hiya all ...hope all is well today .Did you all miss me yesterday?ok ok no need to go overboard !went to a family meal last night..Julies neice leaves on Thursday..is off teaching in Seoul,so we all went out for a meal..it was lovely so today is a fast day ..yep I pigged out.one of Julies nephews ..(these are all her late brothers kids )has just got a contract doing media and photography in the prison Service.so thats another one in there ...so far Julies dad worked there Julie does ,I did ,her nephew does as an officer, and now her other nephew does..He is only doing it short term he has applied to be a cop in Liverpool...no shortage of work there.all in all tho ..a good night.
hiya Det ,great to hear from ya...busy busy eh?glad things are ok.
a good haircut makes everyone look good!,,,,hiya Lav Ive just had a good haircut.......bet your chuffed no tuna on the menu...it would kind of be like the turkey ...tuna everything!! you seriously didnt think iw would be anything less than mahooosive did you? :congratulatory:Snortin do-nuts? youll be putting dunkin do-nuts out of business
hiya teegee...you ok ....next time someone offers you a seat you want to do a couple of somersaults and backflips and then just say no thanks!Yep the politics we have is very much a badly written sketch that in no way reflects the wishes of the people who btw myself included were sold a pup at the time of the vote ..the information was very loose thats polite for lying manipulative gits..If that vote was redone ,I pretty much think it would be a different result ..one of the rreasons people were sticking by it was Juncker and Merkel and the rest of them s attitude ..bullying and threatening ...as a nation we do not take to that and when people threaten us we go out our way to dig our heels in even to our own detriment ..its a trait .
That little obnoxious dwarf you are talking about is John Berco...Im not too keen on him ..He is the Speaker of the House of Commons ,,,one of his tasks is to keep order amongst the members of the house so that they all get a fair hearing ..not to use it as a platform for his catty barbed upper class comments ..he is supposed to be impartial in his dealings ..hmmm "Ordah Ordah" thats the cry.He retires after this Brexit rubbish is finished.and rightly so
Banksy had it right with his painting ..
Invalid URL
hiya ppqp....you take it easy !glad the party was a success ...but think of yourself!I take it a quiet weekend?
hiya pauly hows you then? you good girl?yep family at times can be challenging ..I had my share of that too ..but the old adage blood is thicker than water is true .
I was in the pub this afternoon,sat quietly enjoying a drink at the bar, when this big fat ugly horror came up an started chatting me up.
I asked "Excuse me, do you have a pen"?
She replied "Yes, why"?
I said "Well you better get back in it before the farmer realises that you've got out"
A man hates his wife"s cat so much he drives to the next town and dumps it.
When he gets home, it"s there.
Next day he drives 50 miles and dumps it.
When he gets home, it"s there.
So the next day he drives to the other side of the country and dumps it.
One hour later he rings his wife and asks, "is the cat home?"
"Yes, why?" asks his wife."
Put the it on," he says, "I"m fcking lost."
Before the internet, people had to walk miles just to call me an a$$hole
Two businessmen in the centre of London were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some pensioner
is going to walk by, put their face to the window, and ask what we're selling." No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, "What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling a$$holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old woman said,“Must be doing well...Only two left.!"
Just opened door twentytwelvety on my dianne abbott advent calendar
I hear the Spanish want to declare war against the British over Gibraltar leaving the EU but they are struggling to find their navy.
Here is a clue. It is still at the bottom of the English Channel
Ever wondered why the River Mersey runs through Liverpool?
Because if it walked, it would get mugged
So this kid never says anything. He's ten years old and has never said a word his entire life. His parents are naturally overwrought with concern.
They take him to specialists, they read books on psychology, they do everything they can to pique his interest, but nothing seems to work.
They are literally at their wits end when one day at the dinner table, out of the blue, kid says -- "Soup's cold".
Needless to say his parents are completely in shock and, of course, at the same time overjoyed. "He can talk", blurts out the Mom!
Dad says, "After all this time, after all the therapy sessions, after everything we've done to try to get you to talk, how come you've never said anything"?
Kid says, "Well, up until now everything's been fine".
An older lady was expecting a gentleman friend to call on her later in the day. She was nervous because her eyesight was failing and was afraid her friend might reject her because she was less than perfect. So, she came up with a plan to prove to him that she could see perfectly.
She put a straight pin in a tree that was about 200 feet from her front porch.
When her beau arrived, they sat in the porch swing and were talking when she suddenly stopped the conversation and asked, "Is that a pin sticking in that tree?"
Her friend squinted his eyes and said, "I don't see a thing."
"Well, I'm going to go see," she said as she jumped up, ran toward the tree, and collided with a cow.
As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald's one day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, "We should pray."
From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please, God, don't let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."
A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk.
"What are they doing, Grandma" asked the little girl?
The grandmother was embarrased, so she said, "The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor".
They're just like people, aren't they Grandma" said the little one?
"How do you mean" asked the Grandma?
"Offer someone a helping hand", said the little girl, "and they screw you every time"!
I have a really good buddy called Pete. He lost an arm a few years back in a motorcycle accident. I saw him last Friday and called "Hi Pete where are you going"?
"To change a light-bulb" he replied.
Trying not to be offensive I ventured "Won't that be a little awkward"?
"Not really" he retorted, "I still have the receipt".
Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one of them notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner.
One says to the other, "jeez, i'd really like to dance with that girl."
The other man replies, "well go ahead and ask her, don't be a chicken shit."
So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, "excuse me. would you be so kind as to dance with me?"
Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, "i'm sorry. right now i'm contemplating on matrimony, and i'd rather sit than dance."
So the man humbly returns to his friend "so what did she say?" asks the friend.
The drunk responded, "she said she's constipated on macaroni, and would rather sh.t in her pants."
Extracts from Police Car Video Arrests
The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.
#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
#14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."
#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey shit!."
#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
#4 "Just how big were those two beers?"
#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
and the best one . .
#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?
..... You're right, we don't. ... Sign here
hiya Det ,great to hear from ya...busy busy eh?glad things are ok.
a good haircut makes everyone look good!,,,,hiya Lav Ive just had a good haircut.......bet your chuffed no tuna on the menu...it would kind of be like the turkey ...tuna everything!! you seriously didnt think iw would be anything less than mahooosive did you? :congratulatory:Snortin do-nuts? youll be putting dunkin do-nuts out of business
hiya teegee...you ok ....next time someone offers you a seat you want to do a couple of somersaults and backflips and then just say no thanks!Yep the politics we have is very much a badly written sketch that in no way reflects the wishes of the people who btw myself included were sold a pup at the time of the vote ..the information was very loose thats polite for lying manipulative gits..If that vote was redone ,I pretty much think it would be a different result ..one of the rreasons people were sticking by it was Juncker and Merkel and the rest of them s attitude ..bullying and threatening ...as a nation we do not take to that and when people threaten us we go out our way to dig our heels in even to our own detriment ..its a trait .
That little obnoxious dwarf you are talking about is John Berco...Im not too keen on him ..He is the Speaker of the House of Commons ,,,one of his tasks is to keep order amongst the members of the house so that they all get a fair hearing ..not to use it as a platform for his catty barbed upper class comments ..he is supposed to be impartial in his dealings ..hmmm "Ordah Ordah" thats the cry.He retires after this Brexit rubbish is finished.and rightly so
Banksy had it right with his painting ..
Invalid URL
hiya ppqp....you take it easy !glad the party was a success ...but think of yourself!I take it a quiet weekend?
hiya pauly hows you then? you good girl?yep family at times can be challenging ..I had my share of that too ..but the old adage blood is thicker than water is true .
I was in the pub this afternoon,sat quietly enjoying a drink at the bar, when this big fat ugly horror came up an started chatting me up.
I asked "Excuse me, do you have a pen"?
She replied "Yes, why"?
I said "Well you better get back in it before the farmer realises that you've got out"
A man hates his wife"s cat so much he drives to the next town and dumps it.
When he gets home, it"s there.
Next day he drives 50 miles and dumps it.
When he gets home, it"s there.
So the next day he drives to the other side of the country and dumps it.
One hour later he rings his wife and asks, "is the cat home?"
"Yes, why?" asks his wife."
Put the it on," he says, "I"m fcking lost."
Before the internet, people had to walk miles just to call me an a$$hole
Two businessmen in the centre of London were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some pensioner
is going to walk by, put their face to the window, and ask what we're selling." No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, "What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling a$$holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old woman said,“Must be doing well...Only two left.!"
Just opened door twentytwelvety on my dianne abbott advent calendar
I hear the Spanish want to declare war against the British over Gibraltar leaving the EU but they are struggling to find their navy.
Here is a clue. It is still at the bottom of the English Channel
Ever wondered why the River Mersey runs through Liverpool?
Because if it walked, it would get mugged
So this kid never says anything. He's ten years old and has never said a word his entire life. His parents are naturally overwrought with concern.
They take him to specialists, they read books on psychology, they do everything they can to pique his interest, but nothing seems to work.
They are literally at their wits end when one day at the dinner table, out of the blue, kid says -- "Soup's cold".
Needless to say his parents are completely in shock and, of course, at the same time overjoyed. "He can talk", blurts out the Mom!
Dad says, "After all this time, after all the therapy sessions, after everything we've done to try to get you to talk, how come you've never said anything"?
Kid says, "Well, up until now everything's been fine".
An older lady was expecting a gentleman friend to call on her later in the day. She was nervous because her eyesight was failing and was afraid her friend might reject her because she was less than perfect. So, she came up with a plan to prove to him that she could see perfectly.
She put a straight pin in a tree that was about 200 feet from her front porch.
When her beau arrived, they sat in the porch swing and were talking when she suddenly stopped the conversation and asked, "Is that a pin sticking in that tree?"
Her friend squinted his eyes and said, "I don't see a thing."
"Well, I'm going to go see," she said as she jumped up, ran toward the tree, and collided with a cow.
As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald's one day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, "We should pray."
From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please, God, don't let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."
A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk.
"What are they doing, Grandma" asked the little girl?
The grandmother was embarrased, so she said, "The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor".
They're just like people, aren't they Grandma" said the little one?
"How do you mean" asked the Grandma?
"Offer someone a helping hand", said the little girl, "and they screw you every time"!
I have a really good buddy called Pete. He lost an arm a few years back in a motorcycle accident. I saw him last Friday and called "Hi Pete where are you going"?
"To change a light-bulb" he replied.
Trying not to be offensive I ventured "Won't that be a little awkward"?
"Not really" he retorted, "I still have the receipt".
Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one of them notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner.
One says to the other, "jeez, i'd really like to dance with that girl."
The other man replies, "well go ahead and ask her, don't be a chicken shit."
So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, "excuse me. would you be so kind as to dance with me?"
Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, "i'm sorry. right now i'm contemplating on matrimony, and i'd rather sit than dance."
So the man humbly returns to his friend "so what did she say?" asks the friend.
The drunk responded, "she said she's constipated on macaroni, and would rather sh.t in her pants."
Extracts from Police Car Video Arrests
The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.
#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
#14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."
#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey shit!."
#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
#4 "Just how big were those two beers?"
#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
and the best one . .
#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?
..... You're right, we don't. ... Sign here
Det,you sound good,great you found a job,waves to all
Comment