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**Quiescent** · October 10, 2006, 08:29 AM

Tuesday, October 10th

Good Morning,

Mary Anne, Yes....let us know how things are. Keeping you close in thoughts and prayers:l

I looked at the lancet yesterday and noticed that I should be at 200mgs of topamax. My last increase was supposed to be 50mgs not 25.

So I upped it to 200 last night. I woke up this morning and had to call my husband. He had just left 5 minutes before and I called his office.....it takes him 30 minutes to get to work

Then when I started to dial his cell phone I couldn't remember all the numbers......he's had the same cell phone number for 5 years! I had to ask my kids what the number was. Good thing they don't ask. They just told me the number and went about getting ready, no questions asked. I wonder what they were thinking:H

Then I took the kindergartener to school walked her in and came back out to the car.....I walked past my car as if I was going to get in the passenger side......okay, who's driving?

This should be an interesting week

I had one glass of wine last night at 175 mgs of topa I will be AF today. ( I can't believe how easy it was to just say that)

Water.......Water......Water......

**InnerStrength** · October 10, 2006, 09:52 AM

Tuesday, October 10th

Hello!

Hello to my muffins
I hope everyone is having a good Tuesday.
I am back at work today and realizing how much I need a career and life change. I am so bored at work. I have known this for a long time but the last couple of weeks/months have really driven this home. It is really an effort to get any work done and I am not driven to do my work or inspired at all by what I am doing. I mean, I went to school for 7 years to become a lawyer, I practiced law in private practice for just shy of 2 years and I entered the corporate/commercial world where I am - frankly - bored out of my teeth. This is not what I dreamed of doing. This is not where my passion lies. I went to school hoping to make a difference, you know?? To help those less fortunate, to MAKE a difference, not to be a mere cog in the corporate wheel. And yet, here I am.
Sorry to rant, but I am just realizing more and more how unhappy I am doing what I am doing.
But that also makes me wonder: what now? Where does that leave me? Because let's face it. We need some financial security. And its not easy just picking up and changing everything....
I guess I am just a little confused as to where I want to be right now..
Sorry to be a downer, my muffins.
Hope everyone is doing well today - love you all. Oh and Day 9!
Not Day 10 which it would be 'cause I had a drink last night with Thanksgiving dinner - I felt pressured into the Thanksgiving toast because I wasent honest to my husband's family about why I wasent' drinking...sigh...
Love Jen

**lushy** · October 10, 2006, 10:01 AM

Tuesday, October 10th

Hello pals!!! Jenneh, you and I are in the exact same boat. I am so bored with my job it makes me cry, but being able to work at home has a lot of perks so I feel stuck. Being a lawyer you have so many opportunities and you will find that niche you want. You are so lucky you are figuring out all of these "issues" while you are still so young. I feel like my 30's passed me by but then try not to beat myself up too much because I had an ill mom to take care of during most of that time and a baby. With turning 40 at the end of the month I am feeling a sense of renewal and know my life needs to change. 40 is the new 30 after all, right??

.

Allie, I find that days I am AF I do the exact same thing; rise and shine at 5 am. Nothing better than a productive morning. Now if I can just try and remember that mantra at night when I want wine!!! Rachele, I laughed at your forgetfulness. I do that stuff all of the time lately and I am not taking the Topa. Too much multitasking I say!!

To all of the rest of you muffins please have a great day. We are having beautiful fall weather here today. It is my favorite time of year so will focus on the beauty outside my window and try not to hate my job so much today. Love to all!!!

**mary8305** · October 10, 2006, 10:25 AM

Tuesday, October 10th

Hi everyone, just reading and trying to catch up on the weekend, I hope Maryanne's husband is recovering well.That's very scary stuff.I went back to 75 of Topa and it seems to work better than at 100 I feel better, it gives me as much control and I'm not going to dose up if it's working well.I'm able to moderate I feel pretty well.My daughter has been sick all weekend just a nasty flulike thing.I'm grateful I could be there for her to take care of her without thinking of drinking.Since I've been drinking less her and I have been closer just talking more doing a little more and for a 17 year old that something so i am greatful for that.Our relationship is definitely better and girls at this age are such at challenge.Add a mom who drank to escape the stress of life to the mix and it really messes things up.So I am greatful to have found this website to have found you friends for inspiration and wisdom and to not be powerless over my drinking, I may be powerless over many things in my life but not this right now, with the help of all of you and this program. Well off to work on the muffin, have a great day all,love Mare

**dilayne** · October 10, 2006, 10:27 AM

Tuesday, October 10th

Hello Muffins!
Well, 2 beers last night..which is good..I never drink too much beer..it's wine that does me in. I did replenish my supplement box and actually listened to the hypnosis CD this morning! Good Job, Di!!!

Allie, how much Topamax are you taking and how long have you been taking it..just curious..I went off of it because of the side effects..it worked GREAT for me, but wasn't worth it..I have wondered if a very low dosage would be beneficial...I have the prescriptions...so I'm curious about what you are doing.

Jenneh, the career thing! I understand...I have a career and I have a vocation..which is my art..and actually, my marriage. I also know that the spiritual work that I do is very much a 'vocation' and whatever I do on that level actually makes a profound difference in the world. In all the books I'm ready, it is discussed that at mid life, one does make a discernment between the two...Sometimes when the vocation rises, then the career gets put in it's proper perspective...i.e. we don't expect our careers to be the be all and end all of our purpose in life...none of this may apply to you at all...it's just something I've been thinking a lot about and thought I'd share.

Have a lovely day lovelies...I'll be back later.
d

**InnerStrength** · October 10, 2006, 10:29 AM

Tuesday, October 10th

Hi Mare
You are absolutely right - its amazing how our relationships can change for the better when we drink less, isnt it?
I am glad to have found this website and to have found you guys too! Love you guys!
Jen

**Preciouspinot** · October 10, 2006, 10:52 AM

Tuesday, October 10th

Hello to all the many muffins! MaryAnn I hope your husband is doing well. Keep us posted. Today is a good day for me, very buzy and getting a lot done....phone is ringing I'll check back later

**Saint Jude** · October 10, 2006, 11:29 AM

Tuesday, October 10th

Mary Ann, So sorry to hear about your Hubby. I hope he's OK! I'll call you later. Praying for you both..:h

Well I'm moving kinda slow today. Have had a bit of a headache since yesterday... and it's still lingering...Whaa! At least it's not a full blown migraine, like I used to get.
Hubby decided to stay in town & do a side job after work last night. He usually calls, to let me know... (at least on nights when I'm not working), maybe he forgot I was home. I finally got a call about 8:30... 2 and 1/2 hrs after he was done w/work... Of course by then, I was a bit pissed! He owns Radio Shack & can't use a friggin phone! So of course I drank too much wine... just sipping slow & steady, but still more than I usually do... still didn't help my headache...Hmmm?

I've still got a bunch of things to return from the party... decorations and what not... so I need to get my butt to town, & do some errrands, will check in later.

Hope everyone is doing great. Love ya lots!!:l
Judie

**Allie** · October 10, 2006, 11:34 AM

Tuesday, October 10th

Dilayne,

I am currently at 75 mg of Topamax when I take it. I went up to 100 mg once after 75 quit working as well and I felt so bad all day. Not BAD, but just not GOOD. And I really need the reward of not drinking to be that I feel good the next day, am productive, etc... not feeling hungover when I am not! So I have found that for me 75 mg is about as high as I can go and still feel pretty decent, although I am a bit sluggish and battle a mild headache every day that I take it. So I have found that it maintains its maximum effectiveness for me if I skip two or three days during the week and rely hard on other aspects of the program and have a "plan" for those nights to be really busy or do something to keep my mind off of it, then I can take it again on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights, which seem to be when I am tempted the most. Hope that answers your question!

Jenneh -- I didnt realize your were not currently practicing law, or did I misunderstand? I was just curious if that is your passion why you were not practicing anymore. But I understand how you feel as well because I have owned my own business for 12 years and just sold it in June. For different reasons, but mainly because hubby finally got to a place in his career that I didnt have to work anymore, and secondly because I had grown to detest it... literally. I only did it for the money, and that's it. It was fun for the first few years, but it got so monotonous. I believe strongly in doing something you really love if at all possible, because I think in your thirties and forties you can really get depressed as your children grow up and you start to feel "old" and like you didnt really do what you wanted. I will be 38 next month, and am planning on starting college full time with my son. I am so excited, and am pursuing a completely different field. In the meantime, I have taken the rest of this year off to just get settled in our house and travel with my husband, volunteer at the kids schools, decorate the house and just kinda have fun. But you will find your nitch again.... Oh to have a law degree!

Allie

**dilayne** · October 10, 2006, 11:49 AM

Tuesday, October 10th

Thanks Allie! I felt the same way on the higher levels..I may try the lower levels on the weekends if I feel I need to.

**lushy** · October 10, 2006, 11:54 AM

Tuesday, October 10th

Allie, you are going back to college with your son? What a hoot!! What field are you going to pursue? You are so right on about the 30-40's being a time when you get depressed and with the kids growing older. I am just so sad every day when I see how quickly my daughter is growing and I need to get a life outside of being her mom besides a drinking life, or I will be a mess when I am 50.

**InnerStrength** · October 10, 2006, 12:39 PM

Tuesday, October 10th

Lusc
I think you are just great and I think it is great that you are here getting this under control now....
By the way, you should add to the "Once upon a time" now..

I am upping to 200mg today and I dont think I will go beyond that.....if I dont need to.....and hopefully I wont need to (please God!!) (knock on wood too for luck)....Love you guys!

**monster** · October 10, 2006, 01:32 PM

Tuesday, October 10th

Jen:

Oh can I relate! After 17 years as Finance Exec in the corp psycho ward, I quit six months ago, and am doing some consulting/contract work. My family is not ecstatic as I have two Master degrees and I was conditioned to be a corporate success. Too bad.

Believe it or not, I am also hoping to go to law school although I have no intention of practicing - just incredibly satsfied by academics and learning. Strangely, this major change alone has had no impact on my drinking whatsoever, so I cannot 'blame' my career. But boy am I gald I freed myself - and Thank You God for a husband who only wants me happy, not just a breadwinner/housekeeper/travel companion. I could not have made the leap off the cliff without him.

Oh, and it did take me almost a year to actually quit once I realized that my work (boss, coworkers, deadlines, tasks) were using me up at best. Planned a couple of roads and am finding myself taking a hybrid. I would not have quit without a plan, some savings and options. Oh, and I'm 43. Never too late ...

It is possible!

-Monster

**Quiescent** · October 10, 2006, 01:33 PM

Tuesday, October 10th

Allie,

The photos were breathtaking!

You are beautiful and you and your muffin man make a georgeous couple. Thank you for sharing them!

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