Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

[akgirl]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Hi GB,

Sorry to hear you are down and I hope you feel better soon. I know how you feel about wanting to withdraw, I spent last Sunday in my room. But then, like you felt guilty. :l to you.

Question? I am having trouble getting my 13yo son to eat anything and was wondering if this is normal and if anyone has any advice??

[Hopeful mom]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Great thread GB...these are things that we all have in common. I have one grown daughter and a 15 year old daughter, and 13 year old son. Parenting is indeed the most challenging and stressful job, also the most rewarding. In the past few years my kids have seen me drunk several times. I often wonder what they think of me. They deserve an af mom and I am determined to be that person. I too hope the ugly memories fade as time goes on.

AK, as far as your 13 year old son not eating, have you talked to your pediatrician? Has he consistently had a good appetite in the past? My son often gets busy playing games and tunes everything else out...including food. I have to insist that he stops to eat, however I have no doubt that he will eat if he gets hungry enough. Good luck!

[akgirl]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

He has always eaten very healthy. (I mean like even raw broccoli healthy.) I think right now its a power struggle. One of those "you can't make me" moments. Normally I pick and choose which battles are worth it. If we're talking how long his hair is...I don't care. But when it comes to eating....well I just don't know. I know I can't force him and he will eat when he's hungry. But my goodness, your body needs nutrition to function properly.

My instinct says to not force it and just make healthy food available when he is hungry. But absolutely no snacks unless he eats a regular meal.

Uuuggggghhh....teens!

[Sarasmiles]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Hi akgirl, I'm wondering about your son...Do you literally mean he's not eating at all, like anorexia, or a hunger strike? Or does he eat, but not when you or the family have meals together? If it's a power struggle, I'd say you're right...Offer the healthy food, but don't push it. If he's losing excessive amounts of weight, I'd definitely see your pediatrician. How long has this been going on?

Hi Hopeful Mom...Ugly memories will fade, and lose their potency as long as you don't add any more! Sounds like you're on the right path... G.B.

[LVT25]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

I'm not sure if it has this effect on anyone else, but I think taking GABA really helps with my irritablility. I tend to be worse at certain times of the month, and if I can feel the bitchiness creeping in I'll take some. My 2 sons fight, punch, and wrestle a lot and it bugs the s#$t out of me, I teel them to go outside so I don't have to listen to it.

[Sarasmiles]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Yeah, my husband sends the boys outside fairly often. I have to remember to do that. I'm a social worker/child therapist...I tend to do a lot of processing with my kids, trying to help them express themselves differently, and to negotiate their conflicts. In the meantime, I'm going nuts with frustration, and I'm not sure it's always helpful to them, either. I'm starting to think they need less processing and more discipline...Probably more exercise, too. Being a therapist for other peoples' kids is a lot easier than being a mom to my own.

Another half day of school today...We MUST get out and run and play, even if it's cold and grey. Best wishes to all. G.B.

[akgirl]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Hi Moms,

Just wanted to post about my boy. I think I have explained to him enough on the importance of eating and he is coming around. I am just making him a bit more in control of what and how much. I'm having him cook with me so he feels more in control.

And with that said, I have to say, we had an awesome night last night. Not cause of the cooking but I played his game for a while and he came in and watched a show with me. He was more affectionate than normal, I could just feel it and see it in his eyes. He just seemed happier. Now, I know he is a teen, and it's apt to change at any given moment....but it was awesome

I love this thread
:l
Ak

[Sarasmiles]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Hi akgirl,
So glad to hear about your son. We have to cherish these good moments! I'm glad you are.

I'm okay today...day two of this "early release" stretch. My nine year old went to a friend's house and I took my five year old and my six year old to pick out a new video game as an early birthday present for the middle son...He turns seven on Sunday. My mom's headed back here to visit for the weekend, but fortunately my sister and her kids are coming too, so I won't feel myself to be under so much scrutiny. I plan to have two glasses of wine on Friday and two on Saturday. If I have more, I know I'll mess with my moods, and I don't need that!

Be well, Moms. G.B.

[periwinkle]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Hi moms,

I hope I'm welcome to post here. I'm the Grandma of the bunch and maybe have some well earned wisdom to share LOL.

I love the support you are giving each other, it's the best help and therapy there is for parenting with or without AL problems.

I found the "Parenting with Love and Logic" Foster Cline and Bill Faye methods to be an awesome guideline and I highly recommend it. Sounds like GB you do a lot of that with your boys. And then sometimes, boys will be boys and like your husband, there were just times they had to be physical and I sent them outside to duke it out. Always amazed me that they could be so physically rough with each other, beat up on each other, but if a neighbor kid so much as looked cross eyed at one of them the other was there to defend their brother to the end.

My SIL and I found statements that we used a lot with the kids. One was, "I've always wondered how a 13 year old would handle that" [fill in appropriate age]. And believe it or not it works with adults too. So I think it was C&C mom, when your mom says something about how she would approach a situation with your kids, you could modify it and say in an emotionally neutral voice [very important], "I've often wondered how you would handle that." You might even add, "I've found this way works well for me." She will get the message rather quickly and there's no fight. Your emotions stay level and the kids don't see it as a power struggle so they don't get all jazzed up about it and get in that, "hmmm... lets see how many more buttons we can push" mode. You all know what I'm talking about don't you.

AK Girl I'm concerned about your son not eating. If it's just a power struggle that's one thing, don't play. Sounds like you might have worked it out by giving him some attention and involving him. But if it continues or if he looses weight, get it checked out. Kids go through our changes with us. When one family member changes others can change. When my son with bi-polar disorder was finally medicated properly and his behavior neutralized, the older son who had never had a behavioral issue in his 16 years began acting out at home and at school. It was just the swinging pendulum. It was like it was his turn. Things soon balanced out. But do keep an eye on him.

I try to keep out of how my son and DIL raise or discipline the kids. I have encouraged them to tell me if I they ever feel I overstep my boundaries. I have told them the only time I intend to say anything is if I feel their health or safety is at issue and they agree with that concept.

I think I liked the teen years the best overall. Call me crazy. :nutso:

I love this forum. It's a warm and fuzzy place.

periwinkle :l

[Sarasmiles]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Thanks Periwinkle! It's great to get advice from a grandma! I really like the idea of saying "I've always wondered how a --- year old would handle that". It sounds like your son and DIL are lucky to have your non-judgemental support!

[Sarasmiles]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Long day with the kids...It was really a challenge to have school end at 11:45 for three days in a row. I am sipping a glass of wine. I intend to switch to seltzer now. One glass is okay...If I have more, I will get too buzzed.

I took the boys to an indoor playground full of bounce-houses and inflatable slides today, to the tune of about fifty dollars, with snacks and video games included. At first I thought it was money well spent, but then they started fighting and the littlest one said "this is my worst day ever", and I couldn't help regretting the expense. If they're going to complain, we might as well stay home and save the money! Ah well...At least they got some exercise.

Off to fix a seltzer and cranberry... G.B.

[CS04]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

I am sorry to say that I think my drinking has increased after having my son. He is now almost 2 1/2. I had all the balls in the air for a long time, with 4 part-time jobs (one of which is a home business), house, hubby, family (I also have a 17 year old stepson) and my shit hit the fan about a year ago. Having a baby put me over the edge. I am also an older mom; I am almost 43. I love my son to death, and parenting is not stressful in the same way that work is stressful. I don't know what I am trying to say here. Why are so many of us moms in the same boat?

[Chacha]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Loving this thread...parenting is hard, be it with one or 2 running the show! I do however admit that I drink more now as a single mother. Balance, and being good at a things is the biggest challenge right now. The million dollar question: how do I be an incredible mother, employee, friend, and still attempt a personal life/dating? Yikes! Getting ready to add in going back to school on top of things...support I will indeed need!

[akgirl]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Chacha;489467 wrote: The million dollar question: how do I be an incredible mother, employee, friend, and still attempt a personal life/dating?

That really is the million dollar question, let us know if you find the answer

Oh the joys of parenting someone should have shown me the fine print before I signed up!!! The part that tells you how exasperating it was going to be! I wouldn't change it for the world but somedays.....I'm sure you can all relate. I just get so tired of having to coordinate everything, and give orders/requests, be the time keeper, do this, don't do that.........Aaaagghhh! Trying to motivate everyone when you don't feel very motivated yourself. Sorry to vent, and this sounds horrible but somedays I am just tired of being a mom.

:l to all the parents out there.

[Sarasmiles]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Hey Akgirl! I know how you feel...REALLY. Today was one of those days when I felt trampled over by my kids by 8:30 am. There were complaints about the breakfast (what the hell is wrong with a few little visible grains in the bread, anyway??) Then, the socks (why is it that the pair that feels perfect to him one day has a horrible scratchy seam on another day?) and the winter hats ("You have to wear hats...It's 18 degrees out"..."I HATE THIS HAT! IT SUCKS!" "Don't say 'suck'" "Why not?") Then the lost homework, the request (nay, demand) for money for the book fair, the phone ringing, the orange juice spilled, the knot in the sneaker shoelace, the jammed zipper, the car keys nowhere to be found...

We were late for school, but worse than that, I let it get to me, so I was crabby and teary and slammed the door, and I was not the mom I want to be, just before dropping them off for the day....Then I drove away crying and saying "I suck at this, I suck at this, I suck at this!!"

But, tomorrow is another day. Another chance to be more organized, and more calm, and more of a grown up. At least I didn't drink today, so I will wake up with a sense of hope...It should last at least until breakfast. Hope all you other parents have a day of joy, delight and accomplishments...