hiya pauly ...got to echo Lav ..get out of deadeye gulch before it all goes wrong ...Scissors comb ,clippers I can accept ...Smith ad Wesson doesnt convince me for styling ...hope your weekend is going ok?
hiya Lav ...I think the rest of them that arent laying are probably eggshausted...Ive had ONE strawberry off my plants ..I think its down to the foreign rain..amishamed to say..hope all is nice in your sunny day today
hiya ppqp ...hows you then?good I hope ...no cards on the go?
hiya det pie sam....
teegee thinking of you
If the shoe fits,
You probably didn't buy it online.
The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened.
When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news.
"Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!"
"Honestly?"
The politician's smiled faded. "Aw, heck, Ma, why bring that up at a time like this?"
A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex."
"But you are not wearing any of those things," he replied.
"I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry."
A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to, "Where do pets come from?"
Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."
And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."
And God said, "No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."
And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well."
And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration."
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam.
And Cat would not obey Adam.
And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.
And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And Dog was happy.
And the cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.
Two young nuns having just been ordained were on a holiday in New York City and were standing in front of the gorilla cage at the Bronx Zoo.
The gorilla took one look at this beautiful young nun, bent the bars, leapt to the ground and pumped her like crazy. Then he
went back into his cage, straightened the bars and resumed thumping on his massive chest.
The young nun got up off the ground, straightened and dusted her clothes, turned to her companion and said,"We shall never talk about this, agreed"? The other young nun consented.
Twenty five years later the two nuns, who had stayed close friend, were out having coffee, when all of the sudden, the second nun asked her friend", I know I agreed never to talk about the event at the zoo but I have one question".
The other nun stared and said,"O.K., one question"!
The other nun stammered, then asked, "Did it hurt"?
"Did it hurt? Oh yes it hurt! He never called..., he never phoned..., he never sent flowers..."!
One day, Gramma sent her grandson Little Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen.
"Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Little Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Gramma," replied Little Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
1. Create a new file.
2. Name it "Donald Trump"?
3. Send it to the recycle bin.
4. Empty the recycle bin.
5. Your PC will ask you, "Do you really want to get rid of " Donald Trump"?
6. Firmly Click "Yes."
7. Feel better.
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