Wed. Oct. 11th

[InnerStrength]

Wed. Oct. 11th

Lusc
I think this is a pic of that guy - so dont feel too bad ok!?


:H


i COULDNT HELP MYSELF!!! SNORT

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[gypsi]

Wed. Oct. 11th

Saint Jude wrote:
One of the things that has been a bit of a "thorn in my side"... living in a small town & all... (I'm sure you're all well aware of!!). Once you're labeled as an alcoholic, heavy, or problem drinker, it sticks ... forever... no matter what.

Judie, I can so totally relate to what you're saying here!! I, too, live in a very small community, and boy, do I ever know about the labeling. I'm thinking that perhaps part of that may be because if the people here have to look at me in a different way, then perhaps they would have to look at themselves and see changes that need to be made...

Today's topic is a good one, Jenneh. I've been visiting absville lately, and thinking about all the topics that have been posted over there. Glad you thought to start that here

I would have to say that the most challenging thing I've experienced since starting this program is the lack of understanding on the part of others. My husband, surprisingly, is not included in this group. I say surprisingly because he's always shown himself to be reluctant to deal with any changes well. However, there have been plenty others. This community that I live in is so alcohol-oriented that we almost have more bars here than we do churches. Every social event that takes place happens in a bar. So my challenge has been to continue to go to these events without drinking, or at least drinking as much. So far, I seem to do ok for a couple of hours, drinking water or coffee, but then when I do decide to drink, it's almost like my brain insists that I make up for the time 'lost ' and I drink twice as much, twice as fast. To date, that has been my biggest challenge - moderating while at the bar.

My other challenge has been to not give up. Learning a new lifestyle where alcohol is not a major player is damn hard work. I have the days where my brain is just so tired of the constant argument running around in my head about whether or not to drink, I find that I have to be extra vigilant on those days, or I'll just give in and head to the bar. Part of me wishes I could use the Topa, it sounds like it would make that part of my struggle a bit easier. The stubborn, hard-headed part of me is glad that I can't, cause I know I can do it without (and it's not like I have a choice anyway). I'm doing the supps, and still thinking about the excercising part...

Hope everyone has a great day, and I'm sorry I got a bit long-winded, but thanks for reading all of it :h :flower:

[lushy]

Wed. Oct. 11th

Okay, aren't we supposed to be having a serious discussion about what we find challenging about not drinking? Let's get serious now folks! Mary Anne, Eustacia, Soccermom, Trish, Laura, Waves, Patti and whoever else I am forgetting where are all of you?

Sorry Jen, I found Rachele's man a tad more attractive and hoping that is who I will be meeting up with this evening.

[Waves 2]

Wed. Oct. 11th

Good luck to Lush tonight. Also, I am thinking about Mary Anne and her hubby and Allie and Mum. Hope all is okay for you. As for the challenging parts of moderation:
My hubby and I began drinking to combat a very stressful time with the buiders of our extension. Then it snowballed. As the stresses grew so did the drinking but also so did the closeness. Now we are trying to cut down I don't want to lose that closeness but sometimes if he wants to drink and I don't it causes some friction.
Love to all as always.xx:l

[lushy]

Wed. Oct. 11th

Gypsi, I so know that stupid catching-up-because-I-did-not-drink-much-earlier game we play. That's where I think the supplements will help. And I think we all need to make an exercise pact because I know that would help as well. Something to ponder......

[dilayne]

Wed. Oct. 11th

Hey everyone..not much time to write but wanted to address the topic.
Waves, I relate to what you are saying. I stopped drinking in 1986-87 and married my husband in 1990. When we met, he quit drinking on our first date because I didn't drink at the time...so we raised my three kids drug free and alcohol free until the youngest moved out of the house a couple of years ago..I had started experimenting again a little earlier, but we decided that now that the kids are grown that we would let our hair down..well, we haven't put it back up yet! Oh, and about the sex...oh yeah, woo hoo...My husband loves it when I get a buzz! So the hard part for me is pulling back to 'normal', forgiving myself for not being able to 'moderate' any better than I do..and also for feeling a little guilty about turning him back on to drinking..now he could drink every night and never be 'concerned'..and I'm always keeping 'count'..he would have never started drinking again if I didn't insist that we could..so now, I'm on the fence about it most of the time..when I start trying to 'control' my own drinking, I automatically start trying to control his..and that is something that I really have to learn to let go of.

[MKR]

Wed. Oct. 11th

OK, Rachele, that is two computer keyboards!! I was going to say Lush dear, you never know he may have gone south in a super hurry! Lots of times, guys do!!

Judie, I thought you handled yourself so well at the party this past weekend! It has to be tough in a small community but I now you are growing so very much, yes just ignore them!

Mary Anne, I am hoping your husband is doing better and this was just a wake up call for him. Hang in there sweetie.

Lush, I am sure you are beautiful - I know you have a great sense of humor and are quite bright - if those are not enough here is a story for you: my sister in law squeezed into a formal dress for a wedding this past summer. I will admit it's a hot dress and she has a lot more weight on her now than a few years back. HER SECRETS: She did a push up bra, body shaper pantyhose and some kind of pull on girdle sort of, I loaned her some very high heels, did her hair and she looked like a million bucks! Of course she probably felt trussed up like a chicken! I think you will do just fine and after seeing him for a few minutes, you will forget the whole how different is your body and remember how your journey has made you a better, funnier companion! You will have to let us know if he is closer to Jen's or Rachele's images of him!!

Now here is something that none of the muffins speak about around here . . . what about having a nice fuller face with less sag because there is some extra weight there. I have not lost pounds on this journey here but inches and while they come off my waistline they have come off my face and boobs too. (Not wanting either of those!) Here is the other thing I am seeing with my parents, if you have some weight on you and you get sick you have something to lose, if you start underweight, you look like a skeleton and that can't be the best when it comes to losing more weight. both of them are in that boat.

Becca - we are all on your side for this race and so very proud of you!

Allie, you are too funny! The night stand is a good place to launch from. Yes, when we had our first evening sex after mods, I felt incredibly weird. Found out it was a lot like afternoon delights, which is delightful!

Jen, what a great idea and wonderful topic.

Precious, I did experience that loss of temper the first week or so. Haven't particularly lost it since but do get aggravated with my hubby for the same reason Jen mentioned.

Dilayne, I hear you on the kids grown and out of the house. It is a cool time and yet for me, I think it actually gave my husband permission to overdo on everything.

My biggest challenge though I don't take the topa is my energy levels are lower and sleeping is still a bit odd on occasion. This past week I has PMS, yes you can without the equipment if you still have your ovaries. My sleep sucked all week long, wake up anxious and can't go back easily. If I exercise my energy is a bit better but over all, I have NOT ALLOWED MYSELF TO HAVE FUN!! There I said it!

all other mods we are missing you!

Want to get out of here while there's still daylight today. Hope you all have an absolutely fabulous day!

Hugs and Love,
Mary

[lushy]

Wed. Oct. 11th

Thanks Mary for trying to make me feel better. I realize it is such a shallow thing to even worry about in the scheme of life but it all comes down to the disappointment in myself for being lazy these last few years and letting myself get out of shape. And when you said that about extra weight being good for the face wrinkles my dear mom, who passed away last year, always used to say that she did not want to lose too much weight (even though she needed to) because she had perfect skin with no wrinkles and did not want to risk it. I always use to laugh at that. Sorry I have dominated the board today. Go out and do something fun for yourself Mary, you so deserve it.

[InnerStrength]

Wed. Oct. 11th

I like it when you post a lot, Lusc, cause you make me smile.
You better tell us ALL about tonight. Good luck, you will shine!

[lushy]

Wed. Oct. 11th

I expect a thank you for your gift Jen. Check out the story.......

[MKR]

Wed. Oct. 11th

Lush, please don't be apologetic, I don't think you are being shallow nor dominating the board. I love reading your posts. You guys make me laugh when I come on board. Obviously, something I need to be able to do more of!

I love you guys!
Mary

[mary8305]

Wed. Oct. 11th

Hi everyone, you guys make me laugh,trying to catch up and read all the entries ,getting use to life with less alcohol is challenging for me because I'd just like that stress release once in awhile that I feel I don't get as much so it's probably dealing with the increase in anxiety.But I was always the one who drank the most of my friends and my husband so I actually feel more normal like everyone else socially anyway.For me anyway not to many downsides right now but that kind of scares me also because when I first got sober in AA it wasn't that difficult for me either.It only became so with time so i just need to stay connected and thankful.I do have one comment about the topa, I'm at 75mg that's where I'm staying because that's where it works for me right now and I've read that different dosages work for different people but i think the concern about coming on and off of it, is it lowers the seizure threshold and makes people who are on it even if they don't have a seizure disorder more suseptable to having a siezure so be careful,love you all, Mare

[InnerStrength]

Wed. Oct. 11th

Hi guys
Wow, what a wonderful group we are, if I do say so myself!
So, I hope no one minds if I sum up what I see to be some of the MAIN, repeated challenges we seem to face in cutting down/moderating or stopping drinking (and as you can see - these bring about a whole bunch more issues that I think we can discuss further:

1) Lack of understanding from people around us - whether its people we love, our friends, or partners - some or all of us definitely have issues with people close to us not understanding what we are going through and this is a definite struggle. That's probably why this forum is so important to us. (Also, we are funny, and bright and articulate, and great...well, I could go on and on ) - But what ABOUT our loved ones? I don't know about you guys, but it depresses the hell out of me when my husband says to me things like "just dont drink! Whats the big deal??" I have heard people say that alcoholism (sorry for that term) is a lonely place. I hate to accept that.

2) Isolation - another struggle - when we are trying to get better, I think some of us are sometimes isolating ourselves, to an extent, from others. Whether thats because we do not think they understand what we are doing, we are afraid they will encourage us to drink more, we are afraid we will drink more around them etc., the point is, we might find we are more isolated then before. I know I have been doing that. To an extent, if some people are negative for us, that might be a positive thing. On the other hand, I fear being completely isolated...is this truly healthy? Just a thought....(not implying anything either way, just mentioning it...)

3) ANGER - this is a huge one, it seems. I think in a way, this is a chemical thing and has a LOT to do with years of drinking. Clearly, drinking has had a biological effect on our brains, and lashing out is a withdrawal thing. I mean, let's face it - we are USED TO having something (I'll call it a "crutch" for now) to make us feel better. Now we are trying to be better and we are no longer allowing ourselves that "crutch" as regularly anymore. So yes, we will grow irritated more often. It's natural. SO what do we do to address that? Well, let's think....I think over time, after moderating, it will get easier (I think, chemically, our minds will change?). I also think the calmes forte will help etc. Now, what about other things to help? How about a hot bath? Or....(to be honest guys, I need help with this one, 'cause the anger thing is a hard one for me too)......and what about people with kids? What is realistic? - I dont have kids - so can someone help? - advice guys??? - Let's think about how to practically handle anger.....'cause this one is HUGE!!!

4) BOREDOM - another huge one - let's face it - we have associated our idea of recreation and fun with alcohol. SO now, we are BORED without it. I think this is a big one - how can this be addressed? I think this is another thing that definitely changes over time with new habits. However, we can also find new habits.I know for me, this forum has been a HUGE thing for me. It's true. I dont know what I would do without it. Also, I love to read. And I do love going for walks, though I dont do it enough. What else? Hot baths. And I do like wrapping up in a blanket on the couch and watching terrible shows on tv. Oh, and cooking How about you guys? What do you like to do BESIDES drinking?? - I have to admit, I still get bored, though its getting easier

5) STRESS - Huge, huge huge. For me, HUGE! But I have accepted that I MUST LEARN TO DEAL WITH STRESS WITHOUT BOOZE BECAUSE THIS IS SUCH A SELF-FULFILLING THING. I mean, we all know drinking causes problems with the central nervous system, so people who drink commonly have stress disorders. So we are more likely to have more stress, so we drink to take away that stress, and that causes more stress, etc, etc. Never ending cycle. So I guess the million dollar question is - how to deal with our stress productively? And believe me, if you guys have any ideas, pleeease tell me because there are days that my stomach is tied in knots and I have butterflies taking up my entire stomach!!! So how DO we deal with stress WITHOUT DRINKING?? To be honest, when I am super stressed, I like to talk to people on here, call a friend, or speak to my husband (depending on what its about....). But I still have MAJOR issues with this....

Anyways all, just thought I would sum everything up....hope you guys dont mind - hope this helped....there were other issues too so I hope no one thought I under-valued any of your iconcerns. I was just trying to deal with the more common ones so we could perhaps address these and get some more ideas going....
Love all
Jen:l

[Saint Jude]

Wed. Oct. 11th

Good point Mare. Not trying to scare anyone, but if you don't have seizures, trust me ... you don't want to start now. Highly over-rated...and, I'm certain very terifying for anyone to have to witness.
I've never actually "been there" when I've had mine... but believe me, I'll be a good girl & take my medication to prevent my having another ever again (God willing:h )

For the record, I take Dilantin for seizures, from a head injury from years ago. I stopped taking it at one point because it makes me a bit spacey,... and at the time, I thought the seizure situation was a "one time incident"-...WRONG!! About a year after being off of my med. I had 2 seizures, just about scared my Hubby to death....I stopped breathing, he thought I was dead. Thank God I wasn't driving or something... So, please do be careful with these meds. I know once you have had a seizure, you're more prone to have them.

I'm not trying to scare anyone. But do be careful.

[InnerStrength]

Wed. Oct. 11th

Jude - now i am scared - do you mean if we take topa we could get seizures or if we change doses or mess with the doses? we could risk the seizures? I never change my doses....