Monday, July 2nd

[YoungAtHeart]

Morning all!

Replying to Scoobs from last night, yes, the weekends are still the hardest. This past weekend wasn't as bad because I was so busy with stuff I HAD to do, but normally, they are hard. The weekdays are so much easier. I'm not sure though that I'm not in the same place as before; namely, a bit depressed, but I'm just more aware of it. The topa makes it harder to get moving in the morning, so I'm cutting my morning dose during the week, but I'll keep it the same on the weekends.

My harder times may be coming up now, though, because I've made it through three weeks several times before, and it is about now that the little voice in my head usually starts whispering. So far, I've fended it off, this time around. The good news is that now, with continued sobriety, I can REALLY start feeling proud of myself, because now I'm entering uncharted waters, for me.

I had a few bad dreams last night, including one dream where I had a swig of wine before I "realized" what I was doing, and then I felt awful. I was so glad to wake up from that one. Another one was about my ex- letting me down. Not pleasant. I definitely got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning! A cup of green tea is setting me to rights again, thank goodness!

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well today and enjoys their AF day. I plan on enjoying mine--once I get going, I'll be fine!

Hugs to all!:l
Kathy

Day 21

[Kitty]

Monday, July 2nd

Hi Kathy,

I'm hearing the "voice" too today. I can't believe just how much my mood has plummeted over night.

Really depressed about the job situation. I left a really well paid management position to come here and now I can't seem to find the most basic of employment let alone anything else.

I had bad dreams too, Zombies which I hate, they were all people I used to know, just horrible. I don't know if my present state of mind is real or whether my drinking head is just waking up again and trying to get me to succumb.

I'm going to go to the gym and try and get some endorphins going.

Sorry to be on a downer, I so wanted to start July off positively.

On a lighter note Scooby is it your 30 days today?

Kitty

[Determinator]

Monday, July 2nd

Top of the Mondy AB-0s!
Kathy you should feel proud and glad you do.
Sorry Kitty the dreams come and I think you are on track with the exercise for sure.
in fact tonight will be my first night back in jiu jitsu for two weeks....oh gawd I'm going to die.....at least it will be a "healthy pain" for a few days no cravings, no problems and no shortage of garlic.
Be well me loverlies and all me loverlies to come XXXXXXXXXX

[Breez]

Monday, July 2nd

Morning Kath~and hello to all to come!

Funny but my weekends were easier as I was busy (kids home, DH home, out & about etc) but my weekdays-ugh. They were rough-the monotony. The only time I had bad weekend triggers were when I had social events with hubby's side of the family (the phonies) and the cravings started during the week in preparation.

But 2+ months ago I overcame my biggest triggers-where I would definately have had drank in the past. Wooh-that was a natural high-an empowerment. Overcoming those obstacles give you more incentive but also as Deter mentioned in his thread yesterday in General that one can get cocky and that is a "caution light" to be careful. As long as we prepare, are aware of our triggers, are careful, we're in the good.

Kath-I know about hitting that mark. The last 2 yrs of trying to quit I'd always make it to the 3 week and poof. The longest times in between were the 3 month mark and poof. That number 3! Stay strong you can do it!

Off to run errands as i have to drop off my vehicle to get it looked at. The park brake & brake system lights are on (brakes are fine) and need to get it emission tested (our state brought it back-waste of $).

Have a great day everyone.
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[Breez]

Monday, July 2nd

Hi Deter & Kitty-

we posted at the same time.

Kitty-don't get too frustrated with the job thing. The same thing happened to me as I took time away from a good state job to be with the kids & ttry to make myself better(ok-and I hated the job). Then I changed careers & couldn't find a good job. Then this job fell into my lap-it's not the greatest paying but will open doors. I give thanks for being AF because I'm sure if I was drinking I would have some how spoiled it for myself. I always say there are reasons for things to happen & not happen.

The ho-hums happen. It happened to me. After my honeymoon phase of being AF was over-ugh-I thought "is this it?". But that too passed. Hang in there!
oh- Scoobs day is tomorrow.


Hi Deter-you make me smile when you "pleasantly" complain of your jiu jitsu. Loverlies...ah miss the Melon.

[YoungAtHeart]

Monday, July 2nd

Wow, it's a slow day today, loveys! See, I am fine today. So you have it all different on the weekends, eh, Breez? That's cool. I know that my weekends will get better as time goes on.

Kitty, I'm sorry about the job situation. I hope that something will come along soon for you. Don't worry about being a downer, please. We have to be able to say where we are at, or what is the point? This time, I have decided to try not to sugar coat anything, and I think it is helping, so please don't apologize. I'm glad you're going to get some exercise in; I'm sure that will help. How is your little Monty? I forgot to tell you that one of my cats is named Monty, too. He has two other names as well: Monsieur Montague Grey and Sir Poops-a-Lot. My other cats are named Tootsie, Riley, Nikki and Kiki. Nikki and Kiki live in my bedroom, which is the "senior kitty condo" in my house. They are old and just want to lay in the sun and not be harrassed by the younger crowd!

Jiu Jitsu sounds good Deter. It's good to see you getting back to yourself again. Playing with craploads of garlic and sense of humor intact!:H

Thanks for your good wishes, Breez. I'm feeling committed, one day at a time. I'm just letting them add up for now. All of the people here who are making progress day by day, week by week and month by month are helping me to feel that I can do it too. Also, I finally do accept where I will go if I start thinking, "Aw, one won't hurt". It will hurt!

Anyway, I'm off to the store again tonight. Turns out at Maddy's college we DON'T need those special sheets and stuff after all, just the regular kind will do just fine!

Have a good rest of the day, all!

Hugs,:l
Kathy

[Kitty]

Monday, July 2nd

Hi Kathy,

Just about to go to bed and I feel much better. Just needed a bit of a cry to let some emotion out.

Monty has been a great tonic today. I read somewhere that Ragdoll cats will "fetch" things like a dog and he did just that tonight. He has been playing with a ball of paper for hours and if we throw it he brings it back to us. I started calling him Monty Mu, and now I just call him Mu Mu.

Tonight in the supermarket I really wanted to buy some alcohol, but luckily I didn't. A little voice in my head is already planning a blow out after 30 days, but I don't really want to do that.


See you all tomorrow,

Kitty

[Newyear]

Monday, July 2nd

Hi kathy, kitty, breez and deter-

I'm glad to be home and it's nice to see what's going on here. Kathy - you don't need to sugar coat it - we can take it You are doing so great- hang in there.
Kitty - I used to set goals and think I would blow it after achieving it too - actually plan on it.
But I hope you just set another goal when you do make 30 ( and you will make it!)

I went to visit a friend in Colorado over the weekend and to attend her dad's memorial service. He died in Jan but gave instructions that they not have a funeral but could have a party at a later date.
So her mom had a party in his honor this past Saturday.

I've known this friend for about 13-14 years. We've drunk a lot of wine together. I haven't seen her since stopping drinking in Oct.
It was a little odd but I managed pretty well.

Her mom even gave me a bottle of Co wine- I brought it home and will give it to my friend who watched my kitties while I was gone.
I also went to a liquor store there too - to get wine for the party. I had one NA beer at lunch one day and that was it.

Oh...one thing that was funny to me.
Her mom had dinner for the out of town guests on Friday night. I wore some new sandals with heels and was having trouble walking in them. One man was joking when we were leaving about me maybe having too much to drink since I was having difficulty walking down the stairs.
I saw him the next day at the memorial party, they were opening the wine and he said-
"I know who will help out with the wine!".
I never corrected him or felt the need to say " I didn't drink anything!" Instead I just laughed.
Then I went over and got a raspberry tea. It was a weird weird feeling though.
If I had been drinking I would have felt so awful. But I knew better. I knew I wasn't drunk and I felt pretty darn good about it too.

I knew he didn't mean anything by the comment either - but if I had been drinking I would have felt like sh&t!
Thought I would share...
Glad to be home -
Love,
Lisa

[YoungAtHeart]

Monday, July 2nd

Glad to have you back, too, Lisa. I've missed you! I'm glad you can laugh about the drinking jokes!

Now we can get back to living vicariously while you date!

[Breez]

Monday, July 2nd

Oh Lisa-I loved your story. Congrats on being so strong. Funny how when we're AF it's not such an insult to be accused of drinking but when we were how insulting it was to be told we had too much.