16th Feb

[Mick]

mae all ,how are we today then?good I hope ..well the rain has cleared here at the moment but terrific wind ..no not me ...weather!it is blowing a double hooley .went to try and let the rabbits out and no thanks was the reply.
Never went detecting ..not a chance!so without ado lets have a brew..you n me and a cup of tea


buongiorno come stai Det ..yes like you I love Italy ...strangely enough didnt discover it till late ,apart from one drunken forage in the army which was more concerned with vino than venice!!since then tho I have travelled the length ,ended up in Sicily and ran round the top of the volcanoes Etna and Vesuviusand eaten loads of gelato....keep it together friend ..you are doing great!!

hiya ppqp ...hows son today then? is he any better?hope your trip helps out .do the relatives or folks you are going to visit know about son? perhaps they can help ...hope it all goes ok for you any way.

so no baby goats at all then Lav???Im sure the rabbits will be impressed with the grass!at the moment they have to swim for it ...no thats not true they have idiot me who goes and picks it for them!!!

big shout to everyone else ..will nip in later

[paulywogg]

Re: 16th Feb

Mae everybody, PQ, hope your son is feeling ok, I've been feeling very sad and "off" these past few days and it's freaking me out cuz I can't pinpoint what's causing it aaah! So I understand why your son feels so desperate almost to feel better jeez, Lav glad you had a good visit with the kids much love to all and wishes for a great BF Sunday for us all

[Lavande]

Re: 16th Feb

Greetings friends,

Sunny & a balmy 50 degrees this afternoon, not bad. Looks like it’s getting colder for the rest of the week of course!
Roasted a bunch of chicken parts today for use throughout the week. Also made an interesting lentil & brown basmati rice dish in the IP. It’s flavored with cumin & curry, yum.

Mick, hang on to your hair in those high winds, haha!!
I wouldn’t mind having a goat to chew up all the invasive plants vines around here. I guess I could let him live in the other side of the chicken house but yB would have a stroke, Lol

Pauly, everyone I know is dealing with the mid-February blues. It’s not the best time of year for any of us. Pretty soon March will be here & we can get our spring gardens going

PQ, I hope your son is feeling more settled & your trip went OK.

Hello to Cyn, Det & the missing Sam!!!!

Have a nice night all!

Lav

[porqoui]

Re: 16th Feb

MAE ALL...

Mick...I've been seeing news reports about your weather, that's something else. Aren't you glad you're not flying right now! Son is doing better today. Some of the relatives know what's going on. The trip was a great success, he really enjoyed himself, as did I. Just got home as the snow started, nothing much and won't last long. We're above freezing all next week.

Pauly...He's doing much better, thanks for asking. We were able to chat about a few things during the drive, at least I didn't have to put up with the pacing.

Lav...We didn't quite get to 50 but 35 was nice, lots of sunshine. Other than tomorrow, holiday Monday, there's no snow in the forecast. it's going to feel like spring again so fingers crossed we don't get hammered with another snow storm. It was a lovely drive and great to see family I haven't seen in 3 years. Looking forward to not going into work tomorrow. LOL

Have a peaceful evening all....:smile:PPQP

[treegirl]

Re: 16th Feb

Mae all -

Sorry to be away, super-busy weekend with client and hubs' hopes for a dedicated Valentine's Day (he had the day off, by chance). All OK here.

PPQ, we were at 9 degrees Friday morning! We're coming back into the warmer temps now... can't complain, this has been an easy winter here. Good luck with son, sounds like things are getting more settled, hope so. Enjoy your day off!

Lav, I think you know that I longed for a goat at our last house!!! Trouble was I just wanted them to eat the invasives, not everything!!! I contacted one "rent-a-goat" place, but the looked at a Google aerial map of the property , and declined!! Enjoy your yummy bread... YB is one lucky man. Glad the grands visit went well -

Pauly, I get that February feeling too - concentrate in the growing light - lighter much later now... to The Light!

Mick, how are you coping with this dastardly storm!? Sounds awful, good luck. Thank goodness you have your train setup -no rain or wind there!

Det, you sound great, here's hoping that your busy day went well, and the fancy party too.

Hello to all else... I'm off for client and a million other To Dos... including taxes, aaargh!!!

Wishing all a good one -

[paulywogg]

Re: 16th Feb

Mae everybody, Cyn hope you had a nice V-day, I know with your busy schedule it's hard to fit in time, love the rent a goat hahaPQ, glad son is feeling a bit better, I felt better yesterday too but the day before forget it! Mick hope you're safe and the count down to FL awaits yay! Lav, sounds like everything is going well with you, shit sleep last night, felt like I was asleep but awake if that makes sense? Oh well I'm pretty much used to it by now anyhoo, much love to all and wishes for a great BF Monday!

[Mick]

Re: 16th Feb

afternoon all ..welcome from a windy Lancashire.Rain has gone but the wind is still there 70mph they reckon.did a bit on the railway this morning ....made a tunnel on the canal,looks not bad at all ...Ive got another idea in my head ,which is going to take a bit of thinking about to do .anyway thats in the future .so on we go then ..brew time.

hiya pauly you ok?yuou feeling any better today?I hope so despite the crappy sleep . ..yep the countdown to Fl continues ..looking forward to it for sure .

hiya teegee ...wow you put some hours into this work thingy Yep we can only cope with the weather day by day and take it as it comes ..Now as for the railway in the loft...I have to keep cleaning the track...dust keeps blowing thru from the tiles.Taxes eeek best of luck

hiya ppqp ..glad son is better and that you enjoyed yourself..I take it snozegon.....?Yes swe are getting some silly weather at the moment ..I saw a you tube ofa plane landing at Leeds airport yesterday..all credit to the pilot.

Hiya Lav ...how are you then?ok I hope..yes my hair is sitting on the shelf ..My friends have got goats on their farm about 10...including miniature ones ....small bu they will certainly look after your weeds etc..that dish sounds good ...I love lentils ..

take care and have a great day..

The seven dwarfs went off to work in the mine one day, while Snow White stayed at home to do the housework and cook their lunch.

However when she went to the mine to deliver their lunches, she found There had been a cave-in and there was no sign of the dwarves.

Tearfully she yelled in to the mine entrance: "Hello - is anyone there. Can anyone hear me"?

A voice floated up from the bowels of the mine: Trump will be re-elected

"Thank god" said Snow White "at least Dopey's still alive".

Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took pictures of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. When she finished her first batch she took the film to be developed. After a week or so she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor.

Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said,

"Don't worry. Someday your prints will come".


Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Japanese man, clutching a clip board and yelling,

"You Sign! You sign!"

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Japanese man starts to yell louder,

"You Sign! You Sign"!

Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again.

When he opens it, the little Japanese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling,

"You sign! You sign!"

Mr Mandela is getting a bit pi**ed off by now, so he pushes the little Japanese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! Leave me alone! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!"

Then he slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Japanese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting,

"You sign! You sign!"

Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him: "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand?

You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"

The little Japanese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:

(It's a beauty)...


(wait for it)...


(Get your best Japanese accent ready)......









"You not Nissan Main Deala?"

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre.

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The man groaned but didn't budge.

The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.

In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.

The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"

"Sam," the man moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?"

With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."

Zen and the Wisdom from Maharish
Here are some words of wisdom from Maharishi Fattibastard....

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just f--- off and leave me alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.

Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Remember, no one is listening until you fart.

Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments

Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Have you ever lent someone $20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreen.

Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our arse. From there on in, life gets worse

The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.

Remember not to forget that which you do not need to know.

[Lavande]

Re: 16th Feb

Good evening all!

Not much happening here but that’s perfectly OK.
I am stitching up some birthday gifts for my granddaughter & forging ahead with craft show items. Little by little, no rush.
Just heard one of my grandsons (oldest) is sick now - this flu stuff is really going around. Keeping my fingers crossed, geez.

PQ, glad your trip went well & your son enjoyed it too. It’s so hard walking on eggshells, never knowing when someone’s mood is going to swing. We grew up like that, my dad had terrible anger issues.
Our official snow total for teh winter so far is .03”. Can you believe that??? CRAZY! I hope you remain snow free!

Pauly, I am testing out a progesterone oil in a vitamin E & coconut oil base. Too soon to be sure that is is helping for real but I am definitely getting better sleep the past few nights. I’ll send you the link if you want to take a look, it may help!

Cyn, when we moved here & the neighbor offered the services of his goat yB just automatically said no. Of course that was before we realized just how much poison ivy we have out front. The neighbor & the goat are both gone now but I would definitely rent one if I find a chance. You know how badly I react to PI
I hope you can catch your breath & get some Cyn time soon.

Mick, you are also dealing with strange weather, geez. I hope nothing blows away!!!
I’m pretty sure it hit 60 degrees today but rain is on the way now & then colder weather will return. No wonder everyone is getting sick, ugh.
Enjoy your train work!!!!

Hello to Det & Sam!

Have a nice night all!
Lav

[treegirl]

Re: 16th Feb

Mae all -

Got hubs off on a train to NYC early, so here I am.
Mick, great jokes, love the Snow White ones! goodness, I never thought about wind that could make dust come down into an attic -- I hope that storm passes soon.

Lav, I am glad that you have a bit of quiet time to do the things that you want to... you deserve it! I think you have said that both your parents came to live with you later in life, right? Wow, that is quite something... all while you were nursing? Anyway, enjoy your time now --

Pauly, sorry about the curse of poor sleep. I feel that I could sleep through most days also.... but my poor sleep now is due to trying to keep our elderly dog from waking up hubs with (the dog's) kicking his legs and whimpering. Bad dreams? Pain in his legs? Who knows... never a dull moment!

PPQ, hope you and your son are doing OK... hello to busy Det and all else... we are heading to the end of February, so spring will be coming soon -- seemed like a spring day here yesterday, now dark and rainy, what a strange winter...

Mya we be well...

[paulywogg]

Re: 16th Feb

Mae everybody, Mick I seen that plane on the news too, really scary that the winds are so strong, Lav, lemme know how it goes for you with the oil, sorry grandson is sick now, poor kids! One of my cousins kids is in the hospital in my hometown with the flu, it's not playing this year, Cyn, it has been a weirdo winter, PQ, it's hamburger helper for dinner (the Velveeta brand) Brady brought it up the other morning and it's been awhile so I figured why not, much love to the gang and wishes for a great BF Tuesday!

[Mick]

Re: 16th Feb

afternoon all from the wetlands ..hows you today then?hope all is well...Call me mad ,but I went out in the garden this morning ...doing some tidying up moving plants and a bit of weeding too .and now Im making another little boat for the canal on the railway and putting lighting in the canal tunnel....Its getting colder ,the winds have died down...and guess what ..we are back on the going to snow stunt now..Watching the news this morning ...and guess what ...they set up a study group a few years ago,and the results are out ....it is not cost effective to build homes on flood plain.....a study group for that???? its kind of like the lets have meeting scenario..ok who will attend the meeting .....ermmmm lets have a meeting to discuss attendance at the meeting!

Hiya Pauly hows you then?good I hope ...Ive ony been on flights twice in heavy winds and it was skeery!!on one it hit turbulence and droppedlike a stone ...the other it took 2 attempts to land .hope you enjoyed the hamboigerz

hiya tg how are you then today?hope all is well with you....yes storm has passed..just waiting the next instalment!!

hiya Lav and how are you then today?all good I hope ..you got the goats yet? ha ha ...yes its pretty rubbish out there though even in the cold and rain I enjoyedplaying in the garden ..then I went out and got some more dandelions for the rabbits .hows the grandson?

hiya ppqp ..you ok?

I’m not saying that Liverpool’s a shthole, but there’s a guy on the market there selling fake Primark gear.

"I've told you before," I said, "I don't go out with married women."

As I headed for the pub I could hear her shouting, "But I'm your wife."

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, "All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, "ALLLLEEE OOOP"! really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine".

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers "Aleeee ooop" in the horse's ear. The same thing happens - the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "It's no good, I'll have to do it" and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP"! really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, "Nothing is wrong with me -- it's this bloody horse. What is he -- deaf or something"?

The trainer replies, "Deaf?? DEAF?? He's not deaf... he's BLIND"!

The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911.


When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.


The man said "It was enough to make anybody faint...

my son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower"!

A Young man saved his girlfriend's phone number on his cell as "LOW BATTERY".

Whenever she calls him in his absence, his wife takes the phone and plugs it to the charger.

I Mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a couple of nice cold beers.

The day was really quite beautiful, and the brew facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.
Finally I pondered about an age old question:
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the Nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another baby". On the other hand, you'll never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I'd like another kick in the nuts".

I rest my case.

Case closed!

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling.

The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now"?

"Yes".

"Oui".

"Sí".

"Ja".


Two buddies are on their way to the U.S. Army Induction Center for physicals. Neither wants to go to war, so one says, "I hear that if you don't have any teeth they won't take you." They decide it's worth a try, so they stop at a dentist and have all their teeth pulled.

When they arrive at the Induction Center there is a line waiting to get physicals. They decide it might look fishy if both stand in line, one after the other, so one guy heads for the back of the line.

Just as he steps into line, a big ole farm boy hits the end of the line right in front of him, so the second toothless guy lines up behind him.

The first toothless guy steps up and the doctor asks, "Anything wrong with you"?

The guy says, "Well, no, except I don't have any teeth".

The doctor says, "Open up and let me have a look".

The guy opens his mouth and the doctor runs his finger around his gums and says, "Sure enough, you stand over there".

The line slowly progressed to his buddy while he waited. The farmboy in front of him steps up and the doctor asks, "Anything wrong with you"?

The farm boy says, "No doc, 'ceptin I have a little case of the piles".

The doctor says, "Bend over, spread 'em and let me see." The boy does. The doctor rams his finger in, pulls it out, looks at his finger and says, "Sure 'nough. You stand over there".

The next toothless guy having observed the examination with the farmboy steps up and when the doctor asks him, "Anything wrong with you"?

"Not a damn thing ... just give me a gun, I'm a fighting son-of-a-bitch"!!

[Lavande]

Re: 16th Feb

Greetings Abbers,

Nice day, some sun & 61 degrees! Never did get rain last night so I guess it will get here when it gets here.

Cyn, I did build an addition on my house in 1985 & moved my parents in. Seems like a nightmare/dream now
I really hope I can live on my own somewhere (not here) & not crash on my kids. It was just too much for all of us.
This winter has been strange, for sure. I noticed the rosemary in my herb garden has some purple blooms popping out on it today.

Pauly, I slept decently again last night so I think I’m going to continue with the progesterone oil. It’s also supposed to kickstart your metabolism which is half the reason I bought it, haha. If I lose a few pounds it would be miraculous. Take a look at Rated Best Thyroid Vitamins & Supplements | Forefront Health

PQ, how was your day?
Det, how was your day?

Mick, I hope you haven’t blown away & everything is OK.
My DIL just said grandson is very nasty - which means he doesn’t feel great! I don’t think her nursing skills are great. I’ll probably stop in & check on him myself tomorrow.

Have a nice night kids!
Lav

[porqoui]

Re: 16th Feb

MAE ALL...

Mick...internet was having it's own way yesterday and appears my post didn't materialize. Glad the winds have died down a bit, I was picturing everything in your yard flying away. Trust you to be out gardening already. I'm looking at least another 3 months.

Lav...woke up to -2F and snow :sad: You just never know what you're going to get till you actually open the door. That's an interesting link, I may be tempted as well. I hope grandson isn't too bad and I'm glad you're going to check on him yourself.

TG...trying to remember your post as I'm not going to try scrolling back and loose this one. Sounds like you're on you're own again, maybe some me time now?

Pauly...hamburger helper would have worked for me tonight, wish I had thought of it. Not sure what I'll make.

Have a good night all....:smile:PPQP

[Mick]

Re: 16th Feb

hiya all...you will never guess ...its raining ..still not to worry ....been playing on the trains and also out in the garden ,..just moving plants around ..If you listen to the news and the updates..its pretty heavy duty in the future for flooding..and yet they arestill building houses on flood plain....crazee.....so how are we all today then?good I hope ....not many on here yesterday.brew time ..

hiya Lav ,hows you then?all ok?hows the "nasty"grandson doing ..hope is getting better .....or should that be worth in younger speak nowadays ..where bad means good....was on the treadmill this morning gave it some hammer ...Ive now got my weight at 11.6.....31st Dec I was 12.8....got to get loads of room for America !!hope you have a good day.

hiya ppqp...hows you then?hope all is ok with you .....still got the snow?Son doing better?I hope so.have a good day..

hi pauly hope you are well?and the same for all our other reader s

I rang Kwik-Fit up and asked them if they had a headlight.
" What is it for," asked the mechanic.
I said, " So I can drive at night you stupid gitt."

In case you missed it, here are the key players in the new cabinet:

Chancellor - Dominic Cummings
Foreign Sec - Dominic Cummings
Home Sec - Dominic Cummings
Education - Dominic Cummings
Defence - Dominic Cummings
Prime Minister - Dominic Cummings
No 10 Cat - Dominic Cummings

Ryanair passengers cry, pray and even retch on the flight from Morocco to Belgium during Storm Dennis.

And that was just at check-in.

A woman has a problem with her closet door, it was falling every time a bus was passing by.

So she called a repair man.

The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out every time when a bus passes by.

"OK, I am gonna see what is going on, just close the door behind me" and he steps into the closet.

At that time the husband comes from work, opens the closet and finds the repairman.

Husband: "What the hell are you doing here!"

Repairman: "Well, you are not going to believe it, but I am waiting for a bus!"

A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. Seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers.

As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?"

She asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him?

" She said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.

"Tell him," she whispered, " there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room

A New Zealander, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck.

They found themselves stranded on a desert island and after being there for a while they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.

One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Kiwi.

Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Kiwi took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and lo, and behold, there was another shipwreck.

The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Kiwi had ever seen.

She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual.

It was another beautiful evening: red cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon the New Zealander started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear...

'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'

While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint.

Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from our house.

I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.

Then I got him a Kilkenny's, he didn't like that either, so I drank it.

Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager? He didn't. So I drank it.

I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer, so we tried a Jameson's, nope!

In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast, Ireland's finest. He wouldn't even smell it. What could I do but drink it!

By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so fookin' sh.t-faced I could hardly push his pram back home.

A school teacher asked her students to make a sentence containing the expression "I presume".

One little girl held up her hand and said: "Yesterday my mother hand washed the dinner dishes and I presumed that the dishwasher was broken."

"Very good" said the teacher.

Another one said: "This morning, my father drove the Volkswagen out of the garage, I presume that the BMW wouldn't start."

"That's excellent" says the teacher.

Little Johnny at the back of the classroom gets up and says: "Yesterday I saw grandpa leave the house with a newspaper under his arm and headed for the bush, I presume that......."

The teacher interrupted him and said, "I stopped you because you have no idea what your grandfather was going to do, so you can't presume anything."

Johnny says, "Please Teacher, let me finish my sentence."

The teacher says, "Very well. Continue."

"As I was saying, I saw my grandpa heading for the bush with a newspaper under his arm. I presume he was going for a crap because he can't read."

Retired Person's Perspective


I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.

You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she's probably unhappy.

Gone are the days when girls cooked like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you've just met? That's common sense leaving your body.

I don't like making plans for the day....because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.

I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes 1,508 days in a row.

I decided to change calling the bathroom "the John" and renamed it "the Jim". I feel so much better saying "I went to the Jim this morning".

Dear paranoid people, who check behind shower curtains for murderers: If you find one, what's your plan?

Everyone has a right to be stupid. Politicians just abuse the privilege. (just remember Einstein's comment, "There is a major difference between intelligence and stupidity; intelligence has its limits.")

[Lavande]

Re: 16th Feb

Good evening everyone,

Grandson is on the mend. I scrapped my ‘to do’ list today & made mushroom soup & baked 3 loaves of cinnamon raisin bread. That’s what retirement does to you, Lol

PQ, sorry about the snow & cold. I just heard that we will be getting rain eventually while snow is predicted down in North & South Carolina. How messed up is that???

Mick, people will build houses anywhere, duh. I just noticed a week ago a new house going up about 2 miles from here. That area was completely under water a few years ago after a big storm. You have to wonder what’s wrong with people & the builders too. Glad your trains are getting plenty of attention

Hello to Cyn, Det, Pauly, Sam & anyone else stopping by.

Have a nice night everyone!
Lav