!
Granddaughter is doing just fine & she actually helped me move the 12 chicken babies out to the chicken house today, yay!
Then I got a request from my son to meet the boys at their bustop & bring them here. That was followed by another request to keep them overnight because he was stuck at work, ha ha! So, for the first time ever I have all three grandkids staying overnight at the same time. Everyone was fed, cleaned up & in bed by 9 pm - the best I could do. The oys still have to get to school tomorrow morning (their spring break was shortened due to too many snow days). Hopefully my son will arrive in time to get them to school or I will have to chauffeur them myself. Now I am officially tired, ha ha!

Hello to Mick, Pauly, Pie, Sam & PQ! Det, hope you are feeling human tonight.
Some of you have already seen the picture of the fox on my deck this evening - yep, he was up there stealing the suet cakes from the bird feeder

Have a nice night everyone!
Lav