Re: Nov 17th
hi all how are we today then? good i hope..never slept too great last night..it is 4pm and pitch black outside ,and been really foggy too...def not going detecting tomorrow ...even I think Iwould be mad apologies for the right hnded typing
hiya pauly you well today?hope you are doing ok ..hows work nowadays?
hiya ppqp..wow a sea change at work?interesting to see how this all works out ..still snowing out there?
hiya Lav ..how are you ? yep thats some model railway Rod Stewart has..I was going to do a bit of electrics on mine today ...but I cant move my arm properly its kind of hard behaving!!!!!!
I've just bought a packet of "easy-cook" rice.
Cooking ordinary rice was getting far too difficult for me, what with having to run water into a pan, pour the rice in and turn the hob on.
At a recent protest in the city.
“What do we want .”..................”An end to night shift”
“When do we want it ?”.............”What day is it now ?”
I hope I get Jeremy Corbyn in secret Santa,
I’m going to get him an advent calendar, it's the only time he'll open the Number 10 door.
1949: Jeremy Corbyn is born
1950: Scientists start working on the first birth control pill
Coincidence?
After a Visit to a Massage Parlour
...a man discovers a painful lump on his willy, so he goes to see his doctor.
"I'm afraid this is serious", the doctor says after examining him. "You know how rugby players get cauliflower ear"?
"Yes", the man replies shakily.
"Well" said the doctor "it looks like you've got a brothel sprout".
A mother-in-law said to her son's wife when the baby was born, "I don't mean to be rude, but he doesn't look anything like my son".
The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said, "I don't mean to be rude either but what do you think this - some new fangled photo copier"!!!
Exam' questions:
In which battle did Napoleon die?
# his last battle.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
# at the bottom of the page.
River Ravi flows in which state?
# liquid.
What is the main reason for divorce?
# marriage.
What is the main reason for failure?
# exams.
What can you never eat for breakfast?
# Lunch & dinner.
What looks like half an apple?
#The other half.
If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
#It will simply become wet.
How can a man go eight days without sleeping?
#No problem, he sleeps at night.
How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
#You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..
If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
#Very large hands.
If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
#No time at all, the wall is already built.
How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
#Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
The following assessment was developed by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University ...
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.
This is this cat.
This is is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is old cat.
This is fart cat.
This is busy cat..
This is for cat.
This is forty cat.
This is seconds cat.
The average person over 45 years of age cannot do it! How many did you get right?
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.
I've put something aside for a rainy day. It's an umbrella.
Q: Which one of our natural resources will become exhausted first?
A: The Taxpayer.
I've written books on advertising – cheque books.
I am having an out of money experience.
It is easier to rob by setting up a bank than by holding up a bank
Financial markets have a very safe way of predicting the future. They cause it.
For some time I've been speculating on commodities: heavily buying into both the Coffee and Chocolate markets.
It's unfortunate we can't buy many business executives for what they are worth and sell them for what they think they are worth.
The same people who laugh at fortune tellers take economists seriously.
My bank lets me send a text message and it'll text back with my balance. It's a cool feature but I didn't think the LOL was necessary.
True wealth is not comparing yourself to others, but enjoying what you have. Especially when you have more than everyone else.
Whenever I go near a bank I get withdrawal symptoms.
A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
If at first you don't succeed: try management.
They have two tellers in my bank, except when it's busy they have one.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Economics is the only profession where you can gain great eminence without ever being right.
an you guess which of the following are true and which are false?
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.
A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 years.
People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.
When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop - even your heart!
Only 7 percent of the population are lefties.
Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.
The average person over 50 years old will have spent almost 5 years waiting in lines.
The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
The average housefly lives for one month.
40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time of day.
Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
The reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.
The only two animals that can see behind themselves without turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.
John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie."
Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State Anthem.
In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.
Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane, just in case there is a crash.
The first Harley Davidson motorcycle, built in 1903, used a tomato can for a carburetor.
Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth. They are used in vein transplant surgery.
Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins.
If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.
All of them are true!!!!now go back and consider the one in red,,,
hi all how are we today then? good i hope..never slept too great last night..it is 4pm and pitch black outside ,and been really foggy too...def not going detecting tomorrow ...even I think Iwould be mad apologies for the right hnded typing
hiya pauly you well today?hope you are doing ok ..hows work nowadays?
hiya ppqp..wow a sea change at work?interesting to see how this all works out ..still snowing out there?
hiya Lav ..how are you ? yep thats some model railway Rod Stewart has..I was going to do a bit of electrics on mine today ...but I cant move my arm properly its kind of hard behaving!!!!!!
I've just bought a packet of "easy-cook" rice.
Cooking ordinary rice was getting far too difficult for me, what with having to run water into a pan, pour the rice in and turn the hob on.
At a recent protest in the city.
“What do we want .”..................”An end to night shift”
“When do we want it ?”.............”What day is it now ?”
I hope I get Jeremy Corbyn in secret Santa,
I’m going to get him an advent calendar, it's the only time he'll open the Number 10 door.
1949: Jeremy Corbyn is born
1950: Scientists start working on the first birth control pill
Coincidence?
After a Visit to a Massage Parlour
...a man discovers a painful lump on his willy, so he goes to see his doctor.
"I'm afraid this is serious", the doctor says after examining him. "You know how rugby players get cauliflower ear"?
"Yes", the man replies shakily.
"Well" said the doctor "it looks like you've got a brothel sprout".
A mother-in-law said to her son's wife when the baby was born, "I don't mean to be rude, but he doesn't look anything like my son".
The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said, "I don't mean to be rude either but what do you think this - some new fangled photo copier"!!!
Exam' questions:
In which battle did Napoleon die?
# his last battle.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
# at the bottom of the page.
River Ravi flows in which state?
# liquid.
What is the main reason for divorce?
# marriage.
What is the main reason for failure?
# exams.
What can you never eat for breakfast?
# Lunch & dinner.
What looks like half an apple?
#The other half.
If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
#It will simply become wet.
How can a man go eight days without sleeping?
#No problem, he sleeps at night.
How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
#You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..
If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
#Very large hands.
If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
#No time at all, the wall is already built.
How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
#Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
The following assessment was developed by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University ...
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.
This is this cat.
This is is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is old cat.
This is fart cat.
This is busy cat..
This is for cat.
This is forty cat.
This is seconds cat.
The average person over 45 years of age cannot do it! How many did you get right?
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.
I've put something aside for a rainy day. It's an umbrella.
Q: Which one of our natural resources will become exhausted first?
A: The Taxpayer.
I've written books on advertising – cheque books.
I am having an out of money experience.
It is easier to rob by setting up a bank than by holding up a bank
Financial markets have a very safe way of predicting the future. They cause it.
For some time I've been speculating on commodities: heavily buying into both the Coffee and Chocolate markets.
It's unfortunate we can't buy many business executives for what they are worth and sell them for what they think they are worth.
The same people who laugh at fortune tellers take economists seriously.
My bank lets me send a text message and it'll text back with my balance. It's a cool feature but I didn't think the LOL was necessary.
True wealth is not comparing yourself to others, but enjoying what you have. Especially when you have more than everyone else.
Whenever I go near a bank I get withdrawal symptoms.
A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
If at first you don't succeed: try management.
They have two tellers in my bank, except when it's busy they have one.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Economics is the only profession where you can gain great eminence without ever being right.
an you guess which of the following are true and which are false?
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.
A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 years.
People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.
When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop - even your heart!
Only 7 percent of the population are lefties.
Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.
The average person over 50 years old will have spent almost 5 years waiting in lines.
The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
The average housefly lives for one month.
40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time of day.
Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
The reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.
The only two animals that can see behind themselves without turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.
John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie."
Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State Anthem.
In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.
Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane, just in case there is a crash.
The first Harley Davidson motorcycle, built in 1903, used a tomato can for a carburetor.
Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth. They are used in vein transplant surgery.
Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins.
If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.
All of them are true!!!!now go back and consider the one in red,,,
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