Hi all -- I am pretty new to this site. I have an observation and hope you will take it in the spirit in which it is offered. First, I keep seeing in many boards and threads this unspoken rule that those who want to mod should go for 30 days alcohol free first. This is NOT a rule!! In the book, RJ makes only two references to abstaining for 30 days. The first is Page 18, where she says she could not do Moderation Management because she could not go alcohol free for thirty days. The only other reference is on Page 65, where she suggests that those whose goal is moderation should "consider" going "one, two, three or four weeks" alcohol-free. Before I got the book (download), I thought this site may not be for me because of all the talk of 30 AF days. I'm so grateful I got the book and read for myself and decided I could be a part of this community even if 30 AF days is just not a realistic goal for me. I don't want visitors to be intimidated by the idea that the standard on this site is 30 pre-mod AF days.
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30 alc-free Days is NOT a pre-Mod Rule!!!
Hi Lena - I'm glad you said that. I've been moderating since coming to this site but haven't done the 30 days absention - I know from experience that if I do that I'm more likely to binge drink either during or after. I spent a couple of weeks of just drinking one drink less per day, then the next couple having an alcohol free day per week. I've never drunk to get drunk, just to chill out - I found abstaining completely led to binge drinking, which I've never otherwise done. -
30 alc-free Days is NOT a pre-Mod Rule!!!
Point well made...I have seen others " post that" as though it is written in STONE..and after reading so many posts that sound that way..i thought that was exactly what the book said...it dosen't...
I can't MOD ....so it's not an issue for me but, thank you for pointing it out to those who can..sigpicEyes on the PRIZE, a SOBER Future !!!Comment
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30 alc-free Days is NOT a pre-Mod Rule!!!
Hi Lenaleed and Bonbon...welcome to MWO! I have been a member off and on since July 2007 and I think possibly I can elaborate on the 30 day recommendation that you hear so much about. I think the mindset in which it is meant is to "reset" the brain by giving it a 30 period alcohol free. There has been research done on this and if one finds after this 30 day period that they believe they can successfully moderate, more power to them. It is NOT a mandate, it is simply examples given by members who have tried this themselves and found it was an awesome way to find out how they feel about drinking again.
Stick around and you will read post from long term abstainers as well as a few successful moderators, but the majority of opinions I have read on returning to successful moderation are that it is complex and difficult and just plain ole too much work to follow rules when drinking. We all know alcohol is an inhibitant and once the mind gets a couple of drinks in it, it is sometimes difficult to get it to want to stop with just a couple of drinks in it.
So bless RJ for her book and her research, but there are several varying thoughts on the benefits of first going AF for 30 days and then deciding how you want to proceed.
Good luck to both of you. Looking forward to hearing your stories.
R2COur greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. --Confucius
:hComment
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30 alc-free Days is NOT a pre-Mod Rule!!!
Well said R2C.
I am one that found in my experience only, when I finally took the advice from the others and decided to commit to 30 days af, it felt so great, I did another 30+. Then, I had a drink now and then, but something had changed in me. I don't care about drinking anymore.
No rules, I think it's different for everyone._______________
NF since June 1, 2008
AF since September 28, 2008
DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
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:wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
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The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.
ray:Comment
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30 alc-free Days is NOT a pre-Mod Rule!!!
Hi Guys, I am in the middle of trying to work out how to play all of this - my overall aim is to moderate. I've just done 11 days AF then last night had 2 glasses of wine. They lasted 3 hrs and I sipped them - didn't enjoy them as much as I used to either which is good. Originally I wanted to moderate from the beginning then after 1 day AF just thought I'd carry on for a while to let my body recover from a bottle of wine a night for far too long and even more over the festive season.
I am not using this to give me the green light to start drinking again every day though, the test for me now is to make sure I continue with AF days each week with perhaps a couple of glasses of wine at weekends. I hope it works or I am going to do the 30 days AF and try moderating again.
Good luck to all of you.
AC x xComment
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30 alc-free Days is NOT a pre-Mod Rule!!!
30 days is just a good number to use, 60 is better, 90 is even better. The longer one abs, the better luck they will have at mods.
Breaking the routine is difficult, We all know that. I believe we must abs for some time before trying to mod.Starting over again 09/06/11
"When its good its good its so good until it goes bad" Pink,Sober
sigpicComment
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30 alc-free Days is NOT a pre-Mod Rule!!!
If you want to control your drinking but cant abstain for any length of time then how will you be able to maintain moderating? Are your moderation goals within medically advised limits for better health? That would mean having alcohol free days and vastly reduced alcohol intake on your drinking days. Who are you trying to convince us, or yourself ? Good luck whatever you choose to do, you can pm me for support or help if you would like to ....
?We are one another's angels? 
Sober since 29/04/2007Comment
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30 alc-free Days is NOT a pre-Mod Rule!!!
The MWO book offers very little on drinking moderately. Maybe in the next edition. The current Mod Squad group posting under Long Term Moderation offers way more strategies than the MWO book. Many more ideas are posted in the Monthly Abstainence Tool Box thread. Taking supplements and meds can be a beginning and help change habits, but most people do not want to take them for life. If they do want to drink moderately for the rest of their lives, they need to change their thinking. Meds and supplements do not help to do this. I am an occasional (less than weekly) drinker. You may see my honest record on Drink Tracker. Going more days AF did not help me reach this goal.My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.Comment
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30 alc-free Days is NOT a pre-Mod Rule!!!
"And unfortunately, I hadn’t had any luck with programs like Moderation Management,
an approach that required 30 days of abstinence, which I had been incapable of achieving." R. Jewell. My Way Out, p. 18.
"And a note to those of you who select moderation as a plan: consider starting out with a one, two, or
up to four-week abstinence period and setting a weekly drinking limit afterwards. The Moderation
Management program supports a 30-day abstinence approach and provides helpful information at their
website." Id. at 65Comment
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30 alc-free Days is NOT a pre-Mod Rule!!!
Why worry about "rules"? Everyone has to make up his or her own rules, based on what works or, more significantly perhaps... what doesn't work. If your plan for moderate consumption works for you... then that is great! If not... maybe it will be time to re-consider... right?Comment
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30 alc-free Days is NOT a pre-Mod Rule!!!
Hey WIP,
I always welcome your thoughts. One probably needs to start by developing rules to drink moderately. But to live by the rules, changes in habits and attitudes are needed, ya think???My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.Comment
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30 alc-free Days is NOT a pre-Mod Rule!!!
Oh yes, I totally agree! At the same time... I think that most of us who have serious alcohol problems are, by definition, VERY strongly attached to our drinking, and we tend to believe (regardless of what we hear about the experiences of others!) that moderation is easier than total abstinence. So, if someone seems to be telling us that we "should" or "really ought to" abstain for a significant period of time, many of us will be inclined to (a) skip that step, because it seems so incredibly difficult; or, (b) try that step, find that it seems impossible, and then decide that it is not really an important step after all.Sunbeam;522931 wrote: Hey WIP,
I always welcome your thoughts. One probably needs to start by developing rules to drink moderately. But to live by the rules, changes in habits and attitudes are needed, ya think???
I agree with you, and many others who have gone this route, that problem drinkers (or alcohol-dependent people, or whatever) generally will have a much better chance of being able to successfully develop a plan for moderate consumption (controlled drinking) if and when they have gotten totally away from drinking for a good chunk of time, for the reasons that you state. However, it's clear that many people just won't do that until they have proven to themselves, probably over and over again, that their controlled drinking program just isn't working.
I am partly basing what I'm saying here on my own repeated efforts to control my own drinking... I clearly remember believing that it would be easier to drink moderately, than to totally quit. I was wrong!!! ... but I had to figure that out the hard way...Comment
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30 alc-free Days is NOT a pre-Mod Rule!!!
Good point, WIP. Moderation takes a lot of work, and even more willpower than going AF.My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.Comment
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30 alc-free Days is NOT a pre-Mod Rule!!!
I'm with WIP, it's what works for you. I'm just a newbie, and was determined to moderate, doing well with 5 AF days and then moderating over the weekend. But by the 3rd week I found myself obsessing about Friday night and having a drink, rewarding myself for 'being good'. This Friday I had a huge binge and ended up throwing up and feeling dreadful all day yesterday. I have truly never binged like that before. So I'm now AF for 30 days. It gives no option, it quiets the mental chatter of deciding whether to mod or not. It's personal, and I think that anyone who can reduce their alcohol intake by even a small amount is to be commended. Take from the program and boards what you need. It has to be said though that I'm still fuzzy headed and having to drag words into coherent sentences, so my posts are not particularly snappy or entertaining, maybe I'll get my groove back soon....Proud to be SLIGHTLY SLOVENLY.:wavin:
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