July 15

[Guest]

OK, Fess up time!
Drank way too much at that concert...:x So all of your wonderful praise about how great I'm doing and how I've figured this whole moderating thing out is kinda down the toilet, guys. Sorry to disappoint you all. . We had an absolutely great time, but by 1:30 am, the 4 of us were pretty hammered. So that's the bad news.
Good news: Had a great time! Was not blitzo or anything for the concert--it was the afterparty stuff that got me. I did not drink the Jager shots that were bought for me. Pushed them away... get a minor credit for that I think! Got up, showered, left by 9am and went out for a nice breakfast.
Soooo...didn't stick to the sort of plan I had. Made a pretty conscious decision to "let it go!" and drink. Twas not moderating. Twas a little binge. Minus Jagermeister. (thank God!)
Postponing my long run until tomorrow, as hubby is working today and I have the boys. I will be AF today to get back on track and prep for the 8-9 miler.
So I'm wondering about the topa. I had upped it to 125. Had taken all my supps. Took double Kudzu. Guess if you make your mind up to party, you do it! I think the supps and the topa help me a lot more during the week, on days when I'm trying to just maintain the AF days, or drink minimally. If you're gonna go ahead and blow it, no amount of meds will stop you! (well, maybe anabuse, right Gina?:x )
Through all of this, I keep learning. I'm actually not beating myself up. I would if I kept drinking for days like that, but I won't. Promise! I would if I blacked out during the concert or did something idiotic or something, but I didn't.
I shall repeat, as I have before: to all the lurkers and newbies: I'm not a role model! You are not supposed to get drunk when you are moderating! Just got my own little thing going on here, and I lean on these wonderful people to keep me headed in the right direction! :d

How is everyone else doing?

[Guest]

July 15

Guys, I'm wondering if I should stop posting under mod. Posting my drinking I think only helps me, not anyone else. Selfish. If it were more ideal, then it would help people.
I just remember several people (won't name names, but can think of many) who say they can't look over here because of posts just like mine above. They don't need to see drunkenness and struggles, as it frustrates them in their own journey. Now I feel bad. Maybe I should delete it?
Think I'll just continue to keep my diary, but maybe not blast my blowhorn so loud over here. Fessing up and my honesty with you guys and everyone around me is just what has gotten me so far with my progress. That's kinda been the buzz lately "honest old me!" , and I didn't realize it until you all started pointing it out! Just being me.
Don't know what to do. Happy with how things are going for me these days! No one has had to put me to bed early in 5 months. Haven't missed a dinner or a kid's event... you catch my drift. No one taking bets on how many times I'll fall down before the night is over (I'm not making this sh*t up). And if I ever do go back there, well, we certainly know what to do to change things!
So should I delete that post? This one too? Let me know, then I'll go back to caring less about me and more about you guys:d

[Guest]

July 15

My vote is don't delete. Post the truth. We all struggle with this journey daily. One never knows what words might contain power and hope for another person.
Please understand, I am not encouraging drinking to get drunk or whatever, but it happens. And as you say, if the mind is on the path to get drunk, topa, supps and whatever won't matter.
Love and Peace,
Phil

[Guest]

July 15

I think hearing of others struggles makes us all not be so hard on ourselves. I certainly do not gleefully read the posts where people have not moderated or abstained like they would like but it does help me to see that I am not alone in this painful struggle.

[Guest]

July 15

Hi everybody! I don't think you should delete anything! And I don't think you should worry about what you post. I'm all for being open and honest. (Probably why I'm in trouble 1/2 the time... ) If someone can't handle reading the mods posts, that's their problem... Sorry if that sounds harsh... but alcohol is a very big part of this society... it's everywhere! Books, Movies, TV, Restaurants, Parties, BBQ's, Family gatherings,...pretty hard to avoid...:eek ...Dreams..:evil .:hat
Not like you can play ostrich your whole life, and live in a bubble...:rolleyes ...GEEEZ...Just in case you're wondering how I feel about it!.... POST ON ....BECCA!:happy :P

Ok, Well another pretty day in the neighborhood! Don't have to work till 4:00 tonight. Yesterday was brutal! But fruitful... ...:P :d Hope everyone's having a great weekend!....:d Judie

[Guest]

July 15

Thanks for the input, Phil, doymojo, and Judie!
I'll leave it for now. Being a good girl so far today . Hubby working and has been gone all day, I took my supps, topa, etc., and am staying away from the booze! 1pm here Sat. Choosing to keep alcohol in our lives over here in modsville, just gotta stay vigilent, and when a slip like that happens, just regroup and carry on. NOT continue down a drunken bender as we did in the "old days". That's what lead me to the pain and suffering and problems... not one night here and there of a party.
Still not endorsing anyone to get loaded! Please stick with your own plans! Each person, mod or abs, knows what they need to do for their own growth.

Jude, glad you're still raking in the dough!

Kathy, you're not moving til Tues, right?
Janet, how are you doing? Everything OK? Mary and Mary Anne? Sophia? Must be a busy Sat. for everyone.
Everybody show me how it's done!
Becca:h

[Guest]

July 15

Hey Becca!

I don't think that you should delete the posts at all! I have several reasons for thinking so, and you're going to hear them all!:lol

MWO was originally developed for people who wanted to moderate. I think it is wonderful that we are diversifying into different groups with different goals and that we are all respectful of each others' goals!

Most of us ARE LEARNING SOMETHING from your posts as well as our own!

If people are having a hard time handling reading posts like yours, they don't have to come to this particular forum. I certainly don't want people to get discouraged, either, but everyone will have their own unique response to things. I personally would find it very discouraging if I thought everyone was doing great all the time but me!!

Some people from the abs thread read over here about our triumphs and our tribulations. Sometimes our tribulations may reinforce their decision to stay abs!!!

There will always be SOMEONE who doesn't like what is happening or disagrees with it, complains about it, etc. We can hear them out and see if it is appropriate to change and/or modify what we are doing. Unless someone is writing to you privately Becca, the things that I am reading here would indicate that others are getting a lot out of your posts-- myself included!!

End of discussion/lecture/whatever you want to call it. Again, I appreciate your honesty!!

At any rate, I'm doing okay here. Drank more than I wanted to drink last night, sounds like what I said yesterday and the day before. Same sh*t, different day, and THAT's why I'm moving to Absville Tuesday! Scared though!! I'm sure glad I put it out there on paper so I can't worm out of it without being mighty embarrassed!!. Just by doing saying it, I am ALREADY feeling all of these FEELINGS inside getting ready to come up and MAKE ME DEAL WITH THEM:eek I can just feel it!!!

I'm trying to get a lot of work done around here this weekend--organizing my papers, getting caught up on paperwork, cleaning, etc., so that when I start abs, I can pretty much just be doing regular things to maintain, and I can devote time to myself and staying alcohol free. Just trying to get prepared! I am anxious!

Anyway, thanks for listening.
Hugs to All!
Kathy:d :d

[Guest]

July 15

I am checking in late here for today. Have only read the last post - Becca's so I apologize. More later..

Oh -- Bec..."Sorry to disappoint you all. "-- have you not learned by now -- no disappointment from any MWOer. You are still doing better than before.

"Guess if you make your mind up to party, you do it!" I think that is true something says -- go ahead -- OK.

No biggie -- you know what to do...

See Kath thought I was originally a cynical bitch (still am) but you are tyring!! ...what else can the universe ask?

More later...Much Luv~Chrysa

Oh -- my report -- mmm-- it is Sat night at 8PM. Have had 2 giant wine/fresh fruit/seltzers (homemade)-- yum -- & feel a buzz -- which I realize is why we all want to moderate & not abstain & it is understandable...hope I don't get hooked into these boards or chat tonight -- not good -- just want to go to bed -- listen to CD

Had this thought today -- perhaps if I need a check on my mod drinking I could plan a few days of topa (knowing the downside for me) ..as a kind of kick-start--- BECAUSE I think overall I am still doing better than before MWO

AND you are too -- right Becc??
Luv~Chrysa

[Guest]

July 15

Becca -- don't delete & don;t stop posting --please. I feel from my little time on the boards & even had this thought today --General Discussion can be where we are or should be careful of what we say, share, etc. & shoudl be because we want others to know & benefit from MWO. But in Modsville or Absville--- that is sacred territory. That is just what I was thinking. What do you all think?

Becca -- Please don't stop posting here. I really think we ...oh gosh.. the tears again...are helping each other ( in all the forums) ...but especially those who COMMIT to residing Modsville or Absville for awhile. We grow & heal alot. Do you think? or not?

What do you all think.. OK I know I am a nutcase.. don worry boud id :smokin

[Guest]

July 15

Becca -- what do you all do --your hubby & you -- lots of concerts -- are you in the entertainment business??

[Guest]

July 15

What Kathy Thinks About Chrysa

Okay, well maybe Kathy DID think that Chrysa was a bit of a cynic at first, rather prickly, at that.:rolleyes Not quite sure want to use the B*tch word though for a sister.

These days, Kathy is thinking that while Chrysa can be a bit of a porcupine at times, she really hasn't seen this side of her for quite a while!

So, I'll go out of the third person here and back into the first, Chrysa. I do think that you were pretty prickly at first, but actually, DUH!!! like any porcupine, it's just because you are such a softie underneath and ABSOLUTELY MUST protect yourself until you are sure that you won't be hurt or attacked. I think that you have let people here, including me, see that you are vulnerable. I respect you more for that, and I want you to know that my *first impression* of you was only that--a first impression. My feelings about you have undergone a significant revision, and I find that I like and respect you a great deal. The issues with drinking are only one part of who you are Chrysa. I also see passion, honesty and integrity, and the ongoing struggle to keep on trying to beat this alcohol that brings all of us to MWO.

Hang in there, Chrysa!
Kathy

[Guest]

July 15

Hi Becca,
Just putting my 2 cents in and I don't think you should stop posting the truth! I tend to run away and hide when not doing so well and I don't think that does any good at all. You are doing really well and I admire your courage and strength to post honestly! This is no easy ride for anybody and to hear that sometimes other people struggle helps us all to not feel so alone. I now realise I will never be a mods person but that is just me! Mods or Abs its all the same in the fight for our lives back.
Shas
:h

[Guest]

July 15

Chrysa response

Kath,
Not fair.....you owe me a big box of kleenex...
We knew there was some thing more between our major egos, right...
You have a beautiful way with words and analogies .. it is a gift to be sure...
Have to go to bed now & weep more (do not tell me this is a cathartic moment!!!...

Luv you ...DC??? In Sept or Oct??????

[Guest]

July 15

Right back at ya!

I know, Chrysa, I'm am BAD aren't I??:lol Let's join the establishment and buy stock in Kimberly-Clarke! The way things are going, their sales should be going way up!!:lol Thanks for letting me get under your skin! I only mean it in the best of ways. You know the feeling is mutual! In fact it is your honesty, as well as the honesty of Becca and the others, and even funnily enough, the strafing of Paisley a few months ago (:eek ) that has helped me to strive to be more honest both here and with myself!

:h :P :d
Kathy

[Guest]

July 15

Re: Right back at ya!

Just checkin' in after another "fun" night @ work... ...Actually, tonight wasn't so bad after the 3rd girl finally got there...(late...on a Saturday night!!! AGAIN!!), makes for a ruff start! Maybe it's just "old age"... but I don;t remember getting away with that sh*t when I was younger!!
I'm sure ... I've gotten away with my share of BS though...:rolleyes ... so I'd better just be quiet...
I did go out & have one drink with one of the gals after work... she had my 2nd one for me... that my old boss bought( I said I was gonna have one & I did,... so I let someone buy me a drink... & let someone else drink it!) So, I guess I'm vicariassly (sp) BAD!! :P :happy :d ...Judie