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    #1

    sober at last, afraid to moderate

    After achieving 41 days of sobriety under my belt, I'm scared to adopt
    moderation. Gosh I would love a cold beer on a hot afternoon after work, while working in the garden,. Friends tell I can't be an alcoholic if I can go 30 days without
    a drink. Wife wants to know why I can't just have a beer or 2, like her.
    Can I drink normally again? AA says if I drink again I'll end up instantly where I left off, drinking 1.75liters of vodka every 4 days. Yikes! If sneak again and go out of control again and get caught by my wife (or the cops forbid) I will lose everything: wife, home, family, lifestyle, cats, business etc. Being sober today feels a hell of a lot safer than drinking.
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    #2
    sober at last, afraid to moderate

    Hi Moofarmer - I agree, choosing not to drink is easier but if you intend to moderate, get yourself a PLAN first. Having been a problem vodka drinker myself, one rule that certainly works for me is - don't buy bottles of vodka. I know if I'll buy it, I'll drink at least half the bottle in one go. I find I can moderate quote well with beer, because I can buy 2 cans and stick with that. I can't buy a crate of beer though, cos I'll drink at least 6!!!
    Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He's the one who will keep you on track. Proverbs 3:6 The Message

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      #3
      sober at last, afraid to moderate

      All I can say is ..............I CAN'T !!!
      sigpicEyes on the PRIZE, a SOBER Future !!!

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        #4
        sober at last, afraid to moderate

        MooF, I remember feeling the same as you when I finished doing 30 days AF -- I didn't want to blow it and end up back where I began. So I did another 30 days AF. I then felt confident enough and like Vladster says, I got a plan together.

        Have you ever tried AF beer? Personally I am a wine drinker but find the odd AF beer when watching the rugby or watching the sun set does hit the spot.
        "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

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          #5
          sober at last, afraid to moderate

          Hey Moof, it's different for everyone but it seems like what makes modding work is having a plan and then sticking to the plan. Unfortunately, that's not what non-alchies seem to do. Instead, they say, "Oh, I'm hot from working in the yard. Think I'll have a brew." It can be very spontaneous. Not so with us. We at least need to have decided beforehand, "If I get hot this weekend when I work in the yard, I'll have no more than 2 beers." And we need to know that we're capable of stopping after the second one and have a plan for doing so. A lot of work, I know, but worth it!
          "If you fell down yesterday, get up today." -- H.G. Wells

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            #6
            sober at last, afraid to moderate

            Hi Moof, I just ended three years AF with what started out to be a one-beer every two or three days moderation. Worked perfectly the first week. Worked less well the second week. I don't remember much about the third week - it was exactly as they told me in AA. I was quickly back to exactly where I had been. I'm just throwing this out as my experience because, whatever else I think about AA, I agree that I CAN'T moderate. It's absolutely insane. Even when I don't want it, after a certain point I "can't not" drink to oblivion. And worse, it's harder coming back from one month "out" this time than it was from three years of daily drinking the last time. I'm using Campral and have pretty strong side effects of fatigue and depression. But I'm afraid not to take it just yet. Basically, trying moderation has had crappy results in every department. Just my experience, but I'm certainly reminded that this condition I have with alcohol - call it a disease, call it an allergy, call it a chemical imbalance - whatever it is, it has life and death consequences on a daily basis for me. That's just how it is. Hope you find success with whatever is true and right for you.
            "Wherever you are is the entry point." --Kabir

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              #7
              sober at last, afraid to moderate

              All good advice here Moofarmer.

              I've done a lot of scientific articles, and othersources, and there is a huge ambiguity. Some say that after some time, your brain will forget the alcoholic pattern. Others indicate that the shift in brain response to alcohol is a permanent shift. If you break your arm, it can heal, but that doesn't unmake the fact that you broke it.

              I'm way into substitution. Beer is not so easy, because non-AL beer tends to taste pretty awful. But it's worth delving into what is really achieved by sharing a beer, and look at ways to achieve the same goal but by limiting or going without the alcohol. Just my opinion, of course.

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                #8
                sober at last, afraid to moderate

                MooFarmer,
                What works for me is keeping the frequency low. No more than once per week, and not every weekend. I also faithfully use DrinkTracker so I don't conveniently forget what day I had my last drink.

                Someone once said that you will not be able to learn to drink moderately if you were a daily heavy drinker. Drinking moderately is also a learned skill, you really have to fight those old habits hard. Many decide that it isn't worth the struggle.

                I also agree with substituting an AF beverage. Drink something else cold and refreshing on that hot afternoon after working hard. Give yourself permission to just sit and put your feet up. You may find that you really don't need the alcohol.

                Finally, having a drink after a hard work day would be dangerous for me. I focus on occasional drinking, but realistically I am drinking more often than on special occasions. But a work day is not an occasion, unless it is a gathering with friends. I do that a few times per year.
                My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

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                  #9
                  sober at last, afraid to moderate

                  Red thread: Thanks so much for your post. I actually printed it and am going to read it often to remind me of who I am. I have quit for months at a time several times in my life and each time that I feel that I have the strength and control that I would need to moderate, within a short time I am right back to where I was. Seems that when I am not drinking I have to live with the discomfort (shall we call it envy) of being with those who are able to drink. I don't care for that feeling but it is so much easier that the hell that I feel when I am drinking as usual or even the constant planning, looking forward to, obsessing about that next drink when I am trying to moderate. It seems that when I am drinking or moderating that my mind seems to revolve around the issue of alcohol......lament, self-anger, looking forward to, envy, can't wait til the weekend, excuses, etc. I want to get to the point where the thought of alcohol never enters my mind; almost, as if I had never had the "pleasure" of making its acquaintance.....much like a dear friend that moves away and after 5 or 6 years I never think about her again.

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                    #10
                    sober at last, afraid to moderate

                    Afraid to moderate

                    Thanks RedThread, Sunbeam, New Creation, Bossman-
                    I appreciate your feedback immensely. I have enough
                    financial stress because I drank so hard
                    daily for the last 4-5 years. I was left holding a bottle, unable to pay my bills.
                    So I'm trying to get more jobs to straighten out my $$ messes.
                    My AA group says to focus on sobriety first, not money issues.
                    I got to pay my bills first, stay sober and recover a normal
                    productive life. Thanks for your support.
                    Moo
                    Thanks RedThread12, Sunbeam, New Creation, Bossman

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                      #11
                      sober at last, afraid to moderate

                      MooFarmer,
                      Thanks for posting this response. I like knowing your decision, and feel that I haved helped your reach that point.
                      My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

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                        #12
                        sober at last, afraid to moderate

                        moofarmer;678680 wrote: Thanks RedThread, Sunbeam, New Creation, Bossman-
                        I appreciate your feedback immensely. I have enough
                        financial stress because I drank so hard
                        daily for the last 4-5 years. I was left holding a bottle, unable to pay my bills.
                        So I'm trying to get more jobs to straighten out my $$ messes.
                        My AA group says to focus on sobriety first, not money issues.
                        I got to pay my bills first, stay sober and recover a normal
                        productive life. Thanks for your support.
                        Moo
                        i dont usally post here in mods but you are doing the right thing for you and your family wishing you all the best you can and will get what you want in life ..
                        :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
                        best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

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                          #13
                          sober at last, afraid to moderate

                          Moo

                          Hi gang-
                          I think I may be on 70 days now, maybe 69.
                          Still afraid to moderate, as I never quit before for
                          this long, not even 24 hours. I miss a good buzz real bad, though organic
                          rootbeer seems to do the trick for me these days. I never thought i could go
                          a few days or week, not to mention months without drinking. I may never be able to drink again. My friends at AA say I will instantly revert back to a gallon of Vodka a week.
                          I feel like I have put a large heavy piece of steel on a geyser(that stopped that).
                          The energy must go somewhere else,tonite it gotta go for a run.
                          Moo

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                            #14
                            sober at last, afraid to moderate

                            congratulations Moofarmer
                            I hope you keep it up. I cannot moderate. It's all or nothing for me. I am so inspired to see you doing so well. :thanks:
                            Wally22:confusedmonkey::confusedmonkey::confusedmo nkey:
                            If I don't want to brag but I can still wear the earings I wore in highschool
                            November 2, 2012

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                              #15
                              sober at last, afraid to moderate

                              MooFarmer,

                              Like you, I am afraid to even consider trying to moderate. It took me so long to get some sobriety under my belt and it was a hard won battle.

                              I am not sure a few drinks here or there are even worth it considering how much I have to lose if I were to try it and fail.

                              :goodjob: on the sobriety. You are doing great!!

                              Cindi
                              AF April 9, 2016

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