Benefits of Moderation

[nancy]

Well, it's been four weeks since I got tough with myself and really committed to cutting out alcohol for many days of the week, moderating on 1 or 2.

I feel 100% better! Everything is cleaner, lost a few pounds, look better, sleep better, no guilt. It's so much bettter.

Having some rules really helps: No drinking alone, no drinking to soothe bad emotions. I meditate and am fostering a more supportive relationship with myself. I am learning to slowly change the negative internal voice and manage emotions that once seemed unmanageable. Therapy helps.

I want to continue with this but I want to have even less alcohol on the days when I do drink. I don't want to be looking forward to a drinking day either.

I also need a firm drink limit because I am pretty sure this is going to get me in trouble to have it loose.

Any advice appreciated!

[Sunbeam]

Benefits of Moderation

Drink Tracker

I find that using Drink Tracker is a great moderating tool. I wish I had used it from the first day I decided to try moderating. When I was trying to moderate by keeping it in my head, I had to think about drinking too much. That made me want to drink more, even though the thought was I need to drink less. Does that make any sense???

[Schwertlilie]

Benefits of Moderation

Hello, maybe we can stay in touch and that will help us?
I want to get where you are, and I realised that I need some kind of support, affirmation, contact. I am happily non-drinking but when I have a drink it does trigger for more. I don't want to be the total AF-ler though. It must be manageable, and you two proove it is.
I will check out that Drink Tracker right now

Hope to stay in touch, advice appreciated too...
Many greetings from Germany!

[gyco]

Benefits of Moderation

nancy thankyou,your doin great i am in the same boat,we beat ourselves when we stop,and when we drink to much,ive never oderated in my life till now,and yes it can get away,but you or us have the willpower to finally say ENUFF is enuff,im lernin,threw my my 1st beer out last nt cause i was filled with enuff,thts a start gyco youll do ok

[vera-b]

Benefits of Moderation

Hi Nancy,

I've never really explored this thread category, but it's high (no pun intended) time I did. I. too, enjoy moderating, but only if I feel I can control the drinking days. If it's more of a "relapse", then I feel like little progress has been made. So, that said, I've come up with my own little "rules."

First, I generally only have a drink on the weekend when my husband is also having a drink. He doesn't have a drinking problem, so it's better when we're enjoying that drink at the same time. Second, I start with my lemon water for the first glass or two. Delaying the "start" helps set me up for control. Then, it's a 2-drink limit, and I'm not talking about a full glass. I like oversized wine glasses, so they can only be filled half full. Most often dinner is in there, so sipping slowly is easier. When I do this, I do not fall asleep on the chair, sleep well, and feel I'm in control.

It was maybe 4 times in the last 3 months when my "drinking mind" wanted to go back to the drunk Vera days. The sense of control was not there, and I knew it, even though the quantity was far less. I, like you, went right back to AF days, starting posting with a flurry, re-listened to the cd's, and got real with myself. One thing I do find is that my new habits are starting to take root. I don't have the daily drink thinking going on because it's taken such a back seat in my life. I hope I can keep this up. Actually, I expect I will. Because the mind is one powerful dude.

By the way, I have always enjoyed your posts immensely. You are one of the more "real" senior members to me. I'm sorry I didn't notice this thread before now. Interested to see if others post with their rules. I used to think rules were useless, and they were when I was in the throes of addiction. But after med, supps, the cd's and this site, I think I'm strong enough to impose rules on myself.

Vera-b

[nancy]

Benefits of Moderation

Hi Vera

I like what you are doing with your husband. To me those seem like low-risk situations.

I am generally thinking that I should avoid alcohol wherever possible, not drink alone as I wrote before, not drink to soothe bad emotions. That rules out most of my previous drinking. Also, I think it's good to go out for a few hours and then come home. Or if you drink before a show, kind of low-risk.

Situations where you really shouldn't drink at all include parties, anywhere where the booze is free-flowing and you don't pay for it.

I think the moderator's life needs to resemble the life of someone abstinent for the most part. You have lots of AF days and when you do drink you have very little compared to what you would have had before. You disconnect the drinking from emotions and stress. I still have to learn how to deal with those emotions just as someone abstinent would. You don't have a regular drink after work to unwind. You find other ways to unwind. I remind myself that having too much is not fun or a relief at all and that alcohol is a depressant.

I think I still look forward to the release of having even a few drinks though on an irregular basis and this is a problem. I don't want to look forward to drinks.

Oh another thing that helps me is the responsibility involved in all this. There are so many dangers of being drunk. Reading the bad stories on this site helps me focus on that and I can draw on some of my own experiences. It's just so highly dangerous and irresponsible to go over the limit. I don't want to ever forget that. But I don't want to be completely AF because I think it just would create the allure of the forbidden. Next best thing is to limit as much as possible. Yes it takes more work but I think it is possible.

Hope we can support each other.

[vera-b]

Benefits of Moderation

Nancy,

I, too, hope (actually, I expect) we can support each other. You are so right that the emotions need to be far removed from the drinking whether modding or AF. I don't honestly kinow why we - and I mean ALL of us - have such a problem with dealing with our emotional states. I mean, honestly, are we so tender that we cannot experience frustration, disappointment or sadness without a glass in our hand? Or why is a celebration considered boring if we're not half "in the bag?" What did the founding fathers and mothers do when life got tough and there were no package stores?

Anyway, I got some bad news this weekend which reaffirmed my shame that I ever had a problem with drinking. A kid that graduated with my daughter, now in her second year of college was killed this past weekend. They were friends - both active in the drama department. I learned in church this morning that he (he's also a soph in college) was drunk and ran across a highway in New York. He was hit by more than one car and did not survive. Aside from feeling terribly for his family, I couldn't help but feel that once again alcohol had brought immense sadness upon a family. There's just no good that comes from getting drunk. Thanks for letting me vent. Despite it's allure, alcohol has a very ugly, evil side.

Vera-b

[DeeBee]

Benefits of Moderation

I am so heartened to see so many modders on the boards, we do need all the support we can get.

I have just done 2 months AF and I am now mod. But like Nancy has said my aim will also to be AF for at least 27 out of 31 days of the month. I will only have a drink if I have given it some careful thought and I will stick to the rules I have set for myself.

I went mod whilst we were on holiday this past week and I didn't have more than 2 glasses of wine a night nor did I drink during the day - that used to be a biggie for me when on holiday. I did find that I woke up each morning with a heavy head which I hated.

[vlad]

Benefits of Moderation

I've just completed my 30 Days AF and am now trying to mod again. I think my ideal would be to keep my drinking to twice a week at most... but unfortunately that's not happening. I am generally sticking to no more than 2 drinks but as before my 30 Days it's nearly every day. If I'm busy past 9.00pm I don't drink - so you'd think the key to this is keeping busy. My problem at the moment is deep down I don't want to only drink twice a week.

I do have rules though, don't drink alone, only buy the AL I intend to drink in that session etc etc

Oh well, I can but try.

[vera-b]

Benefits of Moderation

Hi Vlad and Deebee,

Modding isn't always easy, so we have to be there for each other just like the AF threads. My challenge at the moment is to do what Sunbeam and Nancy were talking about last week - "marginalizing AL" so that it's not a big deal. I'm pretty good about AF during the week and keeping AL to the weekends, and in small quantities. The danger for me is the attachment of "reward" to the drinks rather than truly keeping it on the sidelines. So, I guess we all have some soul searching to do, but I do think that the more we practice not giving in to old patterns, the stronger our new habits become.

Vera-b

[keke]

Benefits of Moderation

Nice thread, I like reading the rules and tools other members use. I'm trying the modding thing and last night (Full Moon and all) broke my own. Trying not to drink at home. This time instead of feeling guilty and going back to my old ways of disconnecting from this sight and falling back into drinking nightly, I am back to a few more AF days and some positive affirmations. Paid for breaking the 2 glass rule with a b%#*h of a headache this am. The good news is that I am becoming such a light weight (yeh). Going to listen the CD's. Keep Modding. Keek