25th October

[porqoui]

Re: 25th October

Lav...thought I'd check back and see how your day went. I feel the days are going speeding by too, maybe we all just want to get 2020 over and done with. You be careful driving through that hurricane, I don't know if a cleaning would be worth it for me to do it. It was raining this morning LOL and a little cooler. Just sitting around the freezing mark so a bit of flakes here and there. It would have been a mess out there if temps dropped even a couple more degrees. I too was hoping the dryer would be fixed when I got home from work. But alas, not. The son that was around while the service guy was here isn't around right now. Other son said it sounds like they're just going to give us a new one. When I asked when, he said I think it was a couple of days. So will have to wait till other son comes home to get the whole story. And life goes on.....:smile:PPQP

[Mick]

Re: 25th October

wow where is everyone ?check in folks ,let us know you are doing ok .Crazy times...France has locked down in total ,but left schools open ..I dont understand that.They are talking the same here but they haven a scooby doo.
More important is our own welfare .
hiya ppqp...how are you today then? I hope you are well? we had some heavy duty hailstones last night .hope you get the drier sorted out soon.

hiya Lav ...how are things with you then? You take it easy ,driving through a hurricane.i hope we see the end of this too.vWe had a big hoohah about a vaccine before Christmas but all has gone quiet on that front there are some real smart drones about .

hiya Sam are you ok?how about you pie?Pauly ? aj? det and teegee

Do all ferns grow up to be big and strong?

Asking for a frond.

Real Letter to the Bank
A 98-year-old American woman wrote this to her bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times... but you could just imagine this being published in the London Times also....

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Social Security check, an arrangement that, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity that your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status that I require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that a Notary Public must countersign all copies of his or her medical history, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number that he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:

1-- To make an appointment to see me.
2-- To query a missing payment.
3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cove r the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

Your Humble Client

(Remember: a 98-year-old woman wrote this)

Two mothers were talking about a third one who had just given birth to triplets.

"You know, that only happens one in twelve-thousand times?" said the one.

"Amazing! How did she ever find time to do any housework?"

Wife to Norm: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night"?

Norm to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear".

Wife to Norm: "What? At 2 a.m"?!

Norm to wife: "Yes. We used night clubs".

Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me the other day.
Luckily I escaped with minor super fish oil injuries.



A clown turned up late for work on his first day and got sacked from the circus.

He’s suing for funfair dismissal.

My wife asked me to pass her a lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She’s still not talking to me!

Bought myself a universal remote control last night.
This could change everything!

What’s one of the best things about living in Sweden?

The national flag is a big plus.

It’s really difficult to find what you want on eBay.
I was searching for cigarette lighters but found over 15,000 matches

I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days.

Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 33, looking for some action!" I've sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.

I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you.

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door.
"Is there a problem Officer?"
The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"
The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
"You don't have one?"
The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."
The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"
"I'm sorry, I can't do that."
The policeman says, "Why not?"
"I stole this car."
The officer says, "Stole it?"
The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."
At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what!?"
"She's in the boot if you want to see."
The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"
The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem sir?"
"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
"Murdered the owner?"
The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"
The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"
The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.
The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license."
The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"



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[Lavande]

Re: 25th October

Greetings friends!

Had a lot of heavy rain all day but no winds to deal with so getting around was fine. My teeth are clean anyway, haha!
I’m done crafting so I just have to get things organized & packed up for Saturday. I have to remember to charge my Paypal card reader because almost no one carries cash anymore. Once this weekend is over I have to make some decisions about thanksgiving & Christmas. We’re being told not to gather. I guess I could hand turkey sandwiches & slices of pumpkin pie put the door to my kids & grandkids, LOL

PQ, your sons sound like my son & husband who were never, ever able to take a message & remember to tell me, geez! I had forgotten about that, I used to get really pissed off with them, Lol
I hope your dryer shows up soon so you don’t have to resort to using your hair dryer to dry your clothes, haha.

Mick, I was driving when I heard about that knife attack in Nice, so sad. My daughter & I stood right outside that church back in the spring of ‘95. The world has gone crazy. I hope we can stop this train wreck before we all lose our minds. Hope you didn’t have any damage from the hail last night.

Hello to Pauly, Det, Sam, Pie, Cyn & Anjicia. I hope everyone is doing well.

Wishing a nice night for all!

Lav

[porqoui]

Re: 25th October

MAE ALL...

Mick...hope the hailstorm didn't do any damage. How does the greenhouse hold up with hail? Had a good day at work, managed to trick one of my programs into doing what I want it to. LOL Boss tested his zoom agm meeting with me this afternoon. For someone who's spent all this time learning it he sure had a lot of questions. Not to worry, I straightened him out.

Lav...glad your travels were uneventful. Fingers crossed there's no rain Saturday. What time will you be handing out the food, maybe I can make it. New dryer is scheduled for Monday delivery. I guess considering everything that's pretty good. I just want it to be done and my living room put back in order.

Shout out to the rest of the gang, hope all is well with you. Have a good evening all....:smile:PPQP

[paulywogg]

Re: 25th October

Mae everybody, Mick glad the test was negative it's an uncomfortable test that's for sure my eyes were watering haha, Lav, glad you got all your stuff done for the craft fair, yup nobody is really carrying cash anymore and alot of store are card only so I've been having to deposit more in the bank, I like to keep a low balance in there or else I spend it so only put enough to cover what I need, PQ, waves to you and the rest of the gang, hope everyone has a great BF Fryday!

[Mick]

Re: 25th October

And good afternoon everybody how are we today then? Hope all is well it was pouring down with rain, I let the rabbits out and guess what it is pouring down with rain now so I have to get these pair of idiots in full stop watched a bit of the news earlier on on which is a rarity for me and it looks like Nottinghamshire is the next one that's going into tier 3 apparently well not apparently there are photographs of when they shut the pubs last night they were massive street parties in fairness though so you can't really blame the people because it's strategy this government has got it's completely nonsensical how can you shut everywhere except schools. Oh well whatever
Hiya pauly lovely to hear from you again haven't seen you for a while hope all is well with you. Yes the test isn't very pleasant is it full stop my friend isn't doing too well well it has floored him completely. Yes you're right the whole way of buying stuff has completely changed hardly anyone uses cash now hope you have a great weekend

Hiya ppqp and how are you today then? No the hailstorms didn't do any damage at all the greenhouse has got toughened glass thank goodness I went for that option so you straightened the boss out did you? Good luck with the dryer hope it arrives on time we have been waiting for a television for 3-weeks apparently they sent it once then again then again someone in the company the computers are gone down and they wrote the address down by hand and got the postcode wrong

Hiya lav and how are you then? Well done on the clean teeth did you get a sticker for being a brave person haha
Yes the knife attack in nice was another horror in this crazy world no in France they are guarding all places of worship. How did the world ever get to this state.take care.

If the weather holds I am going metal detecting on Sunday the Farmer has agreed to let us on his land despite the restrictions we are under

Take care everybody be safe

[Lavande]

Re: 25th October

Greetings Abbers,

All set for tomorrow, not thrilled with the weather report. Going down to 27 tonight so it’s going to be a damn cold morning, haha!! Lots of layers for me, geez.

Pauly, I received my first money transfer on Venmo already from my daughter, haha! I still carry cash to these events because some people, believe it or not never use cards & that’s OK.

PQ, having a washer & dryer in the living room sounds like something we went thru many years ago in our previous house. The kitchen & laundry room were gutted for a complete rebuild. I washed dishes in the bath tub & the fridge was in the dining room while the washer & dryer just hung out in the living room. It was a blast!!! Glad your situation will be cleared up soon. Nice get your computer program to do what you wanted

Mick, my state is seeing over 2000 new cases daily. People are griping that the governor is ‘ruining’ their lives because things are not completely opened up yet. Can these complainers get any more stupid? I’d love to be the one telling them it’s not the governor’s fault it’s the damn virus
My friend still working at the hospital says she gets tested regularly & it’s more like a cranial scraping than a nasal swabbing, haha!
My dentist hands out ‘goodie bags’ with a new toothbrush, toothpaste, dental floss & whatever else they find every time you go, haha! I have a whole bathroom drawer full of those bags & give them to the kids when they stay here with me.
I hope you have A good time detecting & hope the rain stops. We didn’t have any today, just a ton of clouds. It’s snowing in the Pocono mountains in the northerN part of my state.

Hellos to Det, Sam, Pie, Cyn & Anjicia.
Hope everyone has a good night!

Lav

[porqoui]

Re: 25th October

MAE ALL...

Pauly...sounds like things are ok with you, just same old eh? I forget if the g/kids are going trick or treating tomorrow? I never get kids at my place so nothing's changed here. LOL

Mick...How frustrating with the TV delivery. The postcode here doesn't seem to matter I still get misdelivered mail. Now if a TV showed up I might just keep it. LOL Boss said he's finished the audit and you could tell, he was in a much better mood. He figures it's still not worth letting renters in right now, will probably wait 2 weeks after New Year's Eve and see if the covid cases spike again. As long as I get a pay cheque every 2 weeks I don't care what he does.

Lav...well the computer fought back today and it won. LOL The work around I came up with isn't going to work after all. Oh well, just means the childcare staff is actually going to have to use good old fashioned paper & pen to sign the kids in and out. Another reason not to gripe about my dryer! At least the fridge and stove are back where they belong. Wish the weather was a little warmer for you tomorrow but I guess it could be worse. Good luck with the sale.

Shout out to the rest of the gang.....have a good night all:smile:PPQP

[Samstone]

Re: 25th October

happy hallowed wean!!!!


Bobby 'Boris' Pickett - "Monster Mash" - LIVE - Zacherley too! Oct 2006 - YouTube

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[paulywogg]

Re: 25th October

Mae everybody, Sam I love the Monster Mash haha! Hope you're well, Lab, fingers crossed for tons of sales today, PQ, I think Kell is just gonna have a few kids over for a few activities cuz I'm not sure how the neighborhood is gonna be, I'll be handing out candy if we get any kids and keeping the rest for myself haha, Mick hope you're able to go detecting if the weather permits, much love to all and wishes for a great BF Halloween!!

[Mick]

Re: 25th October

hiya all how are we today then? Hope all is well ...It is pouring down with rain and very windy ,its like the back side of a storm...Im going detecting tomorrow ,they are talking about a complee lockdown in England as from Wednesday, so may be the last chance to get out for a while ..My friend who has covid isnt too well at all. Hopefully he will be ok ..

hiya Pauly ,hows you then?ok? yep if we get any trick or treaters ..Ill be handing out laxative sweets .....you take care

hi Sam how are you mate? Hope you are you ok ....wow that is one serious lump of wood .take care and stay safe .

hiya ppqp ...paper and pen ? wow thats a blast !some people dont know how to use them!..telly arrived ..set it up in the van ...pretty good ..its got mira cast and all that sort of stuff ...very high falutin..hope your weather is a wee bit hotter .

hiya Lav how are you then?how are things going today .....yes Im going out tomorrow ..they reckon the drastic measures we have had are reducing the number of positives ,but because there is a rise in the south they are looking at locking the whole country down

Tier 3 IS bringing down the R rate in the North West and cases are falling in locked-down Liverpool | Daily Mail Online

started drying and storing my dahlia tubers ,and fuschias....thake care and have a great day

hiya AJ hope all is well with you? and everyone else out there


take care have a good day .

"How have you been coping?" asked my therapist.

"Mostly with sarcasm," I replied.

"Do you feel it has helped you?" he said.

"Yeah, it's been fckn brilliant."

Teacher: "I want everyone to tell me a sentence using the word, array."

Emma: "I saw a wonderful array of animals at the zoo."

Teacher: "That's super, Emma."

Mary: "My Dad has an impressive array of work tools."

Teacher: "Well done Mary, very good."

Little Johnny: "My Mum's favourite song is...Array, array, it's a holi-holiday
What a world of fun for everyone, holi-holiday."

You know the world's fcked when James Bond checks out.

There hewas sittin watching the Footy Match Of The Day when the Mrs came into the lounge and says "Fancy a bonk babe"?

He said, "Can you wait until the football is over"?

She said, "You do realize that you can record it"?

He said, "Nice one, you get the camcorder and I'll be upstairs as soon as the footy finishes".

A patient in a mental hospital was being reviewed for possible release.

When asked what he would do if released, he replied, "I am going to make a slingshot and come back here and break every damn window in the place." Obviously, his release was denied.

Six months later, the board was again considering his release and again asked him the same question. His reply was the same. "I am going to make a sling shot and come back here and break every damn window in the place". Again, he was turned down.

Several months later he was complaining to a fellow patient that he could never seem to get released. The patient asked him what he said when they interviewed him, and he told him. The patient said, "You will never get released with answers like that. You have to tell them what they want to hear. Let me give you some advice on how to answer them when they ask you questions."

So, after considerable coaching, the man felt that he was ready.

So when the board met again, they again asked him what he would do if they let him out. But this time he was ready.

He said, "I am going to get a job, find an apartment and settle down."

"Good," they said, and then what?"

He said, "I want to meet a nice girl and start dating."

They agreed he was making real progress and asked, "And then what"?

"One night when we are alone in my apartment, I am going to make passionate love to my girlfriend. I am going to take her dress off, and then take her bra off and lie her down on the bed."

"Yes?, they said excitedly.

"Then I am going to gently remove her panties," he continued.

The board members were really getting excited now and asked, "Then what are you going to do?"

He said, "I am going to take the elastic out of those panties, make myself a slingshot, come back here and break every damn window in this place!!!


In a small southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.

Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left and, at a "7-11" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.

She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You damn Yankees never do read yor Bibles"!

I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled thru some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face, she said, "Here you go - it says, "The Three Wise Men came from afar"!!!

I just got off the phone to Sea World... My call was recorded for training porpoises.

I think our new pet Rabbit must be vicious... The wife said when she brings it home I'm going to have to make a run for it

Just had a good tip 4 the grand national... A horse called creosote..! Goes really wel over fences...!!

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic... It's syncing now.

When chemists die... They barium.

Jokes about German sausage... Are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid... He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went... Then it dawned on me.

A girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity... I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns... It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny; period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

Velcro — what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

[Lavande]

Re: 25th October

Greetings Abbers,

Had a successful, chilly day today so no complaints. It was a balmy 36 degrees when we got there this morning, haha! I actually do better in the cold weather than I do the heat.
Turning the clocks back an hour tonight so all the animals around here will be confused about mealtimes for the next 2 weeks, haha!
There’s a blue moon tonight if anyone cares to take a look.

PQ, I’m sure folks will be fine signing the kids in & out. Pens & pare still work!!
I had treat bowls on my tables today & the kids had a good time, most came in costume, cute

Pauly, when i bought Halloween candy I made sure to buy milk chocolate since I know I can’t eat it, haha! I also bought a case of little bags with cheese curls, I can’t eat them either. Brought the leftovers home but I won’t be tempted. Hope the kids have fun!

Sam, love the MOnster Mash!
So what did you see inside that big old tree? Looks like it could be a good hiding place for kids, haha!

Mick, I sure hope you get a dry day tomorriow for detecting. Yuo certain;y deserve one at this point.
Sorry about your frined with Covid, hope he recovers very soon.

Hello to Det, where are you?
Hello to Pie, Cyn & Anjicia.

Happy Halloween everyone & have a good night!
Lav

[porqoui]

Re: 25th October

MAE ALL...

Sam...thanks for the tune, haven't heard that in ages. Wow, that's some tree.

Pauly...I'm hoping everyone has a quiet/safe Halloween. It's too bad because this is the first time in a long time that it's not freezing and snowing out there.

Mick...so what did you do to piss off mother nature? I can't believe it's still raining. I hope the weather is better for your detecting tomorrow. England's been all over the news here about the lockdown. I'm sad that your friend is suffering from the virus I hope he gets over it soon. We do know someone who uses paper and pen...the prog coord. LOL I'm glad your TV arrived. Is that the one exception Julie let you add to the van?

Lav...yeah for a successful sale, makes it all worth it. Thanks for the clock reminder, completely forgot about it. LOL It was a day off school on Friday so the kids were all at the centre, wearing their Halloween costumes, just to confuse me. Yup, old school does have it's advantages at times. There's only 2 days out of the school term that I can't fix so staff will actually have to work for their pay those days. We are going back to summer temps 60F tomorrow and 66F on Monday. Of course it's supposed to snow on Friday when I take the car in for the new tires.

Waves to Det, Pi, TG and AJ. Have a great night all....:smile:PPQP