need help to moderate, first week a disaster

[bear73]

Hello

any tips, help please.This is getting me very stressed out which is a vicious circle.
decided to stop AF and to moderate last week, idea was no alcohol in the week, and moderation at the weekend.

well
1 glass Monday
half a bottle wed and thu - wed was an excpetion but allowed me to roll onto drinking on Thursday too
Friday about a bottle and a half
Saturday 1 vodka
Sunday about 6 pints

Needless to say I also ate crappy takeaway food and didn't go to the gym - although I did manage a run on Sunday.
I have bad acid now, so bad thought my liver was swollen and hurting (it's where the pain was). I think that's unlikely.

Help me, I feel fat, bloated, tired and scared that I can't do this

[Beaches]

need help to moderate, first week a disaster

Good morning Bear,

Take a breath!
What is your plan right now? Do you have AF lined up for this week? Do you have supplements?
If you are feeling scared you can always go back to abstaining and get a handle and then try for moderation again. I know that many of the moderators go for long period of time abstaining then moderate and on and on. It's all a very personal choice.
I have been reading a lot of posts about putting yourself in the right mindframe and setting new habits for yourself. This has been one of the most challenging parts for me as I see my habits are what kick off a lot of my triggers.
Cleanse out your system by drinking lots of water and start fresh. When you start feeling better you will do so much better.
Keep talking and there will be many to come after me to offer support.

[bear73]

need help to moderate, first week a disaster

thanks Beaches
Yes I seem to constantly havew great plans, my problem is not seeig when they have gn well and als oif they go wrong feeling a total failure.

need to pick myself up and get back on my horse.
you know i only became concenred about my drinking when i kept failing to stop smoking when drinking and then added up how much i drank a week - all social but still way too much!Also it's not good with the weight loss and fitness regime

[Guest]

need help to moderate, first week a disaster

a.f. is the only way to go , moderating is only prolonging the inevitable! Sorry! I know its easier said than done , but its the best goal to aim to achieve. I am no longer going to bullshit myself that I can moderate, tried it many times ,never works . I am only af a short while myself but I pray to God that I remain af . Good luck mate ,you know you can do it!

[Guest]

need help to moderate, first week a disaster

Sorry ,didnt realise I was in the mods thread...only saying how I feel about it

[Guest]

need help to moderate, first week a disaster

Suspect you could be right limers, but like many no doubt, I am loathe to think so...........

Starlight Impress

[cassy]

need help to moderate, first week a disaster

hi i,m still in moderation mode and agree its hard as you can easily slip back to old ways.

i hope you can get to whatever your goal is Bear and dont feeel so awful./
i know in the past you have been very supportive to many on this site too.

so hang in there and get going today...maybe do the drink tracker to keep honest and monitor how you get on in july. you will decide then if Af is the only way.


Yes limers i know it probably is the only way for most of us with drink problems BUT we have to reach that part of our personal journey alone really.

good Luck limers sounds like you are are the stage of moderation isnt possible and you are fed up trying. .Hope you get going on the Af and the days add as you continue on your journey into change

Cassy

[Guest]

need help to moderate, first week a disaster

Well, currently consider myself a mod.........would like to remain so, but who knows........don`t think any of us can predict how it`ll all turn out at the beginning........

[Guest]

need help to moderate, first week a disaster

thanks Cassy and Star, do not mean to sound judgmental about it. im glad mod works for you two ,wish it did for me ! I would roll along fine till the weekend and then bam! out the window and sat and sun I get the panic attacks ,the guilt ect .For me its a cycle of bullshit that I must stop .

[Guest]

need help to moderate, first week a disaster

Had particularly hard time in trying to abstain last night limers, which is why I say none of us can really predict if we`ll end up mods or abs, as I`ve had 3 `relatively` easy weeks moderating.

Bear, my 3 wks. successful mods. really did make me feel like I could do mods. no probs!!!, but am doubting myself after rough ride last night. Still holding onto(much like grim death) the hope that I really can moderate long-term, so am bringing some kudzu home today.
Think I underestimated just how testing trying to moderate actually is........

Good luck bear.

Much love,

Starlight Impress

[bear73]

need help to moderate, first week a disaster

yes I am torn between af and moderation, when I was af for 28 days I loved it- more energy,money, less anxious, less depressed. But I did feel angry a lot of the time, maybe i need to get through that and work out what it is and what I need to change.

There was almost a horrible inevitability about going back to drinking , I knew it would be full of hangovers, too much wine, too many cigarettes, too much money spent and feeling fat and trapped in a situation.

I'm angry that I don't have friends who would do cinema, food at a weekend - it feels like it always has to be the pub or something with tonnes of booze. Actually that's not fair I do have a couple, but everyone is SO in a rut, me included, even where we go - it's the same pub ALL THE TIME. I went to 2 different pubs this weekend, hung out with others I've not seen for a while and it was really nice - seemed like a major step forward.

I think part of it was no one around me including my OH wanted to change so I would still end up with weekends down the pub with other people getting wasted around me. I would feel good for having no hangover,saving money, exercising more but I also felt really sad.

Maybe if I did it longer I would then start to do my own thing too (god knows who with!), make a few changes, even stay in on my own. I got angry at OH as I really felt I wasn't a prioirity and I feel that sometimes now anyway, it's just worse when I'm sober, there's nothing to mask it. I have PMT right now so I need to bear that in mind!
I can and need to make a change - I'm away with some friends this weekend so after that will REALLY try to moderate and stop smoking.
If not I guess it's AF for me. I've realised I've been fitting in with others agendas for too long and I need to decide what I want to do/don't want to do.

[Saint Jude]

need help to moderate, first week a disaster

Hang in there Bear.
like anything else that's worth working for, it takes some effort & patience & a lot of determination.
I kind of compare it to being on a diet... there's some things you can enjoy,... just not in large amounts, and drink lots of water!
It really helps me if I make myself have a glass of water in between each drink I allow myself... it kind of reminds you to keep a count...and you pee more... Much healthier!:H (more quality time alone..)

[betty boop]

need help to moderate, first week a disaster

Saint Jude;158940 wrote: ...and you pee more... Much healthier!:H (more quality time alone..)

Judie only you could say that LOL ....

Bear, be proud of your achievements so far .... Baby steps ......

Love & Hugs, BB x

[Guest]

need help to moderate, first week a disaster

BEAR ,i did 6 weeks a while back and I felt very depressed and angry for most of it and was constantly waiting for a eurphoria that never arrived .I didnt understand it ..I mean I had wanted to be af for so long . Anyway the last few days I have been reading Patsy Palmers (eastenders) all of me biogrophy and it has really struck a chord with me .She was an addict to alcohol and drugs and was on the wagon 2 years more or less and always craved her crutch. She put it down to lack of support and reakons you need a support system to back you up . I am trying aa this week for the first time ever and really going to give it my all . In a way were doing it cold turkey even though we have mwo and what she says really makes sence to me. Im going to bed now to finish it off. I have devoured this book! I , like you, have a partner who drinks ( almost every night ) which makes it a little more difficult but I believe in my heart I can do this because the alternative is been in the same place mentally year after year after year!!!!! Sorry this is so long and the very best of luck to you.

[tea]

need help to moderate, first week a disaster

Hi Bear, feeling the tug tonight so right there with you. We will NOT do this together okay, I won't if you won't (grin). I too am thinking what can I do instead, feel like I am all cupboard and drawer cleaned out, house sparkling, even working late to kill an hour or two (sad). I too have no-one who wants to go cinema etc (ie anywhere non alcoholic), jees even going shopping always ends up in the supermarket for last minute things. Sure others will jump in with ideas (hope it doesn't include exercise - groan). L xx