I just wanted to give an update on me. Yes topa has without a doubt been a saviour for me. I may have not have not been able to do it w/o it. I went mod for a couple a weeks and then sent my family away over the weekend before going af. If anyone has been following me you know I lost my sleeping pills just at that time which didn't make me too happy but I SURVIVED. I had practically no sweats (think I lost those in the sauna at the gym). I've been using an anti-anxiety at night only upped my topa to 100 mgs. but with the exception of a tad of boredom... I"m soo OK. My husband had his wine around me (without flaunting) and I have been avoiding restaurants, parties etc.) - I've been a little tougher on my kids but they probably deserve it (I'm normally the super nice mom) gave contractors a piece of my mind (they ALWAYS deserve it)... totally clear headed. I'm beginning to believe (ducking head before rocks start flying) that AA is a cultish scare tactic... there to keep you down. Empower yourself, find help... believe in yourself that you can do anything. I believe I will slip and then I'll brush myself of and get back on track. I have not had one, NOT one shake... what on earth are DT's??? I've been drinking for 20 years... I've had blackouts and drank two bottles a night more nights than not and I can just do this... this easily. Yes, I have aids but I'm doing it in the privacy of my own home, without humiliating meetings, without it on my insurance record and without paying thousands of dollars embarrassing my family. If anyone is in trouble, I strongly suggest you look at new advances before "checking yourself in" -- I believe mod or AF is possible. I may or may not drink again. I do not know yet. I'm taking it one day at a time. Right now I don't feel like it. I have to say of course that I am not a doctor and this is just my experience. I just find it difficult to believe that anyone else could have been much worse that I was. I considered myself pretty functional for awhile until recently. Some really bad physical and mental stuff started happening to me recently that really scared me. I've read a lot of posts here and I see a lot of young people paying attention much earlier than I ever did and how I wish the internet and some of these advances, programs and websites were available to me back them. I think I was smart enough to listen. AA or "check yourself in" seemed the only two option which honestly was daunting enough make me want a drink. Anyway, I hope this helps someone or at least I've bored someone enough enough to go to sleep w/o another drink.
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