hi all ...just thought Id start the thread ...pouring with rain and I mean pouring....Im making tea ,Julie has gone to lay flowers for mothers day .so its a quick hullo fae me
hope we are all good today
An asteroid is set to pass the Earth at only one and a quarter million miles away.
Still nearer than where the binmen leave my bins.
I really think Pierce Morgan should reconsider his position on quitting Good Morning Britain.
It’s completely insensitive when people are losing their jobs left right and centre during this pandemic and some jumped up millionaire quits his job because of a little argument with a colleague.
Plus the guy he was arguing with was a weatherman and we all know those guys are always wrong.
I had the vaccine today...only side effect so far ...
I'm hanging upside down
Did you hear about the painter called Harry?
He was very renowned for making a dime wherever he could, he would often thin the paint down to make it go a tiny bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time. As luck would happen, a church decided to do a big restoration job on the painting of one of their biggest churches. Harry put in a bid and he got the job because of his low very tender.
So he set to erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, buying the paint and yes, true to form he once again thinned down his paint with the turpentine.
Well, Harry was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder and the sky opened pouring rain down, washing the thinned paint from all over the church and Harry fell off the scaffold and landed on the lawn, among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.
Harry was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: "Oh God! Please forgive me! What can I do"?
And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke... "Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more"!
I was booked to fly to Germany to see my husband who is serving in the Army.
When I checked in at the airpor the ticket agent asked me the standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself"?
I told him my mother-in-law had given me a parcel for her son.
He looked at me very carefully and asked, "Does she like you"?
The Government have issued a travel warning due to the cold weather.
They suggest that anyone travelling in the current icy conditions should make sure they have the following:
Shovel
Blankets or sleeping bag
Extra clothing including hat and gloves
24 hours worth of food
De-Icer
Rock Salt
Tyre Chains
Torch or lantern with spare batteries
Road Flares or Reflective Triangles
Empty Petrol Can
First Aid Kit
Jump Leads
I took all their advice and I looked a right plonker on the bus this morning !!!!!!
The Profound Logic of Children
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
Kirsten, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you have known the person FOREVER by then.
Camille, age 10
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
Freddie, age 6
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
Lynnette, age 8
On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys.
Boys need someone to clean up after them.
Anita, age 9
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is........"
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
Ricky, age 10
hope we are all good today
An asteroid is set to pass the Earth at only one and a quarter million miles away.
Still nearer than where the binmen leave my bins.
I really think Pierce Morgan should reconsider his position on quitting Good Morning Britain.
It’s completely insensitive when people are losing their jobs left right and centre during this pandemic and some jumped up millionaire quits his job because of a little argument with a colleague.
Plus the guy he was arguing with was a weatherman and we all know those guys are always wrong.
I had the vaccine today...only side effect so far ...
I'm hanging upside down
Did you hear about the painter called Harry?
He was very renowned for making a dime wherever he could, he would often thin the paint down to make it go a tiny bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time. As luck would happen, a church decided to do a big restoration job on the painting of one of their biggest churches. Harry put in a bid and he got the job because of his low very tender.
So he set to erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, buying the paint and yes, true to form he once again thinned down his paint with the turpentine.
Well, Harry was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder and the sky opened pouring rain down, washing the thinned paint from all over the church and Harry fell off the scaffold and landed on the lawn, among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.
Harry was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: "Oh God! Please forgive me! What can I do"?
And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke... "Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more"!
I was booked to fly to Germany to see my husband who is serving in the Army.
When I checked in at the airpor the ticket agent asked me the standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself"?
I told him my mother-in-law had given me a parcel for her son.
He looked at me very carefully and asked, "Does she like you"?
The Government have issued a travel warning due to the cold weather.
They suggest that anyone travelling in the current icy conditions should make sure they have the following:
Shovel
Blankets or sleeping bag
Extra clothing including hat and gloves
24 hours worth of food
De-Icer
Rock Salt
Tyre Chains
Torch or lantern with spare batteries
Road Flares or Reflective Triangles
Empty Petrol Can
First Aid Kit
Jump Leads
I took all their advice and I looked a right plonker on the bus this morning !!!!!!
The Profound Logic of Children
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
Kirsten, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you have known the person FOREVER by then.
Camille, age 10
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
Freddie, age 6
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
Lynnette, age 8
On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys.
Boys need someone to clean up after them.
Anita, age 9
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is........"
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
Ricky, age 10
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