Seeking advice from successful moderators

[Cori]

First, thank you for reading my post and I look forward to any feedback and advice. This place has been key on my journey to a happier and healtier life. I have came a long way, its taken a long time, but things are better. Unfortunatley, I am still struggeling a bit.

I recently went 37 days AF, it felt great to accomplish that! I started on that track not really having a plan in place. I am not so sure that I am an alcoholic but more of a problamatic drinker. I have learned though, titles do not matter.

So, here I am...wanting to moderate. After I came off my AF streak, I was gun shy to take a drink, but I had just one, and was SOOOOOO proud of myself for having just one because that was something I could not do in the past.

This weekend, I fell back into my usual pattern. I am still not drinking daily (most importantly not in the mornings) but when I pour the first drink, I find that I can not stop. Not so much I CANT stop...but before I know it I am drunk. I hate that about my self. I want to have a drink while cooking dinner or one with a friend and call it quits.

Any tips? Am I just not ready to try this? Is moderation not an option for all people?

[vlad]

Seeking advice from successful moderators

Hi Cori.

If you wish to moderate, you need to make sure you have a clear plan ahead of you. It's no good just saying to yourself, 'Well, I'll have a drink tonight and see what happens.' You need to make some rules for yourself. You are right, moderation isn't for everyone - to be honest, it's probably harder than being AF.

Feel welcome to check out the Mod Squad thread where a few of us hang out. Also I find the Drink Tracker is good for keeping track of those drinks. Some rules that help me are to only buy what I intend to drink, i.e. 2 beers. Stopped buying crates long ago!!! Also I don't drink alone - something that is challenging me tonight as hubby is away.

You might want to have a chat with Sunbeam - she's our Mod Queen.

[Delta Moon]

Seeking advice from successful moderators

Hi- the drinktracker has been my best tool- of course along with checking in here daily.

[Boss.man]

Seeking advice from successful moderators

A solution that's working for me is to use smaller glasses, and to dilute the wine with water and splenda, so that for me a "full glass" is only a shot (1.25 oz) of wine. That way I can have four glasses over three hours, and still not be up to 1 unit (6 oz). I also stock sparkling cider and sparkling pear, and mint tea (hot and iced), and put that in my wine glass when I want.

Definitely we have a new rule and that is to not "finish" bottles, even if there is just a half a glass left. It helps to have more screwcap tops, because it stores a bit better. Frankly by the time I sugar and water the wine, even week old burgundy tastes fine to me. I've drank a lot worse in my past.

So that's my solution so far; more glasses than ever before, just less AL per glass.

[Kid Shelleen]

Seeking advice from successful moderators

You'll get some varied and excellent advice...

...on the Long Term Modder thread.
My first thought was "Uh oh..."
and as you sort of pointed out, modding might not be for everyone.

I sincerely believe that anyone who can go AF for over a month, can eventually learn to Mod.
Modding isn't easy; as Vlad pointed out, in many ways, it's more difficult than abstaining.
Do you really WANT it in your life that badly?
If you do, then I think we can help you Mod successfully, or at least "semi-successfully":H

Read our threads, everyone has a different approach;
and then MAKE A PLAN.
You can't achieve a goal without a plan...you just can't.

We'll continue to be in touch if you post on the Modder thread.
There will be too much AF static if we try to communicate on the the common boards, so don't look for us there!!:H
~Kid~

[changemylife]

Seeking advice from successful moderators

It takes a lot of work to mod. Much more work than AFing.

It is not for everyone, I am still feeling my way through it. There are times when we go back but the key is to catch ourselves. It takes strong mental focus.

I am finding that I am drinking less and Less as I mod more and more which is good. Maybe I will just go AF eventually.

All I know is that I am not in my bad place. I am in my good place right now which feels better than ever.

The times I have messed up were the times that I was not mentally focused and things got away from me. Make sure you have you goal of modding for the night even before you start. One week of withdrawal for one night of being a shit head is not worth it. I'm finding it gets harder and harder as I get older.

Good Luck!

[Sunbeam]

Seeking advice from successful moderators

Hi Cori,
My best advice is to limit the frequency of your drinking. I don't allow myself any alcohol more often than once a week, and I enjoy many AF weekends. When I do drink, I might have as much as 3, 5 oz. glasses, but it is no big deal if that's all I have in a week. I really feel the best if I stop at one. I enjoy the energy I have without alcohol, not waiting until my next drink. So drinking occasonally also takes a big attitude shift, kind of drinking to live instead of living to drink. (Kid would like that.) Drink Tracker has been a critical tool for me. And you HAVE to find a way to relax without alcohol, because we all need to relax, reduce and relieve stress. If you continue to depend on alcohol for this, you will be in trouble.

[catnip]

Seeking advice from successful moderators

Sunbeams occasional drinking thread is good, occasional drinking for me as a an option is far far better than moderate drinking, it's a change of mindset (I hate that expression!)

[Cori]

Seeking advice from successful moderators

Thank you everyone...I really want to get a grasp on moderation and I feel like I can with some support. Everyone's kind words make me more optimistic that my goal can be reached.

So, without sounding stupid...I need help on what is considered a "drink" While going AF it was easy, zero is zero. What I am trying now, is having just a "couple" Most would say it is obvious, but not to me. I am a small person. I am barley 5'1" and approx 110lbs. Beer is my total weakness because I can and will drink it like water. 24 (a case) was not out of reason for me before. I am also a whiskey drinker...Before....I would fill an 8oz glass almost half full with whiskey and add soda to fill the glass 3/4....that is probably, not 1 drink.

How do I gage this appropriatlely?

[jane jane]

Seeking advice from successful moderators

Hi Cori,

I hope I'm not too late chiming in. I was like you for years---did decent AF days then WHOP back to the glass(es.) I'm about 5 months "mod" now, though, and here's what I think:

Being AF made me too hyper and energetic! I honestly think I drank to soothe and calm my busy buzzing brain. It is a depressant, after all.

When I stopped this time, I also stopped caffeine, and I think that did the magic. Without cafffeine to ramp me up, I didn't "need" to calm down...does that make sense?

I agree with those who said you need a plan. And think about every drink---never sip absent-mindedly.

Brilliant idea, Boss Man, about diluting with water and Splenda! Wine connoisseurs may be aghast, but if you do this long enough, eventually "straight" wine tastes too strong, right? If I'm having a glass or two on Saturday at a restaurant, I just keep adding ice cubes and letting them melt.

[Eve11]

Seeking advice from successful moderators

Hi Cori,
Go to the long term moderator board and look at the thread "Do the math to stay healthy". I have posted what are acceptable drinking limits and other info to stay healthy while on this drinking endeavor.

Keep reading the posts to get educated. I do believe there is a difference between an alcoholic and a problem drinker so for "some" moderation is possible. Perhaps you'll be able to moderate but it does come with a lot of hard work of making plans, thinking things through etc. Keep reading and you'll find great info here.

Welcome.
Eve11 5/22/9