september 16

[eustacia]

september 16

lush--

of course i had some degree of romantic feelings for him. he is a brilliant, gorgeous and kind man. fortunately, though, they were in the background not the foreground for me. i have a number of friends who are so attractive that i have had mild romantic feelings for them at one time or another. i don't cultivate these feelings or act on them but their existence is just part of being alive. for me, at least. i can imagine that my words fly in the face of your values. i emphasize that for me they are just feelings to be recognized and understood.

[lushy]

september 16

Did you miss the muffin conversation? You need to check out earlier threads from this week. I believe the 13th and 14th. There is some funny stuff in there. Then you can decide if you would like to be part of the muffin club or not. No pressure to join. BTW, are you married? Hence, why you do not act on these feelings? It is difficult to keep everybody's situation straight here.....

[lushy]

september 16

BTW, Eustacia, do not feel you need to answer my question. I am not trying to be nosy, just curious.....and as far as crushes go I am all for them. But since I work at home they mostly consist of stars like George Clooney!!!

[InnerStrength]

september 16

Good afternoon all
Hope everyone is well! Gotta keep this one short as I am on my way out the door to visit my mom! Hope everyone iis great!
You guys are riight - chat was a funny place last night! Bec - sorry if I kept ya there later than you wanted - I was super annoyed at hubby as you know! Something that seems to be happening more and more lately?UGH!
Anyways, love you all - will talk later
Love jen

[lushy]

september 16

Jen, I apologize for accusing you in chat for not posting on here today. I stand corrected and admit that I was wrong, which I usually will never admit to. Good to talk to you on chat. Where is everyone else today? Where are the Mary's and Judie and Patty's? I miss you guys!!!! Can you tell I am working today or I would not be on this board so much for a Saturday......

[pinkmilk]

september 16

Wow, Becca, just read your thread.... you are amazing! I couldn't run up the road!
Good for you, go for it! All the Best!!!!

[eustacia]

september 16

lush and everyone--

i have equivocated for a few hours about answering lush's question about whether i am married because i haven't wanted to trample her or anyone else's sensitivities. i know that lush posted that she was badly hurt when a friend confessed an extramarital relationship to her and that she didn't want to know about such occurences in the lives of others. hence, i am a bit surprised by her question. i have tried to be respectful but as i noted in my first post about myself, my "marriage" is (fortunately) atypical--my husband left me emotionally YEARS ago, i struggled and failed to regain his interest, we are good parents together, etc. . .

i felt that i should test the waters by putting that out there before i allowed myself to become emotionally involved with this program. also, i didn't want to make anyone else uncomfortable with what would inevitably become known about me if i were to participate fully. so the answer is that yes, in the eyes of the government and in my extended family, i am married. i don't think the government really cares about my situation because i am a dutiful citizen who always pays her taxes and is law-abiding. seeking a perfunctory divorce would badly upset both my blood relatives and my inlaws and so it is not worth it to me.

and so now i am in a position due to confusion about last night's chat and the marriage question of trying to decide whether to continue with the program solo or to take my leave. if i am affronting people, i need to know that clearly.

e

[lushy]

september 16

Oh Eustacia, you compietely misunderstood. I did not want to start anything at all. The reason I am so upset about my friend is because of the YEARS and HOURS we have spent what I thought was baring our souls to each other and now I see it was all lies and deceit. If she would have told me when we first were becoming good friends it would be a whole different story but to go SIX years and be lying to me the whole way is more than a slap in the face. I do not judge you at all, I was simply asking a benign question. Really. I have always been a very inquisitive person, sometimes to a fault, because I am generally interested in other people. My friend's situation goes much beyond the affair. It was hurtful to our friendship that she kept such a big thing from me for all those years. Does that make sense? You are not offending me in the least with your circumstances and I am sorry if I put you on the spot; it was really just a passing question. I was just wondering that if you were single and had feelings for your friend why you did not pursue it. But again that, of course, is none of my business and I should not have crossed that boundary. I do apologize. Please don't go. We need you on the mods board. Sorry..........

[eustacia]

september 16

hey, lush--

thanks for clarifying things for me. part of my sensitivity is that i am writing from america where alternate lifestyles are not always welcomed because they go against closely held religious or moral sensibilities. also, please know that my increased wariness wasn't just a reaction to my perception of what you wrote. i'm still checking things out around here, trying to see if it is a safe place to be me. bottom line, trying to decide if it is the right place to go to try to save my life.

i know that i generally might not be seeing things clearly right now and that's part of the reason behind my post immediately preceding your response.

in fact, i'm a total wreck.

i'll manage the work situation. i wrote about it only because it worsened an already dark week.

if i think too long (like longer than it takes to write this sentence) about my father-in-law, i burst into tears.
i love him so much.

the situation with the man who doesn't want to be friends with me anymore is tied in with my mother's death all too soon after she had been diagnosed with cancer two years ago. i met this man only because he was one of the people who comforted me over the loss of my mom,one of the most creative, smartest, funniest and kindest people i've ever known. my friend is a lot like her. i wish that the two years hadn't resulted with him developing romantic feelings for me or me for him, but we don't live in a vacuum. despite my deepening feelings for him over time, i am only glad that i didn't allow anything other than a quick kiss 'hello' to transpire between us. to simply answer a question that was posed about why i didn't let myself get more involved with him: it felt too dangerous. he has a girlfriend who has been in and out of his life for years.

i have been having very bizarre dreams where he is, at first, inexorably mixed up with members of my family. so now it feels like i am not only mourning the loss of a friendship that had great soul, but i am revisiting the loss of my mother. i don't get pushed over the edge too easily but this did it.

lush, i hope what i've written helps set your mind at ease about any role you felt you may have had in my decision to participate. it is truly so much more complicated than i am capable of expressing at this moment. please know that i deeply appreciate your concern, lush.

best, e

[lushy]

september 16

Thanks for responding. You sound like you are in an unhappy place and for that I am sorry. I lost my mother last year and I have been completely traumatized by it, so I understand, and hence why I have been drinking more than usual. I, too, live in the USA but I am by no means a conservative. We all have different circumstances in our life that cause us to do different things. No judgements on my end. I am also sorry about your FIL. When I lost mine, I cried harder than my husband did and that was his dad. Us "drinkers" are deep, emotional beings I believe; more so than most people. Probably why we turn to alcohol so much. I am glad we smoothed things over. You are the originator of the muffin club however and we cannot lose a muffinette!!!!

[eustacia]

september 16

lush or somebody--

please tell me how i am the originator of the muffin club, not that i mind, but i don't know what it is.

e

[lushy]

september 16

As I said, it is so hard to keep track of people and their situations. I thought you had started the thread about gaining weight and then that led into a discussion about us all having "muffin tops" overflowing from our pants. Since you had started the thread I assumed you were sort of the originator. Since I designated myself the President of the Moderating Muffins I will take over all responsibility, but if you would like to read over the the threads from Tuesday on and decide you would like to be part of our silly club we would love to have you......

[Saint Jude]

september 16

Hi Everybody! Muffs Up? I just got home from work a while ago... the cable was out all day ... so we had no internet or TV!! OMG!!

I was forced to finish reading my "Prevention" magzn, more or less in the buff, while I worked on my tan, & dried my hair before work... Another looonnng day & night of work... I keep thinking the season is almost over... but there's been a waiting line @ the restaurant as soon as I get there ... and they keep coming in till we close.


But enough about that! Tomorro is our 6 yr Anniversary! We decided to take the Jet boat trip up the river, then go out to dinner later. It'll be a "trip" to play "Tourist", on the Jet boat trip, instead of being in my kayak, asking them to gun it & give me a wave to surf! It's always fun.

Well, it's late now... & we're leaving early -thirty, in the mornin... so I'll catch ya later! G-Day!!:l , Judie

[eustacia]

september 16

oh my gosh, you are right, lush! if i could figure out how to do it i would post of photo of my own "muffin top!" but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere so i'll have time to learn how to post photos. one solution, high end, high style black jeans. some have wide waistband that are a bit like obis that don't tie and they effectively and relatively painlessly obscure muffin tops! i just want to get mine to the point where my little one who wants a younger sib doesn't taunt me by patting my "relaxed" tummy and saying "baby???" :blush: the little monkey knows exactly what she is doing. anyway, please do admit me to the ranks (racks) of the muffins. i cannot think of anything more appropriate . . .

liposuction, anyone? maybe we could get a group rate.

i might try to go back on the wagon tomorrow. just a thought . . .

good nite, all

ps. happy six years, judie!!!:h

[lushy]

september 16

Love the idea of group rate lipo, although the idea of lipo scares the sh*t out of me but at this point I will try anything!!!! Sorry to laugh about your child's comment about the baby. Fortunately my daughter has not made mention of all of my physical flaws yet!!!