just back been out for a walk, pouring with rain soaked but hey who cares it was good .hope everyone ok .off for a shower
Never get into a fight with a toothless man.
They've got nothing to lose.
Arnold Schwarzenegger as declared Donald Trump the 'worst president ever'
So speaks Hollywood's 'best ever actor'
The republican elephant is packing Trump's trunk, and they're saying goodbye to his circus.
So off the brat goes with a stompity stomp.
Trump, Trump, Trump
What do I have in common with the President of the United States?
We both don't have a twitter account.
John the Chicken Farmer
John was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young layers (hens), called ‘pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
John's favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pullet Surprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a Democrat in the making. Who else but a Democrat could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
10 Men Only Housekeeping Rules
It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.
Never make fried chicken in the nude.
Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.
You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere.
When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.
The guest had heard the strains of classical music but when he entered the drawing room he was amazed to see a large tomcat playing the piano.
"And there is no sheet music," he noted with further astonishment.
"No," said the proud owner. "Thomas writes and memorizes his own music and the piece he is playing now is one of my favourites."
"You should have him orchestrated," said the guest.
Thomas the tomcat leapt out of the window and has never been seen since.
How to get out of a mental hospital
A patient in a mental hospital was being reviewed for possible release.
When asked what he would do if released, he replied, "I am going to make a slingshot and come back here and break every damn window in the place." Obviously, his release was denied.
Six months later, the board was again considering his release and again asked him the same question. His reply was the same. "I am going to make a sling shot and come back here and break every damn window in the place". Again, he was turned down.
Several months later he was complaining to a fellow patient that he could never seem to get released. The patient asked him what he said when they interviewed him, and he told him. The patient said, "You will never get released with answers like that. You have to tell them what they want to hear. Let me give you some advice on how to answer them when they ask you questions."
So, after considerable coaching, the man felt that he was ready.
So when the board met again, they again asked him what he would do if they let him out. But this time he was ready.
He said, "I am going to get a job, find an apartment and settle down."
"Good," they said, and then what?"
He said, "I want to meet a nice girl and start dating."
They agreed he was making real progress and asked, "And then what"?
"One night when we are alone in my apartment, I am going to make passionate love to my girlfriend. I am going to take her dress off, and then take her bra off and lie her down on the bed."
"Yes?, they said excitedly.
"Then I am going to gently remove her panties," he continued.
The board members were really getting excited now and asked, "Then what are you going to do?"
He said, "I am going to take the elastic out of those panties, make myself a slingshot, come back here and break every damn window in this place!!!
18 Funny eBay Feedbacks
NEUTRAL: Excellent communication, but should've poked holes in box before shipping the kitten. Refunded.
NEGATIVE: Honda R-Type sticker did not add horsepower as advertised.
NEGATIVE: Despite indication in listing, I could not fit item into any of my body cavities.
NEUTRAL: Item shipped promptly and in good condition, but I should not have to bid on birthday presents from my parents.
POSITIVE: I don't really remember what I ordered. But I've been sitting in the box it came in all day, and it's great!
POSITIVE: Excellent Buyer. A++++++. Thrilled by the quartz movement of the "Rolex". HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.
NEGATIVE: Should have been clearer that seller only accepts payment in Bahts via Eastern Union Moneygram.
POSITIVE: Plain brown packaging seemed to fool my wife. Thanks!
NEGATIVE: The dog won't hunt.
NEGATIVE: Very nice monkey mascot costume, but it's a size 34, not a 63 as advertised.
NEGATIVE: Lederhosen not as pink as the picture led me to believe.
POSITIVE: A+++++. Items are exactly as described. Best case of kalashnikovs I've ever bought. Allah Akbar!
NEGATIVE: This is clearly the ninth, NOT THE SIXTH, repackaging of Mad Super Special #24.
POSITIVE: One of the scents mixed in with the packing peanuts remind me of a passionate weekend in Rio... was that you?
POSITIVE: The way you wrote my zip-code makes me weak in the knees. Such smooth strokes. A+!
NEGATIVE: Buying this Space 1999 Lunchbox did not fill the void in my empty life for as long as I'd hoped.
POSITIVE: Thanks for great Rainbow Brite lunchbox. Should shrunken head be inside?
NEGATIVE: Though you did nothing wrong, I am giving you this negative feedback to teach you that the universe is arbitrary and unfair
Never get into a fight with a toothless man.
They've got nothing to lose.
Arnold Schwarzenegger as declared Donald Trump the 'worst president ever'
So speaks Hollywood's 'best ever actor'
The republican elephant is packing Trump's trunk, and they're saying goodbye to his circus.
So off the brat goes with a stompity stomp.
Trump, Trump, Trump
What do I have in common with the President of the United States?
We both don't have a twitter account.
John the Chicken Farmer
John was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young layers (hens), called ‘pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
John's favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pullet Surprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a Democrat in the making. Who else but a Democrat could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
10 Men Only Housekeeping Rules
It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.
Never make fried chicken in the nude.
Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.
You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere.
When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.
The guest had heard the strains of classical music but when he entered the drawing room he was amazed to see a large tomcat playing the piano.
"And there is no sheet music," he noted with further astonishment.
"No," said the proud owner. "Thomas writes and memorizes his own music and the piece he is playing now is one of my favourites."
"You should have him orchestrated," said the guest.
Thomas the tomcat leapt out of the window and has never been seen since.
How to get out of a mental hospital
A patient in a mental hospital was being reviewed for possible release.
When asked what he would do if released, he replied, "I am going to make a slingshot and come back here and break every damn window in the place." Obviously, his release was denied.
Six months later, the board was again considering his release and again asked him the same question. His reply was the same. "I am going to make a sling shot and come back here and break every damn window in the place". Again, he was turned down.
Several months later he was complaining to a fellow patient that he could never seem to get released. The patient asked him what he said when they interviewed him, and he told him. The patient said, "You will never get released with answers like that. You have to tell them what they want to hear. Let me give you some advice on how to answer them when they ask you questions."
So, after considerable coaching, the man felt that he was ready.
So when the board met again, they again asked him what he would do if they let him out. But this time he was ready.
He said, "I am going to get a job, find an apartment and settle down."
"Good," they said, and then what?"
He said, "I want to meet a nice girl and start dating."
They agreed he was making real progress and asked, "And then what"?
"One night when we are alone in my apartment, I am going to make passionate love to my girlfriend. I am going to take her dress off, and then take her bra off and lie her down on the bed."
"Yes?, they said excitedly.
"Then I am going to gently remove her panties," he continued.
The board members were really getting excited now and asked, "Then what are you going to do?"
He said, "I am going to take the elastic out of those panties, make myself a slingshot, come back here and break every damn window in this place!!!
18 Funny eBay Feedbacks
NEUTRAL: Excellent communication, but should've poked holes in box before shipping the kitten. Refunded.
NEGATIVE: Honda R-Type sticker did not add horsepower as advertised.
NEGATIVE: Despite indication in listing, I could not fit item into any of my body cavities.
NEUTRAL: Item shipped promptly and in good condition, but I should not have to bid on birthday presents from my parents.
POSITIVE: I don't really remember what I ordered. But I've been sitting in the box it came in all day, and it's great!
POSITIVE: Excellent Buyer. A++++++. Thrilled by the quartz movement of the "Rolex". HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.
NEGATIVE: Should have been clearer that seller only accepts payment in Bahts via Eastern Union Moneygram.
POSITIVE: Plain brown packaging seemed to fool my wife. Thanks!
NEGATIVE: The dog won't hunt.
NEGATIVE: Very nice monkey mascot costume, but it's a size 34, not a 63 as advertised.
NEGATIVE: Lederhosen not as pink as the picture led me to believe.
POSITIVE: A+++++. Items are exactly as described. Best case of kalashnikovs I've ever bought. Allah Akbar!
NEGATIVE: This is clearly the ninth, NOT THE SIXTH, repackaging of Mad Super Special #24.
POSITIVE: One of the scents mixed in with the packing peanuts remind me of a passionate weekend in Rio... was that you?
POSITIVE: The way you wrote my zip-code makes me weak in the knees. Such smooth strokes. A+!
NEGATIVE: Buying this Space 1999 Lunchbox did not fill the void in my empty life for as long as I'd hoped.
POSITIVE: Thanks for great Rainbow Brite lunchbox. Should shrunken head be inside?
NEGATIVE: Though you did nothing wrong, I am giving you this negative feedback to teach you that the universe is arbitrary and unfair
I can't believe how we all escaped the first round and now it's infecting more people it seems, hope Amy don't get it, Lav, nothing much with me been in asada mood with the state of things, REALLY trying to reach to positive side but I'm struggling (not drink struggling, mood struggling) and I'm pissed cuz I got a jury summons, why would they bother with that shit right now? Just put it off for a few months I think, Cyn, tell us about Labrynths? I've only heard of that in passing, PQ, you sound like me, kinda sad
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