Re: August 30!!
hiya all ..well thats it driveway is finished ,,just got to let it all settle in now.Unfortunately more dust was caused today,but i putit on the national news so that people could move their cars ...yeah right..lovely dry day here today ,
ppqp..how did the bridge game go?did you win ? do you play on your own or with partners?you take good care
hiya Lav ..you ok?hope all is well ..Im eating my own tomatoes now ..you can def tell the difference.Has the bad weather landed for you?keep dry safe and sane..(ish)
hiya pauly hope all is well..big hug to you
My grandad used to say. "The skys the limit".
Lovely bloke. Shit astronaut.
I went to a rough pub for some food.
My table was set with just a spoon and a knife.
The waiter just didn’t give a fork.
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Q: What do you call the sweat produced when two rednecks are having sex?
A: Relative humidity.
Q: What do you call a Jamaiccan proctologist?
A: Pok-e-mon
Q. How do you castrate a redneck?
A. You kick his sister in the jaw!
A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and announced that his wife had just produced a typical Texas baby, weighing a whopping twenty pounds.
"WOW!" was the response from everyone at the bar.
Two weeks later the Texan returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "10 pounds."
The bartender said, "What!" I know that babies lose some weight after birth, but ten pounds? He did weigh twenty pounds, didn't he? What happened?"
The proud Texas father said, "Just had him circumcised!"
Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!
Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.
The Lord's prayer: 66 words.
Archimedes' Principle: 67 words.
The 10 Commandments: 179 words.
The Gettysburg address: 286 words.
The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words.
U.S. Government regulations on cabbage sales: 26,911 words.
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in 0 gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.
A Scotsman and a Jew went to a restaurant. After a hearty meal, the waitress came by with the inevitable check. To the amazement of all, the Scotsman was heard to say, "I'll pay it!" and he actually did.
The next morning's newspaper carried the news item:
"JEWISH VENTRILOQUIST FOUND MURDERED IN BLIND ALLEY."
Q: What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop, clop, clop?
A: An Amish drive-by shooting.
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.
On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer
fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also
suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
Conclusion:
Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kill
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was to be the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain,
"Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach,
"Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs
"because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes,
"Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum,
"Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum
and insulted him,
so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days,
the brain had a terrible headache,
the stomach was bloated,
the legs got wobbly,
the eyes got watery,
and the blood was toxic.
They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The Moral of the Story?
Even though the others do all the work...
The ass hole is usually in charge.
hiya all ..well thats it driveway is finished ,,just got to let it all settle in now.Unfortunately more dust was caused today,but i putit on the national news so that people could move their cars ...yeah right..lovely dry day here today ,
ppqp..how did the bridge game go?did you win ? do you play on your own or with partners?you take good care
hiya Lav ..you ok?hope all is well ..Im eating my own tomatoes now ..you can def tell the difference.Has the bad weather landed for you?keep dry safe and sane..(ish)
hiya pauly hope all is well..big hug to you
My grandad used to say. "The skys the limit".
Lovely bloke. Shit astronaut.
I went to a rough pub for some food.
My table was set with just a spoon and a knife.
The waiter just didn’t give a fork.
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Q: What do you call the sweat produced when two rednecks are having sex?
A: Relative humidity.
Q: What do you call a Jamaiccan proctologist?
A: Pok-e-mon
Q. How do you castrate a redneck?
A. You kick his sister in the jaw!
A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and announced that his wife had just produced a typical Texas baby, weighing a whopping twenty pounds.
"WOW!" was the response from everyone at the bar.
Two weeks later the Texan returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "10 pounds."
The bartender said, "What!" I know that babies lose some weight after birth, but ten pounds? He did weigh twenty pounds, didn't he? What happened?"
The proud Texas father said, "Just had him circumcised!"
Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!
Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.
The Lord's prayer: 66 words.
Archimedes' Principle: 67 words.
The 10 Commandments: 179 words.
The Gettysburg address: 286 words.
The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words.
U.S. Government regulations on cabbage sales: 26,911 words.
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in 0 gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.
A Scotsman and a Jew went to a restaurant. After a hearty meal, the waitress came by with the inevitable check. To the amazement of all, the Scotsman was heard to say, "I'll pay it!" and he actually did.
The next morning's newspaper carried the news item:
"JEWISH VENTRILOQUIST FOUND MURDERED IN BLIND ALLEY."
Q: What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop, clop, clop?
A: An Amish drive-by shooting.
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.
On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer
fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also
suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
Conclusion:
Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kill
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was to be the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain,
"Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach,
"Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs
"because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes,
"Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum,
"Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum
and insulted him,
so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days,
the brain had a terrible headache,
the stomach was bloated,
the legs got wobbly,
the eyes got watery,
and the blood was toxic.
They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The Moral of the Story?
Even though the others do all the work...
The ass hole is usually in charge.
Det, probably busy and that's good, Mick, looks nice haha, PQ, I would probably be bugging you in your office if we worked together to"hey girl whatcha doin?" haha, called the Indian clinic yesterday to try and get an eye exam and they're only taking emergency appointments so I'll probably just go back to Walmart even though that guy seemed rushed and was rude, I can't see, I went to the DMV and had to do that little eye test and it was so blurry yikes! Wishes for a great BF Fryday for us all!
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