Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

[on my way]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

So Sara, you start?? I had an nice little egg sub. omelet with asparagus and glass of tomato juice (the spicy kind) We should have a weekly chat on whats working and whats not.

Have a good day all!

[veritas]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

I left my marriage when my youngest was 4. I have 4 children. I have no doubt that the stress and anxiety of parenting, played a role in my drinking behavior. It really escalated out of contol once I hit menopause though. Somehow, up until that point, even though I knew that it was not good for me, I seldom got really drunk. It was a matter of drinking until the lift came.

[on my way]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Alright ladies...and gents, it's been 4 days...where are all of you??

[extraordinary]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

this newbie appreciates your thread

:new:
Hello everyone,

Reading all of your stories has been eye-opening.
I didn't start drinking until after i had my daughter. I was in a miserable marriage with an unmanagable workload.
I've turned my life around...except for the wine.
Now as a single parent of a toddler, with still a big workload but an enjoyable one, i really need to get my life on track.

something i read recently really made an impact:

"Do i look and act like someone who has maximum self respect?"

so thanks again for all your stories, i hope i get to know some of you and i'll be reading at the 5;00 niggle

:thanks:

[Sarasmiles]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Hey Moms!

Welcome Veritas and Extraordinary!

How's everyone doing so far this year? Are the kids back in school? Mine went back today...Unfortunately I had to work all day, so I couldn't spend the day cleaning up after the holiday and school vacation mess...I'm tired of tripping over winter boots and stepping on Lego! Tomorrow will be a big clean up day.

On My Way, this is day four for me of The South Beach Diet, including following the "no alcohol for two weeks" rule! I've been feeling pretty darn good. Haven't weighed myself yet, but my jeans seem a little looser already! The diet seems great, now that you've abxolved me of the obligation to give up half and half. Even the low fat cheese isn't that bad. They seem to have improved the formula. I'm happier than I was on Atkins, since I love vegetables, and also things like lentil soup. I'm never hungry and it seems healthy.

It's 5:30 here in Massachusetts, and I have a slight craving for a glass of wine, but I won't have it. It will pass. I've come here for a break from the kids instead, although they keep interupting me...

Veritas, four kids and a marriage that didn't work! Who wouldn't be stressed? That sounds so hard. Do you have help and support? Drinking is so tempting when stress hits, and yet it ultimately makes it so much worse. One of my moderation rules is "never drink because you're stressed", but sometimes that seems like the cruelist rule.

Extraordinary, I like the quote...Let's all strive to "look like someone who has maximum self-respect" this year...and beyond. Sara

[on my way]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Veritas, good for you doing it on you own. So, how did you do it?? You must be very strong.

[Angelique]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Wow,
Veritas kudos to you girlfriend!!! OMWO is so right, you are strong! How did you do it? That has got to be so hard sometimes....yet SOOOOOO rewarding too, huh?

[Sarasmiles]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Hey Moms,
Just checking in. I'm on day 6 of a plan for two weeks AF, and feeling very good. My only slight cravings have been while cooking dinner, but I'm substituting diet tonic water, and that works. Glad to have the kids back in school, I must say, and I am relieved to have some time to put my house back together. Of course, I get distracted and come here, but that's important, too, right?

Doing fine with the South Beach diet...I like the food...I'm eating tons of low-carb veggies, and made a yummy lentil soup. But I haven't lost any weight! Is it the half and half in my coffee? Please, tell me I don't have to give up half and half for low fat milk!!!
Maybe I'm just eating too much, even if it's the right foods. I don't know. I should get more exercise. It's sleeting out here in New England today, though. Yuck. Always an excuse...

Have a great day, everyone! Sara

[on my way]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Your portions should be the size of your fist....but I could eat a pound of asparagus, i understand.

[JAMMS]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Hi moms---

I really love that this parenting thread is here. I need to vent...

My 17 year old has me extremely worried...I have no idea what is going on in his life anymore...it's such a rough age..sometimes he talks to me sometimes he doesn't. I feel like he is using me sometimes...if I give him money he is nice to me...but then later if he hangs up from a phone call and is agrivated and I ask whats wrong he answers "nothing" with such and atittude that I want to punch him in his face....and my hubby hates when he talks to me like that. Other times he is a sweetheart. He is great with his littel sister...he loves her to death! He loves his little brother also...but being 7 his little brother can be more of an annoyance to him and he does tend to yell a bit more at him...but he is good to him also...he is not working at the moment. He will gradualte High school in June and is thinking about going to the service...I would rather him go to college for an accounting degree. He has a 99 avererage in accouning and there are no guns there. Anyway, the boy is a Gemini for sure....

Then there is the 7 year old who I fear I have been neglecting and I must do something immediately...I'm also thinking that he has OCD or perhaps another disorder that I can not quite put my finger on....he is very smart but you need to be right on top of him with certain things...he has trouble articulalting things...and he's interupted he HAS to start all over, from the beginning...there are other things that make me think this but I don't wanna take all day....hubby and I have been talking about having him evaluated...

The little girl...she is like a bulldozer...if you are in her way...watch out....she will run your ass right over... she loves her big brothers. Her and Mikey (the 7 year old) play wonderful together. The chase each other all around the house. She dances while he plays "guitar hero" they watch their tv shows together. Whatever he is doing she wants to do it. If he's playing with something she can't, he plays with it in his room and that's that. When he's not playing with her, she up my A**. I cant do anything without her. I can't even pee by myself anymore.

That being said....I'm blessed with these children...they are my whole life...the reason I live. The reason I'm here.

[CS04]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Jamms,
I like this parenting thread too. There have been a few "moms" threads floating around over the years. I have a 17 yo stepson, so I understand the teenager thing. This past summer I was so sick of the attitude. He really is a good kid, but of course they are always right. I have asked him repeatedly, if he calls me, leave a message -- otherwise I'll worry why he called. Well yesterday I called him; he returned my (which I missed, and since I was trying to call him, I wasn't worried) but he didn't leave a damn message! How many times to I have to tell you......
I also have a 2 year old son. How old is your little girl? My husband says he's got the devil in him and he knew it at 4 months. Well, he is not bad, he's just, shall we say, spirited. He does like put that twinkle in his eye to the test -- "Don't put the car on the coffee table" means put it in the lower level of the table, or put it on the armchair, or put it on my foot...all the while looking right at you and grinning.
My drinking escalated when he was born. (Not like it was, um, moderate before that.) I drank very little when pregnant, and could feel it creeeeep back into my life within the 1st weeks home from the hospital. I am not really sure why. Maybe being a working mom is more stressful than I thought it would be, although that's no excuse for drinking too much every night.

[JAMMS]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

CS04- My little girl is 19 mos. ...do you remember the scene in "Finding Nemo" when Nemo touches the boat...(butt) after his faterh tell him he'd better not..yeah...that's my little girl also...with her big blue eyes and her big smile and scrunched up nose....
then this Sunday my 17 year old came home complaining that we ate without him and no one called him to tell him what time dinner was (before he left I wasn't sure) so last night I texted him to tell him dinner was at 6pm, did he come home...NO...he didn't.... WTF..... AARRGGHH!!! and yes, they do know everything dont they!

[CS04]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Never saw Finding Nemo -- sorry!

[Sarasmiles]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Hey Jamms,
Your 17 year old sounds pretty normal to me. Have you ever read, "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk" ? I forget the author...I'll get back to you on that. I think it's a great book for helping to improve communication with kids (even "big kids", like a 17 year old.) The author really helped me understand why our kids see our questions as challenges, sometimes, and how important it is to just listen and reflect back what they say. That "attitude" is so frustrating...I get it from my kids now sometimes, and they're only 5, 7 and 9! I point out. Ask them to re-phrase their remarks, or just say "attitude?" with a look on my face that conveys, I hope, "you wouldn't be giving me attitude, would you?" I know it's different with a teenager. Could you talk to him when he's in a good space, and tell him how it makes you feel? If you feel he's using you for money, perhaps make him earn it, with a "positive, polite attitude", as well as through helping out around the house. Just some thoughts.

I want to share something I posted a while back at SMART online. Seems a little weird to use the same stuff in two places, but it seemed to get a good response at SMART, and maybe someone will find it helpful here. I figure since I wrote it, I can copy and paste it!

THINGS TO DO INSTEAD OF DRINKING, WHEN THERE ARE KIDS IN THE HOUSE:

Hey Parents,

I've been thinking about how much of the advice, and ideas for how to get through rough times of the day without drinking, are impractical, or even impossible, when we're taking care of our young children. For me (and, I think, for many people) the worst time of day is the 5:00 hour, when I used to pour that first glass of wine. Over time, I've been building a repertoire of things to do instead of drinking, and they don't include taking a long hot bath, or going for a solitary walk. Here are a few thoughts...I'd love it if other people would add to the list:

1.Get out of the house, with the kids. Go to the library, take a walk, visit an indoor playground, bundle up if it's cold and play outside. If it's dark, play flashlight "hide and seek".

2.Re-direct the energy of active, restless kids. My boys' rough-housing is a real stressor for me. I get very tense, thinking someone is going to get hurt. Instead of having a drink and pleading with them to "calm down", I have had some success with pillow fights (no hitting or pushing), army-style exercises (I shout out the orders "10 jumping jacks...Run in place...faster, faster, faster), and dance competitions, a la "So You Think You Can Dance".

3.Make play dough, with flour, salt and water. The kids love to do the pouring and mixing. Let go of the "what a mess" tension. They have to help clean up afterwards.

4.Make a "comfy place". Kids love to gather up pillows, cushions and blankets and make a cozy area on the floor to read books and tell stories. Afterwards, when you want it all put away, make a game of timing them to see how fast they can do it.

5.Give them a bubble bath. My kids love bubbles, and they're now old enough to play with shaving cream without getting it in their eyes or mouths. When they were younger, I let them use whipped cream in the tub. Don't stress about how much bubble bath they use. Buy the cheap stuff, and plan on showering them off really well afterwards. (Of course, never, ever give your kids a bath if you've been drinking. This is a non-drinking activity!)

6.Make something for dinner that you really like, not just that they like. Put a couple of bath towels on the floor and let them spend a long time washing the vegetables. They think they're helping, and you can cook.

7.Light some candles and turn off the lights for dinner. Put on some classical music. It calms my kids (and me) down.

8. Ask everyone to come up with five positive things to say. Or at least two.

9.Do 5:00 hugs. Drop everything and hug each other. It's a surprisingly good alternative to alcohol.

10.If your messy house is getting to you, set a timer and tell the kids you're all going to speed clean for 10 minutes. Give each kid a basket and tell him/her to fill it with stuff that doesn't belong where it is. Later, you can put everything in its place.

11.Get the kids to clean. Mine will wash anything, if they can use a spray bottle with water in it. If seeing things get over-soaked annoys you, don't do this one when you're in a bad mood.

12.Put on a kids' video, and instead of using that time to clean or cook or do laundry, pour yourself a non-alcoholic drink, like a diet tonic water, or a cup of good herbal tea. Sit down and drink it. Have a healthy snack, too. While you're doing so, write in a journal, log on to MWO, or call a friend.

13.Establish and enforce a quiet reading time. If your kids are old enough to read, or look at a picture book, they do this for 20 minutes. If it's relaxing to read aloud to them, do that. But don't try to do anything else during this time. Be with them, but doing something restful, requiring minimal energy or imagination. Make it so routine, that they come to know that every day at 5:00 (or whatever works for you) you'll all do this.

14.If they're fighting with each other, separate them for a while. I know my kids' fighting drives me crazy, and I often feel like I have to intervene. I'm more relaxed since deciding that, at least during the witching hour, I won't play that role. They just can't be together if they can't get along.

So, that's a few ideas...Please add yours!!

[Kid Shelleen]

Are We Having Fun Yet? The joys and stresses of parenting

Here you go...

Welcome to the Faber Mazlish Web

Amazon.com: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk: Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish: Books

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~Kid~