10 March

[Samstone]

Re: 10 March

morning all
good show, good venue, hell of a drive. never been to the Birchmere.

New Zealand: I cannot process the hatred people have for one another, and the motivation that creates these on going occurrences. I ask the why and there is no answer. I am continually at a lost when these things happen.

[Mick]

Re: 10 March

afternoon all...welcome from storm Hannah ...this place is getting some serious rain

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the little stream is now a full belt river.... Im off detecting tomorrow ...off up to Yorkshire metal detecting tomorrow...supposed to be sunny..we shall see...this time next week will be on the big silver bird ..hope everyone is well..

Went to an auction earlier. For some reason my eye started twitching.

Came back with 5 paintings, 3 vases and a rocking horse.

My son come up to me and said, “Dad I need a poo.”

“You only had one about half an hour ago,” I sighed.

“I need another one.” He grimaced. “I’ve got diarrhoea.”

“Well go behind the same bush as before,” I said.

... that’s when me and my 28yr old son got kicked out of the Garden Centre.

My friend said he's out shopping for some comfortable shoes.

I said, "Good luck in your sole searching."

My dad always use to say, "Never look back."

Lovely guy .... sh.t historian.

Federal Government Employee Performance Evaluations.

1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this employee to breed.

3. This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be.

4. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

5. When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.

6. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

7. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

8. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

9. This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better.

10. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.

11. A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

12. He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.

13. He's been working with glue too much.

14. He would argue with a signpost.

15. He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.

16. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.

17. If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one.

18. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

19. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.

20. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

21. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

22. He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

23. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

24. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.

25. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

26. It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm

27. One neuron short of a synapse.

28. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.

29. Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'.

30. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

I needed to pay a visit, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles.

One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.

A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hi ya mate, how are you going"?

Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied "Not too bad thanks".

After a short pause, I heard the voice again "So, what are you up to"?

Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, "Just having a quick poo.., how about yourself"?

The next thing I heard him say was ...

"Sorry mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some d*ckhead in the loo next to me answering everything I say".


TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
_________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your maths multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
_______________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
_________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher. It's the same dog.
___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.

There's a man with a bald head and a wooden leg who gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir:
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir:
Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he received a small parcel and a note which read:

Dear Sir:
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your butt and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

[porqoui]

Re: 10 March

MAE ALL...

Sam...sounds like it was worth the trip.

Mick...what a difference a day makes eh? Good job on getting the van in yesterday. In Duchess we had a creek formed by the Red Deer river that circled the property on 3 sides. During mass rain storms it would rise up over the bridge and onto the property. It explained why the house was built on a hill, something like you. Just read the last line of your jokes while typing this, now I got to see the beginning of that one. LOL Hope the weather forecast is correct for your detecting tomorrow.

Shout out to the gang, will be back later today....:smile:PPQP

:hahaha: loved the joke.

[Lavande]

Re: 10 March

Good evening Abbers,

It was a little chillier here & pretty windy but dry - no rain!
Spent a little time with my oldest grandson today after his cub pack finished their community service project. Sometimes I can't believe how mature he is, very intelligent kid.

Mick, your puddles are impressive there friend!
I hope all that water stays out of your basement if you have one. I hope the weather clears up real soon for you

Sam, glad to hear you enjoyed your show! I love live music & performances.
My daughter & granddaughter took the train into the city (Philly) today for an afternoon ballet performance. Sounds like they had a ball.
I just read that there's a Missouri state senator introducing a bill to make it mandatory that everyone from age 21-35 own an AR 15. WHAT???
WTF is wrong with people in this country? Every damn politician seems to be owned by the NRA

Pauly, you're right, Kuya is in NZ as well. Haven't talked to her for a while.

PQ, I hope you are having a fantastic weekend!

SK, Det, Pie - hello to all of you.

I made an IP dinner, sautéed a big pan of cabbage on the side & baked a vegan apple cake for dessert. I need to go slice that thing right now!!

Have a nice night everyone!
Lav