drank again after 9 days AF

[frances]

Hi - I'm relatively new here and was going to try AF for 30 days before trying moderation based on some advice. Well, I didn't make it. I was on a camping trip with friends and after we got the kids to bed, two bottles of wine were taken out. To be shared by numerous people so I knew I wouldn't be over-drinking if I did decide to drink. Well, I couldn't resist and I had 1 glass of wine. Then, yesterday evening, tired and wanting to unwind from the night before, my husband opened a bottle of wine and I had one glass then. Now tonight, I'm going to my mother's for a birthday dinner and I'm sure I'll have a glass of wine. i'm just worried I'll get back to not just one glass, but many every evening which is where I was before. My rule was supposed to be no drinking except when out or on special occasions, but I broke that last night. Not only that, but I broke my 30 days that I was striving for. At least I didn't get drunk, but I'm disappointed in myself. Well, here's to keepin' on trying! I guess, at this point, I'll just go ahead and try the moderation thing earlier than I originally planned and see what happens. I'll likely have a glass or two of wine tonight, but I won't have any tomorrow. Tuesday is my birthday so maybe a glass then, but then the rest of the week, NO. Here's hoping! I'm just gonna keep checking back here as it really helps me stay on track. The past two days I wasn't here and see, I slipped! Thanks for listening.

[Sunbeam]

drank again after 9 days AF

Hi Frances,
Do you have a plan for moderating? For most it is more successful to follow a plan that to try to be deciding each day or moment.

I would personally suggest that you consider getting back on the AF wagon. The alcohol is pretty much out of your system probably in a week, but you need the additional AF time to develop new habits. Otherwise the outcome will probably be that you just fall back into your old habits.

[periwinkle]

drank again after 9 days AF

Hi frances!

Maybe you need to refocus your plan. Have you read the MWO book? Are you taking any of the supplements or meds? Have you purchased the cds and if so have you listened to them?

One thing that RJ says before starting the program and the 30 day AF plan is to look at the calendar. You might need to start 30 days AF after your birthday, etc.

Hang in there. You can do this!

periwinkle :l

[frances]

drank again after 9 days AF

thanks

Had three glasses of wine tonight for the dinner at mom's with my brother and extended family. Less than what I usually drink so that is a plus. And I'm home and not reaching for the bottle...another plus!

Thanks for the words of advice. I have to admit I haven't done anything here other than read the posts. I agree I should at least read the book and I will do so. I guess once I've done that i'll decide about the CDs and meds but I have to admit I have a bias toward not using meds. We'll see how it goes. Thanks for your encouragement!

[SAUSAGE]

drank again after 9 days AF

Frances

Before I came accross this thread I had just read your first post with great interest in "my story" about why you quit and how you didn't even miss it in the first AF few days - was really impressed, It wasn't that easy for me! Whether you want to quit for life or simply moderate I would strongly advise trying to do the first 30 days or even longer AF whilst you have a good research / read around the subject and how hard it is to moderate / what you really want out of life etc. I wasn't sure whether to quit for life or moderate. Did 108 AF days earlier this year then decided I could do this (moderate) as I must be strong if I could do 108 days - yet within days was drinking as heavy as before (40-50 units of wine a week, all in evenings after 7pm). I started again on Sep 1st and celebrated 50 AF days today. I think quitting outright is the only solution for me, but it's a very personal thing and everyone is different. Moderation was just too hard - the old habits just crept back so easily and I feel so good when I don't drink, it just wasn't worth it. Also on the days when I decided not to drink (which wasn't very often!), I just felt really miserable and didn't learn to adapt my life and start enjoying it AF - was just craving for the next drink.

Good luck on your journey what ever you decide and keep us posted how you're doing

[Waiting for his way out]

drank again after 9 days AF

Before my husband went AL free for two weeks now..good for him... he used to put two beers in the freezer at once (one for now and one for later...this happened when he stopped the Vodka every night) I tried to explain to him that planning the two beers, even before he opened one, was giving himself no chance at all to stop at the first one.. it took him a while but he finally uderstood what I meant. No more beers in the freezer just waiting at the right temperature, now they sit in the fridge.. just in case. Try to stop planning the number of drinks. You did so well for 9 days, try again. Good luck.

[frances]

drank again after 9 days AF

on day 2

went last night AF. So let's try this again! And, I will order and read the book!!

[LookingToGrow]

drank again after 9 days AF

Good for you Frances :h
What is the rest of your plan after the book? Let us know what we can do to help you :wings:
Have a great day 2!

[Nettie]

drank again after 9 days AF

Hi Sausage. Thanks for your post. I have just started the whole process, managed two and a half days AF but hit it hard last night. Feeling pretty crap. My husband is rightly not talking to me (again), I just seem to find the evenings close to impossible. I'm waiting for my MWO package of supplements etc, did you use them? Did they help?

[SAUSAGE]

drank again after 9 days AF

Nettie - have sent you a private message (PM)
Sausage

[DeeBee]

drank again after 9 days AF

Sausage, a huge congrats on 50 days AF.

You are right we do need to get as much AF time under our belts before we can decide whether modding is an option for us or not.

Francis, great job on going AF last night, read the book and get a plan together. I found the Topa and supps really helped me.
Keep posting and reading:-)

[readytotry]

drank again after 9 days AF

Similar story

Frances,

I am in the same boat you are....let's not let it sink. I have gone 23 days AF this month, which is the longest in years, but last night I planned to have 1 glass of wine before supper out with friends and no wine with the meal or when we got home. It worked, but I really wanted to go 30 days and am restarting the 30. I agree with Sausage and the others. You are on the right track, you just need to resolve to completely stop for a while. So do I. I was staggering and in danger of hurting myself,etc., as I cannot handle more than say 4 or 5 glasses of wine. I got rid of the wine in the house and that helped, then I got my husband to support me 150%, which was a turbulent 2 weeks, as he is a reasonably moderate drinker.
Please hang in there.
I have about 4 big events coming up....birthdays, etc. where the wine will flow and I have already RESOLVED to be AF as well as the designated driver over the upcoming holidays. Planning ahead is the only way for me. I have had to convince my husband that giving up the cocktail hour , as in removing myself from where he's sitting, is the only way for me to stay sober on a daily basis. He is ok with it now, but was not at first. I have taken up knitting again and am sleeping well at night. No supplements, but they are worth a try.
Let's see if we can go 30 days together.
L.

[tlrgs]

drank again after 9 days AF

Sunbeam;445895 wrote: Hi Frances,
Do you have a plan for moderating? For most it is more successful to follow a plan that to try to be deciding each day or moment.

I would personally suggest that you consider getting back on the AF wagon. The alcohol is pretty much out of your system probably in a week, but you need the additional AF time to develop new habits. Otherwise the outcome will probably be that you just fall back into your old habits.

DITTO

[frances]

drank again after 9 days AF

Wow readytotry - you went 23 days, that's really great!

I actually had a glass of wine (just one) myself last night after going through the week AF monday through Thursday. It's funny that you mention (in so many words) your husband kind of not understanding at first. Mine doesn't really either. I started this awhile ago now and he just doesn't seem to want to discuss it. I finally said something last night along the lines of "you haven't really said anything about my stopping drinking". He basically said it's up to you, but didn't seem too thrilled. I said I really want to do this, I don't want to keep drinking a bottle of wine nearly every night. He agreed then. My drinking hasn't caused problems at home, it's just too much and I do notice how I don't feel well, don't perform as well at work, etc. and on not so very infrequent occasions, I am truly hungover so it's all of those things things but much worse. Husband also drinks every day - I'd say his patterns are pretty similar to mine but he doesn't seem to have any intention of changing that, at least right now.

I do want to mod. I'm not sure if I really need the 30 days. It's really hard on the weekend!! The first 9 days were for some reason so easy for me, but since I slipped that last time, it's been hard for me. I did OK during the week this week but it wasn't easy. Then yesterday, I just decided, well one glass of wine is OK, isn't it? And I slowly drank one glass of wine. and that was it. So, I feel OK about that. But after reading your post -I'm ready to say - If you're willing to start over after getting all the way to day 23, then I will give it a try again. It's rather daunting at this point but We can do it! Thanks for getting me back on track! I was surprised to see something on this thread this morning - I'm taking it as a sign! :-)

[A Work in Progress]

drank again after 9 days AF

Good for you, Frances, and Ready!

I think the most seductive thing about "trying to mod" is how our mind interprets our drinking episodes. Any episode of drinking moderately is interpreted as a sort of proof that "it can be done!" whereas episodes of heavy drinking are often dismissed as "slips" along the way. People can go on like that, for years! This is so unlike the model of moderate drinking that RJ talks about in the MWO book, a model within which alcohol is really a no-big-deal thing, people never get drunk, and never obsess about when they can have their next drink and how much they can have...

People who TRULY are moderate drinkers are people who just don't care that much about alcohol. They have a take-it-or-leave it attitude. I think it is a very rare thing, indeed, for a person who has a lengthy and serious track record of heavy drinking to become a genuine moderate drinker.

So, I always wonder, when someone says that s/he "wants to mod," does this indicate that she continues to have a very strong attachment to alcohol? If so, then moderation will probably always be quite a difficult struggle. I've been there, myself... and for me, it just wasn't worth it... But everyone has to arrive at these conclusions and decisions on her own... hopefully without doing to much damage, along the way...

I'm glad you are both here.

best wishes,

wip