How can I help a friend control his drinking?

[GottaPaceMyself]

Can I even help my friend control his drinking? This is a 21 year old man I work with. He's a really nice guy, he comes to work when he's supposed to, so it doesn't seem to be interfering w/ his job, but my friend goes home and drinks to excess every single day. Case in point, tonight I called him after work and he had already had 12 shots of Jager and 12 beers!! He has admitted he has a problem. That's apparent! He actually was coughing up blood and he aquaited it to his drinking problem...21 YEARS OLD!! I believe this man might want to date me, which I would love, he's pretty much what I'm looking for except for this huge problem. I won't get in a car w/ him, although his friends always do. I just don't want to take that chance. He says that his drinking problem is the least of his problems...I know he also used to have various drug addictions. That also shys me away from dating this man. I'd like for him to stop, but I hardly know him, I can't just be like "You have to stop drinking" but if he really wants to get to know me better and wants to have a relationship (which I'm not even sure he does, cuz he was drunk when he was talking to me, and also he was breaking up on his cell, so parts I'm not sure what he was saying anyway) Then I'm not going to have him drunk around me all the time. I wanna be able to go out to a bar w/ a man I'm dating or with and have a nice time, and not have him drink the bar dry before we leave. He's a good candidate for drinking abstinence, but I don't think you can convince a 21 year old that he needs to stop drinking...So any tips on how I can maybe take up some of that time or tell him to take up some of that time without going right home@4pm and beginning an entire night (often until after midnight) of drinking??? I really wanna help this guy, cuz I really think he's a good hearted person, and a nice guy, and very nice on the eyes but he's literally killing himself if he's coughing up blood periodically, he's rotting his insides....I dont' even wanna imagine what his liver looks like...I really hope he doesnt' come to work drunk, he nearly sliced his fingers off the other day (we work in a deli), but I wanna think that it's just carelessness and forgetting to shut off the blade...Any tips would be greatly appreciated...:thanks:

[Saint Jude]

How can I help a friend control his drinking?

The truth is, you can't. He has to want to do something first. No matter how big his problem is, until HE DECIDES, HE WANTS HELP, no amount of encouragment will probably do a bit of good. Sorry, I'm sure that's not what you wanted to hear... but, I believe the brutal truth of the matter. "You can lead a horse to water,... but ya can't make it F**K a chicken."

But it doesn't hurt to be supportive, & be there for him, if he needs or wants a friend to talk to about it. As it does sound like he has confided in you a bit already... maybe he is concerned about his health, as he should be.. if he's drinking that much consistantly (I probably did...just don't remember!!)

Hope this helps... Good luck ...Judie

[YoungAtHeart]

How can I help a friend control his drinking?

I'd tell him the truth, frankly; that is, if he approaches you about a date. Just kindlly tell him that you are very drawn to him but could only consider being good friends unless he cleans up his act with drinking. If he really likes you he might do something about it. I did this once when I was about your age, and the guy stopped drinking and we dated for a while. (This was before MY DRINKING PROBLEM, OF COURSE!!) He stayed pretty sober during the course of our relationship.

You are being very smart and savvy to not get involved with a man who is drinking so much, even if he is a really nice guy and nice to look at. He has to take care of himself and he's not doing it. I hope that he gets his act together for his sake!!

Good luck!
Kathy

[GottaPaceMyself]

How can I help a friend control his drinking?

Thanx guys Yeah, I figured that would be the responses I'd get...I pretty much knew the answer myself, but it never hurts to have others slap you in the face with it, lol. I mean the first night we hung out he was so drunk and he was like "Do you wanna ride with me?" and I told him "I don't wanna die tonight, so maybe some other night when you're not wasted..." Maybe he'll make the change, I hope so, cuz@21 years old you should not be drinking so much that you're throwing up blood.

[Quiescent]

How can I help a friend control his drinking?

Good Girl!

We all have that voice inside that tells us the right thing to do. We just have trouble listening to it sometimes.

It's nice to have others echoing what the voice inside is saying.

Best of luck to you