Will I ever get a spine!

[thought2much]

I cant believe it. At the work function last night I was weak..

I had the best intentions......

After the conference my boss asked if I wanted to grab a beer before dinner.... I thought about ordering a coke but "a beer please" slipped out of my mouth..... Then it was my round "Two more beers thanks"....arrrghhhh.......

I thought, 2 beers is fine, nothing to get upset about so we headed off to the restaurant....

Work was paying..... They splashed out and brought some really good bottles of red..... "Are you sure you dont want one?"...."Oh ok, I will just have one since it is supposed to be such a good drop..."

I think I drank a whole bottle over dinner..... I had about 6 glasses.

At that point I got scared.... I was panicing about getting realy drunk again..... I was so scared that I excused myself and went back to the hotel, checked in because I couldn t drive, and went to bed.....

I hope I stay scared of getting blind drunk forever!!!! I want my memories and I want some respect. At the moment I just need to get some spine about me!!!

I dont think 2 beers and a bottle of red counts as moderate drinking.....but at least I remember the end of the night and didnt embarass myself.

I have been at this site for about 12 days and have had alcohol on 4 of those days. I have managed to not get drunk (a little tipsy last night maybe), but I want and expect more of myself.

I will not touch a drop this weekend!!!!! Breaking the cycle when you are surrounded by people who can have a bottle of wine over dinner once in a while is so hard!!! Those people always stop drinking before they start slurring, stumbling and making a fool of themselves.... sigh..... Day 1...

[bear73]

Will I ever get a spine!

Don't be so hard on yourself, like you said you didn't drink more and you can remember the evening.
It's long term behaviour we're trying to change and that will take time.
I'm really trying to learn from my slips, what caused me to slip, what can I do to prevent it next time, how will I prepare for similar situations again?
With me it's association with my friends with drinking and feeling scared that I won't be liked/fit in, next time I need to try to remember my friends liek me for me and not how much alcohol/cigarettes/other substances I put down my neck. I also need to focus on my goal and wha tI want long term rater than for those few minutes.
Hope this helps, be kind to yourself, you can do this.

[maryt]

Will I ever get a spine!

i am going to echo what bear has just said and say at least you can remember the end of the night that is a start and the fact that you realised if you stayed any longer it could have got worse but you didn,t you went home so bravo you it is all a learning curve and trying to think of ways not to get into the same situation again which is hard it is so easy to slip up we have all done it but just keep plucking away and you will get there eventually hope this helps a bit best of luck

love maryt

[Bella]

Will I ever get a spine!

Thought2much, you did very well to get yourself off to bed! If that had been me, I would have had no will power after what you drank and spent the whole night up drinking. So, you did well. You say you were scared of getting drunk.....that is good because it made you stop. I don't get scared, I get an attitude of not caring anymore! So, again, you did well. Please be kinder to yourself. You are not a bad person but someone who wants to change. In my eyes that is someone who I respect. good luck to you. Bella xxxxx

[paula]

Will I ever get a spine!

Thought 2, I agree with the others. You did get away to bed in time. You are certainly
not spineless, you are very honest. I'm sure this was a learning experience for you,
if we didn't make mistakes we would learn very little.
Best of luck next time. Paula. xx

[Kitty]

Will I ever get a spine!

Ditto the above once again,

You are just beginning your journey so don't be too hard on yourself please, that will only be counter-productive. Just store it in your memeory as a slip to learn by.

You are already mindful of your drinking and you must rememver times when you would't have thought twice about what you were ordering etc.

You've been af for 8 days out of 4 and that's fantastic, focus on what you acheived and move forward from here.

I wish you the very best,

Kitty

I like your avatar by the way!!!

[Breez]

Will I ever get a spine!

It starts with that first drink. The alcoholic mind has a way of deceiving us that we can have just one. Some of us don't have that proper shut-off valve to stop at one or two.

Be happy for the positive move that you put yourself to bed. I don't know what your "plan" is for being AF (ie. supps, cd's, exercise, meds) but now is the time to figure out what needs to be done and tweaked in your plan so that next time it will be easier to be AF.

No need to feel bad. Just take that energy to try again.

[Determinator]

Will I ever get a spine!

T2M, have you tried journaling? it was really helping me until I got slack a couple weeks ago. Sadly my version of MOD's ends up with me guzzling multiple type of liquor straight off the bottle and ending up in the yard face down. Hang in there!