saturday 23 June

[bear73]

Hello and day 14 for me(or 7 depending how you view it!)
Smoked again last night, but I now have a new strategy I will make sure I have my nicotine gum with me. If nothing else it reminds me I've quit.
off to gym in a bit so overall am pleased with myself really, off to perv on e bay at lurrrvely clothes ready to get rid of wages again on pay day - one really excellent pay off of not drinking.

Worked out will save ?300 per month approximately - not that i'm keeping any of that but spending it more 'meaningfully'.

I do feel very ratty and edgy though and am easily offended, not sure if I'm seeing things as they really are or overreacting to things.
How long does initial moodiness last?

I really don't feel like I'm missing out boozewise and when I can get my head round smoking I will be fine. One minute at a time with that I think!
god saturday everyone xx

[thought2much]

saturday 23 June

Hey Bear

Can relate to the moodiness. I feel sorry for everyone around me right now. I am so shitty at the moment, and gloomy..... everything is a big chore and I just want to be alone.

The worst thing is that I cant explain why I am feeling like this to everyone as I want to keep this little battle pretty private....

I hope I get back to normal soon so I can start having fun again.

Went to dinner at the pub last night and stayed AF yey but my wife is a bit tired of my moody, doomsday behaviour so we didnt have a great night.

Decided to run to the gym today (7kms) and hit the weights. I felt supprisingly good given I havent lifted any weights for about 3 weeks. My running is really coming good. I am thinking about going in the city to surf (14kms) next month. I havent raced in that since I was 23. I reckon I might be able to do a PB....something to aim for I guess.

Looks like I will make it through the weekend AF.... then another hellish week at work.

Have a great week all

[MDBiker]

saturday 23 June

Other Bear and Thought2, I hate you are having the problems with feelings, but I think it will get better soon. I hope you both have a good weekend

Hello to all this Saturday. I don't have a plan for the day, but I am planning on doing whatever sober. I am sure it will be good just for that fact.

bear

[Breez]

saturday 23 June

Morning All!

bear73-Moodiness is to be expected since your brain is trying to figure out how to manage life without alcohol pulsating thru it. I'd take the moodiness over the hangovers any day. Those around you will have to suffer. Once you make the decision to be AF you are doing it for you and everybody else falls second. I was a witch for two weeks & still have my moments but having a sober Breez in the end is much more pleasant than an unpredictable alcohol induced Breez.

thought-way to go on on your AF weekend night and at pub to boot. That's awesome! Keep up the great work. Running to the gym-I take my hat off!

Hi bear-hope you have a great "plan free" day. Like I said before: sobriety looks good on you! You wear it well.

I have no plans as well except going to my sister-in-law's for nephew's belated birthday party this evening. I'll go, participate in the pain staking ,boring, same ol' conversations about themselves-watch them drink and be glad when I come home AF and notch that one as a job well done. Coming home from there AF is the best feeling. Much better than any drink would have.

Have a Stupendous AF Saturday!
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[Determinator]

saturday 23 June

Happy Sat AB-eronimos! I'm sure the down feelings will lift of those having a hard time. I remember that all too well and will be going through it soon again. However this time with a dedication to AF I won't have that lingering "when do I get to mod" monkey on my back. I refuse to go to a party and feel sorry for myself that i'm not drinking like I used to. it's so destructive to our already delicate self esteem at this rough time. I'm going to make a vision board for the first time....that should be fun.
AF all the way jose' !!!!
tell ya this librium is really knocking me for a loop, but it's helping me over the first few days AF. finally getting some appetite back, yeah!
everybody have a SOOPER Sat and be well.

[rottrod]

saturday 23 June

Hi everyone,
I've had the mood swing thing going on for a couple of weeks and it's been really awful. I am not a moody person. I knew to expect it from reading RJ's book. I had already warned hubby in advance and he didn't really believe me because I'm just not that way. So when it happened it took a day or two to see it for what it was and we talked it through. He is happy he is not really married to that person and I'm glad to not really be that person.

I think it's also part of the mourning period we go through after extended periods of drinking, in my case over 20 years. I miss the glass in my hand, having it sitting there beside me, knowing it's always there, like a lover. It knows the most intimate secrets. We try to end that relationship in one day and it cannot happen. It rips and shreds our psyche and we have no control over the response. I don't understand why I cry for no reason when I'm otherwise a happy person, but I do know, like Breez said, that something is happening in my brain that will straighten itself out if I can just hold on. And...I plan to do just that. These last couple of days have been much better.

I hope everyone who is going through this will just hang on because it does get better.

Have a great weekend everyone, thanks for all the support.

Melissa

[YoungAtHeart]

saturday 23 June

Hi All,

I've had that twitchy itchy craving for a drink the last few days, too. I almost asked my companions to stop and get some AF wine when I on the way home last night, but in the final analysis, that would be like going to dinner with an old boyfriend that I still had feelings for. Why even ask for trouble? It would only satisfy the habit part of the craving.

It's like that drink satisfies some deep hunger in us that's not really about food and nourishment. A lot of times it is about not feeling connection with our world, our fellow humans, our creativity, and with our work (meaningful work). Western culture often names that "neediness" and not an ordinary human longing. If we don't feel connected, we will turn to other things like excessive eating or drinking or drugs. Unfortunately, over time,those things don't keep working for us. We become drunks or develop eating disorders, etc., and what once was a comfort becomes a source of shame, and we are more alone than ever. Drinking is our comfort and our curse. If we are lucky enough and courageous enough to realize we must let it go, we do have to go through a mourning process, as Melissa says, and it's hard, because we are doing it voluntarily. So we have a lot of mood swings, from being pleased and proud to feeling irritable. It's rough. Frankly, I'm pissed off that I can't have JUST ONE GLASS of wine. But I haven't been able to have just one glass for over 10 years now. If I could, I wouldn't be here.

Anyway, end of soliloquy, at least for now. The topa and supplements help so much. I had so many cravings last night until I remembered I had forgotten to take my topa. Within a half hour of taking it then, they had quieted down considerably.

At any rate, bear, definitely take your gum with you. I think it can help so much! I'm glad that you are enjoying your extra $$$! You generally sound proud of yourself, which is great!

Hey thought2much, sounds like things are pretty stressful for you these days. Anyway to take some of the pressure off in real life? Maybe that would help with the "doomsday" thinking? Or is some of it the emotional withdrawal?

Hi MD-maybe you should be "Big Bear" and bear 73 should be "Little Bear". I am getting confused otherwise. I'm glad to see you here these days!

#9932cc;">Mr. D-sorry the Librium is wacking you out, but I'm glad that it is making withdrawal a little easier. Having a relapse might be well worth it if it makes you SURE about the need to stay sober. I'm sorry that you had to go through it all, though.

Melissa, I am SO WITH YOU about the mourning and letting go of the soothing rituals of drinking. That is what I am missing the most. As far as the alcohol, I didn't need nearly as much in my system as I was getting. But boy, did I ever love having a glass of wine at my side!

I've had a good day--saw a few clients this morning and took a nice long nap this afternoon. I have a good book and a DVD calling my name for this evening. I can see that I've likely written a novel here, so I'll let you all go!

Hugs,:l
Kathy

[thought2much]

saturday 23 June

Hi Kathy

I think you are so right. I need to simplify my life and take some time out...

I am definitely trying to bite of more than a mouthful at this time but I guess life is just sometimes like that. Sometimes everything happens all at once.

Working 14 hour days and completing an MBA on weekends, whilst trying to give up drinking and also sorting out my emotional mine field is taking its toll.

In 1 months time work will have quietened down, I will feel good that I have broken my drinking cycle for a month and I will have made some big decisions about what I want from life and who I want to share my life with. I will be able to do this knowing that my emotions are true and my mind is clear.

When I come out the other side of this month I will be happier, more relaxed and clearer on what I want from life. This is something I am really looking forward to.

Hopefully I will have completed my pesky uni assignments that are now overdue as well

Exhaustion, confusion, self doubt, paranoid behaviour, self loathing, guilt and sadness will all be a far less significant part of my life.

I might book an August holiday to celebrate all that I will have achieved by then maybe a week skiing in NZ will do the trick

[YoungAtHeart]

saturday 23 June

Sounds really good, thought2much! Ski a run for me! LOL. :-)

[ScoobyDoo]

saturday 23 June

What great posts and summation of observations! I have really needed to hear what you all had to say today.

Melissa, I absolutely relate to the mourning process and both you and Kath have said exactly what I'm feeling too. I probably need to cry or stamp my feet or do something but I don't, but definitely feel frustrated at times. I asked Mick if I've been moody lately and he said no, but I feel a bit pissed off that I can't just have 1 drink (just like what you've described Kath). I know I can't - and you're so on the mark with all you've said Kathy.

Mick and I got back from our adventure race this morning. Race start was at 9am in a national park, so we had to wake up at 6am this morning. We didn't get to bed until 1.30am (Mick was helping me do a mass data entry setup for a new client that has to meet next weeks deadline) so we were shattered this morning after only 4.5 hours sleep. It was raining too which was a bit of a bummer. It went run - kayak - run - kayak - run - MTBike and we pulled the pin about an hour into the MTBike section (4 hours of racing at the time that we pulled the pin) as I developed hypothermia on the second kayak section. Zero power and right now I feel like sh*t (but never as bad as a hangover! ) So maybe right now is a good time to cry and stamp my feet!

... actually throwing some plates sounds like a bigger release than just stamping my weak fatigued legs. :H But seriously, maybe I need to find an emotional outlet or something so I can let go of this grieving phase.

Thanks for all your wonderful insights today.

Bernie

[ScoobyDoo]

saturday 23 June

PS Det, Kathy & others, how long does the grieving phase usually last?

[YoungAtHeart]

saturday 23 June

I don't know, Scoobs, I don't think I've ever let myself do it before, and I think that has led to a relapse after several weeks. From reading other people's posts there seems to be initial grieving, and another spot at about 3 months. You could PM Gabby, who has over a year now, she is always ready to share! Or Sujul, who has over 14 months, is also a very helpful person.

XOXOXOX
Kathy