hiya folks quick jot in before I go ...its been nice and now its raining!Pie yep we can have brekkie outside ...nosey neighbours ...get it neigh?? ah ok.. problemo solved
20180428_160958.jpg
right got to dash but take it easy..
A Duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants when he came across a tree. Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an arrow.
"Who is this incredibly fine archer"? cried the duke. "I must find him"!
After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.
"You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did you"? asked the duke worriedly.
"No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy".
"That is truly astonishing," said the duke. "I hereby admit you into my service".
The boy thanked him profusely.
"But I must ask one favor in return," the duke continued. "You must tell me how you came to be such an outstanding shot".
"Well," said the boy, "first I fire the arrow at the tree...
...and then I paint the target around it".
A Duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants when he came across a tree. Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an arrow.
"Who is this incredibly fine archer"? cried the duke. "I must find him"!
After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.
"You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did you"? asked the duke worriedly.
"No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy".
"That is truly astonishing," said the duke. "I hereby admit you into my service".
The boy thanked him profusely.
"But I must ask one favor in return," the duke continued. "You must tell me how you came to be such an outstanding shot".
"Well," said the boy, "first I fire the arrow at the tree...
...and then I paint the target around it".
Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of a parochial school in a very advanced state of agitation.
"Father!" she cried, "just wait until you hear this"!
The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, "Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited"?
"Well, Father" the nun began, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I heard some of the older boys wagering money"!
"A serious infraction, indeed" said the priest!
"But that's not what has me so shocked, Father", replied the nun, "it was what they were wagering on! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall"!
"What an incredible wager" exclaimed the priest, "What did you do"?
"Well, I hit the ceiling, father".
To which the priest replied.... "How much did you win"?
It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot in life.
There was an elephant, a giraffe, and a hen.
The elephant complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. It gets in the way, and makes me look like a fool"!
The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick up food, drink water, etc. without getting wet"!
Next the giraffe complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS LONG NECK! It makes me top heavy, I get terrible neck pains, and people laugh at me"!
The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick the best fruit and leaves from the high branches, and allows you to see a distance".
The hen spoke up, "Lord, I don't want to complain..... but either let me have a bigger arse or smaller eggs".
I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, 'That's Aboriginal.'
This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.
I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, permanent.'
I went in to a pet shop. I said, 'Can I buy a goldfish?' The guy said, 'Do you want an aquarium?' I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is.'
I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet. 'Best before End'
I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said 'Analogue.' I said 'No, just a watch.'
I went into a shop and I said, 'Can someone sell me a kettle.' The bloke said 'Kenwood' I said, 'Where is he then?'
My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bi-satchel.
I went to the doctor. I said to him 'I'm frightened of lapels.' He said, 'You've got cholera.'
I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, its P something T something R.
I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.
I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.
The recruitment consultant asked me 'What do you think of voluntary work? I said 'I wouldn't do it if you paid me.'
I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, 'You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana.' He said, 'No, this is for the custard.'
This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, 'I want you to trace someone for me.'
I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything.'
I phoned the local builders today, I said to them 'Can I have a skip outside my house?' He said, 'I'm not stopping you!'
This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says 'Audi!'
I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo' He said 'You're closest'
I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened.. I said 'I careered off the road'
I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny: you couldn't swing a cat in there.
I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said 'Eurostar' I said 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.'
I went to the local video shop and I said, 'Can I borrow Batman Forever?' He said, 'No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow'.
20180428_160958.jpg
right got to dash but take it easy..
A Duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants when he came across a tree. Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an arrow.
"Who is this incredibly fine archer"? cried the duke. "I must find him"!
After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.
"You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did you"? asked the duke worriedly.
"No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy".
"That is truly astonishing," said the duke. "I hereby admit you into my service".
The boy thanked him profusely.
"But I must ask one favor in return," the duke continued. "You must tell me how you came to be such an outstanding shot".
"Well," said the boy, "first I fire the arrow at the tree...
...and then I paint the target around it".
A Duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants when he came across a tree. Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an arrow.
"Who is this incredibly fine archer"? cried the duke. "I must find him"!
After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.
"You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did you"? asked the duke worriedly.
"No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy".
"That is truly astonishing," said the duke. "I hereby admit you into my service".
The boy thanked him profusely.
"But I must ask one favor in return," the duke continued. "You must tell me how you came to be such an outstanding shot".
"Well," said the boy, "first I fire the arrow at the tree...
...and then I paint the target around it".
Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of a parochial school in a very advanced state of agitation.
"Father!" she cried, "just wait until you hear this"!
The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, "Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited"?
"Well, Father" the nun began, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I heard some of the older boys wagering money"!
"A serious infraction, indeed" said the priest!
"But that's not what has me so shocked, Father", replied the nun, "it was what they were wagering on! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall"!
"What an incredible wager" exclaimed the priest, "What did you do"?
"Well, I hit the ceiling, father".
To which the priest replied.... "How much did you win"?
It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot in life.
There was an elephant, a giraffe, and a hen.
The elephant complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. It gets in the way, and makes me look like a fool"!
The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick up food, drink water, etc. without getting wet"!
Next the giraffe complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS LONG NECK! It makes me top heavy, I get terrible neck pains, and people laugh at me"!
The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick the best fruit and leaves from the high branches, and allows you to see a distance".
The hen spoke up, "Lord, I don't want to complain..... but either let me have a bigger arse or smaller eggs".
I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, 'That's Aboriginal.'
This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.
I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, permanent.'
I went in to a pet shop. I said, 'Can I buy a goldfish?' The guy said, 'Do you want an aquarium?' I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is.'
I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet. 'Best before End'
I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said 'Analogue.' I said 'No, just a watch.'
I went into a shop and I said, 'Can someone sell me a kettle.' The bloke said 'Kenwood' I said, 'Where is he then?'
My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bi-satchel.
I went to the doctor. I said to him 'I'm frightened of lapels.' He said, 'You've got cholera.'
I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, its P something T something R.
I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.
I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.
The recruitment consultant asked me 'What do you think of voluntary work? I said 'I wouldn't do it if you paid me.'
I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, 'You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana.' He said, 'No, this is for the custard.'
This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, 'I want you to trace someone for me.'
I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything.'
I phoned the local builders today, I said to them 'Can I have a skip outside my house?' He said, 'I'm not stopping you!'
This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says 'Audi!'
I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo' He said 'You're closest'
I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened.. I said 'I careered off the road'
I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny: you couldn't swing a cat in there.
I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said 'Eurostar' I said 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.'
I went to the local video shop and I said, 'Can I borrow Batman Forever?' He said, 'No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow'.
not much planned today,the usual breakfast at Denny's probly and grocery shopping,much love to all and wishes for a happy BF Sunday
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