Tuesday, September 19

[eustacia]

Hey, All!

Me again.

Has anyone heard from Carla? I was very concerned about her last night.

I'm thinking of running away from home. I looked out the window a moment ago and saw my kid walking down the street with her father, her hair in a fright wig, looking up at the window to see if I was checking to see whether she's taken her hair out of the ponytail I'd put it in two minutes before, on her way to being late for school again. In a moment the phone is going to ring and it is going to be the headmistress telling me I'm a bad mother: "well good morning, Eustacia. I can imagine that you know why we're calling again so soon." Gotcha.

Anyone have a spa suggestion? I'm very, very serious! It's either that or the loony bin for me.

Happy Tuesday Everyone!

E

[soccermom]

Tuesday, September 19

Oh E--how I can relate to the stresses of the mornings and getting the kids off praying they look decent...I want to pin a sign to them saying, "They picked out their clothes, not me!" Anyway--I'm running late for work...it's okay though..I'm always late...wish I had more time to chat, as this is so helpful to me...wish I could respond individually to each as I love you all....
jen--thinking of you and your mom...
and rachelle--keep us posted...I'm a chicken too..get my topa from Riverpharmacy.com
Everyone have a wonderful day! Drank 2 glasses of wine last night and yelled at my husband..today's going to be better~~~
sm-mary

[InnerStrength]

Tuesday, September 19

Good morning all
AF last night - yelled at husband too.
E - although I dont have any children, I can tell you I still understand that feeling of wanting to run away or that you are going to wind up in the loony bin any moment. Boy do I ever!
sm mary - thank you for thinking of me and my mom - i just love you for your thoughfulness. dont worry about yelling at your husband. they can be so annoying sometimes! LOL - sorry - i shouldnt say that.
I am a bit crabby but still love you all.
Mary anne - I am thinking about you sweety.
Love you all
Jen

[lushy]

Tuesday, September 19

Nice job Jenneh on day 1 of AF. I too was AF but really white knuckled it. Not a good week of the month to be attempting this. When I did it a couple of weeks ago it was no big deal. Definitely a big hormonal factor. Let's see, did I yell at my husband as well last night??? No. I SCREAMED at him. So there. I think I outdid both of you. I went to bed at 8:30 with a magazine to spare my family my wrath. It was not from not drinking, just in a lousy mood. Sigh....Tonight should be easier. I find when I get one day under my belt it is not such a struggle.......Have a good day everyone.

[InnerStrength]

Tuesday, September 19

Rage

I was in a rage last night. What is WRONG with us? Ok, What is WRONG with me?
I was dreading going home because hubby had a headache and was already in bed lying down when I got home and I was dreading sitting on the couch eating dinner by myself and bored out of my skull doing nothing. I was really angry.
So I left him alone and when he got up I was SO bitchy.
Smoked too many cigarettes. This is something else I need to quit.
Rage.
Ugh.

[lushy]

Tuesday, September 19

Rage? Yep, that is something I very familiar with. Always assumed it was just my personality but now I am thinking it must be alcohol-related in some way and the way it has altered our brain chemistry? Who knows.... And the being bored thing has got to stop. I was the same way which is just so ridiculous. Maybe tonight will be a different story. And yes, stop smoking. Now.

[InnerStrength]

Tuesday, September 19

Hey - what do you do to alleviate your boredom? I find that really hard - I know its ridiculous. I HATE just sitting there and watching tv. I am the restless type.
I think you might be right, sadly - i think alcohol has a lot to do with the rage. I see a lot of that pattern in people who drink.

[lushy]

Tuesday, September 19

Well you know I have tons of interests; love to read, love music, love to cook, etc., but unfortunately I have always done all of them with a glass of wine in my hand so now when I get ready to do something I enjoy I automatically think I must get my glass of vino. It has been talked about here a lot and the key is changing the habits and not associating everything with that glass of wine. Hard to do after 20+ years of doing that. That is why these AF days are so crucial, at least for me, because it proves that it CAN be done and that I just have to WANT to do it. I just wish the things I enjoyed were still as enjoyable sober. Someday. Someday they will. I tried to learn how to knit this summer because I figured that would keep my hands busy but I got so frustrated trying to learn but I think it is time to maybe try something like that? Any other suggestions muffins??

[Quiescent]

Tuesday, September 19

Good Morning,

I worked last night so there was no opportunity to yell at hubby:H .

Just goes to show you we yell at the ones we can yell at. If I yell at work, it will take them weeks to plot how they will pay me back and the end result really isn't worth it, so I bite my tongue.

Still no period!

Jen,

I can relate to the boredom issue. I mean how much fun can you really have when you are not drinking at least a couple?

Keep busy on non drinking nights and go to bed a little earlier. Take a bath 1/2 hour before bed and read some of your favorite magazines while your in there. That will help kill some time.

Thanks for the info sm Mary!

Hugs to all!:l

[Waves 2]

Tuesday, September 19

Hi all,
I didn't have much time yesterday and was not really in the mood to post much. Without wine the anxiety is harder to deal with as you know. I am keeping up with all your posts and wishing every one of you good luck with your differing situations. We have to accept that sometimes things will be harder. Last night was very hard to be AF as I was feeling really down and both my mum and my hubby were drinking. I was glad I didn't drink though when my son rang me from abroad and I was lucid. Also, today I can remember what he said.

Good luck to those who want to be AF until Thurs.

Love Waves 2

[dilayne]

Tuesday, September 19

Hey everybody!
Well, I guess my husband was lucky that he had a meeting last night so I didn't even see him..or else I might have let him have it too!
I have my moments of anger which are often related to fear (sorry gals, I've spent the year in psychotherapy, so it's hard not to do a little psycho babble)..usually my feelings are sadness and grief..sometimes the anger covers up the fear of feeling those deeper feelings...it can be a vicious cycle. The therapy has been about acknowledging that stuff and feeling it - actually it is related to my creativity..it's like all of that stuff created a barrier to my deeper self which is the artist..I couldn't get back to 'her' until I went through the feeling stuff. That is precisely why I chose the My Way Out program..one, because I knew that my drinking was a way to numb me from something [of course I had no idea what it was..but it was clear that I was using alcohol to medicate/sedate myself]..I knew if my therapy was going to be effective and not last for years and years, at $50.00 an hour [ok, i'm a Cheap-O, money motivated me too :0)] I needed to quit numbing myself..it would be counter productive..BUT, the catcher was, if I tried to 'control' the drinking like I had in the past..I would just go into 'CONTROL MODE' which basically means putting a lid on my feelings..I made the big decision to moderate my drinking with the MWO so that my therapy could be succesful...and it really worked...if I had would add one more piece to the program, it would be some sort of self discovery program because doing the therapy while doing the MWO has been life transforming for me....To much information??? Well, it is my story around MWO and I'm so grateful to have found it exactly when I needed it....funny how the UNIVERSE works, heh Mary?

I am feeling 150% better today...I still feel the Topamax in my system, but I'm getting more clear headed and feeling my energy return. I went to my yoga class this morning..still need to get the timing down..I have 30 minutes to change clothes and drive to work, so I might have to bring a watch and leave the class early, but it is soooo worth it...if anyone is having anger issues, I do recommend a yoga class..the mind/body time is almost as good as therapy!

Hang in there Marvelous Muffins, it's a new day!!

AF for me until the weekend..probably Saturday. I'm going to a lecture at the [Carl] Jung Society..I just became a member and this will be the first lecture I've gone to. Let's call it food for the soul.

Cioa babes!
d

[lushy]

Tuesday, September 19

Nice post Dilayne. I just started therapy and am learning exactly what you said; the anger is covering up other emotions. Just too bad my poor husband has to listen to me rant. I am trying though, really.

[MKR]

Tuesday, September 19

Kids and Husbands!

Good Morning all you wonderful mods!

Universe message:
___________________________
If you were to be given some wicked power tools, plus a hammer, chissle and axe, to craft, carve and shape the life of your wildest dreams, (if this was actually how you could get your groove on), I'd bet you all the money in the world that you'd be really, really careful with each of your bangs, buzzes, and chops, huh? I mean, we both know how much you'd have riding on the line, right?

Well, that same extraordinary care and precision should be exercised when using your imagination - the most powerful power tool ever.

*****The Universe
________________________

WOW!! There is a lot going on here yesterday and already this morning.

Kids are funny, individual, crazy, bright, outrageous, boisterous, introspective, awe inspiring and so much more. We brought them into the world to . . . . MAKE US CRAZY!! The same could be said for why we married our husbands!! I think they are there to help us learn whatever individual lesson keeps coming back around. (My lesson? over and over and over again, "self patience" HAVEN'T I LEARNED THAT ONE ENOUGH YET!!!!!!) Excuse me . . . Ahem . . . I may have been put here specifically for that one as it sure keeps coming back at me, smacking me in the face.

It will be OK ladies. It is time to be very gentle with yourselves and just know that the anxiety, boredom, cravings, loving your husbands, hating them simultaneously, being disappointed or frustrated and being proud of your recovery all at the same time seems to be a very normal part of this process. No one said this would be easy. It is the journey - the part I love is that we still keep coming back to be well, no matter the obstacles. IT IS ALL GOOD!!

Thanks to all who offered love and prayers for my parents. Went over there last night as my dad has a bad infection and went to the doctors again yesterday. He is so skinny now, they both look like skeletons. He is in a lot of pain and I am sure hoping that soon, he stops having problems everyday. Heart wrenching and exhausting as I didn't get dinner until 9 last night.

A dear friend and wonderful client of mine called yesterday with bad news - She sat with me same hospital, same day, same time as my dad's surgery as she was waitng for her friend who had stomach cancer. We held hands and caught up. She called to tell me she has thyroid cancer. I am stunned - another shock to the system.

Love you all and hope you have a better day!
Mary

[lushy]

Tuesday, September 19

Mary, such a nice positive post with all the crap that is going on in your life. Good for you. And it is hearing stories like that that gets me so annoyed with myself. So I drink too much and am trying to cut down. So what? I need to just deal with it. At least I still have my health and a wonderful family. It feels so silly to be so bummed out and bored with not being able to drink all of the time, doesn't it? You have a good day too. Sounds like you have plenty to deal with......

[Saint Jude]

Tuesday, September 19

Oh Mary,... Boy oh Boy, I guess our health is something so many of us take for granted... So easy to get caught up in the daily trivial BS...
With everything on your plate, I'm amazed how you still find time to offer support to everyone else! I sure hope you're able to "lean" on someone else now & then,... you know we're here... But I do wish there were more ...:l Maybe when ya can, come on out to Oregon& kick back with some R&R on the river!! I mean that!:h :h