So, needless to say, I have tried abstinense and moderation before. Many times. I have been drinking for years now. I'm not that old. 33 a few days ago. But old enough that it's been over a decade of heavy boozing.
Recently it's gotten nuts. I mean, it's always been nuts. It got more nuts.
Funnily, I feel as if it's been OKAY and under control. But maybe it isn't. I feel a few extra kgs on me around the gut. That's irritating but nothing a few extra layers doesn't help one forget about in the winter.
But the truth that I know inside... is that it is not OK. I am not 23 anymore. And if I keep at this pace, then I don't know. Something has got to give.
The same story. Broken wings, a messy end to a very pathetic relationship to someone I gave my heart absolutely to, and got it shat on. Same stuff. But you know what, it's been almost a year now. I have moved on, in another relationship... but still can't shake the last one. The last GF lives in the city I live in presently. The new GF is another city (long distance for now)... which is screwed up as you can see.
Anyway. It's been a bottle a night. For a long time. Wine. Nornally red. I actually prefer to drink alone.
That says it all right there. That says it all.
I'm a total and complete mess.
And tomorrow morning, after finishing all the wine in the house today, I WILL wean off. Don't really know what the plan is. But I have thought about this at some level for so long... that I have a plan.
The plan is to get better. That's the plan. To feel better. About myself. To look better. To wake up better. To sleep better. To eat better. To breathe better.
This is my plan.
It's going to have to be common sense. The life I live, I have to be practical, won't allow me to go on the wagon fully. I have friends, family... it's what we do. We have a drink every so often. I even do so with my parents. It's nice.
So the plan will be this:
- Eat healthy - 3 square meals, breakfast (fruit, anything really... but no bacon and less cheese). Lunch - a sandwich sure why not. Maybe rice. One helping. Dinner - light.
- Exercise - 45 minutes of walking. Some presses for the old torso, gut and arms. Just light toning stuff, nothing heavy. But consistent going forward.
- Sleep - 8 hours
- Breathing and stretching - 20 minutes (10 in the morning after waking and showering, 10 before sleeping)
- Drinking - on the wagon until someone asks me out for a drink. Hopefully that won't be for a few days. A couple of days... and then, a 2 drink maximum limit until the next BIG celebration/ holiday/ family, friends gathering... when it's going to be a 4 drink maximum. These should be rare. One a month at most. And the 2 drinks thing twice a week at most after a couple of weeks of really low-intake. Almost nothing for a while.
Let's see how it goes. I'm practical as you can see. Comes with age. But I'm damn serious.
I can't be on the verge of tears half of the time... and the other half... feeling happy for a drink.
I'm more than this. It's time.
Ok, late here. Goodnight all.
Be strong. I will be too.
Have a great Sunday.
Recently it's gotten nuts. I mean, it's always been nuts. It got more nuts.
Funnily, I feel as if it's been OKAY and under control. But maybe it isn't. I feel a few extra kgs on me around the gut. That's irritating but nothing a few extra layers doesn't help one forget about in the winter.
But the truth that I know inside... is that it is not OK. I am not 23 anymore. And if I keep at this pace, then I don't know. Something has got to give.
The same story. Broken wings, a messy end to a very pathetic relationship to someone I gave my heart absolutely to, and got it shat on. Same stuff. But you know what, it's been almost a year now. I have moved on, in another relationship... but still can't shake the last one. The last GF lives in the city I live in presently. The new GF is another city (long distance for now)... which is screwed up as you can see.
Anyway. It's been a bottle a night. For a long time. Wine. Nornally red. I actually prefer to drink alone.
That says it all right there. That says it all.
I'm a total and complete mess.
And tomorrow morning, after finishing all the wine in the house today, I WILL wean off. Don't really know what the plan is. But I have thought about this at some level for so long... that I have a plan.
The plan is to get better. That's the plan. To feel better. About myself. To look better. To wake up better. To sleep better. To eat better. To breathe better.
This is my plan.
It's going to have to be common sense. The life I live, I have to be practical, won't allow me to go on the wagon fully. I have friends, family... it's what we do. We have a drink every so often. I even do so with my parents. It's nice.
So the plan will be this:
- Eat healthy - 3 square meals, breakfast (fruit, anything really... but no bacon and less cheese). Lunch - a sandwich sure why not. Maybe rice. One helping. Dinner - light.
- Exercise - 45 minutes of walking. Some presses for the old torso, gut and arms. Just light toning stuff, nothing heavy. But consistent going forward.
- Sleep - 8 hours
- Breathing and stretching - 20 minutes (10 in the morning after waking and showering, 10 before sleeping)
- Drinking - on the wagon until someone asks me out for a drink. Hopefully that won't be for a few days. A couple of days... and then, a 2 drink maximum limit until the next BIG celebration/ holiday/ family, friends gathering... when it's going to be a 4 drink maximum. These should be rare. One a month at most. And the 2 drinks thing twice a week at most after a couple of weeks of really low-intake. Almost nothing for a while.
Let's see how it goes. I'm practical as you can see. Comes with age. But I'm damn serious.
I can't be on the verge of tears half of the time... and the other half... feeling happy for a drink.
I'm more than this. It's time.
Ok, late here. Goodnight all.
Be strong. I will be too.
Have a great Sunday.
ray:
But seriously, thanks. And yes, it's never too late. We're all walking down different roads with different backgrounds, experiences, stories.... yet we find ourselves on the same road! Good luck to you too.
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