morning all ...the clocks went back last night ,so it is 4.35 ...Im out detecting in a wee while ,it is cold dark ,and I think ...what are you doing up at this time you nut?oh well.. how are we all today then? hope all is well so instead of yakking letz get some jokes done ...have a lovely day all..
Yay!!!...just got my new Toshiba keyboaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
According to a poll, FIFA is the most popular game amongst men.
With women it's Guess Why I'm Upset
Tonight my wife was absolutely the center of attention as she wore a stunning "Wicked Witch" costume complete with lots of green face makeup.
My wife was having a great time, but for some reason the bride was absolutely furious.
I was playing Scrabble with my girlfriend when I put down AWORD.
She said, "That's not a word!"
I said, "It quite clearly is."
How long does it take a giraffe to be sick.....
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?
Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16.
She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow".
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face".
When the boy arrived home he told his mother.
The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face"!
A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this a few more times with no success.
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband, "You need a piece of tail".
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says,
"Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite".
A Duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants when he came across a tree. Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an arrow.
"Who is this incredibly fine archer"? cried the duke. "I must find him"!
After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.
"You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did you"? asked the duke worriedly.
"No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy".
"That is truly astonishing," said the duke. "I hereby admit you into my service".
The boy thanked him profusely.
"But I must ask one favor in return," the duke continued. "You must tell me how you came to be such an outstanding shot".
"Well," said the boy, "first I fire the arrow at the tree...
...and then I paint the target around it".
As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald's one day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, "We should pray."
From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please, God, don't let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."
A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk.
"What are they doing, Grandma" asked the little girl?
The grandmother was embarrased, so she said, "The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor".
They're just like people, aren't they Grandma" said the little one?
"How do you mean" asked the Grandma?
"Offer someone a helping hand", said the little girl, "and they screw you every time"!
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff legged and walking slowly.
One of the students said to his friend: "I'm sure the poor old man has Petry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that".
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart just as we learned in class".
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him: "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is"?
The old man said: "I'll tell you, but first you must tell me what you two fine medical students think".
One of the students said: "I think it's Petry Syndrome".
The old man said: "You thought....... But you are wrong".
Then the other student said: "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome".
The old man said: "You thought........ But you are wrong".
So they asked him: "Well, old timer, what do you have"?
The old man said: "I thought it was gas........... But I was wrong"!
Yay!!!...just got my new Toshiba keyboaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
According to a poll, FIFA is the most popular game amongst men.
With women it's Guess Why I'm Upset
Tonight my wife was absolutely the center of attention as she wore a stunning "Wicked Witch" costume complete with lots of green face makeup.
My wife was having a great time, but for some reason the bride was absolutely furious.
I was playing Scrabble with my girlfriend when I put down AWORD.
She said, "That's not a word!"
I said, "It quite clearly is."
How long does it take a giraffe to be sick.....
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?
Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16.
She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow".
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face".
When the boy arrived home he told his mother.
The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face"!
A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this a few more times with no success.
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband, "You need a piece of tail".
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says,
"Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite".
A Duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants when he came across a tree. Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an arrow.
"Who is this incredibly fine archer"? cried the duke. "I must find him"!
After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.
"You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did you"? asked the duke worriedly.
"No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy".
"That is truly astonishing," said the duke. "I hereby admit you into my service".
The boy thanked him profusely.
"But I must ask one favor in return," the duke continued. "You must tell me how you came to be such an outstanding shot".
"Well," said the boy, "first I fire the arrow at the tree...
...and then I paint the target around it".
As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald's one day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, "We should pray."
From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please, God, don't let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."
A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk.
"What are they doing, Grandma" asked the little girl?
The grandmother was embarrased, so she said, "The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor".
They're just like people, aren't they Grandma" said the little one?
"How do you mean" asked the Grandma?
"Offer someone a helping hand", said the little girl, "and they screw you every time"!
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff legged and walking slowly.
One of the students said to his friend: "I'm sure the poor old man has Petry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that".
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart just as we learned in class".
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him: "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is"?
The old man said: "I'll tell you, but first you must tell me what you two fine medical students think".
One of the students said: "I think it's Petry Syndrome".
The old man said: "You thought....... But you are wrong".
Then the other student said: "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome".
The old man said: "You thought........ But you are wrong".
So they asked him: "Well, old timer, what do you have"?
The old man said: "I thought it was gas........... But I was wrong"!
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