Re: w/c 20
hiya aslll how are we today then?good I hope ...Yes I had my Burns night suppper last night ..twas lovely ....when you google it ...the ingredients sound manky ,but it tastes great....no whisky ,but Irn Bru instead ..Dont think the detecting is on tomorrow ....the weather is going to be seriously cold with snow showers..Rabbits are outside playing at the moment...Bonnie has rerally come back tyo life thankfully...
ok lets have an afternoon brew...
hiya Pauly ..hows you then today?good I hope..whats this about firing folk? where has that come from?whats hapnin? have a good weekend .
hiya ppQp ..hOwar e you?Komuter skilz ..wHAtsas the problim ..Imace on a komputer.No cards this week? Yes I di that train checking the track ..it all needs cleaning ..Ive been moving the buildingsabout so the wiring for the electrics are all over the place under the boards ..hope you have a good weekend ..
Hiya Lav,how are you then ?So did you make vegan haggis ? I didnt realise you actually could.Yes Bonnie is a lot better ,thankfully she is back to her abnormal self ..As for DNA ..Ive not done mine ..it would probably come up with Did Not Appear.....hope the weekend is a good one for you.
hiya Det..how are you doing then ...whats that about illgal to collect water ?I think you will find that law was changed in 2017.
file:///C:/Users/HP/Downloads/SB74_EN.pdf
New law allows rain recycling in Nevada
good luck on the interview too mate ..
hiya treegirl and sk ,sam and pie hope you are all well...
Working at that Bingo Hall isn't just a job!..It's a calling!
The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed.
"I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'"
"Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!"
"I did," replied his wife, "but then he said "It looks great from back here, too."
A gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot over to an attractive woman.
The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender.
She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply note to the man. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman.
It read: "For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut three inches off.
Just send the bottle back."
Paddy is working on a building site and hears the lunchtime bell...off he goes to the portacabin and takes a seat, unwraps his sandwiches and fills his empty belly.
An English fella sits down next to him and produces a Thermos Flask from his bag, and proceeds to pour himself a piping hot cup of coffee.
Paddy looks on in amazement and remarks ''What de bleedin hel_l is dat thing''?!
The English fella turns to him and says ''Its a Thermos Flask, Paddy''
''Well what the hel_l does dat do then''? asks Paddy
''It keeps things hot, and it keeps things cold'' responds the English fella.
''Well dat is amazin' - when i get off work today I'm gonna get meself a T'ermos Flask straight away''
The next day, the lunchtime bell goes, and the English fella is already seated in the portacabin eating his lunch. In walks Paddy, beaming from ear to ear, clutching a bright shiny new flask under his arm.
The English fella remarks ''Oh, so you got one then''?
''I fokin did''!! says Paddy
Another builder turns to Paddy and asks ''Whats that you got there then''?
''T'ermos Flask'' is Paddy's response
''Oh, right, so what does that do then''? enquires the builder
''It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold'' says Paddy
''So what you got in there''? asks the builder
Paddy replies: ''2 cups of tea and an ice lolly''
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said "someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.
Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.
Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.
Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.
Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."
So they laid off the night watchman.
A woman went to the doctor's office and was seen by one of the new young doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and, without looking up, said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
A country preacher was walking the backroads near his church. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and in addition to something to drink, she served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a small pig running around the kitchen. The pig was constantly running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention.
The visiting pastor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly.
The housewife replied: "Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using."
With the circus in town, a local man is very excited to see the magic show and rushes down to the big-top. He reaches the gates just as the circus is closing for the day but manages to buy a ticket and hurriedly runs into the tent. "Where's the magic show?", he breathlessly asks one employee.
The lady replies that she just saw the magician in the back packing up his bags for the day and without wasting a minute, the man rushes back to see the show. He races into the room only to find the magician ready to leave.
"I'm here for the magic show", the guy tells the magician.
"Sorry pal, come back tomorrow I'm going home." replies The Amazing Jonas.
"Look", says the man, "I just paid good money to come in and see a magic show and that's what I expect!"
Visually annoyed, the magician tells him, "Buddy, I've been here all day and I'd like to go home and see my wife and kids."
With that, the customer becomes more irate and DEMANDS that he be shown at least one magic trick.
"Okay, you want to see a magic trick?!", Jonas asks. "Pull down your pants."
The man looks skeptical but does as he's told.
"Now bend over and grab your ankles." As he does Jonas walks behind him and the man flinches. "There," asks the magician. "Can you feel my finger in your ass?"
The man winces and replies, "Yeah."
The magician holds both of his hands over the guy's back, wiggles his fingers in front of his face and shouts, "Ta-Dah."
Father: Why don't you get yourself a job?
Son: Why?
Father: So you could earn some money.
Son: Why?
Father: So you could put some money in a bank and earn interest.
Son: Why?
Father: So that when you're old you can use the money in your bank account .....and you would never have to work again.
Son: I'm not working now.
hiya aslll how are we today then?good I hope ...Yes I had my Burns night suppper last night ..twas lovely ....when you google it ...the ingredients sound manky ,but it tastes great....no whisky ,but Irn Bru instead ..Dont think the detecting is on tomorrow ....the weather is going to be seriously cold with snow showers..Rabbits are outside playing at the moment...Bonnie has rerally come back tyo life thankfully...
ok lets have an afternoon brew...
hiya Pauly ..hows you then today?good I hope..whats this about firing folk? where has that come from?whats hapnin? have a good weekend .
hiya ppQp ..hOwar e you?Komuter skilz ..wHAtsas the problim ..Imace on a komputer.No cards this week? Yes I di that train checking the track ..it all needs cleaning ..Ive been moving the buildingsabout so the wiring for the electrics are all over the place under the boards ..hope you have a good weekend ..
Hiya Lav,how are you then ?So did you make vegan haggis ? I didnt realise you actually could.Yes Bonnie is a lot better ,thankfully she is back to her abnormal self ..As for DNA ..Ive not done mine ..it would probably come up with Did Not Appear.....hope the weekend is a good one for you.
hiya Det..how are you doing then ...whats that about illgal to collect water ?I think you will find that law was changed in 2017.
file:///C:/Users/HP/Downloads/SB74_EN.pdf
New law allows rain recycling in Nevada
good luck on the interview too mate ..
hiya treegirl and sk ,sam and pie hope you are all well...
Working at that Bingo Hall isn't just a job!..It's a calling!
The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed.
"I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'"
"Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!"
"I did," replied his wife, "but then he said "It looks great from back here, too."
A gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot over to an attractive woman.
The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender.
She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply note to the man. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman.
It read: "For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut three inches off.
Just send the bottle back."
Paddy is working on a building site and hears the lunchtime bell...off he goes to the portacabin and takes a seat, unwraps his sandwiches and fills his empty belly.
An English fella sits down next to him and produces a Thermos Flask from his bag, and proceeds to pour himself a piping hot cup of coffee.
Paddy looks on in amazement and remarks ''What de bleedin hel_l is dat thing''?!
The English fella turns to him and says ''Its a Thermos Flask, Paddy''
''Well what the hel_l does dat do then''? asks Paddy
''It keeps things hot, and it keeps things cold'' responds the English fella.
''Well dat is amazin' - when i get off work today I'm gonna get meself a T'ermos Flask straight away''
The next day, the lunchtime bell goes, and the English fella is already seated in the portacabin eating his lunch. In walks Paddy, beaming from ear to ear, clutching a bright shiny new flask under his arm.
The English fella remarks ''Oh, so you got one then''?
''I fokin did''!! says Paddy
Another builder turns to Paddy and asks ''Whats that you got there then''?
''T'ermos Flask'' is Paddy's response
''Oh, right, so what does that do then''? enquires the builder
''It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold'' says Paddy
''So what you got in there''? asks the builder
Paddy replies: ''2 cups of tea and an ice lolly''
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said "someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.
Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.
Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.
Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.
Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."
So they laid off the night watchman.
A woman went to the doctor's office and was seen by one of the new young doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and, without looking up, said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
A country preacher was walking the backroads near his church. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and in addition to something to drink, she served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a small pig running around the kitchen. The pig was constantly running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention.
The visiting pastor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly.
The housewife replied: "Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using."
With the circus in town, a local man is very excited to see the magic show and rushes down to the big-top. He reaches the gates just as the circus is closing for the day but manages to buy a ticket and hurriedly runs into the tent. "Where's the magic show?", he breathlessly asks one employee.
The lady replies that she just saw the magician in the back packing up his bags for the day and without wasting a minute, the man rushes back to see the show. He races into the room only to find the magician ready to leave.
"I'm here for the magic show", the guy tells the magician.
"Sorry pal, come back tomorrow I'm going home." replies The Amazing Jonas.
"Look", says the man, "I just paid good money to come in and see a magic show and that's what I expect!"
Visually annoyed, the magician tells him, "Buddy, I've been here all day and I'd like to go home and see my wife and kids."
With that, the customer becomes more irate and DEMANDS that he be shown at least one magic trick.
"Okay, you want to see a magic trick?!", Jonas asks. "Pull down your pants."
The man looks skeptical but does as he's told.
"Now bend over and grab your ankles." As he does Jonas walks behind him and the man flinches. "There," asks the magician. "Can you feel my finger in your ass?"
The man winces and replies, "Yeah."
The magician holds both of his hands over the guy's back, wiggles his fingers in front of his face and shouts, "Ta-Dah."
Father: Why don't you get yourself a job?
Son: Why?
Father: So you could earn some money.
Son: Why?
Father: So you could put some money in a bank and earn interest.
Son: Why?
Father: So that when you're old you can use the money in your bank account .....and you would never have to work again.
Son: I'm not working now.
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