morning all ...a quick jump in ..im on the way out here detecting ...another lovely day they reckon ..twas yesterday..jhiya Lav ,ppqp ...you aint lived till you experiment with lentils ,and also chick peas too...you can make all sorts of things with them .hiya pauly you ok?Sam no I wont be going to kettelwell ,tho I have seen the scarecrows before!
have a good day all
The teacher asks the class to name big words that eat things and end in "TOR".
The first little boy said "Alligator".
The teacher replied "Very good that is a very clever example".
Tne second little boy said "Predator".
The teacher replied "Very good that is a very good example, well done".
Little Johnny says "Vibrator".
The teacher nearly fell off her chair and replied "That is a big word but it does not eat anything".
Little Johnny replied "Yes it does; my sister says it eats batteries like there’s no tomorrow".
The following are all replies that Manchester women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the section for listing "father's details;" or putting it another way....
Who’s your Daddy?
These are genuine excerpts from the forms.
Be sure to checkout #10. It takes 1st prize and #3 is runner up.
1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.
2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.
3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 360 East Bolton Avenue where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me
his phone number? Thanks.
4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.
5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.
6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country . Please advise.
7.Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time.... well, I don't have clue.
8. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro-Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.
9. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Gordon Ramsey did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 56 Miller St, mine might have remained unfertilized.
10. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.
As they approached Dublin number 1 runway, the tower heard:
PILOT - Bejeesus will ya look how fookin shart dat runway is?
CO-PILOT - Yer nat fookin kiddin, Paddy
PILOT - Dis is ganna be one a de trickiest landings ever, Shamus!
CO-PILOT - Yer nat fookin kiddin, Paddy !!
PILOT - Right, Shamus, when I say 'go' put de engine in reverse!!
CO-PILOT - Royt, I'll do dat !!
PILOT - An den ya put de flaps down!!
CO-PILOT - Royt, I'll do dat, too !!
PILOT - An den stamp an de brakes as hard as yer can an pray ta de Holy Mudder a Gad !!!
CO-PILOT - I'm prayin already, but I'll hit de brakes as hard as I can.
So, as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse, puts the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and continued to pray to the Holy Mother with all his soul. The brakes screeched, the tyres squealed,and there was smoke everywhere but, to the relief of all the passengers and; not least of all, Paddy and Shamus, the aircraft came to a stop a few metres from the end of the runway!!!
As Paddy and Shamus sat in the cockpit regaining some composure,
Paddy looked out of the window and said to Shamus, "Dat has gat ta be de shartist fookin runway in de world!"
Shamus replied, "Yes, but da ya see how fookin wide it is"?
A salesman goes up to a house on Schweitzer Mtn. and knocks on the front door.
It's opened by a little nine year-old boy named Ryjan who has a lit cigar in one hand, a glass of whiskey in the other with a Penthouse magazine tucked under his arm.
Salesman says: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home?"
The Little boy replies: "What the f**k do you think?"
have a good day all
The teacher asks the class to name big words that eat things and end in "TOR".
The first little boy said "Alligator".
The teacher replied "Very good that is a very clever example".
Tne second little boy said "Predator".
The teacher replied "Very good that is a very good example, well done".
Little Johnny says "Vibrator".
The teacher nearly fell off her chair and replied "That is a big word but it does not eat anything".
Little Johnny replied "Yes it does; my sister says it eats batteries like there’s no tomorrow".
The following are all replies that Manchester women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the section for listing "father's details;" or putting it another way....
Who’s your Daddy?
These are genuine excerpts from the forms.
Be sure to checkout #10. It takes 1st prize and #3 is runner up.
1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.
2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.
3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 360 East Bolton Avenue where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me
his phone number? Thanks.
4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.
5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.
6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country . Please advise.
7.Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time.... well, I don't have clue.
8. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro-Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.
9. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Gordon Ramsey did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 56 Miller St, mine might have remained unfertilized.
10. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.
As they approached Dublin number 1 runway, the tower heard:
PILOT - Bejeesus will ya look how fookin shart dat runway is?
CO-PILOT - Yer nat fookin kiddin, Paddy
PILOT - Dis is ganna be one a de trickiest landings ever, Shamus!
CO-PILOT - Yer nat fookin kiddin, Paddy !!
PILOT - Right, Shamus, when I say 'go' put de engine in reverse!!
CO-PILOT - Royt, I'll do dat !!
PILOT - An den ya put de flaps down!!
CO-PILOT - Royt, I'll do dat, too !!
PILOT - An den stamp an de brakes as hard as yer can an pray ta de Holy Mudder a Gad !!!
CO-PILOT - I'm prayin already, but I'll hit de brakes as hard as I can.
So, as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse, puts the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and continued to pray to the Holy Mother with all his soul. The brakes screeched, the tyres squealed,and there was smoke everywhere but, to the relief of all the passengers and; not least of all, Paddy and Shamus, the aircraft came to a stop a few metres from the end of the runway!!!
As Paddy and Shamus sat in the cockpit regaining some composure,
Paddy looked out of the window and said to Shamus, "Dat has gat ta be de shartist fookin runway in de world!"
Shamus replied, "Yes, but da ya see how fookin wide it is"?
A salesman goes up to a house on Schweitzer Mtn. and knocks on the front door.
It's opened by a little nine year-old boy named Ryjan who has a lit cigar in one hand, a glass of whiskey in the other with a Penthouse magazine tucked under his arm.
Salesman says: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home?"
The Little boy replies: "What the f**k do you think?"
hello PQ,thanks for the brew,well Winslow was quiet last night so that's good at least,poor Michelle got a really bad sunburn on the backs of her legs at work,they made her take the day off today,poor thing,much love to all and wishes for a great BF Sunday!
PQ,Michelle works putting stages together and they're doing a music festival so she was outside bent over most of the time when she got burnt,wearing shorts of course,I could see wearing short sleeves to stay cool but I think I'd wear pants for that kind of job anyways,much love to all and wishes for a nice BF Monday
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